Jet Airliner

Jet Airliner                                                          1588

Friday, September 2, 2005-10:30 A.M.

Good morning from sunny Fort Myers, Florida, where the gas is $3.00 a gallon and there isn't anything anyone can do about it.  There are gas stations where literally every pump has an "out of service" cover over the handle, and it's starting to look like 1979 all over again.  You think Jimmy Carter was an ineffective president, this Bush is going to go down in history as the worst of the worst.  Who expects a lousy economy during wartime?  Wars are supposed to help the economy, not create a recession.

All bitching aside, my 10 hours of airplanes and airports was the worst I've ever experienced.  I had a one hour and ten minute layover in Cleveland, but because I misread my ticket, I thought I only had ten minutes until my plane took off, and I was running through Cleveland-Hopkins airport like O.J. in a Hertz commercial.  When I finally settled down, I had some nice Burger King food which settled me down considerably.  I only had about 45 minutes sleep the night before, because my baby daughter refused to go to sleep and kept me and the wife awake with all her crying.  I still wouldn't trade her for a sack of gold coins, I tell you what.

Cleveland to Atlanta, the flight was fine, but culminated in a 3 1/2 hour layover.  I went insane trying to kill the time, and ate lunch at Popeye's, sampling their delicious new naked chicken strips and working on my book.  Gosh, having a laptop computer to travel with sure does make a difference!

On the flight from Atlanta to Fort Myers, I finally passed out, and when I awoke, the plane was spinning in circles to the left.  I grabbed a barf bag and lost about two chicken strips.  Needless to say, the damn plane was packed, so there was no privacy, and the stinking drink service was coming through, so I couldn't get up and dispose of my newly acquired carry-on luggage.  Definitely a low point in my air travel career.

The hotel shuttle got me to the Holiday Inn Select, where I slept the sleep of the damned for about 90 minutes, then showered and met headliner Al Katz in the lobby where he whisked me to the Laugh Inn Comedy Cafe.  It was open mic night before the regular show, which cut me down to about 15 minutes, and I made the most of it.  I harangued the crowd a little bit before getting into my canned stuff, and basically did the dirtiest show I possibly could have.  They loved it, and after the show, Al and I hit the gas station where I watched a Florida Jew pump gas at $3.01 a gallon.  I took a picture of him pumping and scowling, which will grace this journal when I get the film developed.  It was priceless.

Two acts on the bill were quite notable last night; Bryan Hamilton (www.bhcomedy.com) and the mc duo Buddy and Honey (www.buddyandhoney.com) who were great to hang out with and a lot of fun to watch on stage.  Look them up if you have time.

Today, it's Chinese buffet with Al and hopefully some rest.  My body is all aches and pains from the planes, and even though I've lost enough weight that I can fasten my safety belt without the extender, I'm still pretty cramped on the planes and I hurt pretty bad today.

Be good wherever you are.

Ralph Tetta

Rochester, NY