Every Picture Tells A Story

Every Picture Tells A Story                                        1827

Monday, September 26, 2005-12:04 A.M CDT (Tuesday Morning)

Hello folks, from Lexington, Nebraska, right at the intersection of Smack and Dab.  I did a show tonight with Patrick Candelaria (www.pcandelaria.com) at RC's Galley in Johnson Lake, Nebraska.  The smell of fertilizer filled the air, and the smell of audience members in the chairs didn't.  They were the nicest folks in the world, but there was 20 of them, and I don't care if you're Guns 'N' Roses with an 8-ball of coke, how do you rock THAT room?

I should've know what I was in store for.  When I left Omaha this morning (and by the way, damn U.S. Bank and their assinine $5 charge for check cashing....I don't have an account with you, but the guy who handed me this check does!  Aren't you obligated to hand over the money from his account?  It's just ridiculous and assures that I will never do business with U.S. bank.  Fuck 'em with a big rubber dick, then break it off and beat 'em with the rest of it), I should have known that I was driving towards a Hell Gig.  I called ahead to the hotel, and they said I wouldn't be able to check in until the guy from the gig came down and paid for the room.  I said that was no problem, that I would go to a movie or go mall-walking or something, and she just laughed at me.  Lexington is the kind of town where you stop only if you need gas.

Or if you want to work at a Tyson chicken packing plant.  I noticed that there were mucho signs in Spanish, because there's Mexican-Americans a'plenty up in this piece.  I also noticed that the Tyson plant had a daycare center and a playground out in front...now that's a worker benefit...a lot of people can't work because child care just eats up the money they would have made.  For a company to see that and offer child care right on the premises shows a proactive spirit, and it's smart business.

Lexington has a Wal-Mart, signs that it's a town with people with basic needs like food and clothing.  I found a Canadian penny in the parking lot, and I had to wonder how it made it's way all the way down here.  I picked it up, and will return it to Upstate New York where it will be appreciated (or at least accepted in lieu of a U.S. penny).

Still, the show was good and the folks were appreciative...and how often in this business do you get to work on a Monday?  I'll tell ya, it's not frequently, although I did a show at my home club last Monday (no show, but got paid anyway), so that's two weeks in a row.  I guess I shouldn't bitch, because statistically, I'm the luckiest guy in the comedy business.

I have a long drive tomorrow....574 miles, or about 12 hours according to my good friends at www.randmcnally.com and their online driving directions.  I pick up an hour because I'm heading into Mountain Time from Central, but I want to get there early enough to have a shower and a nap.  The gig in Dickinson, North Dakota, is in the hotel where they put up the comedians, so that's an added bonus.

I go now.  Until then, I wanted to share with you a thing I saw on TV; hope you enjoy it.

Ralph Tetta

Rochester, NY