Baby Talk

Baby Talk                                         1771

Wednesday, September 21, 2005-3:15 A.M.

Good morning.  I'm up late again tonight, lately my sleep has been all screwed up.  I'm taking off tomorow for a good old-fashioned cross country trip....Omaha, Nebraska beckons, with stops in Lexington, Nebraska, Dickinson, North Dakota, LaCrosse, Wisconsin and St. Cloud, Minnesota.  This is touring, and when I started doing comedy way back when, this is what I assumed it would be...hitting five cities and four states in ten days.  I'm psyched, though...I've been to all of these places, and even though the rooms have changed in most of the locations, I love the people...or else why would I even do this?

Pamela cut my hair today...I finally feel like a human being again.  I had this untamed mop on my head, and now I feel groomed and proper.  It'll be grown back in thick by the time snow starts flying in North America, so I'm covered.

Everybody and their brother has sent me this joke today, so I'm going to pass it on to the maybe two people who haven't heard it yet...What did President Bush say when they asked him about Roe Vs. Wade?  He said he didn't care how they left New Orleans.

I've been up all night doing laundry...I really drag my feet when I'm getting ready for a roadtrip.  I still have to get an oil change for Scooby, my faithful Toyota Corolla (so nicknamed by my wife who outfitted the interior with the famous detective dog's paraphenalia).

My daughter Harmony continues to impress...she's adding words to her vocabulary daily, and now she's up to cat, Mom, fries, up and hi.  When she says up, she actually says it in multiples, because when we pick her up, we say "Up up up!" and so she says "up" to get us to lift her up.  She also says "Mom" about 14 times in a volley of request for maternal attention.  Today's addition was "keys," which are her favorite toys to play with, for some reason.  She will take a key and try to open a door with it, whether that key goes to that door or not.  And somehow, Harmony really dislikes any door that's shut...she pushes them open as if to say "I don't think you'll be keeping me out of here, thank you."  Being a father and watching your child grow and learn day by day is like being a retard and gazing into a prism...you're bedazzled by the simplest things.

O.K., I really need to get some sleep.  I'm sorry to all the retards out there.  I don't mean to make slight of the retarded, but a dog gazing into a prism didn't really make it, and I was under the gun to come up with a decent simile.

Ralph Tetta

Rochester, NY