Speed Demon

Speed Demon                          4512  (362)

Friday, April 28, 2006-1:20 A.M.

I made it home, and it took me four days to get settled and sit down and update this little running commentary of my life on the road.

The road back from Minnesota took about 1300 miles, 23 hours, and one Minnesota speeding ticket.  I got nailed going through St. Cloud, and the officer who issued the citation said he caught me going 85 in a 70 (which I was), but that he would only write me up for 14 over so I would get a lower fine and no points.  I allegate that if the officer can just go ahead and reduce the charge on the spot, for no other reason than benevolence, than the whole thing should get thrown out.  In no other area of law enforcement is there such a "de facto" reduction of charges...they just want the money!

I drove 'til I couldn't take it anymore, which was about 1 A.M. on Sunday night going into Monday morning, and I pulled over at a rest stop just outside of Cleveland, about three and a half hours from Rochester.  I slept in the car, fogging up all the windows in the process, and woke up to flashing police car lights everywhere.  I thought that I was somewhere I wasn't supposed to be, but come to find out, Ohio State Troopers had pulled over two guys in a Jimmy wagon.  I used the facilities, started my car and headed on my way.  I was thinking about some vending machine coffee or a diet Coke, but there was a shabby man near the vending who looked like a hitcher, he had three garbage bags full of what I assumed were clothing (what ever happened to the handkerchief on the end of a stick?  Hobos are moving up to plastics, now!).  Even with the cops over at the other end of the rest area, it was still dark out and I didn't want to risk a confrontation with a homeless guy.  Hey, he's got nothing to lose, so I'm not going to test him.

I finally got home around 7 in the morning, and slept like a dead man.  My legs were sore, I was tired even though I had a two-hour nap, and my jaws were sore from chewing gum for 24 hours straight (peppermint keeps you awake, but chewing that much gum makes my temples ache).

I spent all week trying to get myself back together, and now I have to head back out again tomorrow to Traverse City, Michigan.  I'm taking the war wagon, which after 4,000 miles, has indicated that the two Toyota dealerships I took it to were trying to scare me into repairs that I wasn't financially ready to make.  I do two days up in Traverse, and on Sunday, I make my way south to Battle Creek, Michigan, home of Gary Field's comedy club and the Relay For Life cancer benefit.  I volunteered for this event months ago, and the lineup has changed several times, and now it looks like I'll be doing the first headlining spot, about 20 minutes, just before the intermission.  I'm hoping the event goes well, and will look forward to working with pals Chili Challis and Kate Brindle, as well as six or seven other new friends.

My home computer is in the shop, on the fritz with some sort of mecha-malady, so I'm leaving the laptop home for the wife to use.  I'll do the old-fashioned thing, hopping around to libraries and the like for internet use, and try to keep things fresh as far as the goings-on.  Hopefully this will be a stress-free, satisfying weekend.  I know that the drive home is only seven hours from Battle Creek, and I can probably do that without any problems.

Knock on wood, of course.

Ralph Tetta

Rochester, NY