Freeway Jam

Freeway Jam                             4211  (171)

Wednesday, April 12, 2006-6:35 A.M.

I've been dodging bullets for a week now, and I'd like it to stop, please.

Coming to you live from my tastefully appointed hotel room at the Quality Inn in Huntersville, North Carolina, just outside of Charlotte, and just a few minutes away from heading down the hallway to enjoy the complimentary continental breakfast (the comic on a budget's friend).

I didn't report last weekend's wrap-up, because there wasn't much to say.  Saturday's show was sparsely attended, and our mc was 16 years old...I joked that he looked like Steve from Blue's Clues (and he did).  I presented my set with a slower, more conversational delivery, and it was just right for the situation, and after club owner Jonathan Dean Belt paid me, he invited me back in August.  Unfortunately, I won't be able to come, as I'm already booked for my yearly excursion to Florida to see my parents.

Sunday was wrap-up day, trying to get things done before having to leave Tuesday morning for a two-week trek across America.  Pam and I (o.k., mostly Pam) rifled through medical receipts getting everything ready for a 10 A.M. appointment with tax preparer Mark Block.  Mark and I worked together in the popular Joey and Maria's comedy wedding shows in Rochester, and it was nice to see him again.  He worked his magic and got us a sizable tax refund, and also by looking at last year's return (which Pammey painstakingly filed using H.R. Block's online resources) that we also had a sizable refund due to us as well.  Pam used schedule "A" instead of schedule "C" or some such folderol like that...I failed Accounting twice, so all of this is lost on me.

An oil change later, some laundry and some other basic house maintenance, and I was ready to hit the rack for a 5 A.M. wake up.  Sleep came tough, but the show must go on, and I woke up, showered and packed and hit the road.  I had a 700 mile, 11 hour drive in front of me to make it to the Lake Norman Comedy Zone and an 8 P.M. show with headliner Robert York.  I headed south through New York and was taking route 15 thorugh Pennsylvania, looking to hook up with I-81, and suddenly, without warning, a traffic jam sprung up.  The Pennsylvania D.O.T. had actually coned off the lane and was detouring traffic away from rout 15...I was sent down route 80 east, and then to 81 south, a 100 mile detour that added about 90 minutes to my drive.  I still wound up getting to the hotel just a little before 7:00 P.M., time enough to shave and shower and make the gig, but when I tell you I didn't have much juice left in my battery, I'm not kidding.  I had a decent but uneven set, and the crowd responded appropriately.  They were very young, and overwhelmingly female, and a birthday party of about 20 college-aged girls dominated the show with unrelenting table talk and general lack of attention.  I did my time and got out, and let Robert York get up there and crack his bullwhip and juggle his rings around.  I've seen that guy about 40 times, and I still enjoy watching him.

John, the manager at Galway Hooker's (yeah, that's the name of the club) paid us by check, which was annoying, but the bank is right across the street from the hotel so that will be my first stop today.  I have a four-hour drive to Knoxville, Tennessee, my home for the next four days, where I'm opening for big name guy (in the South, anyway) Tim Wilson.  I'm anxious about the shows, and excited to go back to the Comedy Zone there.  The last time I was there, I had a great time and was pleasantly surprised at how receptive the audience was to me.  It's been 17 months since I was there last, and that's about 9 months too long, if you ask me.  But the club's so popular with comics that there's a waiting list to get booked back!  I'm just glad to be working, to be honest.

I miss my wife and my daughter, I started missing them when I closed our apartment door and starting heading down the steps.  I'll be away for Easter, and won't be getting home until a week from Monday.  Next week is my first engagement from Ken Muller and Comedy Productions, so I'm excited about that, too, and hope that I can make a favorable first impression.

O.K., coffee and cereal await.  I'll probably stick with decafe so I can sleep some more.  I'll keep you updated as the tour progresses.  Thank you for reading and have a good one.

Ralph Tetta

Rochester, NY