Message of Love

Message of Love                                   3462

Sunday, February 12, 2006-2:49 A.M.

"We are all of us in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars...."

They only threw out three tables at the late show tonight....that's good isn't it?

Submitted for your approval, the weekend wrap-up here in Toledo, Ohio, and my week-long engagement at Connxtions Comedy Club; Friday night was pretty tame as far as Friday nights go.  Headliner John Roy, mc Kate Brindle and I were joined by a guest spot kid, Anthony PleaseDon'tThinkIllOfMeBecauseICan'tRememberHisNameAsHeWasLargelyUnspectacular.  He did spots on both shows Friday and the late show Saturday, causing my time in all instances to be shortened.  As it were, I took a low estimation of the youngster, also that he was wantonly ripping of Dane Cook and had all the style with no punchlines to speak of.  Also, he was crowding the merchandise counter as John and I were hawking our stuff, and he had no merchandise but was merely milking the audience for some of that "I'll shake your hand because you were good, too" love.

I stayed up late Friday night and alphabetized all of the comics I brought with me, and found out that I bought a lot of stuff twice...I had a lot of duplicates, which makes me feel bad, as comics are $2.50 each and up nowadays.  I remember (yeah, I sound like my dad) when I used to buy comics back in 1974 for 20 cents, and they went up to 25 cents in 1976.  The jump to 30 cents was 1977, and by 1978, Marvel comics were up to 35 cents and DC decided to go a different route, made their comics 8 pages bigger than the competition, and jacked the price up to 50 cents.

By 1980, the madness had subsided and comics were 40 cents across the board, and then the jumped to 50 cents, 65 cents, 75 cents, and then right up to a buck.  Somewhere in the early 90's, I lost track.  Now they're up to $2.50, and as high as $4.95 in some instances.  It just doesn't seem right, but to be fair, they're not using that crappy pulp paper they used to use...it's all coated, semi-glossy paper, and the art and stories are much more mature.  They're still just comic books, though, and it seems weird to think that they've increased in price 2000% over a 30-year period...I guess I'll be bitching when postage stamps finally jump over $1.00 each...with the advent of e-mail, it's got to be coming in my lifetime (and I'm really not counting on living but another 25 years or so).

So I was up late alphabetizing comics, and I finished my little project, looked at the clock, and it was 6 A.M.!  I slept pretty soundly, and didn't get up until bout 2:30, and by the time I showered and shaved and went out foraging for food, it was 4:30.  I got sent up the street to a Chinese place (not a buffet, but good) and had a nice Hunan Beef, with an eggroll and a bowl of hot 'n' sour soup.  Also, I had the tea, which I almost never do.  Dinner (lunch?  breakfast?  It *was* the first meal of the day) was good, and I had some leftovers, which I took back to the room.

On the way back to the hotel, I saw a restaurant named "Ralphie's," and I stopped in because my father, also named Ralph, likes things with the name "Ralph" on them.  Back when the movie "King Ralph" starring John Goodman was in the theaters, he gleefully snapped up any paraphenalia pertaining to the film, in particular, the New York State Lottery instant scratch-off game tickets called "King Ralph" that were available in conjunction with the theatrical release.  So, knowing that my dad enjoys that sort of thing, and has a birthday coming up in May (he'll be 73), I went in and wanted to pick up some memorabilia from the joint, maybe a take-out menu, some matches, or something nice.  Come to find out, they had shirts with the restaurant logo!  And they were nine bucks!  I got him a nice grey T-shirt with the logo, and the nice servers who were helping me grabbed take-out menus and stuff for me, once they learned what I was up to (of course, I shared the whole story with them).  I find that people are generally very nice and want to help others, especially when you're from out of town and looking to do something nice for your elderly father.

After a quick stop back at the room to put my Chinese leftovers on ice, I went next door to the Maumee Antique Mall.  I had a nice walk, and looked at many old collectible artifacts, including comic books that apparently no one really knew the value of, because they were all priced as though they were signed by Abraham Lincoln, wrapped in gold, and came with a scoop of Beluga caviar.  I did find a couple of "Champions" comic books from the 70's for $2 each, which isn't a bad price.  Plus, I'm pretty sure I don't already have them....o.k., I'm sure about one of them, but I'd rather guess wrong and have two copies then guess wrong and have no copies...I can always give one away to Shaun.

Tonight, it started snowing, and they had been calling for the Northeast to get a good amount of the fluffy white stuff, and it brought the folks out in droves.  First show was very healthy, with only a few empty tables, and the second show was *jammed.*  First show was a typical Saturday 8 PM show, older couples, not real comedy fans but just people who wanted to see a show and decided to come out.  I gave them some of the easiest comedy I had, no real "thinker" type jokes, and they laughed heartily, bought souvenir CD's and DVD's, and I shook many hands.  It's that thrill of knowing that the audience came to be entertained and I was able to serve it up nice for them and exceed their expectations that keeps me going in this business.

In between shows, Kate and I did the pal-around thing, I brought in the zodiac book that I bought and she checked out her combination sign.  The book is called "The New Astrology" and makes up 144 different combination signs by taking your conventional zodiac sign (Aries, Taurus, Pisces, Scorpio, etc) and combining it with the Chinese zodiac sign of your birth year (Dragon, Rabbit, Horse, etc)  Needless to say, she felt that it described her to a "T."  Most people who read their description in the book are floored by how accurate it is, which is why I was so bummed about losing the book.  I loaned it to a co-worker when I was bartending at the Aja Noodle Company in Rochester, and the co-worker left the company's employ one weekend when I was on the road, and I never saw him again to get the book back.  Luckily I found a copy at at thrift store only a few blocks from the hotel, and for only $1.99.  I consider it a fortunate coincidence; I wasn't even planning on going into that store, but I made a wrong turn trying to get to Kinko's and saw the store and decided to go in to look around.  I wound up coming out with three books and a tape copy of Christopher Cross' debut album.  "Ride Like The Wind" is still one of my favorite songs, and that's just because a British heavy metal band called Saxon covered it and I have the 12" single of it.

Second show was a car sliding on black ice headed towards a man on crutches with a blind dog on a leash in one hand and an infant in the other.  It was a disaster waiting to happen.  On the way in, an early-arriving couple struck John and me up in conversation, and it was clear that they were both drunk, he of the quiet, smiling variety and she of the obnoxious, "look-at-me,-I-can't-shut-up" variety.  Amazingly, even though the young lady (o.k., she wasn't that young) tried her level best to interject her voice into my act, but everytime she started to talk from her sixth-row back seat, I started talking fast and loud and just ran over her.  And at the same time, three other tables wound up getting the elbows and knuckles from the club's bouncers because their table talk was disturbing the paying customers around them.  In the lobby, as they were buying my CD's, they all seemed like nice people, but then again, this was away from the showroom crowd, so it was a whole different circumstance.  I wound up moving a few dozen units for the week, the cheaper CD's mostly rather than the DVD's which all of last year and the year before, customers were complaining that I didn't have....Gol-dang-it!

Tomorrow's the six-hour drive home, and I'm hoping the car won't have any major problems, as I was unable to get the transmission serviced this week.  It's job one on Monday morning, and as long as I can make it home, I should be o.k.  I'm also hoping that the weather isn't too intrusive, or at the very least, that the DOT's from Ohio, Pennsylvania and New York are on point with the snowplows and salt.  Otherwise, it could be a torturous trip.  And I believe I've suffered enough.

Happy Valentine's Day to you all, my friends.

Ralph Tetta

Rochester, NY