57 Channels

57 Channels                                   3163

Thursday, January 19, 2006-4:11 A.M.

Owning a lot of underwear is a license not to do laundry that often.  Theoretically, if you owned 122 pairs, you'd only have to do laundry three times a year.

Regardless, I've been a laundry-doing machine these last few days, to the detriment of the growing stack of dishes in the sink.  The downside of being home is that I get complacent about housekeeping...I'm not working until Friday night, and the gig's only an hour and a half away in Syracuse, so there's *plenty* of time to get the simple household chores done.

Today was promo day...I mailed out headshots and updated bios to the major bookers that I get most of my comedy work from.  It's good to keep them updated, and make sure they have plenty of headshots, although sometimes I think they don't necessarily send them out to the clubs I'm performing at...I'm beginning to think that some of them are just rolling my promo and using them as cheap fireplace logs.  Heating oil *is* expensive, you know....

At the post office today, I got a gasp from one of the clerks...I was trying to fish out exact change from the pile of coins in my pocket, and I vapor locked...I literally looked at the money in my hand and didn't know how much I had.  When I recovered, I told the clerk that I flaked, and I felt like that one guy they fished out of the mine in West Virginia.  She laughed and gasped at the same time, that uptight laugh that says "I find that funny, but I can't really laugh or you'll think that I'm as bad as you are."  Why don't people lighten up?  I swear to God, some people walk around with sphincters so tight you couldn't get a toothpick up there with a jackhammer.  What's the benefit to living a joyless life?  If I wanted to me a monotonous drone, I'd go work at the United States Post Office.  Or become Lutheran.....

I was at the Post Office today mailing out my promo, but also mailing out a few packages.  I make a little side living selling books and CDs on the internet on a website called www.half.com.   It's an arm of eBay, and instead of bidding on product, you just list the stuff, and the people whowant it buy it, pay for the shipping, and after half.com takes their commission, they direct deposit the funds into your checking account.

Well, last week in Michigan, Dobie Maxwell and I walked around the mall in Battle Creek (Mid Rivers Mall?) and I went into an FYE store, and they had clearance CDs for a quarter each.  Twenty-five cents.  Four for a buck.  Yeah, the titles were a little sketchy, but that's the beauty of it....folks who want those out-of-the-mainstream titles are willing to pay a good dollar for them, because you can't just waltz into a store and find them.  The pride of the treasure trove was a solo disc from ex-Guns 'n' Roses guitarist Izzy Stradlin that I listed for $14.  The sale of that disc will easily pay for the princely $5 I dropped.  The biggest turkey of the batch was Morton Downey, Jr. sings.  Morton Downey Jr. was a talk-show host, sort of a gonzo precursor to Bill O'Reilly.  Morton was an asshole, and he would pick a fight with anyone, from Christian ministers to Nazi skinheads.  He seemed to hate everyone.  Well, his CD collection of standards isn't even listed in the catalogue, and I bought two copies, so I can't even offer them for sale.  If you're interested in buying one, send me a dollar and I'll make sure it gets to you in time for Valentine's Day.

I cross-post this journal on AOL and on www.comedysoapbox.com.  I have no idea who's reading me, but AOL gets about 40 or 50 hits between entries, and the comedy soapbox site seems to be getting ten times that amount.  I enjoy reading the blogs on comedy soapbox, but it doesn't seem like there's very many comics that aren't operating outside of NYC or Los Angeles except me.  And I really don't get the vibe that any of the comics are making a full-time living at comedy, except for a very few.  I took a call from a fellow comic from the Boston area today, and we talked comedy for about half an hour.  I'm no elder statesman, but I've been doing the comedy thing since 1988, and the cat was just starting out, so I was happy to share some anecdotes and pointers.  He's doing his first paying gig this weekend, and I hope it's a smashing success.

Finally, I found out that NBC is bringing back "Last Comic Standing" this summer, and I'm excited about it.  I didn't get involved in the audition process until late in the game in the second season, when they pretty much had casted the show and there wasn't a chance to get in.  I eagerly awaited the third season, and then they did that "first season-second season" playoff format that sucked so bad it got the show canceled.  I'm definitely going to try to get involved with the new season if there's any way possible.  I think I would be good on the program, especially the weekly tests; I have an improv background and I think well on my feet.  And it would be a great shot in the arm for my comedy career.

If it happens, it happens, and if it doesn't, it doesn't.  I'll still be doing what I'm doing, which is what I love, if I don't get on, but if I do, wow.  Hey, there's always hope.

Ralph Tetta

Rochester, NY