Paperback Writer

Paperback Writer                                                     847

Wednesday, April 27, 2005-8:27 P.M.

OK, so here's the baby update....she's doing well.  Our doctor told us Harmony has a thing called Rotavirus, which pediatricians lovingly call "Roto Rooter" because it combines diarhea (sic) and vomiting and creates general unpleasantness for the infant (and mom 'n' dad) for 7 to 10 days.  Ouch.  Lots of Pedialyte and clear liquids is the prescription and just wait it out.  And I actually had goals for the week...now it's just administer fluids to the youngster and hope she doesn't spew all over everything.  As the wise old Hebrews said, thousands of years ago, "Man plans, God laughs."

Speaking of plans, here's a few that I thought I'd run by you.  Years ago, I was blackballed from my home comedy club here in Rochester.  I worked for their short-lived competition, and had broken the "loyalty" oath that I apparently had no idea I had sworn, and was unwelcome thereafter.  This was 1993, and I've survived pretty well....the kicker is that the club isn't there anymore!  Ha!  He who laughs last, and all that....

Anyhow, the reason I bring it up is that I could only get stage time at "alternative" venues, including a poetry open mic at Java Joe's Coffee House.  Joe sold the place, and now it's just "Java's," but a nice little bohemian dump for the various Eastman School of Music students and other East-side avant-trash that need a morning pick-me-up and won't patronize Starbucks for political reasons (I personally would never boycott a food establishment for political reasons...KFC could be kicking their chickens in the ass every day, and those snacker sandwiches wouldn't be less tasty in the least).

So my good friend Ray Salah and I used to go to Java Joe's every Tuesday night for the big "Pure Kona Poetry Series" which featured a stunning array of Rochester's "cooler than you" open mic poetry talents, as well as some exciting spoken word artists.  Ray and I were the clowns who would read our stuff and sneak the standup comedy into the mix, unbeknownst to our elegantly hued (black and off-black) patronage.

I still have a good amount of poetry left in a big file (I never throw anything out) and I also play bass, and it always struck me that a cool vanity project to put out would be to put out a CD where I read some of my poetry over a bass track, provided of course by moi.  Of course, to me, everything is a vanity project, and I'm always embarassed by the thought of putting my work out there, but I chose the show business, and the rules say that you have to be pretty unabashed about putting the work out there.  So that's project number 1 in the works

Project number 2 is a CD idea that I've been working over in my mind, and it's essentially a set of "radio plays," for the want of a better phrase to describe them.  Basically, sketch comedy with the audio part only.  I have a couple of good ideas and a few fudgy ones, and of course, the artistic process usually hammers that stuff all into place.

Project number 3 is a "How To Do Standup Comedy" book that I'm almost halfway through with, and it's based on the notes that I've used to teach standup comedy classes at my home club, The Comix Cafe in Rochester.  I'm excited at the prospect of putting out such a book, because it would be something that I could really be proud of, because standup comedy is really the thing that I do well.  I juggle with some skill, play guitar and bass well enough to get into the band, and sing better than karaoke night, but none of these skills is going to make me a star.

So if you happen to see me perform live a year from now, don't be surprised if you see a book and couple more CD's on the merchandise table after the show.  I've planted the seeds and I'm watering them now.

Ralph Tetta

Rochester, NY