We Gotta Get Out Of This Place

We Gotta Get Out Of This Place                                          3677

Friday, April 11, 2008-5:00 P.M.

Good afternoon from sunny Livonia, Michigan, home of Joey's Comedy Club in the Kickers Complex, where I'm working this week with my old friend, Steve Burr.

Steve is featuring this week and he got me the mc week, and normally I don't work at that level because I have a family to support and the bread just isn't very good at that level, but it's a club I haven't worked before and I wanted to get my foot in the door, and this was a good way to do it.

The upside is that Steve was able to get me in pretty easily, the downside is that I have to share a hotel room with him. When I arrived on Wednesday afternoon, he had divided the hotel room into his side and my side, my side being roughly the size of a saltine cracker, minus the salt. Honestly, I have my own bed and a little space to put my luggage, but I have to practically hang from the ceiling to get any space of my own. This jackass is relentless in taking over the room. I know he's featuring, but a little common courtesy wouldn't be out of the ordinary.

We've done two shows so far, and Steve has been absolutely terrible. How he bamboozles some of these clubs into headlining him is completely beyond me. To say that his reception here in the Motor City has been chilly is quite the understatement; it's like saying that gasoline's been getting a little pricey lately. Thank God he's only doing 25 minutes, it's barely tolerable and I'm going to have to try to distance myself as much as possible from this walking catastrophe. We've got two more shows tonight and two tomorrow, and hopefully Steve can salvage some dignity before he completely capsizes my ability to get rebooked here. I've never had another comic's recommendation go so horribly wrong.

The other blessing is that I get to leave Saturday night after the show and drive directly home to Rochester. It's only five hours away, and it will finally free me from the rancid stench that keeps emitting from Steve's asshole. This guy would fart in church on Sunday Christmas Day in front of the Pope's mother. And I think he lacks a complete digestive system, there's only the swallowing of food and subsequent rotting. Putrefaction could also be occurring in his bowels, I have no idea. There's a reason that he calls himself "The Big Stink," and now I know why.

God, get me out of here.

Ralph Tetta

Rochester, NY