Too Much Time On My Hands

Too Much Time On My Hands                                  6085  (2145)

Friday, November 17, 2006-3:15 A.M.

Good morning my red-eyed speedfreaks.  If you are up at this hour, you are either a night-shifter, a milkman getting the jump on his day, a fisherman, or you're hopped up on the jobabba juice.  Regardless, good morning, amen, and good morning.

I'm chilling out in the Hee-to-the-Eye, Holiday Inn, in Charlotte, North Carolina.  I started out my little jaunt by heading out to Huron, Ohio, gateway to Sandusky, and a show at a club called i5's, which is an abbreviation for "It's 5 o'clock Somewhere."  Well, showtime was at 8, but it might as well have been at 5, because we only had about 20 people.  They were nice enough, but how do you rock 20 people?  If I was a drummer and I threw my sticks into this crowd, they would have hit the floor.  I worked with a comic who shall remain nameless who I caught pilfering a line or two from a big-name comic's HBO special....not a classy move, even in front of 20 people.  He's a guy I've worked with before so we had a nice chit-chat, but nothing beyond that.  It's a shame because his own stuff is plenty funny....I guess headlining is a different sport for some.

Wednesday, it was on to Kelsey's in Bluefield, West Virginia, and a reunion with my pal R. Bruce from Fredericksburg, Virginia.  Bruce and I have been friends for almost 13 years now, and he's one of those guys that I'll see once a year, and we just pick up right where we left off.  We did our show for about 50 West Virginia hillbillies, and from past experience, I knew I really had to just pound it out to them....you take a pause, and they'll start a conversation or heckle or do some other stupid thing to stop the show.  Bruce did his thing and showed off for me a little, playing some of his new songs (he's a guitar guy) that he knew I hadn't heard.  I contributed a line to one of his songs, and he goes out of his way to mention it from the stage everytime we work together.  It's nice if not totally necessary, but he's a gentleman and that's how gentlemen conduct themselves.

We hung out after the show, showing off pictures of children (my kid, his grandkids) and talking business. I was bummed to be spending my 40th birthday away from home, but it was nice to at least be with a friend for it.  I didn't have cake, but there were pop tarts in the vending machine, and I had a brown sugar cinnamon one...yummy!

While I was driving to Bluefield, I worked the phones, not for comedy work but to figure out where I was gonna stay on Thursday, my day off.  I called the Holiday Inn, but they were interested in charging me $129 for one night, and I was interested in them kissing my black ass.  The Comedy Zone (where I'll be playing on Friday and Saturday) is getting a drastically reduced rate, and I talked the club into extending my reservation to Thursday, which got the aforementioned rate (I'll spill it....it was $45....much better than $129, eh?).  Katie, the big kahuna over at Starz, graciously did the legwork making the reservation and paid for the room in advance, and they'll take the difference out of my check for the week.  It's nice being able to spend the whole week in one place, and with a Holiday Inn, you can't hardly go wrong....wireless internet, restaurant on the premises, no bars on the windows, you know, the good stuff.

I took a nice nap which turned out to last until almost 10:00, and I hadn't had dinner, so I headed out to find some chow, and I ran into hypnotist Rich Guzzi in the lobby....Rich started out as a standup comic back when I ran the room in Rochester, and he remembered me....we had a nice chat, and might have lunch together tomorrow or the next day.  He's playing at the Comedy Zone's main room in Charlotte this week (they have three, plus a one-nighter in Lake Norman just north of here, that I'm actually doing in two weeks).  I'm working with Robert York this weekend, so it's gonna be like a comedy frat house up in this hotel because the comics from the Matthews, NC room will be staying here, too.  I'm wondering if my old buddy T.L. Johnson will be in town....he lives here, and I've known him for several years from his time in Rochester.

I really need some sleep....I tried to buy a soda from the vending machine right outside my door, and the Diet Pepsi was sold out, relegating me to purchase Diet Mountain Dew.  I've had three of them tonight, and I'm so jacked from the caffeine that I'm ready to challenge a bunch of guys in a meth lab to a staring contest.

More foolishness about the shows later this weekend.  Have a happy!

Ralph Tetta

Rochester, NY