Homeward Bound

Homeward Bound                                        2469

Sunday, December 4, 2005-1:20 A.M.

Well, tonight we actually had some crowds at the Comedy Zone in Johnson City, TN.  First show was o.k., but second show really rocked.  I did well, sold merchandise, shook hands and felt like an entertainer again.  This is a good thing, because for the next two weeks, I'm performing at only private gigs, and the comfort of a real stage and the basic window dressings for a show (play-on music, a host, guest seating, etc) is right down the toilet.  I'm going to bite the bullet and work for better money than usual, but out of my comfortable club setting.  I'm looking forward to, although cautiously.

I have what Randmcnally.com calls a 731 mile drive home tomorrow, which should take somewhere between 10 and 12 hours, depending on who you believe.  If I can average 70 miles per hour (easy), I can do it in 10 1/2 hours, and that is all the daylight that tomorrow should offer.  The sun rises at about 7:30, and sets around 5:30.  I'm getting up early enough to hit the road when the sun comes up, and I'm going to pick 'em up and put 'em down as quickly as possible.  When I get home, I have a Christmas tree to put up.  I'll be exhausted, but it's for my baby daughter (and her mother and grandmother), so if it makes smiles all around, I'm gonna do it.

I'm glad this week is over.  There's been so much driving to get here, and then driving in between the engagements, a day off, and I've about had enough of it.  I like Tennessee and the people have been great, but it's time to go home.  Last year, I spent the week before Christmas in Mauston, WI, and I was literally trapped in the hotel...there was nothing to do or see in town.  I had to drive to the next town over, about 25 miles, just to get to a Wal-Mart.  I was far away from home, and it was my daughter's first Christmas, and when I started walking around in Wal-Mart and saw all the families and Christmas decorations, I started feeling a tightness in my chest and throat, and realized it was from choking back tears.  I never felt so alone on the road, so far from home and so absolutely sad to be doing what I do.  The club that week was almost desolate, it was a town of about 4,000 people, so even if 1% of the population came out to see me, we were only talking 40 people.  It's hard to hold your head up when you're playing to nobody.  We drew about 20 people each for both the Friday and Saturday show.

As I remember, that Sunday morning, it was so cold, I had to call AAA because my car wouldn't start.  It was damn dead cold, and I was afraid to turn my vehicle off to refuel.  I got home o.k. after the car warmed up, but it was a relentless drive.  Mauston is about 50 miles north of Madison, and it was 13 or 14 hours to get home.  I never want to be in that situation again, the week before Christmas.  When I was younger, the holidays weren't so important, and I worked every one of 'em just to get away from my family.  Now that I'm a father, I don't want to be anywhere away from my wife and daughter when the holidays roll around.  I may quit comedy and go back into the grocery business if things get ugly, but the grocery business will always be there if I have to pull the ripchord.  In the meantime, I'm gonna keep riding this pony to see where it takes me.

Think about your family and loved ones that are away this holiday season, and the things they may be going through.  A little prayer wouldn't hurt, either.

Ralph Tetta

Rochester, NY