Have A Nice Day

Have A Nice Day                                          2852

Friday, December 30, 2005-7:31 A.M. CST

Good morning from the Stoney Creek Inn in fabulous St. Joseph, Missouri.  Finally got some sleep after a fine show at the Cobblestone Theater downtown, and about to rape and pillage the continental breakfast....prepare to board, me hearties!  Arrrr!

The show was great last night...headliner, old friend and confidant Mike Dambra called me "a disaster" when I left the stage, although I don't know what he's talking about.  I think he's being overly critical of me, like he thinks I'm not getting the laughs I'm supposed to be getting.  I think the set was strong, but I appreciate his view.  I get wordy and unfocused when I'm tired, and after the seven hour drive with not much sleep the night before, I was plenty tired.

In the car on the way here from Carbondale, somewhere along the line, I snapped and went into a roll that made Mike laugh so hard he started crying.  He turned red and I thought he was going to drive off the road...I was mocking his music, which he has been torturing me with since we left Rochester.  Who knew that Bon Jovi put out so many albums?  That there was a Bon Jovi box set?  Who the fuck is Jim Brickman, and why is a heterosexual man subjecting me to it?  At one point, the music was so bad, I said, "Please put Bon Jovi back on...any album is fine....play the one with no hits, I don't care."  Mike laughed hard at that one.  Who carries the "Young Guns" soundtrack with him?  He has one CD that I actually want to hear, Jackson Browne's "Running On Empty," but apparently, I have to get through Garth Brook's double live album first.  Where's Peter Frampton when you need him?  I got so mad, I wished triple-dog ill will and a ham sandwich on a truck driver who was going too slow in the passing lane, and then wished the same on a friend of ours back in Rochester, although accidentally.  If I get home and see him and his asshole hasn't fallen out, I'll know he's o.k.

We ate dinner at a Chinese buffet, one of my favorite places to go.  It seems a little too convenient that there's a Chinese buffet restaurant in every city in America, regardless of the population.  I think it's part of a takeover plan.  The food was delicious for the first plate, and then I chanced the sweet 'n' sour chicken, which I never do, and after one bite, I had to spit it out into my napkin.  I don't know what cat tastes like, but I suspect it would have been something like that.  Of course, everything went downhill from there.  The biggest problem, I guess, is that I deviated from my routine, which includes a nice bowl of hot 'n' sour soup, try the sushi if it's available, and work slowly.  I was so hungry though, that I just started grabbing stuff.  Also, I didn't get any stuffed mushrooms, a Ralph Tetta Chinese buffet staple.  I hope to rectify this today; there's a really good buffet in St. Charles, Missouri, where Mike and I will be performing tonight and tomorrow.

Word from home is that little Harmony Rose had a fever the night before, but Pamela has it under control.  Baby Tylenol drops (cherry flavor) seem to be doing the trick, but it's quite the helpless feeling when your baby isn't feeling well, and you're a thousand miles away.  Even if I was home, sick child care is best administered by Mommy rather than Daddy....Mommy will give you the medicine, rub your back and hold you and sing softly to you until you fall asleep.  Daddy will spoon Robitussin down your throat and send you packing so he doesn't miss the next hand of video poker.

It's true.

O.K., off to the coffee and danish.  Have a nice day.

Ralph Tetta

Rochester, NY