Heroes

Heroes                                                                  2186

Saturday, November 5, 2005-5:13 P.M.

I'm alone in the Funny Bone comedy condo here in Mishawaka, Indiana.  My partners in mirth this weekend, Derek Richards and Pete Lee, have probably gone out to excercise or some other pointless health-based activity.

I chose to get up, shower, and head out foraging.  I started out at Old Country Buffet, my home away from home.  I eat there all the time, not because you can have as much as you want, but because you get to sample and choose from a lot of different items.  I also get an opportunity to integrate more vegetables into my diet that way; today I had green beans, carrots, a broccoli 'n' cheese casserole, delicious mashed potatoes, baked chicken, salisbury steak, chicken noodle soup, and for dessert, some low-sugar key lime pie.  It was a nice break.

I screwed up and didn't pack enough underwear.  So I had two choices; decide to go do laundry, just to have clean underwear for the ride home, or buy some.  Actually, I could have worn dirty underwear home on the drive on Monday, but that's eight hours in itchie skivvies, and I'll pass on that.  I found a Meijers store, kind of like a Super Wal-Mart, and bought a three pack of cotton boxers.  They were not very expensive, and I felt like a real smart guy.  I got some pears, too for later.  I rung them up by myself at one of the self-serve registers, and wondered who got laid off in the name of this magical piece of equipment.

I went by the Mishawaka Public Library, and found some paperbacks they were selling for 25 cents each.  I bought four, and one of them turned out to have a pretty decent resale value.  The other three were duds.  One of them, however, I didn't purchase with the idea of reselling it; it was"Rum Punch" by Elmore Leonard.  "Rum Punch" was made into the movie "Jackie Brown" starring Samuel Jackson, Pam Grier, Robert Forster (of my hometown Rochester, NY), Bridget Fonda, Michael Keaton, Robert DeNiro, Chris Tucker, and directed by Quentin Tarantino.  Makes you want to run right out and see it, huh?

So it got me to thinking about my heroes.  We all have them, and I thought I'd share you a short list of mine.

Edgar Allan Poe.  Master of the short suspense story.  I've written a few of them in my day...maybe I'll share some in a journal entry one of these days.  Actually, I have my portfolio with me, so check in tomorrow and I'll put one up and you can tell me what you think.  Anyway, Poe didn't really make a name for himself as a novelist, sticking instead to short fiction.  I enjoy the format, because you can pound out a story and make as much of a point in a few words as other authors do in hundreds of pages.  Plus, I'm basically lazy.

Elmore Leonard  Crime fiction novelist.  Elmore Leonard is 80 years old, and is still working, and is still popular and viable.  His novel, "Killshot," is being made into a motion picture as we speak.  He has dozens of novels to his name, and works hard, despite his advanced age.  I would like to work as long as possible, too...I don't even think of retirement.  It's the first stage of death, as far as I'm concerned.

Henry Rollins.  Author, singer, actor, publisher.  Henry Rollins made his name as the snotty, angry lead singer for Black Flag back in the 80's.  Since then, he's written poetry and otherwise, toured as a speaker/standup comic and acted in films, as well as published books and music that he considers important work from other artists through his 2.13.61 label.  His spoken words stuff is funny, poignant and powerful.  As he approaches 50, he continues to work, tour and inspire.

Ian "Lemmy" Kilmister.  Bass player, Motorhead.  Lemmy is the reason I picked up a bass guitar in the beginning, and my love of heavy metal music was basically due to his intelligent lyrics and hard-charging style, not to mention that whiskey rasp of a voice.  He gave a young and mostly unattractive guy hope that you didn't need pretty-boy looks to make it in music, just a never-say-die attitude and the willingness to kick the door in if they didn't open it when you knocked.  Denim, leather, warts and sweat and scars.

Billy Sheehan.  Bass Player.  Billy was a "flash" bass player, bringing jazz chops to metal.  I saw Billy givea clinic and answer questions from the crowd the same week I saw Henry Rollins give a three-hour spoken word show.  It was a truly remarkable time.  Billy wasn't a musical genius, he made his bones the old fashioned way; he learned on stage while he was playing.  His early band, Talas, opened for Van Halen, and he caught the eye of David Lee Roth, so when Roth left Van Halen and started his own band, Billy was the first guy to get a phone call.  Not only could Billy play the pants off any other bass player, if an amplifier broke down or a rack effect shit the bed, Billy could fix it, because he learned how to do that stuff out of necessity, getting in the van and playing town after town.

Bill Hicks.  Standup comic.  I got a chance to work with the dearly departed Mr. Hicks back in 1991 at Hiccups Comedy Club in Rochester.  I hosted two shows on a Friday night, and watched Bill get less than stellar response from the audience.  One table wanted to fight him on the second show.  The bottom line was that Bill sometimes said things on stage that were true that people didn't want to hear.  Now, there are differing opinions about whether or not a comedy stage is an appopriate stump to be passing off social and political opinions, or whether you should just seek to entertain and let people not have to think for that time, but Bill chose the former.  Unfortunately, he succumbed to pancreatic cancer before he could realize his true potential.  And yet, there are hundreds of comics alive today who hold him in high regard.  Including me.

Bob Dylan.  Singer, songwriter, anti-war activist, poet, living legend.  He never played at Woodstock, but he wrote "Blowing In The Wind," "Masters of War," and hundreds of other songs that are an indelible part of the rock lexicon.  "All Along The Watchtower" is so good, it doesn't matter who sings and plays it, it still feels like a moment with God.

That's enough for now.  I could also talk to you about Al Pacino, Bruce Springsteen, Quentin Tarantino, Frank Sinatra, Mario Cuomo and others, but I have to get ready for a show in a little bit.  I'll write some more tomorrow.

Ralph Tetta

Rochester, NY