Gimme Some Water

Gimme Some Water                         2180

Friday, November 4, 2005-5:09 P.M.

Well, I'm back at my home-away-from-home, the comedy condo in Mishawaka, Indiana.  I worked the second of two detour gigs last night in Lafayette, Indiana (home of Perdue University) with Lansing, Michigan's Fred Potter in the opening slot.  The gig went way better for me than the Sportz Zone Wednesday night in Decatur...I had the pleasure of humiliating a drunk older broad and her hippie boyfriend so much that they left the bar.  They were interrupting Mike the mc and Fred all during their sets with nonsense and gibberish.  At one point, I asked her if she'd ever done a roadside sobriety test.  She replied that she had, and when I asked her what tests they made her do, she started spouting out random, drunken words, with no rhyme or reason, and I told her that she was coughing out refrigerator magnet poetry and that I really didn't understand.  This may be a drunken heckler line that I keep....I was really proud of myself for thinking on my feet.

I did an hour, and it was easy, versus the 45-minute drowning set I perpetrated in Decatur.  Then, today, I was getting ready to leave the Knight's Inn (where all the high-powered showbiz types get to stay when they're in Lafayette, Indiana), and the water was magically turned off.  Unfortunately, I had just perpetrated an act of personal evacuation, and was now unable to relegate it to the town's wastewater plumbing system.  The guy at the front desk told me that it would be o.k. for me to stay in the room until the water was turned back on (there were workers fixing a water main and had to turn it off for a few hours) so I could take a shower before leaving, and thusly, I wound up sitting on the bed watching Comedy Central while my princely remains circled the porcelain bowl.

Planning for a Noon checkout, I actually wound up hitting the road just a little after 1 PM.  I made the country road journey up to South Bend, about 150 miles and taking about 3 hours total, and along the way, I stopped off at a library and purchased some of their old books they were getting rid of, speculating for possible resale.  I purchased a reference volume of state constitutions for $1.00, figuring I'd roll the dice and see what it was worth.  Come to find out, it's out of print, and carries a brand new shelf price of $120, and the cheapest version to be found online was $175.  Jackpot!  I should be able to sell that baby and finally clear a profit on one of these 2,000 mile roadtrips.

Hi-Diddley-Dee, indeed.

Ralph Tetta

Rochester, NY