Heading Out To The Highway

Heading Out To The Highway                                         1458

Friday, August 12, 2005-1:27 A.M.

Today I'm a miserable standup comic.  Crude oil just hit $66 a barrel, which means gas prices are going to rise, and they're already flirting with $2.50 a gallon.  These prices will effectively take me off the road if they keep rising, because the fuel to get me to an engagement will erase any money I might make.

Last night at the State Street Comedy Club was a triumph.  There were five open micers on the show, so I was relegated to only 20 minutes on stage, but they couldn't have been any better.  I called back to the previous comic's act, a blind kid named Rodell who was very funny, and the callback was excellent.  He talked about going to a strip club, and his buddies did him wrong because they took him to a club called "Visions."  He said he got kicked out because he tried to use the Braille method as much as possible.  When I got on stage, I said that the last time I was in Madison I made a lot of money; I went to a strip club, snuck on stage and danced for a blind kid for half an hour and made $45.  It was funny; you should have been there.

Then a blonde girl interrupted me, which got her a verbal punch in the poop-hole.  It was a stock response, but the crowd loved it.  Then my actual set with actual jokes just went so well, I wished I had taped it.  Afterwards, headliner Mike Armstrong, opener Ray Salah and myself went down the street for pizza.  Along the way, we inadvertantly picked up a young black man who was panhandling and tried to get us to buy him pizza.  We were flicking this guy onto each other like he was a booger, and finally he got gone.  Then it rained like hell and we were trapped in the pizzaria.

This morning, it was 6:30 A.M. for Ralphie Boy to go do radio with Mike at Solid Rock WJJO.  I'd been to the station before, but they have nice new studios in a different place, and Johnny Danger was on vacation, so we did radio with the sports chick, Mary Carrol.  She was cool and we had some good fun on the radio, and when they opened the phones to give away tickets, they were ringing off the hook.  And it was mostlyfemales; I'm going to have to explore this phenomena, as the station is one of those Metallica-Limp Bizkit-Korn-Staind type of stations.  Curious.  Also, Mary ponied up with some free station long-sleeve T-shirts, which was nice.  Mine didn't fit, so Ray got it.  Someday the shirts will fit me, but not this week.

Today is comic book day, as the new Justice League and Exiles come out, two of my favorite series.  I'm taking Ray to the gyro place down the street from the club, because it's a Madison ritual for me everytime I come here and the food is awesome.  Then we'll go junking and see what there is to see before our two shows tonight.

Today, do something to help the gasoline situation...write your congressman and complain.  Mention that you vote, and that the state of our energy situation is unacceptable.  Legislators that are up for reelection are always good 'n' fearful for their jobs, and you can get the most action out of them by reminding them of that.

Ralph Tetta

Rochester, NY