That Ain't Love

That Ain't Love

Monday, February 14, 2005-5:07 PM

I had high hopes for today to get some work done, but family obligations abounded.  My wife does home health care during the day for her grandmother, and we decided that for Valentine's day, it would be nice for Grandma Ciuffini to see her great-granddaughter Harmony Rose.

After a nice lunch, it was off to the races; two different grocery stores, and a Wal-mart.  They weren't too busy at the Wal-mart, it was one of those situations where there were cashiers standing at the front of their cue line, just before you and your cart enter "The Valley of the Gum" where the conveyor belt starts, and all the impulse items are stocked.  A cashier asked me "Did you find everything OK?"

Well, the answer was no.  My wife has a touch of a headcold, and she was waiting out in the car with the baby, and she had asked me to get her a single serve bottle of orange juice.  I asked the cashier for same.  She said "We don't carry that."

Comedy is easy when you commit.  I rolled my eyes back in my head and fell to the floor, like I couldn't possibly believe that Wal-mart didn't carry single serve orange juice.  In real life, I couldn't believe it.  They had bass guitars and amplifiers stacked up on an endcap as you went through the registers.  Guitars, but no orange juice.  I didn't get the laugh, and neither did anyone rush to help me up.  I guess they figured I was just being an asshole, which I was.  Who ever heard of such a thing?  Coca-Cola and Pepsi product as far as the eye could see in the coolers at the end of every register line, and no juice.  Appalling, I tell ya.

So I get up off the floor, and like nothing is wrong, I say "OK, do you have those orange-flavored vitamin C drops?"  They usually stock these in the candy and gum racks near the register.  Negative again.  OK, then just cash me out.  I'm done pratfalling to no effect.

Outside, there was a vending machine with Hawaiian Punch in it.  Hawaiian Punch has lots of vitamin C, plus it tastes good.  Fruit juicy red is good, I don't care how old you are.  My wife was pleased.  She and the baby are taking a nap right now, and frankly, I'm up for one, too.

But before I go, I have to say that the grocery store was packed today with last-minute Larrys getting flowers, candy, cards and stuffed animals for Valentine's Day.  I understand that people are busy in this day and age, but if you've really prioritized your significant other to the stauts of "I'll get her something on the way home on Valentine's Day itself," then you have to look at your relationship just a little harder.

Just my opinion.  Don't make me roll my eyes at you and fall down.

 

Ralph Tetta

Rochester, NY