Play It All Night Long-Warren Zevon

Tuesday, November 11, 2008-10:45 P.M.

Good evening from Raleigh, North Carolina.

I must be in a blue state, because I'm freezing my ass off.

That's not exactly true, but after spending two weeks in Florida and Alabama, the 15 degree drop in temperature is feeling absolutely chilly.

I have one more show tomorrow and then I'll start heading north to home, where I haven't been since before Halloween. I'll be hosting "Dash For Dollars," my college comedy game show, and even though I've only been on the job about six weeks, I'm starting to have the same withdrawal feelings I have when I don't get to do my own standup act for a long time.

The stage time has been really sparse this trip out. I did a show in Savannah, Georgia at Savannah State University, and then went to my mother's house in Florida to hang out for five days. I got sick somewhere along the way, and I've been sucking down the water and taking Mucinex to stop coughing and to try to bring up some of the congestion, and even though I have the symptoms under control, I need to get home and see a doctor for some antibiotics.

To top it off, I started having leg problems that I was able to diagnose as due to fallen arches, because I've had them before. I went out and got some inserts for my shoes to give some support, but the muscles still take time to relax back to normal. There are exercises you can do to relieve the tension, but with a great deal of driving, there's a greater than normal stress on the muscles of the foot and leg. I've been lucky that I've had stretches of time off to let myself just collapse and lay in bed in a hotel room rather than having to get up and go out and produce.

I worked at the Stardome Comedy Club in Birmingham, Alabama on Election Day, the following day, and the following Sunday, or what they call in the comedy business a "wrap-around;" they got a special headliner act (in this case, James Gregory, the "Funniest Man In America") and needed to fill the "off" nights that the big name guy didn't want to do. Cue your man Ralph. I'd been wanting to get into the Stardome for a long time, having heard great things about the club, and it definitely lives up to the hype. The place is huge, the seats were full every night I was there, and the crowds were appreciative. I sold out of my comedy CD's while I was there and was invited back. Nice day at the office, eh? I worked with Will Marfori on Tuesday and Wednesday, and Drew Thomas on Sunday. They're both really good comics and nice fellows that I'd met and worked with before, and that's always a bonus.

I had Thursday and Friday off to relax, and then Saturday I went and entertained a small group in Atlanta for a gentleman's 50th birthday party. I did a mild "roast" of the guy, who was a family man, Sunday School teacher, and just an overall good guy. His kids were there, as well as people from his church, so the humor had to be squeaky clean, and it was a challenge to write a roast that was totally clean for a guy I never met before. They were a nice group, though, and I did balloon animals for the kids. I'm serious, I had the balloons with me, so I did some for the kids. It was 190 miles one way to get to the gig from Birmingham, but after finding ridiculously cheap gasoline ($1.90!!! Thank you, Flying J loyalty card!) I still made money on the trip.

So I had too many days off, and one of my college shows got canceled this week, but I got to spend time with my mother, break in a new club, made an anniversary celebration special for someone, and got to watch the election returns come in thanks to lodging that didn't require me to be up and out at any certain time. Which reminds me....God bless Holiday Inn Express and the Holiday Inn Priority Club and their late check-out. There's nothing like lounging around in a room until 2:00 in the afternoon and not getting bitched at. Other hotels could learn from these people.....I'm talking to YOU, Days Inn.

So the only other thing to report is that I'm in love with Rachel Maddow. I'm not sure when it happened, but I've become quite taken with her. I know that some folks will say that she's not on our team, but that doesn't matter.....I'm married, it's not like I'm trying to recruit her. And when I tried to put my finger on exactly what it is about Rachel that I find attractive, I keep coming back to her intelligence. She's smart! She's REALLY smart! She's smart in a way that when she's speaking or interviewing a guest, I feel like I'm really following the conversation, even though I'm a guy who took four years at a community college to get a two-year degree.

But most importantly, other people seem taken with Rachel Maddow besides me. She seems to be the new "hot" commentator on TV, and I think it's because America is starting to value intelligence again. "Smart" is the new "cool."

President-Elect Obama is the gold standard for cool, and he really isn't. He's smart. I caught him answering some questions and he did an impression of Redd Foxx having a heart attack. In case you're very young or not familiar with the program through re-runs, Redd Foxx has a show called "Sanford and Son," and one of the running gags was that he would always pretend he was having a heart attack, and he would call up to the heavens, "Elizabeth, I'm coming to join you, honey!" Elizabeth was his predeceased wife. Well, when Obama did the impression, he said "Weezy, I'm coming!" Weezy was the wife from Sherman Helmseley's TV sitcom, "The Jeffersons," which came out about seven or eight years after "Sanford and Son." Only a guy who spent as much time as he did, studying and keeping his nose lodged in a book, would make that obvious pop culture error. On the David Letterman show, they had him deliver the line "Can you smell what Barack is cooking?" which was a satirical slant at the Rock's wrestling catch-phrase. But Obama doesn't know that either, because he doesn't watch wrestling. He pores over the minutiae of his work, takes time to work out at the gym, and strives, strives, strives. Sometimes I feel guilty that I never had the discipline to dig into the books that way, who knows what I'd be doing today. But there's one thing for sure, and that is that America is finally coming back around and saying "education is good." "Book smarts have value." I'm very happy about that. I'm tired of living in a dumbed-down country. Maybe we can finally ship Will Ferrell off to Alaska and get some decent character-driven film comedies made before I qualify for the freakin' senior citizen's discount.

Before I sign off, I'd like to acknowledge my good and trusted friend Steve Burr, the host of "3 Things You Never Talk About" (google it if you don't know) who challenged me to write something positive about someone I disagreed with from a policy standpoint. That may not be the exact challenge, but it was words to that effect, and it was several months ago and I'd been dwelling upon it, and somehow could not do it. Today, I'd like to change that.

In the transition period between President George W. Bush and President-Elect Barack Obama, I think President Bush has been phenomenal in expediting a swift and seamless transfer of power. I think that the comments he made about seeing Obama and his family on the stage and saying what a wonderful thing this was for America was gracious, patriotic, loving, and a showing of a side of Bush that we haven't seen enough of.

In truth, President Bush has to be looked upon as an individual who has offered incredible opportunities to people of color. The appointments of Colin Powell and Condoleeza Rice to the office of Secretary of State were groundbreaking, and his trusting of Alberto Gonzalez as Attorney General must be recognized. After all this consideration, I frame the President as a man who really thought he was doing the best he could for America, and made hard decisions, no matter how unpopular they were. Now, I can't speak for Dick Cheney, who I'm sure a lot of people suspect was the real evil behind the Bush administration, but I won't question Bush anymore as regards to the flippant statements made by Kanye West after Hurricane Katrina that "President Bush hates black people." I believe, no, he doesn't, and as a matter of fact, he's probably their greatest cheerleader. Now, whether or not he surrounded himself with cronies as a way to insulate himself from dissent, I would have to take exception with, but I believe that actions speak louder than words, and his actions in this transition have shown that he is the warm human being that I never would have given him the credit for being.

I guess we all have our good and bad points, you just have to take the time to inventory them.

Tomorrow, it's off to St. Augustine's College in Raleigh, North Carolina, and then Thursday, the trail of tears back to snowy Upstate New York. I can't wait!

Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY