Saturday, November 29, 2008-6:00 P.M.
I'm going to keep this blog short and you'll understand why after reading it. My mother was in a car accident on Tuesday night. I found out about it when I got home and checked my e-mail, and one of her friends from the gated community she lives in sent me a message with the phone number of the hospital she was taken to.
Long story short, it was a bad wreck. She was hit on the driver's side of her vehicle, a Jeep Cherokee, while attempting to make a left hand turn. The impact spun her into the other lane, and she was hit again. She suffered a concussion, broken collarbone, and needed stitches on her head. The car was opened with the jaws of life and she was taken by helicopter from Leesburg, Florida to the Orlando Medical Center.
There's no reason she should be alive today, but she is. And all of this took place two days before Thanksgiving.
My sister scrapped her holiday plans and flew immediately down to Florida, and she'll be there until Tuesday of next week, and I'm going down Tuesday morning and staying until Thursday. I'd stay longer, but I have commitments in New York, so I'll be flying back home for the weekend, and then most probably returning the week after.
I'm performing in Toronto at Absolute Comedy, my first appearance here ever. I booked it specifically so that I could work a decent week somewhere, and Canada celebrates their Thanksgiving back in October, so it was a good move at the time. Unfortunately, now I'm away from my family in Rochester and worried sick about my mother. Besides the health issues involved, this accident is sure to take a financial toll on her, and that's really on my mind because I'm just barely making it and not in any shape to help her out if things get rough.
So here I am, in a beautiful city at a beautiful new club, trying to make a good first impression with the weight of the world on my shoulders and sick to my stomach about it.
I'm thankful my mother is alive. I'm thankful that I'm working, and can go spend time with her, if only for a few days. I'm thankful that my brother and sister are pitching in. I'm thankful that my wife understands what I'm going through and can continuously do without my time and attention, even though she has to do it all the time.
I keep telling myself that God doesn't hand us anything we can't handle, but lately the load's looking awfully cumbersome.
I'm not writing this to bring you down, dear reader. Believe me, I've struggled since Wednesday about writing at all, and if I did write, exactly what should I say? I thought about writing about anything else, but the indecision left me frozen, so I wrote nothing.
I have two shows tonight, and one tomorrow, and then I drive the three hours back home. I'll spend a day doing laundry and spending just a little time with my wife and daughter, and then Tuesday morning I'll fly to my mother's side. I don't know what I'll do while I'm down there, I guess I'll just do what's needed. My sister, who has the strength of Hercules for this sort of thing, has already laid plenty of groundwork, so I'm sure she'll have a list of things for me to do.
I've never felt weaker or less prepared in my life, and it's scaring the hell out of me.
I suppose I could have written anything else here, rather than show my vulnerability now, but for what purpose? So that you would think better of me?
I've always chosen honesty, to the point of bluntness, and let the chips fall where they may. I'm not going to change that now.
I'm off to go be funny now. Thank you for reading.
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Thank You (Led Zeppelin)
Sunday, November 23, 2008-6:30 P.M.
Back home after a week of work, and feeling guilty about blogging....isn't that funny? Blogging is the most self-indulgent thing you can do without hand lotion, and when you don't do it, you feel this guilt, as though there were droves of people hanging on your every post, and when you don't write anything for a long time, it's as though their lives stop because they don't know what you're doing or what's on your mind. Luckily, I harbor no misconceptions of my "fan base" or "readership" or whatever you want to call it. My guilt comes from my adoption of a regular blog as a clearinghouse for events as my life, as a document that my daughter can go back and read when she's older to understand what Daddy was doing when he went to work, and my inability to keep that task up with any regularity.
This week was a busy one, and performed in the throes of walking pneumonia, upper respiratory infection, or whatever the final diagnosis turned out to be. I was popping Mucinex, trying to stay phlegm-free, and certain I was infecting everyone around me. Monday, I set off for Niagara University in Niagara Falls, New York, with comedy buddy Ray Salah in tow. We made the 90 minute journey with little difficulty, and loaded in the "Dash For Dollars" gear into the student union. While leisurely setting up the props for the game show, Ray was fiddling with the sound system, and playing some pre-show music to set the ambiance. A group filed in and asked us if we would turn down the music, as they were doing some sort of poster presentation. We obliged, and the young lady continued to speak, as if we somehow hadn't fully acquiesced to their wishes. Come to find out, the group was under the impression that they had reserved the space for their event, and viewed us as interlopers, and as she went into her pitch to somehow get me to understand that I wasn't supposed to be there, I explained that I was an off-campus concern, basically a vendor, and that I was hired by Student Activities to be there, and that if there was a conflict, I was just the hired help and merely doing what I was instructed by the folks who contracted me to be there. She disappeared into the Student Activities office, and shortly after, her group hit the bricks.
Now, I'm not one to piss on campus activism. The poster presentation that the young lady (who as it turns out, was a member of the schools faculty) and her group had planned on displaying had something to do with peace in the Middle East. I'm all for peace in the Middle East, the Far East, the Near East, and even back here in North America. But I really question how effective the poster presentation would have been in bringing about peace. Were the warring factions represented here in New York? Were there enough members of the groups present in Niagara Falls to constitute a quorum? How many of them were on campus at Niagara University? And finally, how many of them would luck have to be present in the student union at lunchtime? I suppose the answer to these questions are moot, but in all fairness, if you want peace in the Middle East, I think the minimum requirement is that you actually go there to drum some of it up. I am a pragmatist, if I am nothing.
Tuesday, Ray and I made our way to Finger Lakes Community College, and a blizzard was gripping the Finger Lakes region of New York. We were driving the company vehicle, a Ford E150 van containing the Incredible Cash Cube, the centerpiece of the Dash For Dollars game show, which doesn't carry much weight as the cube is mostly air when it comes right down to it. Vehicles were colliding on the slick roads leading into Canandaigua, and we fish-tailed a couple of times on our way down, but remained on the road the whole time and arrived in a safe and timely fashion (two of the best ways to arrive, in my opinion). The show was in danger of not being very well attended until I decided to prime the pump a little bit, intruding into the student cafeteria adjacent to our performing space and throwing out dollar bills at random. In the business, we call this a "teaser," and even though no such event was scheduled, I decided that it would be a good idea. It paid off in spades, and by showtime, the event area was full of students ready and raring to compete for the money. One of the funniest moments of the show was when a game involved blowing up balloons, and one of the contestants was a young man with an assortment of piercing appliances in his lower lip. It was awkward, and led to some good comedic interplay, and he actually wound up passing that particular round and moving on in the competition.
Later that night, after returning to Rochester, Ray and I decided that with the snow that was hitting the southern part of New York, we ought to get into town early, as the next gig was in Olean, NY and they were getting their fair share of crappy weather. We took off and got into town early, slept over at the wonderful Hampton Inn (I am a whore for the Hampton Inn) and were only blocks away from Jamestown Community College, Olean Campus, the next morning. When I checked in, there was a poster on the front desk with my face on it, as I was scheduled to perform in town on Saturday doing my own standup comedy show. It was neat to check in and point to the poster and tell the desk clerk, "I'm checking in, that's me right there." JCC is a very small satellite campus, being only a cluster of four buildings in the downtown Olean area. We still had a good showing, and with the help of a diligent maintenance man who was willing to use his power tools to disassemble doors for us, we were able to roll the Incredible Cash Cube directly into our performance area instead of just putting it in the hallway, as the Student Activities Director informed us was done on the game show's last appearance at the school. I'm willing to do whatever a client wants to make them happy, but I am still a showman at heart, and I know that having the entire game show set in the performance area is a basic minimum to having a successful show. Again, the show went great, there was good attendance, and everyone had a good time. The drive back to Rochester was pleasant, with temperatures in the 50's, and no sign that snow had ever fallen in the area.
Thursday night, I was on my own, and I made my way to the State University of New York (SUNY) Canton. It was about a four hour trip, and I really dragged my feet as the grip of whatever illness I was harboring made me lazy, sluggish, and belabored my breathing. I made my report time with a few minutes to spare, and did a teaser in the dining hall where everyone was enjoying a buffet-style Thanksgiving dinner. I'm not going to lie and tell you that the glistening steam tables of turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy and pumpkin pie didn't distract me at all. My antidote was to perform the teaser as quickly as possible, throw the money around, and get the hell out of there.
With the help of some student volunteers, I set up the show and got ready. I was met with a boisterous, crazy audience who went from highly involved and interested to absolutely volatile. I think if they could have just collectively picked me up, held me upside down and shook me until all the money came spilling out of my pockets, they would have. Large, athletic men were karate chopping young ladies out of the way to get a dollar. People were threatening my life and telling me in so many words that there was no way the cash cube and I were leaving campus with any money to show for it, and one young lady (who, by the way, was a contestant on stage who had her chance to win money, but was eliminated in one of the challenges) criticized me that I wasn't paying enough attention to her section, the far left-hand side of the stage. I throw money right-handed, so she may have had a point, but throwing money is completely to my discretion. I started having second thoughts about my populist views as I realized that the core of many people's psychological makeup is greed, and worse than that, a sense of entitlement. I finished the show and on the way home, I stopped at a Subway sandwich shop and had a spicy Italian sub that was in no way, shape or form as good as turkey, stuffing and mashed potatoes.
Friday was my only day off, and I packed all of my errands into it. First off was trip to the doctor and a prescription for antibiotics to finally start fighting off my illness which had been a thorn in my flesh since before Halloween. Next, a trip to the post office and my local comic book shop, Comics Etc., to pick up a month's worth of reading material that I'd missed as I'd been out of town since before Halloween. I stopped by Monroe Community Hospital where Pammey was doing a craft show and swapped our cars, and then took her car in to be diagnosed as to why her sunroof was allowing not just sunlight but rainwater to come in. The prognosis, if you're curious, was bad lifters in the back of the unit and some body rust in the roof of the vehicle. We have an appointment in December to get the unit replaced, which will provide my wife and daughter with a nice, dry vehicle to drive around in (it's the least I could do). One last stop to my daughter's school to drop off a book order, and it was back home for a nice nap. Later that evening, Pamela and I toasted our eighth wedding anniversary with a nice dinner at Red Lobster, one of our favorites (don't laugh). My mother-in-law volunteered to watch Harmony so we could have some time together, and because we're old and tired, we figured the best thing to do was go out to dinner. Ah, how time makes fools of us all! Still, we had a good time and after dinner, went out winter-coat shopping for me as my leather jacket that I've been holding on to since Chuck Yeager passed it on to me was no longer in good repair. I picked out a nice, low-cost fleece lined number with a million pockets in it to store my cell phone, bluetooth (which I don't wear if I don't have to), wallet, chewing gum, chapstick and car keys. I wanted something cheap because I just know that one of these days, I'm going to be unloading the cash cube out of the van and a sharp metal corner is going to do a number on the jacket, and I'd rather it be a cheap coat than an expensive one.
Saturday, I slept in and finally started making my way to Olean. I got into town just as the sun was setting and the snow started coming down like a bitch. I got ready for the show, shaved and ironed my clothes and made my way to the Premiere Banquet Center where I was performing with Jamie Lissow and Bill Benden. It was a co-headliner show with me as the warm-up act, and it shook out that I only needed to do 15 minutes. Still under the weather with only one day's worth of antibiotics in my system, I gladly filled the short set with a "greatest hits" montage that went over well. I palled around with Bill and Jamie, talked shop, new babies, and all that stuff that standup comics talk about when we get together. After the show, Jamie opted to brave the snow and head back to Rochester. I opted to stay in the cushy Hampton Inn and beg a late checkout. By the time I left the hotel, the sun was shining, the roads were clear, and I got to hear the first quarter of the Buffalo Bills beating the stuffing out of the Kansas City Chiefs. I swear, after Monday night's dismal, last-second loss to the Cleveland Browns, I vowed that if Buffalo couldn't hand a 1-9 team their ass, I was through with them. Luckily, they delivered, and Trent Edwards ran for two touchdowns, which is making me like him again. Then again, Rob Johnson did that crap against Jacksonville a handful of seasons ago, and I started liking him and he turned into a total piece of shit. So let's just say I'm being cautiously optimistic.
This week, it's Absolute Comedy in Toronto, my first time at the club and I'm excited to be breaking new ground. Next month, there's a lot of work close to home, holidays to prepare for, and then in January, I head off for a month-long tour of Calgary, Edmonton, and other snow-tossed cities of Western Canada. I'm excited, but also happy that it's still a couple of months off....I'm going to have to get ready for one of the farthest away places that I've ever performed in before.
Best to you and yours this Thanksgiving holiday.
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
Back home after a week of work, and feeling guilty about blogging....isn't that funny? Blogging is the most self-indulgent thing you can do without hand lotion, and when you don't do it, you feel this guilt, as though there were droves of people hanging on your every post, and when you don't write anything for a long time, it's as though their lives stop because they don't know what you're doing or what's on your mind. Luckily, I harbor no misconceptions of my "fan base" or "readership" or whatever you want to call it. My guilt comes from my adoption of a regular blog as a clearinghouse for events as my life, as a document that my daughter can go back and read when she's older to understand what Daddy was doing when he went to work, and my inability to keep that task up with any regularity.
This week was a busy one, and performed in the throes of walking pneumonia, upper respiratory infection, or whatever the final diagnosis turned out to be. I was popping Mucinex, trying to stay phlegm-free, and certain I was infecting everyone around me. Monday, I set off for Niagara University in Niagara Falls, New York, with comedy buddy Ray Salah in tow. We made the 90 minute journey with little difficulty, and loaded in the "Dash For Dollars" gear into the student union. While leisurely setting up the props for the game show, Ray was fiddling with the sound system, and playing some pre-show music to set the ambiance. A group filed in and asked us if we would turn down the music, as they were doing some sort of poster presentation. We obliged, and the young lady continued to speak, as if we somehow hadn't fully acquiesced to their wishes. Come to find out, the group was under the impression that they had reserved the space for their event, and viewed us as interlopers, and as she went into her pitch to somehow get me to understand that I wasn't supposed to be there, I explained that I was an off-campus concern, basically a vendor, and that I was hired by Student Activities to be there, and that if there was a conflict, I was just the hired help and merely doing what I was instructed by the folks who contracted me to be there. She disappeared into the Student Activities office, and shortly after, her group hit the bricks.
Now, I'm not one to piss on campus activism. The poster presentation that the young lady (who as it turns out, was a member of the schools faculty) and her group had planned on displaying had something to do with peace in the Middle East. I'm all for peace in the Middle East, the Far East, the Near East, and even back here in North America. But I really question how effective the poster presentation would have been in bringing about peace. Were the warring factions represented here in New York? Were there enough members of the groups present in Niagara Falls to constitute a quorum? How many of them were on campus at Niagara University? And finally, how many of them would luck have to be present in the student union at lunchtime? I suppose the answer to these questions are moot, but in all fairness, if you want peace in the Middle East, I think the minimum requirement is that you actually go there to drum some of it up. I am a pragmatist, if I am nothing.
Tuesday, Ray and I made our way to Finger Lakes Community College, and a blizzard was gripping the Finger Lakes region of New York. We were driving the company vehicle, a Ford E150 van containing the Incredible Cash Cube, the centerpiece of the Dash For Dollars game show, which doesn't carry much weight as the cube is mostly air when it comes right down to it. Vehicles were colliding on the slick roads leading into Canandaigua, and we fish-tailed a couple of times on our way down, but remained on the road the whole time and arrived in a safe and timely fashion (two of the best ways to arrive, in my opinion). The show was in danger of not being very well attended until I decided to prime the pump a little bit, intruding into the student cafeteria adjacent to our performing space and throwing out dollar bills at random. In the business, we call this a "teaser," and even though no such event was scheduled, I decided that it would be a good idea. It paid off in spades, and by showtime, the event area was full of students ready and raring to compete for the money. One of the funniest moments of the show was when a game involved blowing up balloons, and one of the contestants was a young man with an assortment of piercing appliances in his lower lip. It was awkward, and led to some good comedic interplay, and he actually wound up passing that particular round and moving on in the competition.
Later that night, after returning to Rochester, Ray and I decided that with the snow that was hitting the southern part of New York, we ought to get into town early, as the next gig was in Olean, NY and they were getting their fair share of crappy weather. We took off and got into town early, slept over at the wonderful Hampton Inn (I am a whore for the Hampton Inn) and were only blocks away from Jamestown Community College, Olean Campus, the next morning. When I checked in, there was a poster on the front desk with my face on it, as I was scheduled to perform in town on Saturday doing my own standup comedy show. It was neat to check in and point to the poster and tell the desk clerk, "I'm checking in, that's me right there." JCC is a very small satellite campus, being only a cluster of four buildings in the downtown Olean area. We still had a good showing, and with the help of a diligent maintenance man who was willing to use his power tools to disassemble doors for us, we were able to roll the Incredible Cash Cube directly into our performance area instead of just putting it in the hallway, as the Student Activities Director informed us was done on the game show's last appearance at the school. I'm willing to do whatever a client wants to make them happy, but I am still a showman at heart, and I know that having the entire game show set in the performance area is a basic minimum to having a successful show. Again, the show went great, there was good attendance, and everyone had a good time. The drive back to Rochester was pleasant, with temperatures in the 50's, and no sign that snow had ever fallen in the area.
Thursday night, I was on my own, and I made my way to the State University of New York (SUNY) Canton. It was about a four hour trip, and I really dragged my feet as the grip of whatever illness I was harboring made me lazy, sluggish, and belabored my breathing. I made my report time with a few minutes to spare, and did a teaser in the dining hall where everyone was enjoying a buffet-style Thanksgiving dinner. I'm not going to lie and tell you that the glistening steam tables of turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy and pumpkin pie didn't distract me at all. My antidote was to perform the teaser as quickly as possible, throw the money around, and get the hell out of there.
With the help of some student volunteers, I set up the show and got ready. I was met with a boisterous, crazy audience who went from highly involved and interested to absolutely volatile. I think if they could have just collectively picked me up, held me upside down and shook me until all the money came spilling out of my pockets, they would have. Large, athletic men were karate chopping young ladies out of the way to get a dollar. People were threatening my life and telling me in so many words that there was no way the cash cube and I were leaving campus with any money to show for it, and one young lady (who, by the way, was a contestant on stage who had her chance to win money, but was eliminated in one of the challenges) criticized me that I wasn't paying enough attention to her section, the far left-hand side of the stage. I throw money right-handed, so she may have had a point, but throwing money is completely to my discretion. I started having second thoughts about my populist views as I realized that the core of many people's psychological makeup is greed, and worse than that, a sense of entitlement. I finished the show and on the way home, I stopped at a Subway sandwich shop and had a spicy Italian sub that was in no way, shape or form as good as turkey, stuffing and mashed potatoes.
Friday was my only day off, and I packed all of my errands into it. First off was trip to the doctor and a prescription for antibiotics to finally start fighting off my illness which had been a thorn in my flesh since before Halloween. Next, a trip to the post office and my local comic book shop, Comics Etc., to pick up a month's worth of reading material that I'd missed as I'd been out of town since before Halloween. I stopped by Monroe Community Hospital where Pammey was doing a craft show and swapped our cars, and then took her car in to be diagnosed as to why her sunroof was allowing not just sunlight but rainwater to come in. The prognosis, if you're curious, was bad lifters in the back of the unit and some body rust in the roof of the vehicle. We have an appointment in December to get the unit replaced, which will provide my wife and daughter with a nice, dry vehicle to drive around in (it's the least I could do). One last stop to my daughter's school to drop off a book order, and it was back home for a nice nap. Later that evening, Pamela and I toasted our eighth wedding anniversary with a nice dinner at Red Lobster, one of our favorites (don't laugh). My mother-in-law volunteered to watch Harmony so we could have some time together, and because we're old and tired, we figured the best thing to do was go out to dinner. Ah, how time makes fools of us all! Still, we had a good time and after dinner, went out winter-coat shopping for me as my leather jacket that I've been holding on to since Chuck Yeager passed it on to me was no longer in good repair. I picked out a nice, low-cost fleece lined number with a million pockets in it to store my cell phone, bluetooth (which I don't wear if I don't have to), wallet, chewing gum, chapstick and car keys. I wanted something cheap because I just know that one of these days, I'm going to be unloading the cash cube out of the van and a sharp metal corner is going to do a number on the jacket, and I'd rather it be a cheap coat than an expensive one.
Saturday, I slept in and finally started making my way to Olean. I got into town just as the sun was setting and the snow started coming down like a bitch. I got ready for the show, shaved and ironed my clothes and made my way to the Premiere Banquet Center where I was performing with Jamie Lissow and Bill Benden. It was a co-headliner show with me as the warm-up act, and it shook out that I only needed to do 15 minutes. Still under the weather with only one day's worth of antibiotics in my system, I gladly filled the short set with a "greatest hits" montage that went over well. I palled around with Bill and Jamie, talked shop, new babies, and all that stuff that standup comics talk about when we get together. After the show, Jamie opted to brave the snow and head back to Rochester. I opted to stay in the cushy Hampton Inn and beg a late checkout. By the time I left the hotel, the sun was shining, the roads were clear, and I got to hear the first quarter of the Buffalo Bills beating the stuffing out of the Kansas City Chiefs. I swear, after Monday night's dismal, last-second loss to the Cleveland Browns, I vowed that if Buffalo couldn't hand a 1-9 team their ass, I was through with them. Luckily, they delivered, and Trent Edwards ran for two touchdowns, which is making me like him again. Then again, Rob Johnson did that crap against Jacksonville a handful of seasons ago, and I started liking him and he turned into a total piece of shit. So let's just say I'm being cautiously optimistic.
This week, it's Absolute Comedy in Toronto, my first time at the club and I'm excited to be breaking new ground. Next month, there's a lot of work close to home, holidays to prepare for, and then in January, I head off for a month-long tour of Calgary, Edmonton, and other snow-tossed cities of Western Canada. I'm excited, but also happy that it's still a couple of months off....I'm going to have to get ready for one of the farthest away places that I've ever performed in before.
Best to you and yours this Thanksgiving holiday.
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Play It All Night Long-Warren Zevon
Tuesday, November 11, 2008-10:45 P.M.
Good evening from Raleigh, North Carolina.
I must be in a blue state, because I'm freezing my ass off.
That's not exactly true, but after spending two weeks in Florida and Alabama, the 15 degree drop in temperature is feeling absolutely chilly.
I have one more show tomorrow and then I'll start heading north to home, where I haven't been since before Halloween. I'll be hosting "Dash For Dollars," my college comedy game show, and even though I've only been on the job about six weeks, I'm starting to have the same withdrawal feelings I have when I don't get to do my own standup act for a long time.
The stage time has been really sparse this trip out. I did a show in Savannah, Georgia at Savannah State University, and then went to my mother's house in Florida to hang out for five days. I got sick somewhere along the way, and I've been sucking down the water and taking Mucinex to stop coughing and to try to bring up some of the congestion, and even though I have the symptoms under control, I need to get home and see a doctor for some antibiotics.
To top it off, I started having leg problems that I was able to diagnose as due to fallen arches, because I've had them before. I went out and got some inserts for my shoes to give some support, but the muscles still take time to relax back to normal. There are exercises you can do to relieve the tension, but with a great deal of driving, there's a greater than normal stress on the muscles of the foot and leg. I've been lucky that I've had stretches of time off to let myself just collapse and lay in bed in a hotel room rather than having to get up and go out and produce.
I worked at the Stardome Comedy Club in Birmingham, Alabama on Election Day, the following day, and the following Sunday, or what they call in the comedy business a "wrap-around;" they got a special headliner act (in this case, James Gregory, the "Funniest Man In America") and needed to fill the "off" nights that the big name guy didn't want to do. Cue your man Ralph. I'd been wanting to get into the Stardome for a long time, having heard great things about the club, and it definitely lives up to the hype. The place is huge, the seats were full every night I was there, and the crowds were appreciative. I sold out of my comedy CD's while I was there and was invited back. Nice day at the office, eh? I worked with Will Marfori on Tuesday and Wednesday, and Drew Thomas on Sunday. They're both really good comics and nice fellows that I'd met and worked with before, and that's always a bonus.
I had Thursday and Friday off to relax, and then Saturday I went and entertained a small group in Atlanta for a gentleman's 50th birthday party. I did a mild "roast" of the guy, who was a family man, Sunday School teacher, and just an overall good guy. His kids were there, as well as people from his church, so the humor had to be squeaky clean, and it was a challenge to write a roast that was totally clean for a guy I never met before. They were a nice group, though, and I did balloon animals for the kids. I'm serious, I had the balloons with me, so I did some for the kids. It was 190 miles one way to get to the gig from Birmingham, but after finding ridiculously cheap gasoline ($1.90!!! Thank you, Flying J loyalty card!) I still made money on the trip.
So I had too many days off, and one of my college shows got canceled this week, but I got to spend time with my mother, break in a new club, made an anniversary celebration special for someone, and got to watch the election returns come in thanks to lodging that didn't require me to be up and out at any certain time. Which reminds me....God bless Holiday Inn Express and the Holiday Inn Priority Club and their late check-out. There's nothing like lounging around in a room until 2:00 in the afternoon and not getting bitched at. Other hotels could learn from these people.....I'm talking to YOU, Days Inn.
So the only other thing to report is that I'm in love with Rachel Maddow. I'm not sure when it happened, but I've become quite taken with her. I know that some folks will say that she's not on our team, but that doesn't matter.....I'm married, it's not like I'm trying to recruit her. And when I tried to put my finger on exactly what it is about Rachel that I find attractive, I keep coming back to her intelligence. She's smart! She's REALLY smart! She's smart in a way that when she's speaking or interviewing a guest, I feel like I'm really following the conversation, even though I'm a guy who took four years at a community college to get a two-year degree.
But most importantly, other people seem taken with Rachel Maddow besides me. She seems to be the new "hot" commentator on TV, and I think it's because America is starting to value intelligence again. "Smart" is the new "cool."
President-Elect Obama is the gold standard for cool, and he really isn't. He's smart. I caught him answering some questions and he did an impression of Redd Foxx having a heart attack. In case you're very young or not familiar with the program through re-runs, Redd Foxx has a show called "Sanford and Son," and one of the running gags was that he would always pretend he was having a heart attack, and he would call up to the heavens, "Elizabeth, I'm coming to join you, honey!" Elizabeth was his predeceased wife. Well, when Obama did the impression, he said "Weezy, I'm coming!" Weezy was the wife from Sherman Helmseley's TV sitcom, "The Jeffersons," which came out about seven or eight years after "Sanford and Son." Only a guy who spent as much time as he did, studying and keeping his nose lodged in a book, would make that obvious pop culture error. On the David Letterman show, they had him deliver the line "Can you smell what Barack is cooking?" which was a satirical slant at the Rock's wrestling catch-phrase. But Obama doesn't know that either, because he doesn't watch wrestling. He pores over the minutiae of his work, takes time to work out at the gym, and strives, strives, strives. Sometimes I feel guilty that I never had the discipline to dig into the books that way, who knows what I'd be doing today. But there's one thing for sure, and that is that America is finally coming back around and saying "education is good." "Book smarts have value." I'm very happy about that. I'm tired of living in a dumbed-down country. Maybe we can finally ship Will Ferrell off to Alaska and get some decent character-driven film comedies made before I qualify for the freakin' senior citizen's discount.
Before I sign off, I'd like to acknowledge my good and trusted friend Steve Burr, the host of "3 Things You Never Talk About" (google it if you don't know) who challenged me to write something positive about someone I disagreed with from a policy standpoint. That may not be the exact challenge, but it was words to that effect, and it was several months ago and I'd been dwelling upon it, and somehow could not do it. Today, I'd like to change that.
In the transition period between President George W. Bush and President-Elect Barack Obama, I think President Bush has been phenomenal in expediting a swift and seamless transfer of power. I think that the comments he made about seeing Obama and his family on the stage and saying what a wonderful thing this was for America was gracious, patriotic, loving, and a showing of a side of Bush that we haven't seen enough of.
In truth, President Bush has to be looked upon as an individual who has offered incredible opportunities to people of color. The appointments of Colin Powell and Condoleeza Rice to the office of Secretary of State were groundbreaking, and his trusting of Alberto Gonzalez as Attorney General must be recognized. After all this consideration, I frame the President as a man who really thought he was doing the best he could for America, and made hard decisions, no matter how unpopular they were. Now, I can't speak for Dick Cheney, who I'm sure a lot of people suspect was the real evil behind the Bush administration, but I won't question Bush anymore as regards to the flippant statements made by Kanye West after Hurricane Katrina that "President Bush hates black people." I believe, no, he doesn't, and as a matter of fact, he's probably their greatest cheerleader. Now, whether or not he surrounded himself with cronies as a way to insulate himself from dissent, I would have to take exception with, but I believe that actions speak louder than words, and his actions in this transition have shown that he is the warm human being that I never would have given him the credit for being.
I guess we all have our good and bad points, you just have to take the time to inventory them.
Tomorrow, it's off to St. Augustine's College in Raleigh, North Carolina, and then Thursday, the trail of tears back to snowy Upstate New York. I can't wait!
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
Good evening from Raleigh, North Carolina.
I must be in a blue state, because I'm freezing my ass off.
That's not exactly true, but after spending two weeks in Florida and Alabama, the 15 degree drop in temperature is feeling absolutely chilly.
I have one more show tomorrow and then I'll start heading north to home, where I haven't been since before Halloween. I'll be hosting "Dash For Dollars," my college comedy game show, and even though I've only been on the job about six weeks, I'm starting to have the same withdrawal feelings I have when I don't get to do my own standup act for a long time.
The stage time has been really sparse this trip out. I did a show in Savannah, Georgia at Savannah State University, and then went to my mother's house in Florida to hang out for five days. I got sick somewhere along the way, and I've been sucking down the water and taking Mucinex to stop coughing and to try to bring up some of the congestion, and even though I have the symptoms under control, I need to get home and see a doctor for some antibiotics.
To top it off, I started having leg problems that I was able to diagnose as due to fallen arches, because I've had them before. I went out and got some inserts for my shoes to give some support, but the muscles still take time to relax back to normal. There are exercises you can do to relieve the tension, but with a great deal of driving, there's a greater than normal stress on the muscles of the foot and leg. I've been lucky that I've had stretches of time off to let myself just collapse and lay in bed in a hotel room rather than having to get up and go out and produce.
I worked at the Stardome Comedy Club in Birmingham, Alabama on Election Day, the following day, and the following Sunday, or what they call in the comedy business a "wrap-around;" they got a special headliner act (in this case, James Gregory, the "Funniest Man In America") and needed to fill the "off" nights that the big name guy didn't want to do. Cue your man Ralph. I'd been wanting to get into the Stardome for a long time, having heard great things about the club, and it definitely lives up to the hype. The place is huge, the seats were full every night I was there, and the crowds were appreciative. I sold out of my comedy CD's while I was there and was invited back. Nice day at the office, eh? I worked with Will Marfori on Tuesday and Wednesday, and Drew Thomas on Sunday. They're both really good comics and nice fellows that I'd met and worked with before, and that's always a bonus.
I had Thursday and Friday off to relax, and then Saturday I went and entertained a small group in Atlanta for a gentleman's 50th birthday party. I did a mild "roast" of the guy, who was a family man, Sunday School teacher, and just an overall good guy. His kids were there, as well as people from his church, so the humor had to be squeaky clean, and it was a challenge to write a roast that was totally clean for a guy I never met before. They were a nice group, though, and I did balloon animals for the kids. I'm serious, I had the balloons with me, so I did some for the kids. It was 190 miles one way to get to the gig from Birmingham, but after finding ridiculously cheap gasoline ($1.90!!! Thank you, Flying J loyalty card!) I still made money on the trip.
So I had too many days off, and one of my college shows got canceled this week, but I got to spend time with my mother, break in a new club, made an anniversary celebration special for someone, and got to watch the election returns come in thanks to lodging that didn't require me to be up and out at any certain time. Which reminds me....God bless Holiday Inn Express and the Holiday Inn Priority Club and their late check-out. There's nothing like lounging around in a room until 2:00 in the afternoon and not getting bitched at. Other hotels could learn from these people.....I'm talking to YOU, Days Inn.
So the only other thing to report is that I'm in love with Rachel Maddow. I'm not sure when it happened, but I've become quite taken with her. I know that some folks will say that she's not on our team, but that doesn't matter.....I'm married, it's not like I'm trying to recruit her. And when I tried to put my finger on exactly what it is about Rachel that I find attractive, I keep coming back to her intelligence. She's smart! She's REALLY smart! She's smart in a way that when she's speaking or interviewing a guest, I feel like I'm really following the conversation, even though I'm a guy who took four years at a community college to get a two-year degree.
But most importantly, other people seem taken with Rachel Maddow besides me. She seems to be the new "hot" commentator on TV, and I think it's because America is starting to value intelligence again. "Smart" is the new "cool."
President-Elect Obama is the gold standard for cool, and he really isn't. He's smart. I caught him answering some questions and he did an impression of Redd Foxx having a heart attack. In case you're very young or not familiar with the program through re-runs, Redd Foxx has a show called "Sanford and Son," and one of the running gags was that he would always pretend he was having a heart attack, and he would call up to the heavens, "Elizabeth, I'm coming to join you, honey!" Elizabeth was his predeceased wife. Well, when Obama did the impression, he said "Weezy, I'm coming!" Weezy was the wife from Sherman Helmseley's TV sitcom, "The Jeffersons," which came out about seven or eight years after "Sanford and Son." Only a guy who spent as much time as he did, studying and keeping his nose lodged in a book, would make that obvious pop culture error. On the David Letterman show, they had him deliver the line "Can you smell what Barack is cooking?" which was a satirical slant at the Rock's wrestling catch-phrase. But Obama doesn't know that either, because he doesn't watch wrestling. He pores over the minutiae of his work, takes time to work out at the gym, and strives, strives, strives. Sometimes I feel guilty that I never had the discipline to dig into the books that way, who knows what I'd be doing today. But there's one thing for sure, and that is that America is finally coming back around and saying "education is good." "Book smarts have value." I'm very happy about that. I'm tired of living in a dumbed-down country. Maybe we can finally ship Will Ferrell off to Alaska and get some decent character-driven film comedies made before I qualify for the freakin' senior citizen's discount.
Before I sign off, I'd like to acknowledge my good and trusted friend Steve Burr, the host of "3 Things You Never Talk About" (google it if you don't know) who challenged me to write something positive about someone I disagreed with from a policy standpoint. That may not be the exact challenge, but it was words to that effect, and it was several months ago and I'd been dwelling upon it, and somehow could not do it. Today, I'd like to change that.
In the transition period between President George W. Bush and President-Elect Barack Obama, I think President Bush has been phenomenal in expediting a swift and seamless transfer of power. I think that the comments he made about seeing Obama and his family on the stage and saying what a wonderful thing this was for America was gracious, patriotic, loving, and a showing of a side of Bush that we haven't seen enough of.
In truth, President Bush has to be looked upon as an individual who has offered incredible opportunities to people of color. The appointments of Colin Powell and Condoleeza Rice to the office of Secretary of State were groundbreaking, and his trusting of Alberto Gonzalez as Attorney General must be recognized. After all this consideration, I frame the President as a man who really thought he was doing the best he could for America, and made hard decisions, no matter how unpopular they were. Now, I can't speak for Dick Cheney, who I'm sure a lot of people suspect was the real evil behind the Bush administration, but I won't question Bush anymore as regards to the flippant statements made by Kanye West after Hurricane Katrina that "President Bush hates black people." I believe, no, he doesn't, and as a matter of fact, he's probably their greatest cheerleader. Now, whether or not he surrounded himself with cronies as a way to insulate himself from dissent, I would have to take exception with, but I believe that actions speak louder than words, and his actions in this transition have shown that he is the warm human being that I never would have given him the credit for being.
I guess we all have our good and bad points, you just have to take the time to inventory them.
Tomorrow, it's off to St. Augustine's College in Raleigh, North Carolina, and then Thursday, the trail of tears back to snowy Upstate New York. I can't wait!
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Changes (David Bowie)
"It's no sin to make a mistake. The sin is when you don't go back and clean it up."
I spoke those words to my brother 23 years ago. He was about to fail his senior year in high school because of a missing phys-ed credit. Long story short, he would oversleep because of his job and then wouldn't go to school because of a mandatory detention policy for late arrivals, which would interfere with his after-school job, so some days he just didn't go. Consequently, he wasn't present enough days to get the gym credit, and was looking at the prospect of being held back a year.
I told him to take summer school. They don't offer summer school for phys-ed.
But I told him the line above, about cleaning up our mistakes, and he went back to school and worked out a plan with them. The school let him put time in at the YMCA, and after enough hours to satisfy them, they would award him his diploma, which he did over the summer.
He made the mistake, and then cleaned it up.
Tuesday night, America cleaned up it's mistakes.
In electing Barack Obama the 44th President of the United States, America said "we are ready to fix things."
We are ready to fully anoint African-Americans, not just with cheap, smiling words, but with a real vote of confidence.
We are ready to turn the wheels of government over to individuals who are knowledgeable, who have studied law, who bring real credentials to the table and are ready to govern.
We are ready to offer the rest of the world the assurance that the country which they all look up to and aspire to be, is ready to stop being a bully and ready to start being a trusted ally again.
As much as I support Barack Obama, it is with much shame that I confess that I found many more reasons to vote against his opponent than I found reasons to support him.
From the beginning, the McCain campaign seemed to be waged for all the wrong reasons.
First of all, why was a wealthy, 72-year-old man with 13 cars and eight houses working so hard to apply for a job? Shouldn't he have been contemplating retirement? I'll tell you why he did it; he got boned by Karl Rove and George W. Bush in South Carolina in 2000, and he's been lying in stealth for eight years waiting for his turn, the turn he felt he was cheated out of. I'm sure the eight years weren't easy, but he spent five years in a P.O.W. camp, so I have no doubts about his tenacity.
But that's the wrong reason to want to be President. Bob Dole ran on that bullshit back in 1996, and Bill Clinton slapped him around.
The Sarah Palin pick as VP? I never saw a campaign shoot itself in the foot more deftly since Al Gore thought it would be a good idea to run a Jewish veep (Joe Lieberman) past the deeply Christian voters of the South (and elsewhere....the 13 states of the Confederacy don't have any monopoly on anti-Semitism). The race for the presidency isn't "Take Your Daughter To Work Day." It would be hard to argue that even a featherweight like J. Danforth Quayle wasn't less qualified than the Governor of Alaska. Could the McCain campaign have been saved by a more savvy pick? Absolutely. He could have chosen one of a plethora of rising young stars on the right, or even an old saw like Elizabeth Dole who was a skillful politician until the voters of North Carolina started to wake up and smell the bullshit. Bobby Jindall could have brought some youth and excitement, Mitt Romney would have brought all of his economically conservative supporters, but McCain had to find someone who would whet the Evangelical's whistle after he basically told them to lick his asshole back in 2000. And snake-charming, speaking in tongues Sarah was that gal. It's too bad that the hypocrisy started piling up faster than the lines on her resume; from Troopergate, to the grandchild being born out of wedlock, to the high-end shopping spree, Caribou Barbie went to just plain old "boo" Barbie.
Finally, the campaign of smear and mud that never seemed to end, was just a bad choice. McCain flung the kitchen sink at Obama, but Barack never responded. It is virtually impossible to win a fight with an enemy that will not engage you. McCain would go into a red-faced rant about Jeremiah Wright, William Ayers, Socialism, spread the wealth, Joe the Plumber, and so on, and Barack would just smile and shake his head. Like all he had to say was "During the Charles Keating affair, you were the only one with money on the table" and the game is over. But he didn't go there. Obama told the truth, about McCain's lock-step with George W. Bush and the smoldering ruin that he's leaving America. And the American people responded with a hearty "fuck THAT plan."
Well, the smart parts of America did. A glance at the electoral map shows that there are still pockets of resistance to liberals, black people, educated people, or whatever part of voting for Obama you want to isolate. Maybe some folks liked McCain simply based on his military record. If that's the case, John Kerry with his superior military record should have handed W. his National-Guard-but-never-showed-up ass. Maybe some folks voted for McCain simply based on the conservative position on abortion. Fair, but here's a position on abortion I think a lot of people haven't considered, and it happens to be MY position......if two water-heads couldn't figure out a condom in the back seat of Dad's car on prom night, I DON'T WANT THEM RAISING CHILDREN!
Whatever malady is affecting the folks in the South and that strip of states from Texas to North Dakota (fuck you, I've driven through all of them, so I'll name 'em.....Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas, Nebraska, South Dakota and North Dakota....and I did that WITHOUT a map in front of me), whatever the malady is, the good news is that the smart people of America are going to put people and programs in position to help EVERYONE out of the mess that this country has become. EVERYONE. Everyone is going to be a beneficiary of good, smart government that won't allow the economy to tank, won't allow us to squander money we don't have and young people's lives we'd rather keep in futile wars abroad, won't allow an American city to eat Hurricane Dick and wait around four days to do something about it. And I'm talking to you, Louisiana. How much self-loathing do you have to ever vote Republican again? After George Bush left you swimming in your own shit without lifting a finger? If I lived in New Orleans, I'd rather have a finger cut off than vote Republican.
A criticism of the Democratic party by some commentator on the right was that "They always run a lawyer for President. It's never a common person."
Here's a thought. If I'm going to send someone to Washington, the home of national law and government in this country, maybe I'd like to send someone who has STUDIED LAW AND GOVERNMENT. If I want surgery done, I don't bring in a guy who lays carpet, I call a surgeon. If I want my clogged toilet fixed, I don't bring in a guy who grooms poodles, I call a plumber. And If I want economic advice, I call an economist NOT A FUCKING PLUMBER.
This is how frustrated I've become. My candidate won, and I'm still pissed. Still pissed that the election wasn't a clear-cut landslide, like Reagan-Mondale back in 1984, because there are still pockets of folks in our country who still don't get it. But it's O.K. Because folks like me stepped up and did the right thing, folks like them will get universal health care, decent wages for jobs, a country that is released from the grip of foreign oil, better social standing in the world, and the residual positivity of some racial healing.
And by the way, the flip-side of that racial healing thing is that the bar has been WAY lifted for black folk in America. The old arguments about inequalities and access to opportunity just won't hold anymore. Obama grew up without his father, worked his ass off, and became President of the Harvard Law Review (no small achievement), United States Senator, and now President of the United States. I want to hear "Yes We Can" echoing through the black community for the rest of my life. There's really no reason that I shouldn't hear it, anyway. We've come too far to turn back now.
So I applaud a post-racial America, an America that no longer considers intellectualism to be a bad thing, an America that's ready to build on that bridge to the 21st century that Bill Clinton built and George W. Bush burned. I'm girding myself for the hounding attacks that will surely come from the Right, now that they have a villain to coalesce around. Rush, Hannity, O'Reilly and the rest have four years of material ready to go, and if they try to tear down Obama like they did Bill Clinton, it won't surprise me at all. The only exception being that if they try that shit with Obama, his wife Michelle will be WAY more likely than Hillary to kick off her heels, take her jewelry off, and start kicking a little ass.
In real life, and to be serious to close this up, I have a bi-racial family. My wife is of mixed heritage, and based on our backgrounds, my daughter is Italian, African-American, Isle of St. Croix, and German. She goes to a school that is mostly minority (oxymoron?) and even though she is aware of the difference in races, she perceives no difference in the races, other than the color of their skin. And she's four. And none of her classmates think anything of it, either. Can it be that children are smarter than the voters of Alabama? And white Americans over the age of 65? I'm in Birmingham, Alabama right now, and I know damn well, somewhere in the city today, some cracker asshole made a joke about the huge Obama headline in the paper this morning and everyone getting excited because a black man got a job. And it still galls the piss out of me.
Those racial wounds are old and deep. But they're scabbing up. And one day, they'll dry up and fall off.
God Bless America.
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
did anyone catch why I used a David Bowie song?
I spoke those words to my brother 23 years ago. He was about to fail his senior year in high school because of a missing phys-ed credit. Long story short, he would oversleep because of his job and then wouldn't go to school because of a mandatory detention policy for late arrivals, which would interfere with his after-school job, so some days he just didn't go. Consequently, he wasn't present enough days to get the gym credit, and was looking at the prospect of being held back a year.
I told him to take summer school. They don't offer summer school for phys-ed.
But I told him the line above, about cleaning up our mistakes, and he went back to school and worked out a plan with them. The school let him put time in at the YMCA, and after enough hours to satisfy them, they would award him his diploma, which he did over the summer.
He made the mistake, and then cleaned it up.
Tuesday night, America cleaned up it's mistakes.
In electing Barack Obama the 44th President of the United States, America said "we are ready to fix things."
We are ready to fully anoint African-Americans, not just with cheap, smiling words, but with a real vote of confidence.
We are ready to turn the wheels of government over to individuals who are knowledgeable, who have studied law, who bring real credentials to the table and are ready to govern.
We are ready to offer the rest of the world the assurance that the country which they all look up to and aspire to be, is ready to stop being a bully and ready to start being a trusted ally again.
As much as I support Barack Obama, it is with much shame that I confess that I found many more reasons to vote against his opponent than I found reasons to support him.
From the beginning, the McCain campaign seemed to be waged for all the wrong reasons.
First of all, why was a wealthy, 72-year-old man with 13 cars and eight houses working so hard to apply for a job? Shouldn't he have been contemplating retirement? I'll tell you why he did it; he got boned by Karl Rove and George W. Bush in South Carolina in 2000, and he's been lying in stealth for eight years waiting for his turn, the turn he felt he was cheated out of. I'm sure the eight years weren't easy, but he spent five years in a P.O.W. camp, so I have no doubts about his tenacity.
But that's the wrong reason to want to be President. Bob Dole ran on that bullshit back in 1996, and Bill Clinton slapped him around.
The Sarah Palin pick as VP? I never saw a campaign shoot itself in the foot more deftly since Al Gore thought it would be a good idea to run a Jewish veep (Joe Lieberman) past the deeply Christian voters of the South (and elsewhere....the 13 states of the Confederacy don't have any monopoly on anti-Semitism). The race for the presidency isn't "Take Your Daughter To Work Day." It would be hard to argue that even a featherweight like J. Danforth Quayle wasn't less qualified than the Governor of Alaska. Could the McCain campaign have been saved by a more savvy pick? Absolutely. He could have chosen one of a plethora of rising young stars on the right, or even an old saw like Elizabeth Dole who was a skillful politician until the voters of North Carolina started to wake up and smell the bullshit. Bobby Jindall could have brought some youth and excitement, Mitt Romney would have brought all of his economically conservative supporters, but McCain had to find someone who would whet the Evangelical's whistle after he basically told them to lick his asshole back in 2000. And snake-charming, speaking in tongues Sarah was that gal. It's too bad that the hypocrisy started piling up faster than the lines on her resume; from Troopergate, to the grandchild being born out of wedlock, to the high-end shopping spree, Caribou Barbie went to just plain old "boo" Barbie.
Finally, the campaign of smear and mud that never seemed to end, was just a bad choice. McCain flung the kitchen sink at Obama, but Barack never responded. It is virtually impossible to win a fight with an enemy that will not engage you. McCain would go into a red-faced rant about Jeremiah Wright, William Ayers, Socialism, spread the wealth, Joe the Plumber, and so on, and Barack would just smile and shake his head. Like all he had to say was "During the Charles Keating affair, you were the only one with money on the table" and the game is over. But he didn't go there. Obama told the truth, about McCain's lock-step with George W. Bush and the smoldering ruin that he's leaving America. And the American people responded with a hearty "fuck THAT plan."
Well, the smart parts of America did. A glance at the electoral map shows that there are still pockets of resistance to liberals, black people, educated people, or whatever part of voting for Obama you want to isolate. Maybe some folks liked McCain simply based on his military record. If that's the case, John Kerry with his superior military record should have handed W. his National-Guard-but-never-showed-up ass. Maybe some folks voted for McCain simply based on the conservative position on abortion. Fair, but here's a position on abortion I think a lot of people haven't considered, and it happens to be MY position......if two water-heads couldn't figure out a condom in the back seat of Dad's car on prom night, I DON'T WANT THEM RAISING CHILDREN!
Whatever malady is affecting the folks in the South and that strip of states from Texas to North Dakota (fuck you, I've driven through all of them, so I'll name 'em.....Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas, Nebraska, South Dakota and North Dakota....and I did that WITHOUT a map in front of me), whatever the malady is, the good news is that the smart people of America are going to put people and programs in position to help EVERYONE out of the mess that this country has become. EVERYONE. Everyone is going to be a beneficiary of good, smart government that won't allow the economy to tank, won't allow us to squander money we don't have and young people's lives we'd rather keep in futile wars abroad, won't allow an American city to eat Hurricane Dick and wait around four days to do something about it. And I'm talking to you, Louisiana. How much self-loathing do you have to ever vote Republican again? After George Bush left you swimming in your own shit without lifting a finger? If I lived in New Orleans, I'd rather have a finger cut off than vote Republican.
A criticism of the Democratic party by some commentator on the right was that "They always run a lawyer for President. It's never a common person."
Here's a thought. If I'm going to send someone to Washington, the home of national law and government in this country, maybe I'd like to send someone who has STUDIED LAW AND GOVERNMENT. If I want surgery done, I don't bring in a guy who lays carpet, I call a surgeon. If I want my clogged toilet fixed, I don't bring in a guy who grooms poodles, I call a plumber. And If I want economic advice, I call an economist NOT A FUCKING PLUMBER.
This is how frustrated I've become. My candidate won, and I'm still pissed. Still pissed that the election wasn't a clear-cut landslide, like Reagan-Mondale back in 1984, because there are still pockets of folks in our country who still don't get it. But it's O.K. Because folks like me stepped up and did the right thing, folks like them will get universal health care, decent wages for jobs, a country that is released from the grip of foreign oil, better social standing in the world, and the residual positivity of some racial healing.
And by the way, the flip-side of that racial healing thing is that the bar has been WAY lifted for black folk in America. The old arguments about inequalities and access to opportunity just won't hold anymore. Obama grew up without his father, worked his ass off, and became President of the Harvard Law Review (no small achievement), United States Senator, and now President of the United States. I want to hear "Yes We Can" echoing through the black community for the rest of my life. There's really no reason that I shouldn't hear it, anyway. We've come too far to turn back now.
So I applaud a post-racial America, an America that no longer considers intellectualism to be a bad thing, an America that's ready to build on that bridge to the 21st century that Bill Clinton built and George W. Bush burned. I'm girding myself for the hounding attacks that will surely come from the Right, now that they have a villain to coalesce around. Rush, Hannity, O'Reilly and the rest have four years of material ready to go, and if they try to tear down Obama like they did Bill Clinton, it won't surprise me at all. The only exception being that if they try that shit with Obama, his wife Michelle will be WAY more likely than Hillary to kick off her heels, take her jewelry off, and start kicking a little ass.
In real life, and to be serious to close this up, I have a bi-racial family. My wife is of mixed heritage, and based on our backgrounds, my daughter is Italian, African-American, Isle of St. Croix, and German. She goes to a school that is mostly minority (oxymoron?) and even though she is aware of the difference in races, she perceives no difference in the races, other than the color of their skin. And she's four. And none of her classmates think anything of it, either. Can it be that children are smarter than the voters of Alabama? And white Americans over the age of 65? I'm in Birmingham, Alabama right now, and I know damn well, somewhere in the city today, some cracker asshole made a joke about the huge Obama headline in the paper this morning and everyone getting excited because a black man got a job. And it still galls the piss out of me.
Those racial wounds are old and deep. But they're scabbing up. And one day, they'll dry up and fall off.
God Bless America.
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
did anyone catch why I used a David Bowie song?
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