Raise A Little Hell

Raise A Little Hell                             7747  (967)

Wednesday, May 16, 2007-2:30 A.M.

It is very busy work to be unemployed!

I've been on a tear this week, trying to make up for the lost time I spent dealing with my father's death.  On Monday, I started ripping up the internet, using it for what I felt it was always intended, and that is the world's biggest combination encyclopedia and phone book.  I contacted a room that I've worked before asking for a date, and today I got one, and I sent out one promo package to a booker I never heard of before in the New York/New Jersey area, and they seem to have quite a few rooms that I'd like to play; especially because I never played New Jersey before in 19 years of doing standup comedy.  Yeah, it's official....my standup anniversary is the second week of May, 1988.  Maybe next year I'll do something special to commemorate the occassion.

So last week, I was working with my friend Steve Burr, born in Rochester, NY, but late of Los Angeles, CA.  We were playing the Comix Cafe in Buffalo, NY, and our Thursday show was ruined by game 1 of the NHL playoff series between the Buffalo Sabres and Ottawa Senators.  Instead, the club had dueling pianos, and we stayed home.  We were getting paid the same, but who the hell wants that?

Friday, we had two decent shows, although they weren't packed by any stretch of the imagination.  The highlight of the evening for me was talking to a couple of girls after the first show who made a big deal out of explaining where their army husbands were deployed and how far away those places were.  The one girl had nice tits (read: large), but not nice enough to break a marriage vow over, mine or hers.  Actually, the highlight was a prank that Steve played on me the second show.  I was hanging out in the bar talking with some of the Buffalo local comics, and one of the servers came running out and yelled to me "Steve's getting his ass kicked!  There's a guy on stage!"

Now, I know my friend Steve to be a peaceable guy (who said "fop?") and smart enough to run if things got too hot, but I'm going to get in there anyway just to make sure he's o.k.  I started running into the showroom, which requires you to run around this little tunnel past the box office and on the way, my wedding band fell off and bounced on the ground.  I stopped only for half a second, picked it up, put it back on and gave it a little kiss (as I always do, Pammey, if you're reading this).  Once into the showroom, I saw Steve on stage as though nothing happened, but a large guy from the audience (huge bastard, but young) smiling and walking toward the stage like he was claiming his raffle prize.  That's when I knew it was a prank and we had a little comedic give 'n' take that was actually a lot of fun.

Saturday, we had the Buffalo Sabres game 2 with Ottawa, and the club rented a large screen TV to show the game on, with comedy planned for the two intermission periods.  I didn't think it was going to be such a hot idea, and to be honest, I was right and it couldn't have been any worse.  After the first period, Buffalo scored a late goal to tie it up 2-2.  I went on stage, happy that they weren't trailing anymore, and started doing my show.  A four-top in the front row were arguing over what seemed to be the check, and I thought it unusual that the checks would be dropped so early in the evening.  I tried to get them quieted down by directing some jokes at them, but they kept fussing and sooner or later, Mike the manager came over.  I was no more than two minutes into my set when one of the guys at the table swung at Mike, who then decided to unleash the Irish fury on the guy, yanking him out of the chair and throwing him on stage at my feet.

So during this whole episode, I'm silent....like, what could you say?  And the kid's yelling "Call the police, call the police," like he's not the one who told Mike to suck his dick and then swung at him, and displayed behavior that basically led everyone to believe he wasn't going to pay his bill.  Now, my ten minute set is shot to shit, the room is in disarray, and I'm getting the same attention I would have gotten if I was auctioning off bags of candied bat assholes.  It was horrible.  I soldiered through, but I don't really know what I was expecting.

Next period of hockey, the Sabres sink to a 3-2 deficit.  Now MC Kevin Carlin brings up Steve.  Steve does his thing, but there's a malaise in the room, just a depression.  It's not a comedy club, it's a wake for a professional sports team.  If they lose this one, they're looking at two games in Ottawa and the possibility of getting swept, and who the hell needs that?  So after that, we spent the time chatting with several Buffalo area comics who came out to hang around, including Nick Siracuse (writer for The Arsenio Hall Show and The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and one of the funniest guys I know), Tom Tran and Matt Bergman.

The game is ticking down and I'm seated in the crowd, talking hockey with some of the guys in the front row like I actually know what I'm talking about, and miracle of miracles, the Sabres score, sending the game into overtime!  I begged Mike to let me go back on stage, and he obliged, and I did another 10 minutes, which went well.  I really needed the opportunity to redeem myself, I felt like a sham trying to comedy under the circumstances the first try afforded.

So after one overtime period, there's another intermission, and another comic takes the stage, this time, it's Tom Mahoney, formerly of Buffalo, now living in Florida and up visiting the area.  He did his show, but the crowd was so exhausted, they responded like they were the ones who had been skating around for three hours.  Sadly, the Sabres lost 4-3 after being scored on in the 8th minute of the second overtime, and then they lost again on Monday.  Tomorrow night, they face elimination after winning the most games in the league in the regular season, and surviving two playoff rounds against the New York Rangers and Islanders.

And what about me?  My merchandise sales were killed as the kind comedy loving folks from Buffalo shuffled past me, harboring no interest at all in procuring a souvenir from such a disappointing evening.

Tonight was fun, though, as we bid Steve bon voyage on his way back to Los Angeles.  We had a comedian's supper out at Ponderosa Steakhouse, attended by Rochester's Mike Dambra, Danny Liberto, Mark Wiedmann, Steve and myself.  We enjoyed a tasty repast and good conversation, and then Steve and I headed off to the Comix Cafe for the open mic.  Steve did a great set in the lead-off position, and then headed out with a female acquaintance.  I was hosting so I stayed to the end, bringing some of Rochester's newest comics to the stage, all vying for the big cash prize for the funniest comic.

The rest of the week is mine to decide what I want to do, with two nice local gigs to fill my weekend, and then next week, I could go live on a desert island because nobody's expecting me.  The Cafe mentioned that there might be some work for me in my old position of showroom coordinator, and I might take them up on that to shake the dust off and see if my record still plays.  Plus a little money in my pocket sounds better than sitting home, wishing I was in a club somewhere.  There might even be a guest spot in it for me if I'm really itching for the stage time.  We'll see how that shakes out.

And hey, I don't know if I ever mentioned it, but my webguy Bruce put up some video on my site at www.ralphtetta.com, so check it out if you want.

Peace be with you, and also with you.

Ralph Tetta

Rochester, NY