Who Do You Love

6963  (181)   Who Do You Love

Thursday, February 22, 2007-10:30 A.M.

I have been miserable about keeping up with this blog, so much is happening right now.  I promised an update when I got to Dover, Delaware, and of course that didn't happen, so now I'm wracked with Catholic guilt.  Well, I'm in the lovely condo in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada, and taking advantage of the wireless internet they have here, and I'll get you caught up as best I can.

My sister left Dad's house down in Florida and checked in via e-mail with my brother and me after she got home.  Dad tried walking and actually was able to get up and walk to another chair about four feet away, and then he got brave and tried to move around with my mother's help and wound up falling down.  Hospice brought him a walker to use, but he doesn't seem so keen on using it.  I think he's afraid he'll go down again, and who could blame him for being scared?  A chaplain visited him last week and spoke with him and even though he's never been so concerned with the matters spiritual, he was open to discussion and I thought that was good.  This is a tough journey for Dad and everyone around him that loves him, and he's getting a good amount of visitors which I think is terrific, because he was always a very private person when I was growing up, not so prone to houseguests or entertaining, and I know in his heart, he loves attention as much as anyone but was prone to social awkwardness, which I seem to have inherited in some small way.  I am so thankful that my sister made the trip and I imagine she'll be making another one before I get a chance to go in May.  Dad needs to be around family as much as possible, I think, to make this transition comfortable.  And frankly, I feel like a jackass talking about death as a "comfortable transition," but I don't know if I could cope otherwise.  It's definitely tough for me to handle and accept, and I'm trying to just do the best I can between being concerned for my father and keeping up my day-to-day business.

As far as the tour goes, last week Dover was a trip.  I played at the Dover Downs Hotel and Casino, and it was great from beginning to end.  I rejected my printed driving directions in favor of instinct and wound up in the 'hood section of Dover...I have an uncanny ability to find the worst sections of a city the first time I visit; one time my I went with my father on a delivery to New York City and he wasn't sure which way to turn and I said "turn right" and we wound up in Spanish Harlem.

So I'm driving through the hood and I found a comic book shop, and I went in and got some comics and directions, and come to find out I wasn't too far off base.  I drove up on the hotel and there wasn't any parking that was even close, so I opted for the valet treatment (I was exhausted from the 7-hour drive) and they parked my car and took my bags up to my room....at last, the star treatment that I deserve!  I grabbed a nap and got ready for the show, which turned out to be awesome.  Usually casino shows can be a drag because you're playing in front of a comped crowd who's tired of losing at the slots, so they go take a break to get some ha-ha's, only they're not in a very good mood because they lost their ass.  Not so here at the Comedy Zone, it was an actual pay-at-the-door show, and not only that but they packed the place and it was great!  I started out with cleaner material because the crowd was a little older, but I didn't get my first good pop until I did some blue stuff, and then they went wild.  Well, that was the end of that.  I had a strong show after that and had a lot of good compliments after the show.  After the show, Chris Wiles and I went and got something to eat, and then I showed him the nickel slots.  They didn't have my current favorite, "Deal or No Deal" so I sat down at a Monopoly machine and promptly won $33.70.  That may not seem like a lot until you figure that it's 674 nickels!  And let's face it, I'd rather be a small winner than a loser, big or small.

The next day was a short drive down to Salisbury, Maryland and I spent the day lounging around the hotel like a bum.  I actually don't even remember what I did, but I do know that at one point I had the entire contents of my shoulder bag and luggage spread out all over the bed and bureau, and I think in my fevered mind, I was actually going to figure out things that I could eliminate or pack better to make it lighter.  Long story short, it didn't happen.  I have gotten a lot better in my packing habits for road trips, but I still think there's room for improvement.

The show at Salisbury at the Bottle Factory was a disaster for me.  The audience were talkers, and they tagged every punchline with a comment of their own, which just threw my timing all to shit.  They call their community "Delmarva" because it's the crossroads of Delaware, Maryland and Virgina so I tried to customize a joke to them...I talk about going to South Bend, Indiana where they call it "Michiana" because it's on the border between Michigan and Indiana, and I say that we don't do that anywhere else in the country....I've never gone down south and had someone say "Welcome to Tennesucky!"  Well, apparently, they do do that elsewhere, because this community does it, it's just not as well known.  Well, from there, the floodgates were open and all they wanted to do was talk to me and tag every joke with insipid comments.  One guy got in an argument with me about being a life-long Cleveland Browns fan and when I basically called his team cellar-dwellers, he started bringing up NFL championships from the 50's, shit like that.  It was surreal.  I tried treating them like educated Northeasterners, but they wound up being a bunch of dumb rednecks.  Quite a few people gave me nice comments on the way out, and I was actually funny from time to time during the set, but nowhere near what I expect from myself.  It was chilling for me and even the owner of the club had warned me what to expect beforehand and paid me with no reservations, I felt guilty taking the money because I really didn't feel like I did my job.  I'm still at that stage where I throw a show in the dumper once in a while, and even though it's fairly infrequent, it still feels dirty and horrible.

So now I'm in Ottawa, and was raring to go all week to have a good show and wash the stink off of me from Maryland.  I was supposed to host open mic at the Comix Cafe on Tuesday, but I got a flat tire and had to spend the evening at Dunn Tire getting two new hoofs for my trusty steed, actually my wife's trusty steed.  I got up early and did some housework before packing and heading out, a little nervous about crossing Canadian customs with my working papers.  I had different estimates from anywhere between 20 minutes to an hour, and the whole process took about 10 minutes total.  My paperwork was in order and there were no problems, except I forgot to hit the currency exchange, leaving me with no money for meals or tips. 

Wednesday night is Pro-Am night at Absolute Comedy, and I wound up drawing the closing spot.  A very funny comic named Carrie Gaetz was the mc, and we wound up bonding after she screwed up my intro early in the show, forgetting my name and calling me "Mr. Tetta," like that's gonna bother me....90 minutes later, we were the only two people in the room who remembered it.  Anyway, some of the comics were good, and none of them were really bad, and I had a good time doing the pal-around thing.  One of the comics, a kid named Brett, was doing his last set before leaving for Australia, and about everyone in the room was there to see him.  Afterwards in the bar, there were a huge group of lesbians who I think were Brett's co-workers, and they were drinking like sailors and being quite bawdy, and Jason, the club owner, was hanging around with them, and at one point, one of the most severe butches gave him a tounge kiss and dipped him like a bitch.  Like a true comic, he hammed it up but I think I would have thrown up in my neck a little bit if I was him.

So now that I've had a good night's sleep and caught you up on things, I'm about to go to the bank to obtain some coin of the realm so I can enjoy a semi-regular existence here in the Frozen North.  I have the condo to myself until the other comic or comics get here, so I'm also enjoying my privacy until that comes down.  Until then, it's curling on TV all day and drinking milk from the carton if I want to.  Hooray!

Ralph Tetta

Rochester, NY