Seems Uncertain

Seems Uncertain                            5824  (1884)

Thursday, October 12, 2006-2:15 P.M.

The worst part about being a standup comic, I've come to realize, is the uncertainty of it all.  It's uncertain whether you will get to your show or not, as any kind of weather, road construction, or automobile accident could stop you from getting to the gig, never mind car trouble.  At least car trouble you have somewhat of a manner of control over, if you regularly maintain your vehicle, you should probably make it where you have to go.

It's uncertain that the gig will even happen; cancellations have been the flavor of the month for me, and it's being held over as a flavor for a second month despite my arguments to the contrary.

Finally, it's uncertain that you'll ever be paid for a gig, particularly if you are sent away with a check, or worse yet, the promise of a check.

I had two weeks of October blocked out to work at the new Comix Cafe room in Syracuse.  Only problem was that the room isn't there.  I said "no" to other solid work, because I was specially requested to make myself available.  I made myself available, and wound up sitting on my ass last week.

This week, I actually had work fall from the sky in the form of a new room being run by the former manager of the Lake Ontario Playhouse in Geneva, New York, only to receive a call today that the club isn't opening until January because the hotel that it's in isn't ready to open.  I also got victimized next week by Comedy Zone in the form of a double-booking of the headliner, which meant that the double-booked guy had the option to drop down to feature, which left me out in the cold with my fingerless gloves, singing over a burning trash can and hoping to pick up a token so I could unload ships in the morning.

Well, when a dog's hungry, it's up to his friends to throw him a bone, and my buddies definitely ponied up.  Mike Glosek over at the Cafe' threw me a gig tonight, a private party entertaining a businessman's bachelors club (a little less fun than it sounds) where I basically would do a joke and then listen to 30 guys yell epithets at each other.  The biggest laugh I got was when I told the oldest guy in the room that I was going to rub my balls on his head, but that I had hairy balls and I didn't want the hairs to be lonely (he was balding) and I think he called me a cunt.  They definitely wanted the abuse, but I wasn't completely into that.  I did my time, grabbed the check and scrammed.

I headed immediately to the Comedy Company open mic at Slammer's Bar and Grill, hosted by Danny Liberto, and I signed up on the big list.  When I arrived at the bar, the total number of comics in the room doubled.  By the end of the show, there were five of us total, including longtime comedy pal Tim Thomas, Joe Cumbo, Danny Brown, a new kid from Buffalo, and a guy I met at the Comix Cafe last night (open mic canceled due to no crowd showing up).  There was a $50 cash prize, which I won, and I think that it was no coincidence that Danny was familiar with my tale of woe, because to be honest, he could have thrown the prize to any one of us as the responses were all very similar...it's hard to rock a room that is straining to maintain double-digit attendance at any given time when people are getting up two-by-two to go outside and smoke.  Anyway, Danny is a righteous guy and alright by me.  We traded war stories before the show and I appreciated the opportunity to pick up the money, which may be the difference between me making it to my next gig or not.

So I played in front of white-collar and blue-collar in the same night, and wound up making the best money of the week.  I scored an mc spot at the Cafe on Thursday and Sunday due to a scheduling change (a guy went over his time, stole material from numerous sources and got booted), so there's another 60 bucks into the coffers to play with.  Next week, I'm in the same predicament, and I had to ask my good friend Ray Salah to do me the favor and step aside from an mc week that I scheduled him for so I could make the money.  He obliged, knowing full well that I have a wife and child who depend on me, but it was an ugly feeling all around.  I don't like being canceled, and I don't like doing it to others, especially friends.  It's good to have them, though, because they help you get through the hard times.

I guess this is what they would call a "starving artist" period, which is funny, because I have work the rest of the year, it's just these three weeks off in a row that are kicking my ass, and also despite the Comedy Zone canceling me next week, the owner of the agency called me, gave me three days as an add-on toa week in December, and then his partner called me the next day and gave me 15 weeks of work for 2007.  Also, I'm still waiting on a check for a gig that I performed two weeks ago, and it still hasn't come.  I called the agency, and didn't get a live person, so it could be in the mail, or hasn't been sent yet, or I can go pound rock salt.  I have no idea!  It's either feast or famine, and I really wish things would even out and become somewhat manageable or predictable, but uncertainty is the name of the game.

Ralph Tetta

Rochester, NY