Road To Rhode Island

Road To Rhode Island                       4930  (970)

Monday, July 3, 2006-1:45 P.M.

Happy early 4th of July, everyone, and to my non-American friends, Happy 4th of July to you, too!  I hurt all over today, and that's usually the sign of a fun weekend when you're close to 40.

Headliner Joel Lindley and I had two shows Saturday night, and we planned on driving home overnight so that we could attend family functions on Sunday, so we packed up the car and checked out of the hotel and headed over to the Lincoln Park Casino, home of Catch A Rising Star, in anticipation of our two shows.  There was a problem, though, when we missed our exit and wound up nowhere near where we wanted to be...we knew were in trouble when we saw the sign "Welcome to Massachusetts."  We turned around and made it to the casino, and I got into the showroom just a few minutes after the mc, Frank O'Donnell, had taken the stage.

The first show was a catastrophe, a small crowd filled with old people who really had no interest in seeing comedy unless we were Red Skelton or Abbott and Costello.  I wound up speaking to a middle-aged couple who were pleased as punch that I was from Rochester, NY, because their daughter was a lawyer in Rochester.  It was like an old people's luncheon, where everyone politely listened to you until it was their turn to brag about their children and grandchildren.

Second show was better, and I broke my merchandise drought.  I got good reviews from Jim, the club manager, who promised to bring me back in a better-attended week.  After the show, Joel and I changed into driving clothes and hit the road.  The club paid me by check, which I never enjoy, but it was a Bank of America check, and there are branches here in Rochester, so I'm gonna cash that puppy today.  It almost left me a little cash-strapped, and Joel and I had worked it out where he was paying for the gas and tolls on the way in, and I was responsible on the way back.  After buying a Snapple at a rest stop on the New York State Thruway and covering my gas and toll obligations, I returned home with exactly one dollar in my pocket.  Cash is the road comic's friend!

Joel Lindley gets the "Ralph Tetta Ironman Driving award" for making the entire 6-hour drive without so much as a yawn.  We listened to the Howard Stern channel on Sirius the whole way, taking short breaks to listen to Art Bell.  Stern had a guest on named "High Pitched Mike" who was going to allow a man who had a sex-change operation into a woman sit on his face for a minute and ten seconds in return for a 60-inch TV.  I almost threw up into my hands just listening to it.  I was never a big Howard Stern fan, but I understand the attraction.

We rolled into Rochester around 5 AM, and I transferred my luggage to my car and got home and in bed by just a little after 6.  My wife let me sleep in a little, but I had to get up and go purchase picnic supplies.  I loaded a cart with burgers, hots, chips, charcoal, lighter fluid, ice and condiments and headed out to the Oatka Creek Lodge, where we have picniced for the last couple of years.  We had a great turnout, with local comics Mike Dambra, Dan Liberto, Steve Natarelli and Annette Lorenzo in attendance.  We even had an appearance from my old boss, Ed Bebko, who brought his mother Stella to the festivities.  It was a great day filled with food and fun, and my daughter Harmony got to pet some horses, courtesy of some riders from the area who happened by.  Harmony ran and ran and ran, and collapsed for a little nap.  By that time, I'd grilled dozens of burgers and hots, played a round of bocce with the comics (Natarelli and I lost to the Dambra/Liberto team 21-15), and I was ready for a nap myself.

I have most of this week off, with only a couple of social engagements to keep me from just laying in bed, and one gig Friday night up in Brashers Falls, New York, which will also keep me from being broke.  My mom heads back to Florida in a week, so we'll have some family fun days, going to the park with the baby and enjoying the Summer, something I never put much value in, but as I've aged, I've started to understand the importance.

Have a great week, play safely if you're using firecrackers or fireworks, and enjoy the Summer!

Ralph Tetta

Rochester, NY