The Rising

The Rising                     5134  (1184)

Wednesday, July 26, 2006-5:45 A.M.

I am right where I think I should be.

I'm perched in front of my laptop, up hours before I rightfully should, listening to a Springsteen CD while my wife and daughter sleep.  The only thing I'm missing is a bottle of whiskey and a small rocks glass filled with melting ice, but adult onset diabetes took care of that a couple of years ago.

My cat is looking at me with his one good eye; he's seen me burn the midnight oil before, typing at the keyboard and sweating despite the wobbly ceiling fan.

I haven't written for a week; I've been busy bangin' the bongos, trying to fill in comedy work for September and beyond.  The upside of the summer and having my mother in town was the downside of not really having any "office time" to make the phone calls and book work.  This sort of thing happened to me a couple of years ago; I worked so much in September, October, November and December that I didn't make any phone calls, and I starved in January and February.

The good news is that I filled in my September, and October seems to be taking care of itself.  The bad news is that I'm getting some attitude from my lovely wife because the work will carry me away for two and a half weeks.  I've managed to route the work so that I will head off to the prairies for a couple of weeks, and I'll be able to lodge myself on the off nights for free or discounted rates through hotels that I have arrangements with, so travel will not take the normal big bite out of the money that it normally does.  My wife is hearing none of it, and demands that I either cancel the work or prepare to take her and Harmony with me.  Well, that's not going to happen, especially after a long road trip to Florida (which they will accompany me on).  My wife doesn't have a very good track record for just getting up and getting in the car for a long drive, much less with a little peanut baby that has to be fed and diapered with inconvenient frequency.  For the Florida trip, I picture my head exploding somewhere around the fourth day, and we don't arrive at my father's until the fifth.  Oh well....I'll burn that bridge when I come to it.

Last week was an interesting one; the second night at the Cleveland Improv, the mc seemed tobe struggling a bit, and Mark, the manager, came over to me and said "It's up to you to get them back."  I went up and did a good, high-energy set, and it was pretty blue, to be honest, but it did the job.  I got a good amount of praise from the staff, who enjoyed me.  I'm looking forward to going back in August and doing a not so dirty set, really showing off what I can do.

The couch at the Improv condo was relentless, and I wound up waking a couple of hours before my alarm.  We had jury-rigged a covering over the window so that the 5:30 sunrise wouldn't have woken me early, but come to find out it didn't make much difference.  Mike Dambra, my travelling partner for the week, woke up on time, we grabbed showers and packed out our suitcases and scrammed for Grand Rapids.  I was pretty beat, but the drive wasn't very long and with the help of some energy drinks and a Burger King breakfast, we made it to the hotel around 2:00.

We had trouble checking in as the club was under new management, and the new people forgot to make reservations for us.  A quick phone call to the booking agent set the cogs in motion, and we were able to get rooms, but Mike's room already had someone in it!  Needless to say, he wasn't pleased.  Mike can get pretty cranky with stuff like that, whereas I try to roll with the punches, although I definitely have my days, so I'm not going to say that I'm perfect, either.

Well, gentle reader, once we got the hotel thing situated, we went out to grab some lunch, and then hit a used CD store (where I bought the Springsteen CD I'm listening to), and then it was back to the hotel for a nap.  Long story short, I take a medication called Metformin to counter the sugar in my blood and my body's reluctance to produce insulin.  I must have screwed up and taken it both before and after lunch, because the effects I experienced later were anything but typical.

It was open mic night at Dr. Grins, and the plan was for eight open mic comics to go up before myself and Mike, along with an mc.  I felt fine until it was my turn, and when I hit the stage, all the energy rushed out of my body.  I felt tired and started doing my act, although very slowly, and couldn't seem to get back to my regular pace.  At one point, my knees buckled.  I didn't know it at the time, but I was suffering from low blood sugar.

I finished, and even though it was a good show, it could have been way better.  Mike and I stopped off at a Meijer's to get some ones and twos items, and I lost him in the store.  I had him paged and had a babbling conversation with the front end clerk, who I don't think knew what to make of me, but she was polite nonetheless.  Mike and I wound up getting food at Wendy's, and headed back to the hotel.  Two hours after eating, I checked my blood and found my sugar level (which should have been elevated by the food) to be about 85...normal for me rides somewhere around 120.  I can't even imagine how low it was when I was on stage!  The worst part of it was that I drove all the way to the club and hung out for the first 40 minutes of the show and felt fine, and then BAM, I was a mess.

The next morning, Mike had radio, which I declined, and I guess he told the story of chasing me through Meijers, and all the jocks wanted to do was call my cell phone and destroy me on the radio.  I was a little pissed off by that...I don't want any special treatment, but I think not hanging me out to dry on a syndicated radio show is the least I could ask.  I'm not the best at receiving the ball-busting, so I guess I'm lucky that Mike didn't give them my name; it definitely could have turned ugly.

Friday's show was worlds better, as I was more stable.  I even managed a 30-minute excercise session after lunch, hiking along while watching Israeli bombs obliterating Arab targets on CNN.  I did well, even though I only got 20 minutes, but sold some CDs and DVDs after the show.

Saturday, Mike had a guest come in, a girl he was pen-pals with for the last 30 years.  We got to the club early, which is in a big warehouse facility with multiple nightclubs and restaurants all in one.  I told Mike I was going to grab a table in the Italian restaurant so that he could meet up with his friend and her husband without my interruption.

I sat at my table way in the back by the windows, and made some phone calls and sipped a Diet Coke.  After a while, I noticed a presence off to my side, and I looked up to see a man and woman smiling at me, just standing there.  I didn't know if they were guests from one of the previous nights' shows, but they definitely seemed to know who I was, and I sheepishly said "hello"and waited for them to announce themselves.  The girl said "Mike?" and I realized that it was Dambra's friends, and they must have asked the maitre'd if there was a comedian holding a table.  There was, but it wasn't the one they were looking for!  I called Mike on my cell phone, and we all wound up having dinner together anyway.

Mike's friends were very nice, and they stayed for the show, and when I did the pre-show announcement on the offstage mic (I helped out in that capacity all weekend), I added little nuances like "Welcome to the Mike Dambra show!" to impress his guests.  Mike isn't very good at self-promotion, and even at dinner when he told a story about how he met Pamela Anderson in Toronto at the Canadian comedy walk of fame ceremonies, he blew it off like he was telling someone he had lunch with me.  I wanted to spice things up a bit, which come to find out, really wasn't necessary, because his friends were duly impressed regardless.

We did the second show and then drove home overnight, an 8-hour trip through Canada that I've done more times than I can count, and the driving was easy until a truck-stop breakfast sandwich and three shots of Tequila caught up with Mike, and he almost crapped himself at a rest area at Ingersoll, east of London, Ontario.  I waited dutifully while he evacuated his bowels and chuckled a little as each guest entered and quickly exited the washroom...it was pretty funny.  I've been there, and it's no fun, and I felt that karma had vindicated me over the Meijer's story.  We laughed almost all the way to the border.  The driving was hellacious, with thick fog (the product of hot days and cold nights) obscuring my sight until the morning sun started burning it away.

This week, Mike and I are co-headlining at the Comix Cafe in Rochester, our home club.  I was supposed to be headlining the show, but Mike was unemployed so I took a pay cut and we bumped the middle act.  It should be a fun time; Mike draws really well in Rochester, whereas I used to run the joint, so everyone's seen me a hundred times.  I'll bring out the new stuff, do some political, and just generally use the time to have some fun on a stage that's like a second home to me.  The following week, I'll be there again, just on the weekend, opening for Aries Spears, which should be a nice "close to home" gig before the big Florida trip.

O.K., I've written enough.  I'm heading back to sleep, and if anything exciting happens, I'll let you know.

Have a great week, and remember, food BEFORE booze!

Ralph Tetta

Rochester, NY

Working For The Weekend

Working For The Weekend                            5053  (1103)

Wednesday, July 19, 2006-12:10 P.M.

It was a hard night on the couch here in the condo of the Cleveland Improv.  I'm travelling with headliner Mike Dambra (www.myspace.com/picklesplace) and we're joined by old Rochester standby Jeremy Schachter (www.myspace.com/standupjeremy) .  Mike and I play Grand Rapids, Michigan on Thursday, but he had two nights of headlining at the Improv, so I tagged along, looking to do a showcase spot or two.

We made it to the club and picked up keys to the condo, which is only a short walk across the parking lot, and hooked up with J-Shack at the condo.  We caught up on gossip, stories and the like, and then got changed into our show clothes and headed over to the club.

Mario, the club manager, graciously offered me a guest spot, which I enthusiastically accepted.  I had showcased for Mario many moons ago, but never quite caught up with him on the phone or e-mail to schedule work.  Finally, a month or two ago, I scheduled some work in September.  I still wanted to go up and do a spot, just to keep myself fresh in everyone's mind.  Also, the spot I did way back when was mottled with hecklers and really didn't allow me to show off my set in it's best light.

Well, long story short, the show went great, and I wound up getting some more work out of the deal.  The wisdom is true, if you want to be a comedian, go perform in comedy clubs.  I sometimes poo-poo the notion of doing unpaid spots because I've got a family to support and I really can't just pick up and go work for free, but this instance showed that sometimes you have to bite the bullet and go show the decision-makers what you've got.  I'm glad I did it, and that circumstances allowed me to do so.  It's gonna be a little rough surviving on what little money I've got (only did one one-nighter last week) and I'm not looking at any real pay until Saturday night, unless merchandise sales save my ass Thursday or Friday, but I should be o.k.

In other news, the comedy wheel keeps spinning around; I lost a weekend in August down in Johnson City, Tennesee, but I picked up a full week inSeptember in North Dakota and Minnesota.  So, net/net, I'm up for the day.  Still, it was pretty demoralizing to lose work right out of the gate, and then have it "replaced" a few hours later.  No wonder I have high blood pressure!

I'm surprised I slept at all last night.  Young Jeremy, Michael and I stayed up and talked comedy business until 2:00 in the morning.  I think we all would have talked longer (well, Shachter and I would have), but we ran out of gas.  I slept on the wretched condo sofa, staring out the untreated factory-style window of the condo, looking out onto the Cleveland "Flats" and the lights of the western part of the city, knowing full well that the morning sun was going to wake me long before I was ready for waking.

It did.

I remedied the situation by turning my face toward the back of the couch, putting the thought of all the asses that have parked there out of my mind, and woke a few hours later after the sun had risen and baked me to perfection.  I was so hot I woke up!  Tonight, I'm going to definitely try to tack up a sheet or something to cover that window, because I've got driving to do Thursday morning, and I'm not interested in doing it on 4 hours of sleep.

Here's hoping your week is restful and cool.

Ralph Tetta

Rochester, NY

Superman

Superman                             5033  (1073)

Sunday, July 16, 2006-12:45 P.M.

Pammie had work yesterday and I didn't, so I watched Harmony for most of the day.  That little girl is pretty amazing.  Mama Davis watched her while I took Pam's car into the shop, and I had a good 3-hour-plus wait, so I ambled on over to the theater and caught "Superman Returns."

I'm not going to bore you with my prognosis of the film, suffice to say that I describe it as the story of a guy who needs a blood transfusion, and the only person who has his same rare blood type is his long-lost brother, and he lives, and I go through a long dissertation of how they find the brother, but there's no surprise, because you know it's gonna be the brother.  And I take over two and half hours to tell you this.

What disturbed me about the film, though, is the centerpiece; an article written by Lois Lane after Superman's disappearance titled "Why The World Doesn't Need Superman."  It's an obvious grudge piece written by a dumped female after a "love 'em and leave 'em" soiree with the Man of Steel, and she supposedly wins a Pulitzer Prize for her efforts.

The mangling of the Superman mythology is contemptible, to say the least, and this article is the unkindest cut of all.

I am a comic book collector and fan, which means I've spent no small amount of my life studying this stuff.  I love the characters, and have for 30 years or more, and as an adult, the love has changed from childish hero worship to something different.  It may be hard to explain, but I'm going to make an effort if you'll allow me.

Superman was created back in the 30's, 1938 to be exact, just after the Great Depression, by a couple of Jewish kids, Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster.  Marvelous storytellers, the Jews, that they concocted a story that has survived almost 70 years and become the most repeated tale in the world.  Superman is Kal-El, son of Jor-El, a respected scientist on the planet Krypton, a world revolving around a red sun, with heavier gravity than ours on Earth.  After years of polluting their planet, forces at the world's core threatened the destruction and explosion of the planet Krypton, and Jor-El's warnings go unheaded by the mass populace.

Jor-El, realizing that his world and people are doomed, loads his infant son into a rocket ship and launches him into space.  Krypton explodes, the remnants of the world becoming Kryptonite, a radioactive substance that is the only thing Superman is powerless against.  The rocket ship lands in a Kansas cornfield, and Kal-El is found by a couple, Jonathan and Martha Kent.  They raise him as their own, and as the child grows, they learn that he has powers and abilities much different from any Earthman.

Being good midwestern folk, Jonathan and Martha instill Kal-El with good Christian values (they were probably Lutheran, based on surnames and where they lived), and explained that he needed to defend the weak, to look out for others who couldn't defend themselves.

Coming off the Depression, you can imagine that there were a lot of folks who felt like a guy like Superman would have been pretty handy, and the character's popularity soared.  During the Second World War, Superman suited up and fought the Nazis, more so than bank robbers or mad scientists, and he looked up from his four-color pages and implored folks to recycle, buy war bonds, and support the war effort.

Superman continues to exist, preaching a lesson by example of the virtues of doing good for the sake of it, looking out for the weak, the lesser abled, and standing as a bastion of truth, justice and the American way.

That Superman has been compared to Jesus, a savior, is no mistake.  The movie makes that parallel, and the topic has been discussed over and over.  The comparison of a father sending his only son to Earth to help is cut and dried, with no extension of supposition, and all the more interesting in light of his creators' Jewish background.

Superman spawned a pantheon of heroes, many of whom have graced the silver and small screen; Batman, Daredevil, Spiderman, Wonder Woman, The Hulk, The Fantastic Four, The Punisher and more.  Times always contain plenty of trouble, trouble enough that us "normal" human folk could use heroes to look up to, to inspire us, to give us hope.

The simple fact of the matter, is that they don't exist; I've always wondered why not, with the technology we have in place, a Batman or an Iron Man would be possible, if not probable.  But what we do have are heroes of a more garden variety.  Our policemen, firefighters, military personnel, doctors, scientists who toil to eliminate disease, teachers andchild care people, and the list goes on and on.

We also have a list of villains in the world, and while they aren't as flashy as The Joker, Green Goblin, Dr. Doom or Lex Luthor, they are just as dangerous and need to be taken down.  The list is sickening to consider, but must be exposed, must be talked about; evil can only flourish in the dark...it cannot stand the light.

How about this for starters?  Anyone who preys on children, sexual predators, child pornographers, manufacturers of unhealthy food marketed to children, companies that poison the air and water, companies that don't provide healthy work conditions for their workers, companies that price gouge for necessities of life like medicine or gasoline, companies that move jobs to foreign countries and put American workers on the welfare roles while paying those foreign nationals a starvation wage?   I'll raise you crooked politicians, crooked cops, and that guy from "Girls Gone Wild" who gets young drunk girls to act like whores, and anyone who works for him.  For good measure, I'll throw in anyone who lies for personal gain, companies who sell products that promise weight loss, hair growth or penile enlargement, products that usually come in capsule form, and prey on the hopes of our vanities.  I'll end my list (but the list doesn't end here) with warmongers, companies who profit from war and encourage it, people who fight rather than use diplomacy, hate based on religious or national tradition, and anyone who looks the other way when obvious injustices occur.  And people who exploit or neglect the aged.

I'd rather fight Captain Cold, Braniac, The Sandman and Kraven the Hunter single-handedly than stand by and let these pieces of human garbage continue to torment us and make our world a lesser place to live.

These villains sometime seem unapproachable, and one man who can't fly, deflect bullets and see through solid walls can feel that he has no hope in defeating them.  But all it takes for evil to flourish in the world is for good people to do nothing.

It's hard to take up an activist's turn at the wheel, with regular life to contend with.  We all have to pay bills, tend to our families, and in hard times, run as fast as we can to stay in the same place.  There isn't time to take up arms, and all we can do is pray that good will finally vanquish evil.  We vote our conscience, use our dollars to support businesses that do the right thing, recycle, and try to live lives of moral consequence.  That should be enough, if everyone were participating.

The trick is to shake off the hypnosis that we are powerless, that we weren't imbued by our Creator with great powers and that we can't make a difference.  Everyone is talented, in some area, and the use of that talent (or not) can make all the difference in the world.  We need to be inspired to use those talents, to take up arms in the face of reckless odds, to decide to make a difference and to be Supermen and Wonder Women, to fight evil and make a difference.

We need Superman, now more than ever.  And we need him to be us.  I am thankful that those heroes exist, to remind me and inspire me to be greater than I am.

How about you?

Ralph Tetta

Rochester, NY

Summertime Blues

Summertime Blues                 5020  (1060)

Friday, July 14, 2006-4:45 P.M.

It's unavoidable...summertime cancellations.  I've been very lucky the past few years, booking more or less "sure shot" clubs for the summer, because it's much easier to replace fallouts in the colder seasons, but this year, the chips just fell the way they did.

I was supposed to be performing at Cozzy's in Newport News, Virginia this weekend, but a double-booking accident (not on my part) left me out in the cold.  I was looking forward to going back to Cozzy's, because the last time I was there, a massive car accident on I-95 kept me from making the Friday show until just a few minutes after the show ended, breaking a years-long string I had going of always making it to the show.  I worked the two Saturday shows, and in an amazing show of charity and good will, Lorraine Cosgrave, the owner of the club, awarded me full pay for the weekend.  Never you mind that she had to pay for a substitute to fill in for me on Friday; I tried giving the money back, but she wasn't having it.

I'd been calling the club since about 5:30 in the afternoon, warning that I didn't think I was going to make it, since traffic was at a stand-still coming out of D.C....come to find out, there was a terrible accident on I-95, and they were closing the southbound lane (my lane, to be precise) to land medivac helicopters.  I had to drive all the way back into D.C. and take an alternate route to I-95 to bypass the accident, and by then it was just way too late.

I've been wanting to get back to the club to get the monkey off my back; I haven't been able to secure a rebooking in over a year, and I'm confident that it's fallout from my last engagement. I hate having stuff like that hanging over my head, particularly when it's stuff I have no control over.  The previous time I played the club, I did great and got a bonus, so I always held on to the possibility that I just wasn't aggressive enough about securing a rebooking, but comics aren't famous for toting around bags of self-confidence.

So, I guess the monkey is going to stay put, and I'll have to put this weekend to other use.  I got some stage time in the form of an American Diabetes Association benefit last night with longtime comedy buddies Danny Liberto and Tiny Glover.  The event was coordinated by Julie Donofrio, a student of the three of ours from back when we taught a comedy class together, and she also performed.  The crowd wasn't very big, but the room wasn't big either, and we raised a few hundred bucks for the cause.  It was certainly better than sitting around and not performing, given the cancellation for the weekend.

I'm looking forward to next week, with performances at both the Cleveland Improv and Dr. Grins in Grand Rapids, Michigan.  It's a good long road week before a headlining stint at my home club in Rochester, and then a little rest before my annual Florida summer tour.

I may try to book some work for the winter, if the conflict in the Middle East doesn't blow up the world first. 

Have a great weekend.

Ralph Tetta

Rochester, NY

Vacation

Vacation                                    4981  (1021)

Monday, July 10, 2006-9:00 A.M.

What a summer so far.  I usually just try to keep working through the summer, no mean feat in comedy, but this year, I decided to let the chips fall where they may and maybe enjoy some leisure time for a change.

I always considered the concept of "leisure time" as more important to the regular working slobs of the world...the folks who wake to an alarm clock, have to juggle their dayrunners to make afternoon doctor's appointments, and expect to eat dinner at the same time every day and then unwind with three to four hours of T.V. at night.

You know, losers.

I guess after 50 weeks of that horseshit, you would need two weeks off to go load up a camper and go sit by a lake or a river, or whatever mosquito farm is most relevant to that kind of activity.  And when you get back home from your two weeks away, you need a vacation week just to re-adjust, to get back into the swing of things, and Monday morning comes down like Thor's hammer.

You can have it.

I wake up whenever the hell I wake up, and then go do whatever it is I want.  My job *is* a vacation, and I go wherever I please.  If I want to see the nation's capitol, I schedule work near Washington.  If I want to see the country, I book gigs in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.  If I want to go to Mardi Gras, I book shows near New Orleans.  I don't need a vacation from my job, and I look at everyone else as suckers.  I remember seeing an interview with Eddie Murphy years ago, and he said "Find a job that you love, and you'll never have to go to work."

Friday night, my mom accompanied me to Brashers Falls, NY (it's pronounced BRAY-Shers, I found out) and the Northern Lights Night Club where I was performing with Carol Pennington, head cheese over at Hysterical Management in Cleveland, Ohio.  It was a nice day for a drive through Northern New York, resplendent with all the cowshit you could smell.  Whether it was fertilizer or the smell of livestock, in some places, the scent was so strong, it changed the flavor of my drink.

The show was well-attended, with about 170 people from various towns around the county, and I had a really good show; so good, in fact, that Carol announced to me offstage, and then during her set on stage, that I was being moved up to close.  It's a big deal for me, as I'm making baby steps toward becoming a full-fledged headliner, and I like the fact that it's happening this way, good and organic, rather than me pushing or promoting myself.  I believe in letting my work do the talking and let the booking agents make the decision for themselves.  I have no lack of confidence in my abilities, but I understand that different agents have different standards, and I want them to be comfortable with their decision to move me up.  If I have nothing else, I have patience, and it's beginning to pay off.

Saturday, we did the social butterfly thing, making appearances at our friend Maria's son's birthday party, and then off to the Annette Lorenzo estate to celebrate the graduation of her daughter, Krystal.  Everything was great until Harmony did the "cranky two-year-old" thing and we had to split, but that ate up most of the day.  We headed home, and everyone took a nap but me.  I decided to head down to the Comix Cafe, my home club, and catch the late show.  I wasn't planning on doing a guest set, but dressed appropriately, and the first thing they said to me when I walked in was, "Wanna do a guest set?"

I grabbed a few minutes of stage time and hung out with Danny Liberto, Joel Lindley and Pat Duffy, the comics on the bill this week.  The crowd was typical summer stuff, lots of young kids and not a full house, but we had fun with them.  I stayed until a kid from the audience started challenging me in the bar, telling me (in Drunkenese) that he was funnier than me, and that if he stood side-by-side with me on the stage, he could be funnier than me.  Somewhere in the challenge, he dropped his beer and lost all of it, and that's pretty much when I told him I would fuck his mother in front of him and wipe my dick off on his face.  I have no tolerance for drunks, especially of the part-time comic variety.

Sunday was a nice cookout at my brother's house in Syracuse, celebrating his 38th birthday, and the last chance for mom to see her grandkids before heading back to Florida.  We had a nice time and the weather held up fine, and then it was back home to wind things up from Mom's visit, get her time to pack, and get a good night's sleep before getting her off to the airport this morning.  It wasn't so much a tear-stained goodbye, as we'll be seeing her in just a few weeks when Pam, Harmony and I make our way down to Florida for a few weeks of work I've scheduled down there.  It'll be nice, because Dad hasn't seen the baby yet, and she's almost 2 1/2, so it's high time that I made the introduction.

This week, I've got a good slate of comedy on the schedule...a Diabetes fundraiser on Thursday, and then Friday and Saturday at Cozzy's comedy club in Newport News, Virginia.  Cozzy's is a neat little weekend room, and it's always a fun time.  The fact that I'm working with my good friend Mike Dambra is just a bonus.  I get to work with Mike the week after, as well, with a couple of days at the Cleveland Improv before heading to Grand Rapids, Michigan and a three-day stand at Dr. Grin's.  Then it's a full week of headlining shows at the Comix Cafe in Rochester, a week I'm very excited about, and the Saturday afternoon is a bonus, because I'll be attending Steve Natarelli's Redneck Luau.  I get to work *and* have a social life!

God, I love my job!

Ralph Tetta

Rochester, NY

Road To Rhode Island

Road To Rhode Island                       4930  (970)

Monday, July 3, 2006-1:45 P.M.

Happy early 4th of July, everyone, and to my non-American friends, Happy 4th of July to you, too!  I hurt all over today, and that's usually the sign of a fun weekend when you're close to 40.

Headliner Joel Lindley and I had two shows Saturday night, and we planned on driving home overnight so that we could attend family functions on Sunday, so we packed up the car and checked out of the hotel and headed over to the Lincoln Park Casino, home of Catch A Rising Star, in anticipation of our two shows.  There was a problem, though, when we missed our exit and wound up nowhere near where we wanted to be...we knew were in trouble when we saw the sign "Welcome to Massachusetts."  We turned around and made it to the casino, and I got into the showroom just a few minutes after the mc, Frank O'Donnell, had taken the stage.

The first show was a catastrophe, a small crowd filled with old people who really had no interest in seeing comedy unless we were Red Skelton or Abbott and Costello.  I wound up speaking to a middle-aged couple who were pleased as punch that I was from Rochester, NY, because their daughter was a lawyer in Rochester.  It was like an old people's luncheon, where everyone politely listened to you until it was their turn to brag about their children and grandchildren.

Second show was better, and I broke my merchandise drought.  I got good reviews from Jim, the club manager, who promised to bring me back in a better-attended week.  After the show, Joel and I changed into driving clothes and hit the road.  The club paid me by check, which I never enjoy, but it was a Bank of America check, and there are branches here in Rochester, so I'm gonna cash that puppy today.  It almost left me a little cash-strapped, and Joel and I had worked it out where he was paying for the gas and tolls on the way in, and I was responsible on the way back.  After buying a Snapple at a rest stop on the New York State Thruway and covering my gas and toll obligations, I returned home with exactly one dollar in my pocket.  Cash is the road comic's friend!

Joel Lindley gets the "Ralph Tetta Ironman Driving award" for making the entire 6-hour drive without so much as a yawn.  We listened to the Howard Stern channel on Sirius the whole way, taking short breaks to listen to Art Bell.  Stern had a guest on named "High Pitched Mike" who was going to allow a man who had a sex-change operation into a woman sit on his face for a minute and ten seconds in return for a 60-inch TV.  I almost threw up into my hands just listening to it.  I was never a big Howard Stern fan, but I understand the attraction.

We rolled into Rochester around 5 AM, and I transferred my luggage to my car and got home and in bed by just a little after 6.  My wife let me sleep in a little, but I had to get up and go purchase picnic supplies.  I loaded a cart with burgers, hots, chips, charcoal, lighter fluid, ice and condiments and headed out to the Oatka Creek Lodge, where we have picniced for the last couple of years.  We had a great turnout, with local comics Mike Dambra, Dan Liberto, Steve Natarelli and Annette Lorenzo in attendance.  We even had an appearance from my old boss, Ed Bebko, who brought his mother Stella to the festivities.  It was a great day filled with food and fun, and my daughter Harmony got to pet some horses, courtesy of some riders from the area who happened by.  Harmony ran and ran and ran, and collapsed for a little nap.  By that time, I'd grilled dozens of burgers and hots, played a round of bocce with the comics (Natarelli and I lost to the Dambra/Liberto team 21-15), and I was ready for a nap myself.

I have most of this week off, with only a couple of social engagements to keep me from just laying in bed, and one gig Friday night up in Brashers Falls, New York, which will also keep me from being broke.  My mom heads back to Florida in a week, so we'll have some family fun days, going to the park with the baby and enjoying the Summer, something I never put much value in, but as I've aged, I've started to understand the importance.

Have a great week, play safely if you're using firecrackers or fireworks, and enjoy the Summer!

Ralph Tetta

Rochester, NY

Hot Water

Hot Water                                   4913  (953)

Saturday, July 1, 2006-10:40 A.M.

Good morning from Providence, Rhode Island.  I'm in the Ocean State, and have so far made no Peter Griffin sightings, although I might actually be turning some heads in that respect...the first day I was here, I wore a white shirt and green pants, but couldn't pull off the "chin dimple" thing.

I'm working at Catch A Rising Star, which is located in the Lincoln Park Casino, with headliner Joel Lindley.  Joel is best known for his appearances on Conan O'Brien and the Bob and Tom radio program, where they play his phone prank CD.  We made it here from Rochester (where we both currently live) in just under six hours, and we did one show Thursday night and one show last night.  The Thursday show was pretty weak, but we didn't expect 4th of July attendance to be very good, anyway.  The show was hosted by a local guy who won an open mic contest, so he was doing mostly material rather than "crowd warmup" stuff.  I delivered my feature set in a mostly conversational style to pick up the slack from that, and kept it relatively clean as not to offend the older folks in attendance.  It went well, but merchandise sales were nil, because casino audiences don't buy souvenirs.  It's usually the losers who show up to the show, the winners are still in the casino, gambling away.  Also, older people don't have CD players, or they have no desire to use the one that came with the car they bought and never drive.

Last night's show, we had Frank O'Donnell, a comedy professional, as our mc, and it made a big difference.  He ran into a wall, though, when a 60-year-old woman (celebrating her birthday) interrupted his show and told him "I don't like the 'F' word."  It totally changed the rhythm of the show, and I used the word, although in a different way.  Wheras I swear a lot in my normal everyday speech, I edited out the times when "fuck" was unnecessary.  Sometimes, it has to stay in to preserve the rhythm of the joke.  At the end of the show, Ann (her name) and the rest of her group stayed a while to talk to Joel and myself, and she complimented me that I didn't swear.  Her daughter corrected her that I did,indeed, swear, but she opined that because I wasn't crass, it wasn't as objectionable.  Perception is reality, kids...learn it and love it.

I goose-egged on product again, but got a little free nosh courtesy of the Courtyard Marriot, our lodging for the weekend.  I have a room on the third floor which for some reason has no cold water running to it.  And I don't mean that you turn the cold water on and nothing happens....I mean, you turn on the cold water and get hot water, and when you turn on the hot water, you get water so hot you could sterilize surgical implements.  It's not a big inconvenience, except in the shower where I like to rinse off with tepid water, rather than water so hot it changes my complexion.  I mentioned it to the manager at the desk before I left for the show, and when I returned, he said that they got the sink fixed, but the shower situation wasn't straightened out.  I had intended on purchasing a Philly Steak hot pocket and a diet Sierra Mist from the little pantry/gift shop they had in the lobby, and for my trouble, he allowed me the items complimentary.  It was a nice, customer-service and friendly gesture.

Tonight, we have two shows, and then we motor back to Rochester, arriving sometime in the morning, and I need to get a little shut-eye to prepare for the big picnic out at Oatka Creek Lodge.  If you're reading this and didn't recieve an invitation for whatever reason, you're still invited, so call me for directions and I'll get you there.  It should be big fun, as it is every year, and I'll be sacrificing hamburgers and hotdogs on a charcoal grill to the gods of Summer.

And far be it for me to close out this entry without wishing a congratulations to Carol Pennington of Hysterical Management in Cleveland, Ohio, who is getting married on July 4th.  I'll be working with her in Brashers Falls, NY this week, which should be her honeymoon week by any account, and we should have a fun time of it.

I hope to see you at the picnic tomorrow, and if not, you'll still be in my thoughts.  Have a great weekend!

Ralph Tetta

Rochester, NY