Psalm 9 (Trouble)

Wow. Where have you been the last month, Ralph? None of yer damn business, Shecky.

Actually, things have been pretty rough around our house lately. My wife's Aunt Dina, who had been battling cancer, succumbed on Wednesday night, June 17th.

Dina was good to me, my wife Pamela, and our daughter Harmony. She was a member of our family, a remarkable group that took care of us, sheltered us and loved us. I married a great young lady, but I got a bonus with her family.

Years ago, when I proposed to Pamela, my parents were getting ready to retire to Florida and I was living in the basement apartment of the multi-family house they owned. In order to sell the house, I needed to get out and was about to go look for a place when Pamela suggested that we live together at her apartment. I wasn't against living together, especially when we were properly engaged, but we had to ask permission of Dina, as she owned the house. She said yes, and very cautiously explained to me that her niece was a special girl, and that if I hurt her in any way, she would come looking for me. It's been almost 15 years, and I guess I'm doing all right, nobody's taken a swing at me yet.

Dina worked in Social Services, was active with the union, and often would walk a picket line with other unions in solidarity. She was liberal in a lot of things, but insisted that things would be better if people got up off their ass. She was very Catholic, sang in the folk group at Holy Apostles, and deserved a much longer retirement than the one she got. She retired at 60 after the rigors of her disease started causing complications, and spent the last year of her life managing pain when she should have been enjoying herself.

She particularly liked a song that Pamela and I wrote about Harmony called "The Baby With The Nice Round Head" that we would sing all the time. She thought we should get it published, even though it was just a fun little ditty that we would sing to Harmony when she was really little and we wanted to change her diapers.

Dina wanted the best for us and loved us and we tried to help, but at the end of the day, it was cancer, the heavyweight champion of the world. I've done three cancer benefits alone this year, and I could have done three hundred and I don't think it would make a difference. It's a horrible disease, hard to diagnose, murder to treat, and we're no closer to understanding what it is, why it occurs, and why it's so different from patient to patient than we are to understanding God.

When Dina decided to stop treatment and go gracefully, I couldn't fault her. The treatments left her weak and drained, and she'd had enough. Making that decision required courage, a courage I'm sure I wouldn't have. She had plenty of visitors those last couple of weeks, cards, letters, flowers, folks from church, former co-workers, and of course Pamela and I brought Harmony to see her, hoping that her nice round head would bring a smile to Dina's face. I'm happy to report that it did. Harmony still doesn't really understand what heaven is, or what happens to people after they go there. She knows that "Auntie Dee" is up there with Grandpa Tetta, Great Grandma, and Snax The Cat. My mother-in-law Anne described it to Harmony as a big party that never ends, and she seemed o.k. with that. I guess I'm o.k. with it, too, but I picture it more as a state of bliss, basking in the love of the Creator, unaware of what's going on down on Earth. Lord knows, there's plenty going on down here to make anyone frantic, upset, scared or angry, and I don't think heaven would allow those things of their denizens.

On Wednesday night, when it happened, I was driving east towards Syracuse to do a TV program on Thursday morning, and the sky was pissing rain like I'd never seen. It was just ridiculous amounts of water coming down, and no more than 15 minutes after I'd hit the road, my wife called me with choking sobs and I knew that Dina had gone. With the time frame we were looking at and the experience of my father as a cancer patient only a couple of years ago, I knew after hearing that Dina was sleeping and mostly unresponsive that it would be quick, but I had no idea that it would be so soon. I'm happy to report that on the day of her interment, the skies were cloudless, the sun was out, and the service was joyous and well-attended. They even let me get up and read a passage, which I thought was nice. My original choices were considered too heavy-handed, I think, but they found a passage that got the message across and was considered more appropriate. Dina had an ex-boyfriend for years and he turned out to be a real scumbag, and as a present to her, I wanted to read something that basically gave him the guns, but in retrospect, I guess it was better that I just concentrated on a passage that indicated that Dina was a good person and her place in heaven was assured. Afterwards, members of the family including my wife's Uncle Joe from Boston and his wife Gretchen congregated at the Peppermill Restaurant and we had lunch. This was an old haunt of mine, and I could never get Pam to go there, but it was close by the cemetery and a good place to decompress.

Other than that, it's been a pretty busy June with two weeks in the Cleveland area and a week in Syracuse, and then the invitation to go on the Bridge Street show on WSYR-TV channel 9. I talked about teaching comedy, and I've been teaching a class in Rochester for the last month. Our graduation show is this coming Sunday at the Comedy Club in Webster, and everyone's excited and working really hard to brush up their material for the occasion.

There's a lot of work to be done around the house, and today I got the air conditioners in to help combat the 85 degree weather. I planted peppers in the back yard and I'm excited to see if anything comes of it, I'm not exactly known for my green thumb. Yesterday, we took Harmony to see a live exotic animal program at the library up the street, it was fun and a nice change of pace from all the stuff we've had to deal with the last couple of weeks. This weekend, I have a one-nighter down in Pennsylvania with old buddies Danny Liberto and Joe Bruno, and it should be a lot of fun. I've got a low-key yet busy July planned, including a week of jury duty, so we'll see how that goes.

O.k., that's enough. Thanks again for everyone who knew what was going on and their show of sympathy to our family in this time, it's really appreciated. Special thanks to my good friends Steve and Eileen for coming to the memorial service, I know it was a long drive and you're good friends and good people and my wife and I appreciate you. We'll see you at our picnic, and then out at your place for the redneck luau.

Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY