Beautiful Day (U2)

Happy Inauguration Day! It's a wonderful day, if for only the idea that power in our nation's government passes peaceably from one man's hands to another's without bloodshed. There are certainly a lot of countries in the world today that cannot make that boast.

Harmony was under the weather today, so we kept her out of school and watched the inauguration ceremony on television. She's only four years old, so much of the broadcast was lost on her, but years from now, I'm sure she'll be happy to announce that she watched the events unfold live.

I am officially sick to death of Winter. The cold weather never used to bother me, and as a matter of fact, I used to enjoy it, but lately travel has become difficult and the impact of the cold on my health and the health of my family has greatly undermined our quality of life.

On Friday the 9th, I was booked to perform a showcase in Grand Rapids, Michigan for the Smith Agency, and the agents who peddle my gameshow "Dash For Dollars" to colleges around the country. They wanted to see my regular standup act and what I bring to the table. The show was in a small bar/restaurant that was filled to capacity and this was despite a winter snowstorm gripping the state of Michigan. The next day, the plan was to drive home back to Rochester and enjoy the weekend with my family; no dice. The storm that was torturing Detroit was blowing snow up around the Port Huron, Michigan area, and put me at a standstill before I could cross over to Canada and cut across Ontario back to Upstate New York. I wound up at a small motor lodge in Port Huron thanks to my trusty TomTom GPS device that is able to locate hotels and points of interest. The going rate for hotels that night was around $115, and I just didn't feel like spending that kind of money. Instead, I found a motor lodge that was letting rooms go for only $35, although they were a little short on services.

For one, they had no wireless internet. For that matter, they had no phones, so I couldn't even dial up if I wanted to. The two rooms that were available, a double and a king suite, were the same price, so I told the desk clerk I would take the double. He said, "Would you like to see the room first?" I figured an offer like that wouldn't be tendered for no particular reason, so I took the key and headed over to room #7.

Room #7 was not better than I assumed it would be. The furniture was ramshackle at best, the bathroom a monument to neglect and a bad grout job. The deal-breaker, though, of this budget-conscious choice was the smell of the room. I could only describe it as thinking that the last renter was a man who couldn't stop peeing while he was cleaning a fish.

I returned to the desk and asked to see the king suite, and moments later, headed over to unit #4. Happily, the room didn't smell unpleasant; rather, there had been some sort of room deodorizer applied that made it smell kind of nice. The furniture wasn't any better and the bathroom was only slightly better, and I decided that this was what I was going to get for $35.
I checked in, drove down the road to a small mini-mart and grabbed some food and bottled water, and spent the rest of the evening watching football and movies on cable. The next morning, the roads were plowed and I headed east. The roads weren't entirely clear, but I had at least a fighting chance to get home in one piece. The day before, somewhere along the way between Lansing and Flint, Michigan, I avoided a 17-car pile-up created by slick roads and cars following each other without the proper space between them.

After a few days at home, the frigid, sub-zero weather set in. I was scheduled to perform at Immaculata University in Exton, Pennsylvania, the first morning of the worst of the cold snap. I picked up my comedy buddy Ray Salah and we headed south to the Philadelphia area, stopping on the New York State Thruway to replenish the window-wash fluid. An examination of the wipers also showed that they were not in the best repair, and a stop at Target rectified that. The college was a small one, with only around 850 students, but they had a good attendance at the evening show, and the drive back was relatively painless. Ray accompanied me to another gig last week, an engagement at the Dunkirk, NY Loyal Order of Moose, with Buffalo comedians Nick Siracuse and Blaine Kelly. At first, Ray was exceedingly grumpy, but after having the time to pal around with old comedy buddies, he loosened up and enjoyed the evening. On stage, I told some real-life stories of our adventures together, which were precipitated on Ray's distinct cackle being acknowledged from the stage by both Nick and Blaine earlier in the show. The crowd had "got to know" Ray only from what we had said about him on stage, and I felt that the groundwork was laid to tell the stories, which went over well. On the drive back home, which was snowy, dangerous and long, we laughed about how well the bits had gone, even though I'd never told those stories on stage before.

This week, it's a week-long engagement at the Funnybone in Huntington, West Virginia, and then a week of college shows, culminating in a Saturday show back in Rochester for my buddy, Danny Liberto. I'm happy to be busy, because at least it's keeping my mind off of how cold I am and how much I can't wait for winter to be over.

Stay warm and be good, and make sure that when you've driving, you give the car in front of you at least one delineation (car length) for every 10 miles of speed you're travelling.

Peace!

Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY