Civil War

Civil War                                  3971

Saturday, May 31, 2008-2:40 A.M.

Good morning from Charleston, West Virginia.  I'm getting ready to sack out after my grueling one-show evening here at the Comedy Zone (Hi, Heff and Joel!) in the Ramada Inn.  I'm working with one of my favorite comics to share a stage with, Detroit's Jef Brannan.  If you've never seen Jef on stage, he's what John Hiatt would look and sound like if Hiatt did standup comedy.  Or, Hiatt is what Jef would sound like if he really wanted to be a musician....either description fits.

The tour started Thursday night in Prestonsburg, Kentucky, at the Prestonsburg Inn, formerly the Best Western, formerly the Holiday Inn.  My day started out on a positive note; I had left the power cord to my sleep apnea breathing apparatus (CPAP if you're familiar) at the hotel in Matthews, North Carolina and they found it and next-day mailed it to me (I had contacted them and given them my credit card number to pay for postage).  I got it just as I was leaving my house at 8 A.M.  I was happy to have it (even though the power cord for my laptop was an exact match and I'd been using it in the other cord's absence) until I found out that FedEx next day first delivery cost $64.  I probably could have purchased five replacement cords for that much, but ultimately I'm thankful that the hotel went to the trouble of getting me the cord as quickly as humanly possible, as it was for a medical device and they probably felt it was quite urgent.  They could have told me to go pound rock salt, but they didn't.  And really, it was my fault for packing my luggage in haste and forgetting the cord, so I've learned a lesson about taking my time and being thorough.

The ride to Kentucky was just under ten hours, with rest stops and bathroom breaks.  I ball parked the trip as being shorter, but left early just in case.  After 20 years of doing comedy, I've developed a "Rule of the Road," and that rule is: On Every Road Trip, A Shoe Will Drop (something will go wrong) And If You Can Get Over That, Everything Else Will Be Fine.  For this trip, the "shoe" was me forgetting to pack shaving cream....and that's not even a shoe at all, because most hotels have little travel size shaving creams that they'll give you in case you forgot yours.  The hotel in Prestonsburg had the nice stuff, too...a two-ounce container of Gillette Foamy.  Some hotels cheap out and give you the stuff in the little foil packet that you have to lather up and put on your face...it's a bunk product, the kind that you find in the dollar store when you're in there looking for a bargain and you hypnotize yourself into thinking that some piece of crap is worth a dollar because you don't want to come out of the store empty-handed.

So I got over my little shoe drop, and today, Jef and I went out in search of a place that would cash our paychecks.  The hotel, under the previous ownership, banked locally and cashing the checks wasn't a problem.  The new owners are banking out of a place in Lexington, Kentucky, read: nowhere near where we were.  We got sent to Wal-Mart, who then refused to cash the checks because the checks were hand-written.  Now, I'm sure that this was to prevent taking a bum check that was a forgery, but all it did was shove us to a grocery store.  We drove around for almost half an hour looking for the store we got sent to, but we found it (Food City) and they happily cashed our checks for a $5 fee (Wal-Mart would have charge $3).  I gassed up at their pumps, happily paying $3.93 a gallon and noting that the gas prices locally had actually seemed to go down by about six cents a gallon since the day before.

We grabbed some Chinese buffet lunch and Jef, ever the class act, picked up the lunch tab.  There are still some old-time road dogs out there that adhere to the custom of the headliner taking the feature out to lunch one day on the tour.  I get the opportunity to close more frequently these days and I relish the opportunity to take the middle (or emcee) to lunch....I feel like I'm passing some sort of torch, and that there's some nobility in that.  We got into Charleston after a long delay due to construction on Interstate 64, I feel like I sat in slow-moving traffic for about an hour, and a two-hour trip turned into three just like that.  The torture of being stuck in traffic is that there are limited things you can do to pass the time.  I made a couple of business phone calls and booked some work, so the time wasn't a total loss, but even my big pack 'o CD's couldn't entertain me, so I turned to talk radio.

Now, talk radio does nothing but get my blood boiling, because I can't believe the things that some people think and feel about the world around us.  Yesterday, there was a topic that was being talked about as I drove through Ohio and heard some of the local hosts discussing regarding two students who were also National Guard or Army reserve members, and they wanted to wear their dress uniforms to graduation, and the school didn't want them to do that, they wanted them to wear traditional gowns like everyone else, saying that uniforms would be a distraction.

Now, I'm just a simple guy from Rochester, NY....Rochester's a town big enough that Hee Haw wouldn't give us a salute, but folks from the Big Apple scoff and say that we're a bunch of hicks.  I wouldn't trade my hometown for most out there, and I feel that I've done pretty well by being raised with a little common sense and enough access to book learning to form intelligent decisions about things.

The way I think about the issue is this; anytime the word "military" enters the discussion, people get a little emotional, and rightly so-we are in a war right now, and a lot of people feel very strongly about that war one way or the other.  So when a kid says "I want to wear my military uniform to graduation," no matter what side of the argument you land on, it's not about tradition, or freedom of speech, IT'S ABOUT THE WAR.  And I guess the educational institution, I gotta guess it's a college, doesn't want to validate the war by letting these students wear their dress uniforms.

The specific court ruling on this sort of thing specifies that a student does not relinquish their freedom of speech at the schoolhouse door.  Now, I guess things are different if it's a public school versus a private institution that the two soldier-graduates are attending.  If it's a public school, and you attend at the pleasure of the city, county or state, then I feel you should tow the line and dress like everyone else if that’s the rule as it is applied to everyone.  But if it's a private school and you're paying your tuition, then you have rights that come with your receipt and wearing a dress uniform is your prerogative.  Would two students in dress military garb detract from the graduation ceremony?  Hell, no.  I will say this; I wouldn't want to be the poor civilian student who had to cross the stage after one of the soldiers, because you're going to have to stand there and wait while a standing ovation occurs.  Supporting the troops means clapping your hands and voicing approval loudly so everyone can see you doing it....people need validation all the time, particularly when their patriotism could be questioned.  And if you stay in your seat while the soldier-student in his dress uniform crosses the stage, then the terrorists have won.

Seriously, has anyone mentioned a compromise in all of this?  Our country was built on compromises, the ability to sit down and acknowledge each others' differences of opinion and give a little to get a little bit of what we want.  Maybe the soldiers could wear their uniforms, but go across the stage together either first or last, so that the bulk of the graduating class could conduct the traditional ceremony without interruption.  Or maybe the soldiers could be sat down and convinced that this particular ceremony does not represent their service to their country but rather their individual achievement, and that they would be welcome to wear their dress uniforms under their graduation gowns?  Either way, it sounds like emotions have been allowed to come between civil discourse and disagreement.

One of the topics of the last two days that has caught my attention is a report out of the Pentagon that last year, over 100 soldiers committed suicide.  75% of those soldiers were home from Iraq, 25% of them killed themselves while in country.  All but four of the soldiers were men.

This is disturbing to me.  I'm deeply resentful of the United States' mission in Iraq.  I feel, as an observer who only gets his information from media sources, that Iraq is taking advantage of the United States and allowing our soldiers to do the heavy lifting.  And all that heavy lifting is starting to take its toll.  For a soldier to complete his tour of duty, come home, and then put a gun in his own mouth and pull the trigger, or hang himself, or take a bottle of sleeping pills with a big glass of whiskey and settle into a nice, warm tub of water, is morbid and distressing to me.  If I'm a parent and my son (or daughter) is serving in Iraq, and they die from an improved explosive device, or killed in a firefight, or whatever ghastly death war can bring a young person, I'm devastated.  But if my son or daughter comes home and takes their own life, and I knowthat there are a hundred others doing the same thing?  Then I need to start asking questions, and question number one is "What the fuck is going on over there?"  I was pissed off when I heard that our troops were digging through trash piles for scrap metal to up-armor their vehicles, and now this.  Really, if we want to support our troops, maybe the only real way to support them is to get 'em the hell out of there, and pronto.

Fuck those yellow ribbons. I hate to see those ribbon magnets on cars and trucks driving around, because it represents to me the false, numbing patriotism that passes for real patriotism in our country today.  A yellow ribbon never stopped a guy from getting blown up by a booby-trap, never stopped a bullet from catching him in the head, never stopped him from succumbing to despair so deep and bleak that the only escape was self-termination.

I'd like to think that I was taught better, when I was a kid.  I was a Cub Scout, and we learned things, like how to properly fold a flag, but more importantly, the sense of community and civic duty that being an American was all about.  We were taught to be proud of our country and our freedoms, and to be charitable and kind, respectful and dignified.  We saluted the flag and stood on ceremony, and we were active in our community, doing the work of being Americans and making a difference.

Those lessons never left me.  A few years ago, I was heading back to my car after picking up a couple of fish-fry dinners for my family, and an old lady asked my help to cross a busy intersection.  I gave her my arm without hesitation; I always learned to respect my elders.  I'm embarrassed to share this, because my little rant isn't about me, but some of the folks in their cars stopped at the intersection and clapped for me as I helped this woman to the other side of the street.  But I didn't do it for that reason; I did it because it was the right thing to do.  Our soldiers serve because it's the right thing to do.  And it's certainly o.k. to applaud them; they definitely do more than help old ladies across the street.  But yellow ribbons and squabbling over dress uniforms at a graduation honors no one, and worse than that, it deepens the rift that already splits our country in two.

The vibe here in West Virginia and Kentucky (very similar, the two states) is that of many rural communities and to a greater extent, the Southeast.  The yellow ribbon is resplendent everywhere as feathers on a peacock, and to me, just as phony as a Jesus fish on your car.

Y’see, to me, it’s like this; if you’ve got Jesus in your heart, you don’t need to put a fish on your car.  When I was a kid attending Catholic Church and going to CCD classes on Sunday, we sang songs that said “They will know we are Christians by our love.”  They didn’t say anything about Jesus fish on the car.  The Jesus fish is phony, and the Bible says as much; the scripture says “Don’t pray in the street like the Pharisees, do it in your closet” where it’s just between you and the Lord.

I feel patriotism is the same thing.  I don’t need to see a flag pin on somebody’s lapel to know that they love our country, and I don’t need to see a yellow ribbon on a car to know that they support our troops.  If you want to show me, don’t tell me….what you do will speak so loudly I won’t hear what you’re saying.  One night on talk radio, the guest on the show was an officer of the U.S.O. and he took a call from a woman who wanted to knit mittens for the troops in Iraq.  The U.S.O. office politely reminded the woman that Iraq was a desert and that mittens wouldn’t necessarily have been the most needed article of clothing.  But that’s what I’m talking about; show me, don’t tell me.  I’ve got buddies who have gone to Iraq to entertain the troops and bring a little laughter into their lives over there.  THAT’s supporting the troops.  I hear stories about kids doing CD and DVD drives to send stuff to the troops for them to listen to and watch on their down time.  THAT’s supporting the troops.  Jesus, maybe somebody could send one of these poor guys a letter, be a pen pal, let them vent about what’s bothering them?  THAT would be supporting the troops. 

Or, you could just buy a yellow ribbon (made in China) and put it on your car next to your Jesus fish, 6,000 miles away from Iraq and support the troops that way.

But the fear for these ribbon-toting folks is that if they don’t sport the ribbon, they must not support the troops.  And that would be akin to high treason.  And didn’t the yellow ribbon start in support of the American hostages in Iran, back in the late 1970’s?  The irony there is so thick, you could up-armor a Humvee with it.

Let me mention this, should anyone misinterpret what I’ve written.  I want to be very, very clear.  This nation was founded on dissent.  Disagreement.  Ideological differences.  The whole shootin’ match was started because our founding fathers didn’t agree with the rule of Britain, and so they decided to start off on their own.  And when they did, they wrote the Constitution.  And in the Constitution, in the First Amendment, they guaranteed freedom of speech.  The wanted, first and foremost, for all Americans to feel free to speak their minds, because dissent is healthy as a continuous test of government and policy, to guarantee that the will of the people steer the rudder and that self-government is assured.  And yet disagreement in this country has become the magnet to allegations of everything from treason to the highest insult of all, “You don’t support our troops.”  It is a weak argument to begin with, and unfounded.  It is only a half-step above name-calling.  And it is pitiable that it is used so frequently.

One of the reasons why this faulty logic is not only arrived at but perpetuated, particularly in the rural areas of our country and to a large part, the southeastern states, is that there is no dissenting viewpoint being represented.  You cannot have an argument, and when I say argument, I don’t mean “fight,” I mean “discussion designed to accommodate contrary viewpoints in the effort to persuade or educate,” if only one side shows up.

And in these aforementioned areas of the United States, there’s only one side showing up.

150 years ago, the reasons for this were obvious; the South was largely agrarian, the North largely industrialized.  And education was more accessible in the North, as the people were not slaves to the agricultural calendar as they were in the South.  So education in the South was actually inculcation, with a great deal of religious instruction taking the place of analytical thought, scientific method or philosophical litmus tests of any kind. 

Consider the arguments for and against abortion; if you completely eliminate the religious aspect of the argument, you have nothing left to argue against abortion being safe and legal.  Religiosity has taken the place of clear and analytical thinking.  I look at this way; if two water-heads couldn’t figure out a condom in the backseat of a car on prom night, do I really want them raising children?  The answer is NO.  But I don’t allow my religious views to encumber my ability to pragmatically analyze how I feel about public policy.  I would never abort a child that I had a hand in conceiving, but I would never stop another couple from making the decision that suits their morals and ethics best.  I would be denying them the same freedom that I enjoy, and that’s un-American.

Some of my closest friends have called me elitist in my thinking, but I have to disagree; I am the son of a blue-collar man, I attended public schools my whole life, and labored four years to earn a two-year degree.  I think that my intelligence may be eclipsed by my laziness, or I might have achieved more, but basically what I’m trying to say is that I am intellectually no better than anyone else.  Everything I’ve learned, I’ve learned at the knee of teachers who taught the masses and I had no better resources than anyone else.  I’ve only taken the time to exploit those resources to my best advantage, and encourage everyone I’ve ever met or known to do the same.  Ultimately, I fear that a new kind of civil war is due in this country, the kind of a war that doesn’t pit Americans against each other based on the geographical location of their home, but a war that pits Liberal against Conservative, intellectual versus emotional, pragmatic against dogmatic.  And I don’t know how it will turn out because the intellectuals will have better strategies and planning, but the emotional folks will have more guns.

Bottom line, we need a national wake-up call, and we need it quick.  America doesn’t have the luxury that the European nations have.  Nations like France, Germany, Spain and others have the advantage of small geographical areas and condensed populations.  It doesn’t take long to have a consensus and except for some fine points on implementation and policy, they can get things done quickly and at the pleasure of whole group.  In our country, we’ve got deep emotional scarring over college football allegiances (Michigan vs. Ohio State, Alabama vs. Tennessee).  Our country is big enough that it could be split five ways easy, our viewpoints are so diversified.

Thinking about this stuff is ripping me up on a daily basis, because as an American I yearn for our country to heal, and as a comic, I have to travel around the country, look at the pain and then try to extract humor from it.  And we seem far from healing, as long as we squabble about uniforms and flag pins, yellow ribbons and patriotism.

God Bless America.

Ralph Tetta

Rochester, NY

 

Comedian Mike Dambra hurt in car accident

3885

Sunday, May 18, 2008-11:09 P.M.

Comedian Mike Dambra was badly hurt in a car accident this morning around 7 AM, his rental car was hit head-on as he left the hotel in Rochester, Minnesota to return to Rochester, NY.

The other driver reportedly "couldn't see from the glare of the sun" and Mike's air bag deployed. Mike was admitted to the hospital in Rochester, Minnesota where he was x-rayed and diagnosed with two cracked ribs, a bruised sternum, and a broken bone in his right hand between the thumb and forefinger.

The rental car company provided Mike with another vehicle and he is in the process of driving home as he cannot fly; the cabin pressure would be more than his chest injuries could bear.

I expect Mike to be back in Rochester, NY by 1:00 A.M. Any news on his condition will be passed along as quickly as I can convey it.

Ralph Tetta

Rochester, NY

Goin' Up The Country

Goin' Up The Country               3873

Saturday, May 17, 2008-1:07 A.M.

Wow...Friday night just shot right past me.  It was my first one off in a while.  Sometimes I wonder how "civilians" (non-showbiz folk) do it every week, working their 9-to-5's and killing time on the weekend.  At one point tonight, I thought about having a drink, but I ruled against it; all I have in the house is some gin (not my favorite) and nothing to mix it with.  I'm not a problem drinker, but I am given to binges, and that's not good considering my health profile.

This week was a quick one, tying up a lot of loose ends.  Bruce, my webguy, helped me get my shit together and posted my first podcast on the website www.ralphtetta.com and for a first try, I'm not completely happy with it, but I threw it together quickly to get it going, knowing that if I tarried at all it wasn't gonna get done.  The next one should be better (I hope).  At least I've got the software figured out now.

I re-strung my guitar....I had picked up strings for it months ago, and they just sat there, mocking me.  Finally, while Pam had a meeting and I was watching Harmony, I decided to get it done and over with, removing the old strings one at a time and running the new one through the harnesses, tuning and retuning each string with every change.  Harmony was interested in what daddy was doing, and ever-conscious of a "teaching moment," I started describing to her the parts of the guitar; tuning pegs, capstans, string tree, strings, headstock, neck, body, pickups, saddle and strap.  I didn't bother with the volume and tone controls; she's only four and I didn't want to burden her with information beyond her grasp.  Ha!  I guess I have the same disease my wife does, challenging Harmony with info and tasks that should be well beyond her years.  My favorite story is that Pam was doing flashcards with Harmony the week she came home from the hospital.  Our few-days old daughter hadn't even fully focused her eyes, and Pam's trying to get her to absorb two plus two.  I guess we both have the fear that at sixteen, Harmony won't be exceptional and it will be our fault, that we didn't try hard enough with her.

I continue to be obsessed with politics, in a good way, and the news that John Edwards endorsed Barack Obama made me happy.  I seem to think the Obama presidency is inevitable, although I've been wrong and disappointed before.  I was so engrossed with the report on the radio of the election returns that I got a speeding ticket driving home from work the day Governor Mario Cuomo lost his seat to Republican George Pataki.  I hated Pataki, and I will call him a miserable polack to my dying day. (Editor's Note: the term "Miserable Polack" was coined by my late father, Ralph Tetta, who despised Pataki even more than I, and he made the decision to move out of New York State based on Pataki's bumbling governorship.  It has been pointed out to me that Pataki is, in fact, Hungarian, [and also seems to have some Italian in his maternal heritage, which makes me sad and ashamed] and I no more intended to discredit all people of Polish origin by my use of the denigrate "Polock" than I would intend to slur all Italians by the use of the word "Wop."  I intended to slur one individual as the worst that group had to offer.  I am not sure of the slur for Hungarian, so I will just change my designation for the man to "miserable asshole.")

I'm almost finished with the book "It's Getting Ugly Out There," the book by CNN's Jack Cafferty, who I watch almost every day when I'm on the road.  I like the fact that while Cafferty is left-leaning and critical of the Bush administration, he calls an ace an ace and a spade a spade and he doesn't let politicians on the left side of the aisle off easy when they fuck up.  I do believe in fairness, and even my beliefs don't always run to the liberal all the time.  Cafferty has a good common sense of the issues, and I enjoy seeing them in print; it allows me to go back and digest them at my leisure.

I'm thinking about going out and looking at cars tomorrow.  I've been renting vehicles since our Corolla bit the dust, and that's been eating away at my bottom line.  The upside is having a competent vehicle to get to my roadwork, the downside is the cost.  It's bad enough that gas is approaching four bucks a gallon.  I'm almost thinking hybrid, depending on what's available out there.  I don't know much about them, other than that you get a better miles per gallon rating, and that's fine with me.  I'm sure a salesman at a Toyota dealership or a Honda dealership will be happy to explain it to me.

Next week, I'm heading to North Carolina and I'll be working with my buddy Mo Alexander again.  Then it's off to Kentucky and West Virginia and then a week off.  I'm gearing up for this year's Florida tour, and it's only three weeks this year, but I like going down there...I can stay at my mom's place on the days off (quite the savings) as well as have some quality time with her and make sure she's doing all the things for her health that she ought to be doing.  She's coming up to New York to see my brother's new baby daughter, Victoria Ann, so I'll actually be heading down to Florida as she's coming up, but she'll be back in Florida before I leave.

In the meantime, I have quite a few projects that I've started working on, including a couple of books (almost written...yeah), a CD of sketch comedy (not even close), and a push towards some instructional/corporate/motivational speaking type engagements.  The clubs are sexy and all that, but it's time to start making some money, or so my mortgage banker, accountant and in-laws have been saying as of late.

Peace out,

Ralph Tetta

Rochester, NY

Time The Avenger

Time The Avenger                                         3792

Saturday, May 3, 2008-9:53 A.M.

Good morning from the insular and provincial town of Greensboro, North Carolina.  I've been such a lazy bum about blogging lately, I think a lot of people might have assumed that I've just given it up.  Lately, there hasn't seemed to have been much to write about, and those few and far between incidents that have been noteworthy haven't been enough to send me to my computer.

It's been three weeks since my last blog, and among other noteworthy accomplishments, my webguy Bruce took me out and shot a video bio which now resides at my website (www.ralphtetta.com) and it's really good....I'm impressed that he did such a good job with the limited source material I was able to provide.  I visited my old school, Monroe Community College where I spent four years pursuing a two-year degree.  The school has changed A LOT since I left there in 1991 and the improvements don't necessarily feel better....the student center, which was the home of the radio station, and a hive of activity during the day, is now split up, the student organization offices are pushed down nondescript hallways and the only reason to visit is if you were a member of said organizations....not exactly the best positioning for recruiting new members or promoting on-campus events.

I packaged my two old CD's into a box set and designed a new cover artwork for it, and a companion box artwork for my DVD.  I like them a lot, and did them in a punk/DIY style, courtesy of the color copiers at Kinko's.  So far, sales have been down, but I attribute that to the lagging economy and warmer weather that's setting in that characteristically kills the comedy club business.

I have some new audio software on my laptop now, again thanks to Bruce, and will start doing a podcast very soon.  I've been letting some ideas simmer and actually, Jeff Schneider from the Pittsburgh Funny Bone has been doing pieces on YouTube that are very similiar to what I've been thinking about doing, going for the funny and making a point at the same time (search for Le Provocateur on YouTube, you'll find him).  The battle of course is that there is only so much time in the day to spend with family, travel, exercise, eat healthy, and try to keep a full calendar to keep the wolves from the door.  I'm experiencing "role strain" (google it if you didn't take sociology) and at some point, some of the less important stuff is just going to have to go to the back burner if not in storage all together...the sad truth is that it will probably be vocational projects which will cause my family to suffer financially, but the alternative is letting my family go on without my full attention, and vice-versa, and at that point, what's the use?  I can put my family in a nice house in a nice neighborhood and then never be there to enjoy it with them.

My newest vocational projects (glad you asked) are compiling my old road blogs into a book, with some after-the-fact commentary and some editing (how many sandwiches can you read about in one book?) to give the narrative some flow.  I'm not sure how marketable the thing is, but it's already written and it can only help my career from a promotional standpoint.  I'm in a different town every week anyway, so I might as well kill my daytime hours sitting at a card table in front of Border's while people walk by and pretend not to see me.

In addition, I have a plan to break open the college market, but I need to get across the angle that I'm a good fit for the non-traditional college students, ie: older, returning students who would relate to me and my material.  I think that my constant touring has created an act that is virtually bulletproof in front of any group, but the sad truth is that when you play in front of an entire group of college-aged students, they will reject you out of hand if you look old, and I do look old, if not completely, tragically unfashionable.  I have a tendency to earn my bones with such audiences by going completely, out-and-out vulgar if not disgustingly filthy, which is o.k., because that's the humor that I enjoy, but I feel like I have so much more to offer...my new bio describes my act as "improvisational," and that's a huge key to what I've been doing on stage during this second act of my career, so I need to capitalize on it.

Oh yeah, I probably should mention that I celebrate 20 years doing comedy this month.  It was May of 1988 when I first climbed on stage at Yuk Yuk's in Rochester, NY, on a Wednesday night, to do open mike.  I'm not totally sure what exact day it was, but I do know that it was a Wednesday and my life changed inexorably that day.  I thought of doing something special this month to commemorate the occasion, but decided against it because it is only a milestone to me, and marks merely the passage of time rather than some sort of career goal.  I'm not a better comic for the time in the business, but some would rather assert that I'm a poorer one, or as my tax preparer said to me this year, "How come you're not doing better?"  My solace comes in my assertion that the longer it takes you to go up the showbiz ladder, the longer it takes you to come down.

My tax preparer is a great guy, and he invited me to Passover dinner this year...it was my first Seder, and I enjoyed the meal and the company.  The funniest line of the night was from Mark, our host, when I asked if there was a song for the soup, he called from the kitchen "MMMM MMMM Good, MMMM MMMM Good!"  It was completely quick and not lost on the largely middle-aged group that was assembled.  My best line of the night was commenting on now knowing the rites of the Passover dinner was that I "now know the Seder House Rules."  Yeah, it's a stupid pun, but it got the response.  Hey, if they're laughing, I'm working.

Other news to mention is that our annual picnic is July 13th this year, and we're renting out a lodge, although not the normal one, and invitations will be going out soon with directions.  It's particularly important this year, given the passings of Mike Glosek and Tiny Glover, and the illness of our brother Mike Irwin, that we come together at least once to see each other and celebrate our fraternity as comics.  And my wife's friends will be there, too, so that it doesn't get to be a boring afternoon of "shop talk."

Speaking of shop talk, I'm going back to Las Vegas for the first time in a few years, courtesy of Summit Comedy.  I'll be playing at a casino on Fremont Street for Labor Day weekend....good vacation weekend, should be a lot of tourists.  I'm looking forward to it.  Also, I rebooked San Antonio for August, because I just don't sweat enough and I want to see what my body's tolerance for dehydration is.  I also lined up a couple of headlining weekends in Tyson's Corners, Virginia, and Jackson, Tennessee, and while those might not sound too impressive, it feels good to me because it makes me think that the train is going in the right direction.

I'm working with the very funny Mo Alexander this week in Greensboro, and it's Free Comic Book Day so we might venture out for said Free Comics.  Other cool comics I've worked with this last few weeks include Last Comic Standing's Rich Vos, Grand Rapids' own Stu MacAlister, Buddy Flip (hey, we're already friends!), David Landau and Dave Logan....all gentlemen and scholars.....o.k., one was a cranky scholar, but I won't tell you which one.

Iron Man opened yesterday, and I am Iron Man (check my myspace profile at www.myspace.com/rabidralph for details) so I might check it out today.

Peace out, y'all.

Ralph Tetta

Rochester, NY