If You Never Got Sick

If You Never Got Sick              5643  (1703)

Friday, September 15, 2006-11:30 A.M.

I'm in the Stoney Creek Lodge in St. Joseph, Missouri.  Had to think about that for a minute, the last two days are a blur.

I got home from Cleveland on Sunday night.Monday morning with a tickle in my throat.  A day later, I was yakking and feeling as sick as I've ever been, praying to God for health.  I was drinking orange and pineapple juice, both no-no's to someone with sugar issues like myself, but desperate for vitamin C.

I turned the corner Tuesday afternoon, and just laid low and tried not to infect my family with rhotavirus (didn't work) and tried to eat stuff like apples that would keep my system moving (worked like a charm).  Wednesday, I had a doctor's appointment.

My weight is down (good), but apparently the over-the-counter cold medicines I took put my kidneys in danger of shutting down.  Great news before a two-and-a-half week roadtrip!  I didn't get the call until I arrived in Missouri.

I left Wednesday night and rocketed across America.  Hitting the road around 9:30, about 90 minutes later than I wanted, I made sure everything was knotted down at home.  Pam wasn't feeling well and little Harmony was sneezing up phlegm, so I wanted them to be in position to recuperate without having to do much.  I finished laundry, changed the bed linens to fresh and took out the garbage.  Then I feebly hauled my luggage down the stairs, packed the car, and hit the road.

I was able to drive from Rochester all the way to the Ohio/Indiana border.  I slept in my car in the parking lot of a TA truckstop, got about three hours of good sleep, and woke up and hit the road again.  I haven't been able to sleep on my back due to the mucous in my chest, which leads to 20-minute coughing jags.  Monday night, I was coughing so bad, I lost consciousness.  I soldiered on.

I arrived at the hotel in St. Joe's around 5 PM Central Time.  The show was at 8, but as tired as I was, I didn't dare take a nap, fearing I wouldn't get up.  I ironed a shirt, checked e-mail, and took a nice, hot shower that was less soothing than I thought it would be.  I got dressed and made my way to the Cobblestone Theater.

The showtime on the itinerary was wrong, so I got there half an hour early.  I wound up falling asleep in a chair in the green room.  I was woken by Tim, the house mc, who came in to get my intro.  We chatted for 15 minutes or so and then it was time to get ready for the show.

The show was o.k., the room was better attended last time, but the folks who were there came to play.  There were two lesbian girls sitting up front who I think walked out after my set, I made a comment about Jeff Gordon being gay, and told women to stop using dildoes.  I think that's what set them off...one of them commented, "yeah, that's what I want."  I saw them in the parking lot before the show, and was mildly amused that there were lesbians in Missouri.  Not that they would be from here, but that they would stay.  The midwest isn't really the most "gay-friendly" place.

The headliner, Scott (I don't remember his last name, but he's from Las Vegas and we work together in Topeka tonight and tomorrow) had a loose, improvisational type of set, because that's what the crowd was calling for.  After the show, I sold a CD, which was a welcome change from hosting in Cleveland where I sold absolutely zero for the week.

Today, I feel rested, but still scratchy in the throat.  I'm afraid to take any medicine for my cough for fear of damaging my internal organs, so I'm just going to drink fluids, take some Vitamin C, and let my body decide if I'm going to heal or die. 

I want to live, if it's any consolation.  I have two-and-a-half weeks of work in front of me, and a beautiful family to go home to.

Thanks for reading.

Ralph Tetta

Rochester, NY