Applause, Applause

Applause, Applause   5659  (1719)

Saturday, September 16, 2006-4:15 CDT

Dear Mom,

I got my first standing ovation last night.  I'm playing a club called Jeremiah Bullfrog's in Topeka, Kansas with a headliner from Las Vegas named Scott Bennett.

I was as surprised as anyone when it happened.  Actually, there were quite a few things working in my favor.  I've played the room before; they do a thing called the "Comedy Invasion" on Tuesdays, and I guess it got so popular that they expanded it to the weekends as well.  Bullfrog's is a big sports bar, with a private room and stage for the comedy.  I've done well there in the past, and had a chance to get a feel for what the Kansas crowds like.

I got a good night's sleep the night before, and had a very short drive down from St. Joseph, Missouri.  When I got to the hotel, it was too early to check in, so I went across the street to Wal*Mart and got some oil for the car.  Good thing, too, because I was driving dry.  Thank God for synthetic oil, you can drain it right out of the car, and enough still stays bonded to the engine so that you don't seize up.  I put the oil in the engine, and then couldn't shut my hood!  The hood latch was sticking!  I drove around to the oil change part of the store, and a kid named Lee Ralston helped me out....didn't even charge me anything.  I gave him one of my CD's and I'm guest-listing him for the show tonight.  He really saved my hash...without that hood down, you can't really drive more than 40 miles an hour or so without the damn thing flying off (and I drive a little faster than that).

At the club, I noticed that they had reconfigured the seating to make it a bit smaller of a room.  Most of the people there were watching the college football game (the parking lot was packed...I had to circle the building twice to find a spot).  By showtime, the place had filled up nice and I met the mc.  His name was Dan and he was from Rochester, originally.  His father was a radio nomad who had relocated the family out to Topeka.  Even though I worked in radio a long time, I didn't recognize his name, but that doesn't mean anything....you can't know everybody.

From the minute I hit the stage, I could tell the audience was fertile and ready to play.  I did one of my safer openings, talking about getting pulled over by the cops, and there was a police officer in the front row.  His table of about 8 people, I'm thinking four married couples, all pointed him out immediately when I started talking about cops.  He was a good sport, and it was off to the races.  I almost abandoned most of my act in favor of just working with the crowd.  What was particularly nice was that whenever someone shouted something out, a line from my act that I had already written seemed to be the perfect retort.  I hit 35 minutes without really scratching the surface of my act, and when Dan took the mic from me and implored the audience to applaud for me again, they stood up, and I had to go back on stage and tell them that it was my first standing "O" ever.  That seemed to make them like me more.  I left so much stuff out, I could have gone at least another 20 minutes or half an hour.  It was crazy.

Scott did a great job in the closing position, but he commented before and after the set that he thought I was going to be hard to follow.  He didn't get a standing ovation, but he got good laughs, and afterwards, Marvin, the bartender/manager/guy in charge mentioned to me that he had a lot of good comments about me on the way out.  He also asked why I wasn't headlining.  I explained that I do headline, depending on the booking agent.  Some are ready to give me that opportunity, while others are more comfortable with me in the feature position.  I'm confident that if I keep doing what I'm doing, my time will come and I will get my opportunities.  Anybody who's anybody in this business didn't get there overnight, or even in ten years.

Anyway, I remember all the open mic shows you would come to to support me and my efforts, and I just wanted you to know that 18 years later, that tree has finally produced fruit.  I made a bunch of money on CD and DVD sales, and had to go out today and buy some new shoes (I tore the heel right off my right shoe doing a female masturbation bit.....don't ask, but it was hilarious) and a sweater...it's snowing up in the Dakotas where I'm going week after next, and I didn't pack a winter jacket, just a windbreaker.  I also got some Vitamin C...K Mart had a sale, buy one bottle, get one free.  I couldn't pass that up.

So I have one more show tonight, then a 13-hour drive up to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.  I lose an hour because of the time zones, and the show is at 7 PM.  That means when my show gets over tonight at 10:00 Central, 11:00 Eastern, I have exactly 20 hours to make it until showtime.  If 14 of those hours are in the car, I have a wiggle room of 6 hours to play with.  I think I'm going to have to leave right from the show, drive as far as I can, sleep a few hours in the car, and then make it the rest of the way.  Even if I can check in to the casino at 6 PM, that gives me enough time to shower and try to put myself together.  I only have to talk for half an hour, then I can collapse and sleep as much as I want.  Plus Monday is a day off.  Still, I don't dare even trying to get a few hours sleep before driving tonight, because I don't know what kind of weather, traffic or other unscheduled slow-downs I might encounter.  As a matter of fact, I'm going to get a nap right now.

I love you mom, and I thank you so much for believing in me.

Ralph Tetta

Rochester, NY