Bullet With Butterfly Wings

Bullet With Butterfly Wings                    5245  (1295)

Friday, August 4, 2006-11:38 A.M.

Sorry I haven't checked in for a while, I've been busy; busy ducking 100 degree temperatures, trying to work and keep to somewhat of a regular routine.

Last week at the Comix Cafe went off without a hitch, except that the air conditioning was considerably less than somewhat.  I was running out of steam (no pun intended) on stage at various points past the 30 minute mark.  The shows went well, except for our Saturday early show, where mysteriously, a comic was given a guest spot which went long and turned my "co-headlining" spot into 20 minutes.  Regardless, we had a lot of good feedback, and one of my old schoolmates from grade school came out with his wife.  I hadn't seen this guy in 20 years or more.  His mother used to be my Sunday school teacher, and she flunked me in second grade because I didn't make enough days to pass.  I was the only kid in third grade public school who was going to second grade Sunday school!  Needless to say, I took a lot of razzing for that, and I did what any good Catholic would do...I quit, and renounced God. 

We caught a squirrel in our attic last weekend.  We hired an exterminator who came in and left some baited traps, the kind that captures the animal live in a cage.  I called Stan, the guy who comes and picks up the animal for transport and release, and he was on vacation.  He asked me if I could keep the animal alive for three days until he got back.  I decided that it was too hard to feed and water the little rat; the only way I could give him water was to put ice cubes on top of his cage and let them melt down into the cage.  I don't know if that was effective at all, so I just decided to take matters into my own hands.

I put on some heavy leather gloves, picked up the cage, and took my pony-tailed friend down to the car, putting him cage and all into the trunk.  I felt like a mafia hit man taking a snitch "for a ride."  I drove the little guy to the Ontario Beach Park, and because it was Friday night, the beach parking lot was abandoned, except for a car I parked next to that had people getting sweaty and exchanging fluids in it.  I considered flashing them a caged squirrel to give 'em a little thrill, but reconsidered.  I moved my car to a different, well-lit spot, and started to work.

Now, I had examined the other trap (the one with nobody home) to figure out how to release my rodent captive with the most efficiency, and without getting a rabid bite for my troubles.  The only problem was the little guy was freaked out, and it took me about ten minutes to realize he was standing on the bait pedal, and the trap wouldn't open in that position.  I finally got him off the pedal, and opened the trap, and after pouring water and beer on him, I got him to vacate the trap.  He sauntered off into the night, disappearing behind one of the beach pavillions.  I guess I can add "animal disposal" to my ever-growing resume, and if this whole comedy thing doesn't pan out, I can get into the extermination business.  Hey, it worked for Tom DeLay....

Tuesday, I made the trek down to Cleveland for a fill-in show.  I was performing as part of "feature night," sharing the bill with Maronzio Vance from Los Angeles, and Ryan Dalton from NYC.  I went on first, and had a really good show.  I got a couple of applause breaks, not patting myself on the back, but I didn't do anything out of the ordinary....the Cleveland Improv is just an exceptional room.  They had a huge turnout for a Tuesday night, and their audiences are primed to laugh...it's a comic's dream come true.

I left for the gig around 2:30 in the afternoon, made the four-hour drive, hung out, did the show, and drove four hours back.  I arrived home around 2:30 in the morning, capping a 12-hour day.  Not bad for a day at the office.

My corporate gig on Thursday fell through....they just didn't call me.  The last communication I got was from the buyer who received my DVD and said she enjoyed it and was passing it along to her bosses...I guess they didn't think I was appropriate, or funny, or that they didn't even want a comedian for their event, but they didn't even give me the courtesy of an e-mail saying no thanks.  Corporate gigs blow.  I applaud the comics who can jump through the hoops for the money, but I guess I'm not one of them.  I'm a club comic, pure and simple. 

Today and tomorrow, I host at the Comix Cafe for Aries Spears from Mad TV...he's a talented guy, so the club ought to draw pretty well.  They better get their air conditioning situation corrected, though, because I don't think Mr. Spears will stand for working in that sweat box that I tolerated all last week.

Next week, we're getting ready for the big trip south to Florida, with stops along the way in Tennessee, Georgia, Kentucky, Alabama and North Carolina.  My little baby daughter Harmony is gonna get to meet her Grandpa Tetta and her Aunt Nickki and Uncle Dennis along the way, and that's exciting in itself.  I'm going to be working with some good friends down there, Al Katz and Dobie Maxwell to name a couple, Amaru (who I only know from the comedian online chat boards), and Mike Armstrong.  I'll probably work with some other names as well, I just haven't found out who they are yet.  It's a long march back to September, and I'm sure there will be plenty of adventures along the way.  I'll keep you posted.

Stay cool and enjoy the last throes of Summer!

Ralph Tetta

Rochester, NY