Up Where We Belong

Up Where We Belong-Joe Cocker

December 22, 2014 1:05 AM

So by now, everyone has heard the news today either with sadness or God forbid, indifference, that Joe Cocker has passed away at age 70, after a long battle with lung cancer.  While never lauded as a great songwriter or instrumentalist, his fame was acquired through his strong, bluesy vocal interpretations of songs by the Beatles, John Hiatt, Dave Mason and others.

Cocker’s gravelly voice and spastic arm gyrations were lampooned by John Belushi on Saturday Night Live, and Cocker was able to touch several generations with his music, performing at Woodstock (two incarnations!), contributing a duet with Jennifer Warnes called “Up Where We Belong” to the soundtrack of the 1982 movie “An Officer And A Gentleman,” and taking “You Can Leave Your Hat On,” a Randy Newman composition, to the top of the charts as part of the “9 ½ Weeks” soundtrack in 1986.  Cocker continued his recording career into the 90’s and 2000’s, collaborating with platinum artists like Bryan Adams and Carlos Santana.

I am a comedian for precisely one reason; I am not a talented enough musician or singer to be a rock star.  I’ve always craved the stage, attention is my drug of choice and that’s why it’s so difficult to get me to leave once I’m up there.  But I will take my turn at karaoke, because I have a better tool for karaoke night than most singers who get up and try karaoke; I have a very firm understanding of my limitations.

There’s nothing worse than watching a person take their turn at karaoke and to have to listen to them suck for five minutes.  It’s even worse when they suck *and* the song they chose was terrible.  I always made sure to choose a song I knew I could pull off, and a song that the crowd would enjoy; those two aspects are crucial to your success on karaoke night.

Joe Cocker songs can be very accessible, because everyone knows them or has heard them at least once.  You want to do a Joe Cocker impression to really perform the song correctly, and in order to do a good Joe Cocker impression, you just need to tighten up your neck and pull your jaw in until your face is in a grimace, and then get those arms going.  Reach up and tug on your hair, do a low, arthritic air guitar motion with your hands, and sing with conviction.

I sing karaoke maybe once a year if I’m lucky, and when I do, I reach for some Joe.  “Unchain My Heart” is a good song to do, it’s uptempo and gets a drinking crowd moving.  I stay away from “A Little Help From My Friends” or “You Are So Beautiful;” you want the crowd to party and stay up, you don’t want anyone crying in their beer.  “You Can Leave Your Hat On” is a good, sleazy number that gets the women in the crowd going, and the background singers on the backing track do a lot of the work.  But when I know I’m only getting one shot, or I need to pull out the big guns, the closer is “Feelin’ Alright” by Dave Mason, one of Cocker’s most popular tunes.  Everyone knows it or has at least heard it once, it’s uptempo and there’s a long instrumental break in the middle which gives you the opportunity to patter with the crowd, tell them to tip the bartender (which can get a free drink scooted your way in the right place), and it’s not so long that you outstay your welcome.  That’s my go-to song for karaoke night, and it always scores.  My wife even got me tickets to see the man in the summer of 1999 at Finger Lakes.  We got good seats so I could watch him up close.  It was a magical performance, and two hours felt like 20 minutes.

Now I’m telling you all of that to tell you this story.

Early in my standup comedy career, the need for a paycheck was as serious as it was ever going to be.  When you want to pursue a standup career, you can’t take a full-time gig that expects you to be there Monday through Friday, some clubs need you there as early as Wednesday for a week of work, and most employers are not so understanding about missing days.  So I maintained part-time employment at a radio station and grabbed whatever gigs I could get.

One gig I got was working for a promotions company that was pushing Captain Morgan rum, specifically the new Parrot Bay coconut rum flavor that was brand new at the time.  The gig required me to dress up in a Captain Morgan costume and travel around with a couple of models dressed as Pirate Wenches, go bar-to-bar handing out samples, introducing the new beverage to the drinking crowds.  One of the promotional things that we would do was take pictures of guests with the girls with a Polaroid Camera, and then stick the pictures into a cardboard frame.  The customer could then peel back the cardboard frame, and if there was a Captain Morgan logo, they could come over to me and choose a prize from a big wooden treasure chest that I carried around filled with Captain Morgan t-shirts, sunglasses, boxer shorts, frisbees and can coozies.  It was big fun for everyone all around.

One bar that we worked was an outdoor bar by the lake, which was little more than a 30 seat circular bar with a huge umbrella over it, with all the patrons facing inward toward the bartender in the middle.  50 feet away, there was a small covered stage where a husband-and-wife guitar duo sang for the patrons, but no one was facing them and they were more or less background music. The Pirate Wenches and I were doing our level best to get some attention from the bar patrons to do our job, but it’s rough when everyone is facing away from you no matter which direction you try to approach them.

So I’m shaking hands and doing the pirate voice “ARRR!” and hamming it up, and the guitar duo starts singing the Crosby, Still & Nash song “Southern Cross.”  I do a quick inventory of the song lyrics, and I wait to strike.  When the duo gets to the line “I have my ship, and all her flags are a’flying” I moved into position and sang, pirate style, into the microphone “She is all that I have left….and MUSIC IS HER NAME!!!!”

The patrons at the bar go berserk.

They were giving the first real feedback of the day, and the folks on stage were smiling for the first time as far as I knew.  The folks at the bar were hooping and hollering and the two looked at each other and didn’t know what to do.  I brought them in close and said “Do you know ‘Feeling Alright?’” And when they said they did, I asked “Could I sing it with you?”

So now here are these acoustic guitar folks, strumming out the hit Dave Mason song and they have the strangest guy decked out in a sweaty pirate costume under a hot summer sun, and I lay the Joe Cocker version on the people.  I’m tugging at the pirate wig, arms flailing and I throw the hat.  One of the pirate wenches picks up the hat and now she’s dancing with some guy in a polo shirt, denim shorts and deck shoes.  And the people are going nuts.  The bartenders are handing out the coconut rum samples and when the instrumental break happens, I give the audience the whole Captain Morgan pitch, tell them about the photos, the prizes, introduce the girls, tip the bartender, give it up for the band, the whole spiel.

After the song is over, we start to cook.  I’m handing out prizes, the girls are sitting on guys’ laps and it’s a party.  The band is playing, people are dancing, and a guy comes over to me and says “Can I talk to you?” He introduces himself, and come to find out he’s the guy from the liquor company that we’re working for.  And he shakes my hand and compliments me up and down and offers me a full-time job doing what I just did.  We talked money, and the change was strange which is why I turned the offer down.  But it was nice to have been asked.

I don’t sing karaoke that much anymore, honestly it just doesn’t seem to come up like it did twenty or even ten years ago.  But when it does, I’ll grab a glass of whiskey and when it’s my turn, I’ll ask the DJ for Joe.

Let The Music Do The Talking

March 27, 2014

I spend a lot of time on facebook.  Probably too much.  It's a by-product of my job.  As I travel all over the country trying to scratch a living out of the dirt, I'm alone in the van, alone in my hotel room, and when I finally get to a venue I'll drive the person who hired me crazy by talking their ear off.  I'm alone way too much and the loneliness can get to me sometimes.  So I go on facebook a lot, because in the absence of real human contact, fake simulated human contact has to do.

I'm home after a triumphant performance at a college in Highland Hills, Ohio, where they absolutely loved me, and after a few hours of sleep, I'm up trolling facebook.  I ran across an article that my cousin shared (she's just as much a facebook junkie as I am) about 10 bands that your kids need to know.  I was interested in reading the article, because I'm a life-long music fan, have worked in radio, and consider it to be one of the areas where I'm most knowledgeable.  Also, I've been participating in a pilot program where I try to introduce music to my 10-year-old daughter Harmony that she might not otherwise hear as my wife, though charming and beautiful, doesn't have the depth of knowledge in this area that I do.

Now before all of you go jumping on me for bagging on my wife, I will defend myself by telling this one short story.  Pamela once said to me, "I know the names of all the guys in U2, but I only know Keith Richards and Mick Jagger from the Rolling Stones.  Why is that?"  And my response to her, which I believe to be correct, was "Because you don't care about the Rolling Stones."  When it's your music, the music you grew up to/fell in love with/identify with, you spend a little more time with the rock magazine article, you buy the album, read the liner notes, put the poster on your wall.  You learn the names.  When it's somebody else's music, you might be aware of it, the same way that you're aware of anything that's advertised or talked about, but you're not invested in it and you don't learn it.

I had to stumble upon the music I love, which is the heavy metal/hard rock stuff that came to prominence in the mid to late 1980's, and I'll talk to you all day about Judas Priest, Iron Maiden and Motorhead.  And while that stuff is great and I love it dearly, there's more to learn about to know what's going on in the world of music.  Everyone who plays in a band today listened to something when they were younger and were influenced by it, and if you have the least bit of curiosity, you'll want to follow the stream all the way back to the source.

The original blogger's article is here: 10 1/2 bands your kids need to know

It's a lovely list, but like any list, it doesn't go far enough.  And what is particularly irksome to me about this gentleman's article is that he just offers up a grocery list and doesn't explain why these artists made his list.

I take it back.  It's a terrible list.  It reads like an 80's pop retrospective with some sentimental favorites mixed in.  His list isn't essential at all.  It's a list of artists his kids should know, because then they would know what CD's to buy him for Father's Day.

Here's the real list of artists your kids should know, and I'll back it all up for you with logic and common sense.

1.  Beatles
2.  Rolling Stones
3.  Led Zeppelin
4.  The Who

These four British bands are the cornerstones that any rock radio station is built upon.  You can argue back and forth about whether or not your station shouldn't be playing Billy Joel and Elton John because they're too soft, or whether your station shouldn't be playing Iron Maiden and Metallica because they're too hard, but you can't argue with these titans.  The Beatles and Led Zeppelin are known for having careers cut short but going through many different sounds and phases in their time.  "Rubber Soul" doesn't sound like "The White Album" just like Led Zeppelin III doesn't sound much like "In Through The Out Door."  If your child listens to enough of either of these bands, they will find something they like, it's almost a given.

The Rolling Stones and The Who serve as perfect foils to the Beatles and the Stones.  John Lennon and Paul McCartney were the nice guys (until Bob Dylan introduced them to pot), and Mick Jagger and Keith Richards were the bad guys (who probably would have sold them pot).  Led Zeppelin were the band with the cock-swinging attitude, bordering on arrogance, and the Who, while easily able to match Zeppelin's bombast, were the introspective, self-doubting kids driven by Pete Townshend's shoe-gazing lyrics.  Put Zeppelin's "gonna give you every inch of my love" next to "nobody knows what it's like to be the bad man, to be the sad man, behind blue eyes" and you'll understand what I'm talking about.

5.  Marvin Gaye
6.  The Temptations
7.  Diana Ross and the Supremes
8.  Smokey Robinson
9.  Stevie Wonder
10.  Michael Jackson and the Jackson Five

Studying Motown is an amazing way to understand what was happening in America during the 1960's and 1970's.  It was a sound all it's own, from the girl groups to the purveyors of soul music, from the harmonies to the sheer energy of the dance tracks.  And of course, Michael Jackson blossomed into a musical force all his own, and I challenge you to find someone more influential, more important to music....unless you're talking about

11.  Elvis Presley

Well, he invented the whole darn thing, didn't he?  The hits just kept coming and coming and when he died in 1977, the nation shed tears like they hadn't shed since John, Bobby and Martin were assassinated.  He could rock ("Blue Suede Shoes," "All Shook Up"), he could bring it down and sing for the heartbroken ("Are You Lonesome Tonight?", "Love Me Tender"), and he could stir emotions like no one else ("American Trilogy," "In The Ghetto").  He was THE KING, and for a damn good reason.

12.  Frank Sinatra

Before the King, there was the Chairman of The Board.  Frank unseated Bing Crosby as the bobbysoxer's crooner of choice in post-World War II America, and become the hub of the Rat Pack, the whole Vegas scene of the 1950's and 1960's.  While you're digging into Frank Sinatra's amazing body of work, have a listen also to

13.  Dean Martin  and
14.  Sammy Davis, Jr.

15.  Bob Dylan

Bob was the core of the anti-Viet Nam war movement, and his songs have been covered thousands of times.  His discography motivated young people of conscience during the 1960's to pay attention to what their parents were doing to America and to the rest of the world.  "Blowin' In The Wind," "The Times They Are a'Changin'," "A Hard Rain's Gonna Fall" and "Masters of War" still resonate today, and Dylan's "All Along The Watchtower" helped introduce us to a hard-working blues guitarist named

16.  Jimi Hendrix

who forever changed the way guitarists would approach their instrument.  Jimi emptied the tank on every live performance, and his set at Woodstock goes down as one of the best ever.  His rendition of the National Anthem (with the quote of "Taps" in the middle), complete with dive-bombing pick screeches, muddy feedback and hypnotic wails stirred hearts and provoked anger from older generations who dismissed it as disrespectful.  No matter.  Jimi ran the gamut from top 40 radio hits like "Crosstown Traffic," "The Wind Cries Mary" and "Foxy Lady" to unrestrained rockers like "Watchtower," "Manic Depression" and "Purple Haze."  And he did it all left-handed!

17.  B.B. King
18.  Muddy Waters
19.  John Lee Hooker
20.  Robert Johnson

Well, there's more names to mention than just these ones, right?  After the avalanche of late 20th century artists who made more than a living capitalizing on the back catalog of American blues musicians, you'd be well in your right mind to listen to as much of it as you can.  Eric Clapton, Stevie Ray Vaughn, The Allman Brothers and so many more did, and it's the roots of rock music today.

21.  Eric Clapton

"Slowhand" was the centerpiece of The Yardbirds, Cream, Derek and the Dominos, The Bluesbreakers and Blind Faith.  His own solo career racked up hit after hit, and when fans declared "Eric Clapton is God," they meant it.

22.  Miles Davis
23.  John Coltrane
24.  Billie Holiday
25.  Louis Armstrong
26.  Charlie Parker
27.  Dizzie Gillespie
28.  Count Basie
29.  Charles Mingus
30.  Dave Brubeck

You'd be remiss if you didn't let your kids listen to jazz.  If you don't want to pick up some kind of instrument after listening to any of these artists, you have a tin ear or no soul.  Jazz is said to be the only true American art form, and I believe it.  The ability to improvise is crucial to jazz, and the music changes based on the mood of the performer.  It's rich, it's intricate, it's challenging, and the fact that the focus of jazz is more often on the solos than on vocals means that your mind can paint a picture of anything, and not just an interpretation of the lyrics.

31.  Johnny Cash

The Man In Black had a career that couldn't be constrained by the genre that we call Country Music.  Cash worked in that format with the "train-chugging-along" rhythm of his guitar, the dark honey baritone of his voice, and the lyrics just this side of the jailhouse bars.  "Killed a man in Reno just to watch him die?"  Pure poetry.  The mariachi sound of "Ring of Fire" (the Preparation H folks had been bidding on that song to use in a commercial for decades but Cash wouldn't budge, and now neither will his estate), the vow of faithfulness in "I Walk The Line," the happy, lilting guitar part to "Folsom Prison Blues," and the pop-ballad tribute to hangovers in "Sunday Morning Coming Down" all contribute to a musical legacy that will remain unmatched for a long, long time.

32.  Elton John

A certified hit machine, Elton John and his writing partner Bernie Taupin have six Grammies and a list of top 40 singles as long as your arm.  "Rocket Man," "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road," "Bennie and the Jets," "Someone Saved My Life Tonight," and "Your Song" are just the start of it; there's probably an Elton John song being played on a radio station, right now, somewhere.  I'd bet a rhinestone jacket and a feather boa on it.

33.  The Sex Pistols
34.  The Clash
35.  The Ramones
36.  Black Flag

I'm probably not going to let my daughter listen to some of this stuff until she's older, but Punk Rock, which always favored attitude over ability (the mirror opposite to Classical Music), was the next wave of protest music, the backlash to the disco era and the beginning of the DIY (do it yourself) era of music.  Punk Rock was three chords, spitting vocals, lyrics that found the line, jumped over it and pissed on the other side.  Songs were delivered like gunfire, strafing the enemy in short bursts and leaving nothing standing.  And speaking of music I might wait a while before I introduce my daughter to;

37.  Public Enemy
38.  Tupac Shakur
39.  Eminem
40.  Notorious B.I.G.
41.  Jay Z

This list is a blog in itself.  Chuck D. of Public Enemy once called rap music "CNN for black people," but rap and hip hop have found themselves a place in the ears of white America, too.  For every thug rap act, you can turn around and name a positive one, so I'm not even going to go down that street.  But you cannot deny that rap artists have the best lyrics (and please don't write to me with the hinky ones, I've heard them, believe me).  They tell stories from their life, they call people and institutions out with no fear, they press people to move and take action, they tell people to party a little bit, and they tell you to hold ya head up, but keep ya head down.  Misogyny and glorification of drugs and alcohol aside, I think Langston Hughes would be proud.

42.  Aerosmith
43.  Kiss
44.  Alice Cooper

You know that genre of music that includes Motley Crue, Poison, Twisted Sister, Dokken and Guns 'N Roses?  Those three artists started all of that.

45.  Deep Purple
46.  Judas Priest
47.  Black Sabbath

You know that genre of music that includes Metallica, Megadeth, Iron Maiden, Slayer and Anthrax? Those three artists stared all of that.

48.  David Bowie
49.  Madonna

Fashion is tied inexorably to popular music, and these two artists did it better than anyone.  Constantly evolving, changing looks, changing characters, changing sounds and keeping everyone on their toes, David Bowie and Madonna can boast as many imitators as they can hit singles.  It takes a genius to create a persona that everyone likes, much less half a dozen or more.

50.  Bruce Springsteen

I almost hesitate to mention The Boss because of personal bias in favor of his work, but you can't deny his work.  Bruce possesses the power of being able to tap into the emotions of the blue collar backbone of America, and even though his populist lyrics don't always paint a pretty picture, he never lies to you.  Love hurts, cars break down, times are tough and the things we put our trust in can disappoint us.  Friends die, but the show must go on, so clock in and get to work.  And if that means putting in overtime, so be it.  "The River," "Born In The USA," "Thunder Road," and a few hundred more songs that Bruce sweat over can make you cry, make you cheer, make you decide to work a little harder, love a little more, and maybe even forgive someone because they're small and weak and just as scared as you are.

I don't mind feedback.  I'm sure that my exclusion of any Classical music or my breezing over of a genre is going to create the illusion that I don't care for that music, and the simple truth is that I might just not be a fan, or have enough information about that genre to speak intelligently about it.

But I will close in saying this; if you have kids, give them the opportunity to explore the music that came before the pop music that they're listening to, encourage them to be curious, and maybe they'll discover Lou Reed and the Velvet Underground, or Rage Against The Machine, or Dion and the Belmonts, or the O'Jays, or Blondie, Pat Benatar, Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, or any of the thousands of musical artists who put their work out there, and maybe they'll thank you for it.

I Don't Understand About Sam

Yesterday, I heard the news for the first time about Michael Sam, the defensive end for the University of Missouri football team who won the Defensive Player of the Year award for the SEC, one of the toughest (if not THE toughest) conference in college football.  He shared the honor with another player, Alabama's C.J. Mosely, but that in no way diminishes his accomplishment.

I'm no fan of college football, but to excel in that particular arena is difficult, to say the least.  In the NFL, a standout player is judged out of a field of about 1,700 players.  In the college ranks, there are over 65,000 players in Division 1 alone.  If you're the best, you're the best of the best, you've worked harder and performed at a very high level consistently for an entire season of competition, as well as taking on a full load of college courses.

There's no shirking.  If your grades fail, you're in danger of being tossed off the team.  If you miss a day in the gym, don't watch your diet, fall behind in sleep, succumb to the temptations of drugs or alcohol, or let the mental stress get to you, you're going to be a step behind on the field.

Michael Sam didn't shirk.  He completed his degree in Parks, Recreation and Tourism and posted a phenomenal senior year on the field; 11 1/2 sacks and a forced fumble in the Cotton Bowl that was returned for a touchdown and secured the victory for Missouri.

And now the word from some of the decision makers in the NFL is that Sam wouldn't be a very good player, that he wouldn't mesh in an NFL locker room, that he would be a "distraction."  Why would anyone in the NFL say that?  The NFL is made up of former college football players who graduated from college and moved on to the next level.  The best players are chosen to move on, and Sam has proven that he is among the best of the best.

Why would the NFL say that?  That he would be a "distraction?"

Is there a team in the NFL that wouldn't want a defensive end capable of getting to the quarterback 11 1/2 times in a season?  A defensive end who has the discipline to crack the books while keeping himself fit and healthy in order to fit into a system that posted a 12-2 record in one of the toughest college football conferences?

Apparently there are.

The NFL over the years has been able to tolerate some questionable characters.  Michael Vick, who plays today, had a history of being involved with dogfighting and the mistreatment of animals.  Ray Lewis went on trial for murder.  Plaxico Burress accidentally shot himself in the leg while carrying a glock pistol in his pocket into a nightclub.  Marshawn Lynch had his driver's license revoked after hitting a pedestrian and speeding off back in 2008.  Warren Moon was a wife-beater.

As a matter of fact, if you google NFL player arrests, you'll find dozens of drug-related charges, battery charges, at least one case of child abuse, and a plethora of DUI's, DWI's and various criminal charges that run the spectrum.  Many of these players still got to play.  Ray Lewis, after his murder trial (which I guess wasn't much of a distraction), went on to be a Super Bowl MVP.

But Michael Sam wouldn't fit into this group for some reason.  He would be a distraction, so much so that a team wouldn't be able to maintain unit cohesiveness, succeed, and win games.

Although the University of Missouri was able to do that.  They won games, they went 12-2 and won the Cotton Bowl.

If I had a say in what decisions an NFL team would make, say my beloved Buffalo Bills; if I had the opportunity to draft a player who could make a significant contribution to our defense, who could fit into a system, work hard, rise to the top of his position and help us win games, I would draft Michael Sam in a Missouri minute.

But I'm no NFL professional scout, I'm not a coach, I have no background in such things.  I guess I don't understand what goes on in an NFL locker room.  I don't recognize a distraction when I see one.

I guess there's a lot of things I don't see.