You know how I figure out if someone I've just met, like at a cocktail party or something, is worth talking to or not? I ask them their favorite Blue Oyster Cult song. Based on the answer, I'll decide how to treat them. There are several levels, like the rings of hell in Dante's "Inferno."
If someone mentions "Harvester of Eyes," "Astronomy," "E.T.I." or something cool like that, we're going drinking. Unkle Roger, dearly departed disc jockey from WCMF, loved "E.T.I." and that made him a cool motherfucker in my book and I hope they find the person responsible for his death because a cool guy like Unk shouldn't go out like that.
The next ring would be songs like "Godzilla" or "Cities On Flame." These are deep cuts, but still get enough radio airplay that they're considered fairly common. A mention of these will still get you into the brotherhood, and I'll talk as long as you want.
The next layer is "Don't Fear The Reaper" or "Burnin' For You." These are the most common Blue Oyster Cult songs and they don't require any special fan appreciation to pooch out. As a matter of fact, if these are the only song titles the person can produce, I usually write them off at that point as a walking waste, either too young to know any better or too lame to matter. I won't be more inconsiderate to them than I would a stranger on a bus who wants to talk about the weather, but basically, we're in the same neighborhood.
Almost to the bottom of the rings, there's the response "I don't have a favorite song" or "Who is Blue Oyster Cult?" or worse yet, "I don't like them." The truth of this is that Blue Oyster Cult was always a group that required a little imagination to like; they weren't singing about love and relationships, and when they did, it was something dark like a suicide pact or a sado-masochistic sexual affair. To admit that you don't like them or didn't take enough time to get familiar with the material basically is an admission that you're a second class person, more concerned with style over substance, and you're part of the problem (and by that, I mean *all* the problems....teenage pregnancy, overcrowding in our cities, hunger in the third world, gang violence, the poisoning of our food supply by contamination, and the prospect that the Earth will be struck by a huge meteor). I'm sorry, even if you think you're innocent, you're not, and if you're not willing to take the blame, then it's my civic duty to hang that shit around your neck. For Christ's sake, just get one of the live albums and work your way through it. It's not that hard, and you'll be a better person for it.
The bottom ring is reserved for folks whose only exposure to BOC is that sketch that Will Ferrell and Christopher Walken did on Saturday Night Live where they talk about needing more cowbell. If you're a young punk and that's all you've got, I blame it on your parents. They obviously didn't love you very much, or realized that you were "special needs" and couldn't handle anything more. That's a shame, but not everyone gets the nurturing that they deserve.
Will Ferrell is a putz. If you think he's funny, you can't name a Blue Oyster Cult song. You need to draw yourself a bath, plug in a toaster and drop that motherfucker right in the water. You'll be doing us all a favor. Actually, if there's any way you can get Ferrell to take a bath with a toaster, that might earn you some points, but you'll still have to learn a song or two.
Now, you're reading my blog, so I automatically think you're a decent person, but you still have to do the work. If for some reason you never got savvy to Blue Oyster Cult, I'll help you along. You can probably look these songs up on YouTube or download them to your iPod or if you're really interested in being a top-notch human being, you can buy the old albums or CD's and listen to them at home. But here's a good list to start with.
From their debut, "Blue Oyster Cult" listen to "Transmaniacon MC," "Stairway To The Stars," "She's as Beautiful As a Foot," "Cities On Flame with Rock and Roll," or "Workshop of the Telescopes."
From "Tyranny and Mutation," try "O.D'd on Life Itself" or "Hot Rails To Hell."
"Secret Treaties" yields "Career of Evil," "Dominance and Submission," "ME 262," "Harvester of Eyes," and "Astronomy."
"Agents of Fortune" features "This Ain't The Summer of Love," "(Don't Fear) The Reaper," and "E.T.I. (Extra Terrestrial Intelligence)."
From the "Spectres" l.p., check out "Godzilla," "R.U. Ready 2 Rock" (doing the initials thing before Prince ever did!) and "Goin' Through The Motions" (featuring Ian Hunter!)
The "Mirrors" album is excellent, and you'll enjoy "I Am The Storm" and "In Thee."
The phenomenally titled "Cultosaurus Erectus" has the fine tracks "Black Blade," "The Marshall Plan" and "Lips In The Hills."
"Fire of Unknown Origin" is the album you may be the most familiar with, with the hit song "Burnin' For You," but also "Veteran of the Psychic Wars" from the Heavy Metal movie soundtrack album.
"The Revolution By Night" is amazing, and you can enjoy the songs "Take Me Away," "Shooting Shark" (featuring bass guitar work by American Idol's Randy Jackson), "Veins" and "Let Go."
"Club Ninja" has a pair of Bob Halligan songs (he's a famous songwriter for many cool bands such as Judas Priest, Helix and others) "Make Rock Not War" and "Beat 'Em Up" but you may also enjoy "Dancin' In The Ruins" and "White Flags." You might also enjoy "Perfect Water."
"Imaginos" needs to be listened to all the way through, but if you're gonna cherry-pick the songs, how about "I Am The One You Warned Me Of," "In The Presence of Another World," "Del Rio's Song," "Astronomy" (they re-did the song) and "Blue Oyster Cult." This was also the last album to feature Albert and Joe Bouchard.
"Heaven Forbid" was their reunion album, and features many great songs including "See You In Black," "Harvest Moon," "X-Ray Eyes," "Live For Me," and an acoustic rendering of "In Thee."
And their last studio album, released in 2001, "Curse of the Hidden Mirror" features the songs "Pocket" and "Here Comes That Feeling."
And like I said before, any of the live albums are good, and they usually put one out every three or four albums, to connotate a change in style or direction.
So go on, enjoy some good music and listen to the lyrics because there's a lot of good stuff going on in there. If you're more of a pop music person, and you like singles and you listen to music but don't really listen to the words, then you're doing your brain the same disservice you'd be doing your body if you ate ice cream all the time and never ate any vegetables.
And I'll never, ever tell you which category my wife falls into....there's a marriage at stake here. But I've tried to start righting some wrongs and I've played a few CD's in the car when I've taken Harmony to school, and she seems receptive. Good habits begin when we're young.....
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
Friday, July 17, 2009
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Cat Scratch Fever (Ted Nugent)
Good morning, North America, and anyone else who cares to read. Rather than get a good night's sleep, I decided to toss and turn and keep flipping the pillow to the "cool" side, and finally, I've just said "fuck it" and thought I would blog....it's been a couple of weeks, and I've been piss-poor about keeping in touch.
Stuff on the comedy front's been few and far between, and by design, as I thought I would spend the Summer doing family stuff and spending time with Pammey and Harmony. We've mostly done that, but the weather around here has been decidedly un-summer-like. We've always kept cool by installing two window unit air conditioners on either side of the apartment, but this year, we've only run them once....for the most part, the outdoor temperature has run only into the low 70's, and at night, we're down into the low 50's. I'm not complaining because we're saving a ton of money on our electric bill, but little things are being affected. I usually take advantage of the warm weather to hang clothing on the clothesline out in the backyard, but we really haven't had any days that were hot (or dry) enough to pull that off. Also, you can't really mow your grass when it's wet, and it's been perpetually wet out there. My backyard looks like a jungle! I planted some pepper seeds earlier in the year and I was worried that I wouldn't be around to water them enough, but they've gotten plenty of water, now I'm worried about the sunlight!
If I had things to keep me busy, I guess I wouldn't be so down on the weather, but it's been a lot of "sit around and wait" around here. I did a "Dash For Dollars" gameshow date at D'Youville College in Buffalo last week, and I have another one Wednesday night and a third one this coming Sunday night as part of D'Youville's freshman orientation. The Incredible Cash Cube had a small stress fracture to be taken care of, and as luck would have it, there is a welding shop right around the corner from my house....walking distance, actually. They got the piece back into shape, and then my comedy buddy Ray Salah's father helped me replace some missing fasteners with his 50+ year collection of screws and bolts. The D'Youville folks were awesome and it's a great performance space...I'm looking forward to the next two shows, knowing that it's a good situation.
I did a standup date at a club called Dubland Underground on July 4th weekend. I was concerned that the club wouldn't draw very well, but they actually had a good group down in the basement club. I shared the stage with Rochester comedians Paris, Joe Cumbo, Katie Wood, Billy T. Anglin and Dan Maslyn. I didn't know how long of a show I was going to do, what with it being a very young crowd, but they hung out with me for 45 minutes or more and I had a good time with it. This past weekend, I was supposed to do a comedy train in Vermont with Steve "The Nuclear Guy," but reservations were thin and they pulled the plug on the show. I was sad to see the shows not come off, but after 20 years in this business, I understand that no Summer gig is completely secure.
So with no work for the weekend, I attended two weekend gatherings, on Saturday, a birthday party for our friends Maria and Billy Griffin's son Aidan who was turning 9, and on Sunday, a birthday party for our friend Mike Visconte who was turning 60. Saturday's party was enjoyable, and even though I was upset about the loss of work, I decided not to be a grouch about it, and I kept to myself until folks coaxed me out of my shell. The star attraction of the cookout, in my opinion, was Billy's food, where he put his restaurant experience to good use and rustled up some top-notch grub. His burgers were so thick, you could've chocked the wheels of a 747 with 'em. And they were incredibly juicy; they didn't need one condiment, just a fresh burger bun.
Mike's party was big on the grub, too, with a combination of standard cookout food, birthday cake, and Italian cuisine. The hots were huge, and there were plenty of them, and even though it got a little cool later in the evening, there was a lively discussion courtesy of the party guests, many of whom are teachers, involved in the City School District in some way, or like Pam and myself, have a child that is school-age. One of the guests was a truck driver for Wegman's, and after having seen him at the last few get-togethers at Mike and Fran's, I found out that he worked for my father for years over at Boise Cascade. He told me stories about my father that I'd never heard before, stories that made me laugh and made me incredibly proud of my dad (not that I wasn't already proud of him). I knew he was well-liked at his job, and this gentleman told me that he actually turned down a promotion so that he could keep working for my father. It was great to hear those stories, and sad, too, because I love to hear good things about my father, but I hate being reminded that he's no longer with us.
We're still getting over our recent loss in the family, and yesterday, I had to take one of Dina's cats into the vet for shots and a pedicure so that he and his sister could be handed over to one of Dina's co-workers who volunteered to take the animals on. Chester, the cat in question, is not a friendly guy, and he's scratched and bitten everyone who's come into contact with him. So who's the natural choice of person to take him to the vet? Me. The guy who's on blood thinners and doesn't clot very well.
In the past, when I've gone to the apartment to feed Chester and his sister Fauna, Chester's been friendly to me, and I figured I'd have a decent chance of getting out of the operation unscathed, but I was going to have to be clever. I grabbed an old towel, and started petting Chester, slowly wrapping him up in it and picking him up and moving him towards the ol' cat carrier. The carrier was fairly big, but even *I* don't like seeing it because we've taken at least four cats to be put down in it, and if I were a cat with a hunter's sense of smell, I think I would detect the stench of death. I made sure to get Chester's front paws wrapped up, but the problem appendages were those back feet, powerful pouncing haunches that somehow stopped me from completing the delivery of cat into carrier.
I tried another time, and then finally I realized that I was being too gentle, and for no good reason, and shoved him into the carrier. I got the door fastened, and with nary a scratch. I got Chester into the car, and played some soothing music for him and opened the back window so he could enjoy the fresh air. I actually didn't know which station he would like to hear the most, so I picked 100.5 The Drive because they had New Music Monday; no reason for both of us to be pissed off.
I got Chester over to the veterinarian, and the vet went to work like a ninja; he clipped Chester's nails in less than a minute, and administered a couple of booster shots, and it was all over. I explained that it wasn't my cat, and that I didn't want to get scratched because of my being on blood thinners, and a young lady was called in to do the holding. She grabbed Chester by the scruff of the neck, which to us looks pretty aggressive, but is really no more uncomfortable to a cat than a firm handshake. After everything was done, the young lady opened the door to the cat carrier, led Chester in by his front paws, and he complied like it was the most natural thing in the world. "This is bullshit!" I protested. "Please, can't you make it look like it was at least a *little* bit of a struggle?" The vets laughed. They explained that it's all in the intimidation factor, and when it's your cat, you've got no shot at intimidating them because they know you. I've got to get tougher with the family pets if I expect any cooperation, and we've only got one cat now, Little Monet (I'm not sure that the "Little" part is actually her name, but that's what we call her all the time, so it's stuck), and she's pretty skittish to begin with. Although in the morning she gets pretty friendly and she even lets Harmony pick her up and carry her around, so maybe she's not that skittish after all.
This week, we're hosting our own shindig at the Millennium Lodge, and on a Saturday rather than our regular Sunday date. We've tried to get all of our invites out by e-mail, but as always, some folks fall through the cracks, so if you didn't get an invite, it's not because we don't want you to come, we just don't have a comprehensive, all-inclusive list! If you're interested in coming, here's the info, courtesy of Pamela:
Please join us for an afternoon of fun at the Greece Canal Park's Millennium Lodge,
on Saturday, July 18th, 2009!
http://www.monroecounty.gov/parks-greececanal.php
Food hits the grill at noon. We supply the hots and hamburgers, soda and waters. We'd love it if you'd like to bring a dish, chips, or dessert to share, if you can.
There's a playground there, as well as three tennis courts, and a soccer/baseball field! Come prepared to have fun! Bring any games/balls/equipment that you'd like as well!
We'll be there all day, from Noon until 9PM!
Drop-in any time - stay for as long as you'd like!
Please RSVP (Pam's email: CoolGrrl28@aol.com or Ralph's email: YuksOnMe@aol.com or our home phone: 585-254-6256) by July 15th so we buy enough supplies!
We look forward to having some fun in the sun with YOU!
Next week: Ralph has jury duty, a gig in West Virginia (can't do 'em both at the same time, let's see how this shakes out), Mom comes visiting from Florida, and MUCH MUCH MORE! Stay tuned everybody! Also, in August, I'll be teaching another round of comedy classes (because the last ones were so popular) and you can find the info at http://www.thecomedyclub.us/Comedy_Classes.html. If you want to be funny, or know someone who you think would be interested, pass it along. I made the classes cheap for the summer, and we've got some returning folks from our June session, so it should be a lot of fun.
Thanks for reading!
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
Stuff on the comedy front's been few and far between, and by design, as I thought I would spend the Summer doing family stuff and spending time with Pammey and Harmony. We've mostly done that, but the weather around here has been decidedly un-summer-like. We've always kept cool by installing two window unit air conditioners on either side of the apartment, but this year, we've only run them once....for the most part, the outdoor temperature has run only into the low 70's, and at night, we're down into the low 50's. I'm not complaining because we're saving a ton of money on our electric bill, but little things are being affected. I usually take advantage of the warm weather to hang clothing on the clothesline out in the backyard, but we really haven't had any days that were hot (or dry) enough to pull that off. Also, you can't really mow your grass when it's wet, and it's been perpetually wet out there. My backyard looks like a jungle! I planted some pepper seeds earlier in the year and I was worried that I wouldn't be around to water them enough, but they've gotten plenty of water, now I'm worried about the sunlight!
If I had things to keep me busy, I guess I wouldn't be so down on the weather, but it's been a lot of "sit around and wait" around here. I did a "Dash For Dollars" gameshow date at D'Youville College in Buffalo last week, and I have another one Wednesday night and a third one this coming Sunday night as part of D'Youville's freshman orientation. The Incredible Cash Cube had a small stress fracture to be taken care of, and as luck would have it, there is a welding shop right around the corner from my house....walking distance, actually. They got the piece back into shape, and then my comedy buddy Ray Salah's father helped me replace some missing fasteners with his 50+ year collection of screws and bolts. The D'Youville folks were awesome and it's a great performance space...I'm looking forward to the next two shows, knowing that it's a good situation.
I did a standup date at a club called Dubland Underground on July 4th weekend. I was concerned that the club wouldn't draw very well, but they actually had a good group down in the basement club. I shared the stage with Rochester comedians Paris, Joe Cumbo, Katie Wood, Billy T. Anglin and Dan Maslyn. I didn't know how long of a show I was going to do, what with it being a very young crowd, but they hung out with me for 45 minutes or more and I had a good time with it. This past weekend, I was supposed to do a comedy train in Vermont with Steve "The Nuclear Guy," but reservations were thin and they pulled the plug on the show. I was sad to see the shows not come off, but after 20 years in this business, I understand that no Summer gig is completely secure.
So with no work for the weekend, I attended two weekend gatherings, on Saturday, a birthday party for our friends Maria and Billy Griffin's son Aidan who was turning 9, and on Sunday, a birthday party for our friend Mike Visconte who was turning 60. Saturday's party was enjoyable, and even though I was upset about the loss of work, I decided not to be a grouch about it, and I kept to myself until folks coaxed me out of my shell. The star attraction of the cookout, in my opinion, was Billy's food, where he put his restaurant experience to good use and rustled up some top-notch grub. His burgers were so thick, you could've chocked the wheels of a 747 with 'em. And they were incredibly juicy; they didn't need one condiment, just a fresh burger bun.
Mike's party was big on the grub, too, with a combination of standard cookout food, birthday cake, and Italian cuisine. The hots were huge, and there were plenty of them, and even though it got a little cool later in the evening, there was a lively discussion courtesy of the party guests, many of whom are teachers, involved in the City School District in some way, or like Pam and myself, have a child that is school-age. One of the guests was a truck driver for Wegman's, and after having seen him at the last few get-togethers at Mike and Fran's, I found out that he worked for my father for years over at Boise Cascade. He told me stories about my father that I'd never heard before, stories that made me laugh and made me incredibly proud of my dad (not that I wasn't already proud of him). I knew he was well-liked at his job, and this gentleman told me that he actually turned down a promotion so that he could keep working for my father. It was great to hear those stories, and sad, too, because I love to hear good things about my father, but I hate being reminded that he's no longer with us.
We're still getting over our recent loss in the family, and yesterday, I had to take one of Dina's cats into the vet for shots and a pedicure so that he and his sister could be handed over to one of Dina's co-workers who volunteered to take the animals on. Chester, the cat in question, is not a friendly guy, and he's scratched and bitten everyone who's come into contact with him. So who's the natural choice of person to take him to the vet? Me. The guy who's on blood thinners and doesn't clot very well.
In the past, when I've gone to the apartment to feed Chester and his sister Fauna, Chester's been friendly to me, and I figured I'd have a decent chance of getting out of the operation unscathed, but I was going to have to be clever. I grabbed an old towel, and started petting Chester, slowly wrapping him up in it and picking him up and moving him towards the ol' cat carrier. The carrier was fairly big, but even *I* don't like seeing it because we've taken at least four cats to be put down in it, and if I were a cat with a hunter's sense of smell, I think I would detect the stench of death. I made sure to get Chester's front paws wrapped up, but the problem appendages were those back feet, powerful pouncing haunches that somehow stopped me from completing the delivery of cat into carrier.
I tried another time, and then finally I realized that I was being too gentle, and for no good reason, and shoved him into the carrier. I got the door fastened, and with nary a scratch. I got Chester into the car, and played some soothing music for him and opened the back window so he could enjoy the fresh air. I actually didn't know which station he would like to hear the most, so I picked 100.5 The Drive because they had New Music Monday; no reason for both of us to be pissed off.
I got Chester over to the veterinarian, and the vet went to work like a ninja; he clipped Chester's nails in less than a minute, and administered a couple of booster shots, and it was all over. I explained that it wasn't my cat, and that I didn't want to get scratched because of my being on blood thinners, and a young lady was called in to do the holding. She grabbed Chester by the scruff of the neck, which to us looks pretty aggressive, but is really no more uncomfortable to a cat than a firm handshake. After everything was done, the young lady opened the door to the cat carrier, led Chester in by his front paws, and he complied like it was the most natural thing in the world. "This is bullshit!" I protested. "Please, can't you make it look like it was at least a *little* bit of a struggle?" The vets laughed. They explained that it's all in the intimidation factor, and when it's your cat, you've got no shot at intimidating them because they know you. I've got to get tougher with the family pets if I expect any cooperation, and we've only got one cat now, Little Monet (I'm not sure that the "Little" part is actually her name, but that's what we call her all the time, so it's stuck), and she's pretty skittish to begin with. Although in the morning she gets pretty friendly and she even lets Harmony pick her up and carry her around, so maybe she's not that skittish after all.
This week, we're hosting our own shindig at the Millennium Lodge, and on a Saturday rather than our regular Sunday date. We've tried to get all of our invites out by e-mail, but as always, some folks fall through the cracks, so if you didn't get an invite, it's not because we don't want you to come, we just don't have a comprehensive, all-inclusive list! If you're interested in coming, here's the info, courtesy of Pamela:
Please join us for an afternoon of fun at the Greece Canal Park's Millennium Lodge,
on Saturday, July 18th, 2009!
http://www.monroecounty.gov/parks-greececanal.php
Food hits the grill at noon. We supply the hots and hamburgers, soda and waters. We'd love it if you'd like to bring a dish, chips, or dessert to share, if you can.
There's a playground there, as well as three tennis courts, and a soccer/baseball field! Come prepared to have fun! Bring any games/balls/equipment that you'd like as well!
We'll be there all day, from Noon until 9PM!
Drop-in any time - stay for as long as you'd like!
Please RSVP (Pam's email: CoolGrrl28@aol.com or Ralph's email: YuksOnMe@aol.com or our home phone: 585-254-6256) by July 15th so we buy enough supplies!
We look forward to having some fun in the sun with YOU!
Next week: Ralph has jury duty, a gig in West Virginia (can't do 'em both at the same time, let's see how this shakes out), Mom comes visiting from Florida, and MUCH MUCH MORE! Stay tuned everybody! Also, in August, I'll be teaching another round of comedy classes (because the last ones were so popular) and you can find the info at http://www.thecomedyclub.us/Comedy_Classes.html. If you want to be funny, or know someone who you think would be interested, pass it along. I made the classes cheap for the summer, and we've got some returning folks from our June session, so it should be a lot of fun.
Thanks for reading!
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
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