I wish you a Merry Christmas and a happy new year, just as I have done for years. This year, unlike those in the past, finds my mind filled with questions and my heart filled with uncertainty.
The arguments against Christmas are fairly common, and you've probably heard them before; the discussion of Christ's birth not occurring in December and the celebration being held in the winter to coincide with a pagan celebration as not to get early Christians into hot water; the argument against the crass commercialism of the holiday, the drive to spend more, the hectic pace of the holiday and the entire month that precedes it.
I've been brought to question the entire holiday in a crisis of faith; I discovered this year the parallels between the life of Jesus Christ and the Egyptian god Osiris. Osiris, otherwise known as "The Good Shepherd" was a savior god who died and was resurrected, was born of a virgin, was baptized by a man who was later beheaded, and was betrayed by a close confidant. When I was young, I was always sceptical about religion and later came to trust in Jesus Christ, and now I'm growing sceptical again. If Christ is nothing more than a construct, cobbled together using elements of Egyptian mythology, then my religion is based on a lie and my faith is unfounded. If Christ is really the Messiah and his tale has been embellished by men, then I question their purposes for the deception and don't know what exactly to believe. Christmas, then, falls under the microscope and becomes suspect either way.
I would happily follow a false religion, or a true religion that was "beefed up" with pagan lore, so long as that religion helped me live a just life, be kind to my fellow man and do no harm. In that case, I would welcome the deception. The one factor that keeps me hanging on is that the divinity of Jesus Christ is so widespread and has been so strong throughout history that I find it hard to believe that so many were successfully misled, but the parallels to the Osiris myth (that predates Christ) are hard to ignore. It is difficult, to say the least, to swallow the idea that it is simply a coincidence.
I dealt with this crisis of confidence for about six months, and then December 7th came and it was time to put up the tree. So, then, I decorated my house this year and put up our Christmas tree, largely for the enjoyment of our five-year-old, Harmony. I explained that the giving of gifts to children on Christmas was a tradition to remind us of the gifts that the Magi brought baby Jesus, but she didn't entirely understand it; she just knows that Santa Claus has eight reindeer, nine if you count Rudolph, and that the front porch was pretty with the multi-colored lights, but that we needed some reindeer or a snowman or Santa Claus (maybe next year...I cut down two trees in order to decorate the porch this year).
A screening of A Christmas Carol starring Patrick Stewart the other night also brought pause; the tale by Victorian author Charles Dickens addressed the ills of his time. Dickens was commenting on the poverty caused by the industrial age and the subsequent harsh treatment of the poor in England. Using the formula of the day, Dickens identified a social problem (the mistreatment of the poor by the wealthy and powerful), symbolized that problem with one character (Ebeneezer Scrooge), caused that character to go through trials (the visitation by the three ghosts representing memory, empathy and fear of death), and finally to undergo a conversion (purchasing a Christmas goose for the Cratchit family, raising Bob's wages and becoming a "second father" to Tiny Tim.
This brought pause because it is the first time I have ever seen a production of A Christmas Carol and fully understood the message; this is not the author's depiction of the conversion of one man, but an attempt to cause society, his society, to look upon itself and correct what he perceived to be their grave mistakes. That is what I wish to do. There are too many in this country that feel that we all must "go it alone," that government, which represents the common will and common desires, is intrusive and oppressive rather than supportive of our collective well-being. We spend on guns without thinking but weigh the price of butter, we trumpet personal responsibility but whimper in defense of the weakest among us. We wish each other Merry Christmas without much thought as to how likely that is to the recipient of our well-wishes and in the absence of that likelihood what we could do to insure it or provide it.
We need to change that, and fast. We need to be lovers of men and not profit, fearful of ignorance and want, celebrants of our families and our communities and our children. We need true joy, whether it come from the deep abiding faith in a messiah, born in a manger two thousand years ago, or in the smile on the face of a child who looks up to us and trusts us to maintain the spirit of generosity and protection, or to allow ourselves to soak in the presence of our fellow man, tipping his hat and wishing "Merry Christmas," and knowing that Peace on Earth is something that resides in all of our hearts.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
The Miracle (Queen)
Well now.
Thanks for checking in. I always appreciate anyone who reads me, particularly these days when there's so many other things going on; war, economy, health care, angst, rhetoric, reality TV shows, sports, etc, etc, etc.
I'm a comedian, but when I blog, it's never funny. I intentionally write it straight, for the purposes of having a journal that my daughter (or anyone who cares) can someday peruse to see what it was like being me. It's a tool to capture the essence of my day-to-day life, working as a professional entertainer.
Well, last time around, I talked about some medical issues I had with my kidneys. I was scheduled for a CAT scan and was waiting for the insurance company to give the thumbs-up.
Instead, they stuck the thumb in my eye.
The rejection letter read, in part; "Based on CareCore medical necessity criteria for 72912-CAT Scan of hips without dye: the history provided of a 42 year old male with recent worsening kidney function does not demonstrate sufficient medical necessity to justify certification of the examination at this time. There is no evidence of flank pain, blood in the urine or other clinical findings or conditions indicating the requested study."
I was given the right to appeal, but basically my doctor was told to move forward with my treatment without the opportunity to fully diagnose my condition. The thing I was never able to completely understand was the statement that there was no evidence of blood in the urine, when that is the condition that prompted my nephrologist to order the test in the first place.
I was angry when I got word that I was rejected. I'm sure a lot of that was fear, but it came out as anger. For a few weeks, I worried that I might have cancer, kidney failure that would lead to dialysis, or who knows what else. The cancer situation is one that we talk about quite frequently in comedy. These days, a lot of clubs are smoke-free, but when you're an old war-horse like me, you've spent many a night in a comedy club that looked like London when the fog rolled in. Cancer is starting to make its presence known in quite a few comedians, and we've already lost a few.
My nephrologist decided to go forward with blood cultures. I provided all the blood they asked for, about 11 tubes, and a urine sample. I had to go back once because they merged two of the samples, one had to be kept warm and the other kept cool, and they put 'em together. On Thursday, I saw my regular doctor, and he prompted me to make a call to the nephrologist. I did, and received some wonderful news.
My nephrologist's assistant told me that the blood was gone from my urine. The bacteria had disappeared, too.
While I was down in Texas and Oklahoma the week before, I had some chest congestion that turned out to be a minor strep infection. Due to the fragile nature of my kidneys, it was manifesting as blood in my urine (bacteria, too, but you couldn't see it). I took three days that I had off to rest in a hotel room, drinking water, cranberry juice, taking zinc (I'm not allowed anything stronger) and staying warm, which wasn't difficult. I was able to kick the disease, with only a few remnants by the time I got home.
Last Thursday, I was getting ready to perform at Danny Liberto's open mic at Dewey's, and my nephrologist called me....this was almost 9 o'clock at night. He confirmed what his assistant told me, and added that my case was not at all typical. In his words, a strep infection severe enough to cause blood to appear in my urine should not have been so quickly dismissed by my body at my age; a clearing-up of infections of this type are typical only in pediatric cases. He went on to say that in medicine, you certainly don't want to be interesting; you're in much better shape to be an average, run-of-the-mill type case. It's easier to be diagnosed and treated.
Still, if I was to be atypical, I'm glad I wound up on this side of the coin rather than contracting some sort of kidney-based Ebola virus that no one had ever seen before.
I joked a little with the doctor, pointing out that comedians usually live into their 80's, 90's and more and that measured on that scale, I am about adolescent in my development. Whether or not that had anything to do with me getting over this brief health scare is questionable, but at least I'm out of the woods, assuming that a CAT Scan wouldn't have revealed any latent illness that is just waiting to come and claim me somewhere down the line.
The lessons to be learned here seem to be 1) Drink water and cranberry juice, 2) Worry is the misuse of imagination, and 3) There is something terribly wrong when an insurance agent who is supposed to be facilitating health care is allowed to come between a doctor and his patient.
I went and delivered another round of blood samples today, as my nephrologist wants to keep monitoring me for any change (oh, and by the way, the last time around, my declining kidney values actually went up, which was nothing short of amazing to me) and I have another appointment next week with my primary health care physician. This week, it's off to Maine, where I have a couple of standup comedy performances scheduled at two of the University of Maine campuses.
Thanks to everyone who checked in on me along the way. I appreciate you all.
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
Thanks for checking in. I always appreciate anyone who reads me, particularly these days when there's so many other things going on; war, economy, health care, angst, rhetoric, reality TV shows, sports, etc, etc, etc.
I'm a comedian, but when I blog, it's never funny. I intentionally write it straight, for the purposes of having a journal that my daughter (or anyone who cares) can someday peruse to see what it was like being me. It's a tool to capture the essence of my day-to-day life, working as a professional entertainer.
Well, last time around, I talked about some medical issues I had with my kidneys. I was scheduled for a CAT scan and was waiting for the insurance company to give the thumbs-up.
Instead, they stuck the thumb in my eye.
The rejection letter read, in part; "Based on CareCore medical necessity criteria for 72912-CAT Scan of hips without dye: the history provided of a 42 year old male with recent worsening kidney function does not demonstrate sufficient medical necessity to justify certification of the examination at this time. There is no evidence of flank pain, blood in the urine or other clinical findings or conditions indicating the requested study."
I was given the right to appeal, but basically my doctor was told to move forward with my treatment without the opportunity to fully diagnose my condition. The thing I was never able to completely understand was the statement that there was no evidence of blood in the urine, when that is the condition that prompted my nephrologist to order the test in the first place.
I was angry when I got word that I was rejected. I'm sure a lot of that was fear, but it came out as anger. For a few weeks, I worried that I might have cancer, kidney failure that would lead to dialysis, or who knows what else. The cancer situation is one that we talk about quite frequently in comedy. These days, a lot of clubs are smoke-free, but when you're an old war-horse like me, you've spent many a night in a comedy club that looked like London when the fog rolled in. Cancer is starting to make its presence known in quite a few comedians, and we've already lost a few.
My nephrologist decided to go forward with blood cultures. I provided all the blood they asked for, about 11 tubes, and a urine sample. I had to go back once because they merged two of the samples, one had to be kept warm and the other kept cool, and they put 'em together. On Thursday, I saw my regular doctor, and he prompted me to make a call to the nephrologist. I did, and received some wonderful news.
My nephrologist's assistant told me that the blood was gone from my urine. The bacteria had disappeared, too.
While I was down in Texas and Oklahoma the week before, I had some chest congestion that turned out to be a minor strep infection. Due to the fragile nature of my kidneys, it was manifesting as blood in my urine (bacteria, too, but you couldn't see it). I took three days that I had off to rest in a hotel room, drinking water, cranberry juice, taking zinc (I'm not allowed anything stronger) and staying warm, which wasn't difficult. I was able to kick the disease, with only a few remnants by the time I got home.
Last Thursday, I was getting ready to perform at Danny Liberto's open mic at Dewey's, and my nephrologist called me....this was almost 9 o'clock at night. He confirmed what his assistant told me, and added that my case was not at all typical. In his words, a strep infection severe enough to cause blood to appear in my urine should not have been so quickly dismissed by my body at my age; a clearing-up of infections of this type are typical only in pediatric cases. He went on to say that in medicine, you certainly don't want to be interesting; you're in much better shape to be an average, run-of-the-mill type case. It's easier to be diagnosed and treated.
Still, if I was to be atypical, I'm glad I wound up on this side of the coin rather than contracting some sort of kidney-based Ebola virus that no one had ever seen before.
I joked a little with the doctor, pointing out that comedians usually live into their 80's, 90's and more and that measured on that scale, I am about adolescent in my development. Whether or not that had anything to do with me getting over this brief health scare is questionable, but at least I'm out of the woods, assuming that a CAT Scan wouldn't have revealed any latent illness that is just waiting to come and claim me somewhere down the line.
The lessons to be learned here seem to be 1) Drink water and cranberry juice, 2) Worry is the misuse of imagination, and 3) There is something terribly wrong when an insurance agent who is supposed to be facilitating health care is allowed to come between a doctor and his patient.
I went and delivered another round of blood samples today, as my nephrologist wants to keep monitoring me for any change (oh, and by the way, the last time around, my declining kidney values actually went up, which was nothing short of amazing to me) and I have another appointment next week with my primary health care physician. This week, it's off to Maine, where I have a couple of standup comedy performances scheduled at two of the University of Maine campuses.
Thanks to everyone who checked in on me along the way. I appreciate you all.
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
Monday, October 26, 2009
Somebody Get Me A Doctor (Van Halen)
I'm not dead. Not yet, anyway.
According to my primary blog home at http://ralphtettascomedyroadtrip.blogspot.com/, I haven't written since August 3rd of this year. That's o.k. with me, I guess, because I've been busy, and not much has prompted me to want to share. Even now, I'm only writing out of guilt and that I feel I owe it to myself to put something down in print, just to get it out of my head.
I'm not a healthy person. And by that, I mean physically healthy. Where I'm at mentally and spiritually is a good place, I think. I've picked up some solid coping skills and I like who I am much more than the person I was ten years ago. I'm not a hot-head, I don't scare as easily, and I try to consider the other person's situation before I judge them too harshly. In my opinion, I'm doing pretty good for myself from a mental health standpoint.
Physically, I need some work.
I could list off the maladies, and all the usual suspects would be there, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, sleep apnea; but the worst one is diabetes. I'm a type-II candidate, which means "adult onset." My pancreas doesn't make enough insulin to keep my blood sugar at a manageable level. I take oral medication in lieu of insulin injections, and that's fine with me; they work like a charm.
Unfortunately, diabetes has led to a loss of kidney function. I'd been seeing a nephrologist and we saw my kidney values decreasing as time went on, but this last Friday I went in and we discovered that I have some blood in my urine. I'm no doctor, but even I knew that wasn't good. A week or so ago I was on the road, and noticed my urine had gotten very dark, like the color of A-1 steak sauce, and then lightened up. I was out of blood pressure medicine and was waiting to get back home to get my prescription filled, so that may have had something to do with it, but my nephrologist ordered a CAT scan for me for this week, just to make sure I didn't have a blockage or anything.
The only thing we're waiting for right now is for insurance to give the o.k. for the CAT scan. An insurance company has gotten between me and my doctor. Not the government; an insurance company.
I don't know how you feel about health care reform, but I've pretty much made up my mind.
I'll keep you posted as my condition is diagnosed and treated.
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
According to my primary blog home at http://ralphtettascomedyroadtrip.blogspot.com/, I haven't written since August 3rd of this year. That's o.k. with me, I guess, because I've been busy, and not much has prompted me to want to share. Even now, I'm only writing out of guilt and that I feel I owe it to myself to put something down in print, just to get it out of my head.
I'm not a healthy person. And by that, I mean physically healthy. Where I'm at mentally and spiritually is a good place, I think. I've picked up some solid coping skills and I like who I am much more than the person I was ten years ago. I'm not a hot-head, I don't scare as easily, and I try to consider the other person's situation before I judge them too harshly. In my opinion, I'm doing pretty good for myself from a mental health standpoint.
Physically, I need some work.
I could list off the maladies, and all the usual suspects would be there, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, sleep apnea; but the worst one is diabetes. I'm a type-II candidate, which means "adult onset." My pancreas doesn't make enough insulin to keep my blood sugar at a manageable level. I take oral medication in lieu of insulin injections, and that's fine with me; they work like a charm.
Unfortunately, diabetes has led to a loss of kidney function. I'd been seeing a nephrologist and we saw my kidney values decreasing as time went on, but this last Friday I went in and we discovered that I have some blood in my urine. I'm no doctor, but even I knew that wasn't good. A week or so ago I was on the road, and noticed my urine had gotten very dark, like the color of A-1 steak sauce, and then lightened up. I was out of blood pressure medicine and was waiting to get back home to get my prescription filled, so that may have had something to do with it, but my nephrologist ordered a CAT scan for me for this week, just to make sure I didn't have a blockage or anything.
The only thing we're waiting for right now is for insurance to give the o.k. for the CAT scan. An insurance company has gotten between me and my doctor. Not the government; an insurance company.
I don't know how you feel about health care reform, but I've pretty much made up my mind.
I'll keep you posted as my condition is diagnosed and treated.
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
Monday, August 3, 2009
Eat It ("Weird Al" Yankovic)
Life is what happens when you're making other plans.
When last I wrote, other than bitching about Blue Oyster Cult (NO caffeine before bed! NO caffeine before bed! NO caffeine before bed!), I was updating everyone on the goings-on in the life of me, Ralph Tetta, Mr. Big-Shot Comedian.
Our family picnic came off *almost* as planned, with mom driving up from Florida with her friend Robert. Only problem was that when she got here, she had a heart attack. It was a minor one, but a heart attack just the same, and she missed the picnic and spent the week at Rochester General Hospital. After five bypass surgeries, she's resting and recuperating at an assisted living facility, and she'll be heading back to Florida in a week or so. The bum deal is that she also missed the Donroe family reunion, as her father (my grandfather) was one of eight children, so we have dozens of cousins that we'd never met before.
My brother Christopher and his family made the trip in from Syracuse to attend the picnic, and then got to go see mom in the hospital, so she had no shortage of visitors. Pamela sent me an e-mail after the fact about the statistics regarding the picnic, which made me laugh a little bit because I have a live album from a British band called Saxon and in the liner notes, they go through their live tour that the album was recorded on and talk about how many guitar strings they went through, how many tea bags (because they're British, y'see) and it smacked of that. For the record, we had 39 guests, went through almost a whole case of burgers (40), a case of hot dogs (32), two pounds of Italian sausage (thanks Tim!), five 2-litre bottles of soda, 2 gallons of iced tea, various chips, dips, and dishes-to-pass including a veggie tray, bean salad, fruit salad, excellent chili, mac salad, potato and broccoli salad, two kinds of cake (none left over of either....go figure) and after it was all over, we donated 2 cases of leftover, unopened hot dogs and the associated hot dog rolls to the Open Door Mission....we bought too much, but Pam had coupons.
Sunday night was my third of three shows at D'Youville College in Buffalo, and Ray drove along with me. On the way, we stopped off at Chef Mike Kolady's house to drop off my sound system for a performance at his 45th birthday party (Happy Birthday Mike!) by Rochester comics Joe Fico and Pat Duffy. I would have liked to have performed, but was already committed to the college show. We dropped off the sound system, and while I was getting things ready, checking levels and all that, Ray was getting himself some of Chef's fine barbecue, and fine it was. Ray got a big "to-go" plate of ribs, chicken, various salads, and we snagged two Diet Pepsi's with lime for the trip. I didn't eat, because I know I would have been wearing barbecue sauce by the time I got to Buffalo. I had to wrestle with the mic stand because the clip lost it's screw, and we jury-rigged a replacement by putting a bent roofing nail through it. Not the prettiest repair job in the world, but it worked.
The gig was a good one, an orientation show for new students, and even though it was the smallest of the three groups, it was the most lively and the kids really got into it and enjoyed themselves, which is the essence of the live game show. If the kids don't want to play, there's nothing I can do to make the show a success other than throw money into the crowd.
After the show, I delivered some flowers and cannolis to some of Pamela's friends who had been in a car accident earlier in the month, and it was very late, between midnight and 1 AM, and after getting the "get well" presents at a Wegman's that was open all night, we rolled the van down Pamela's friends' street, looking for the right house number in the pitch black. Finally, I got fed up at my night-blindness and hung the plastic shopping bag on the door of the house I thought was the correct one, figuring that if it wasn't correct, they would enjoy the flowers and cannolis anyway (it turned out to be the right one).
Ray and I got back into town by 2 A.M., and had to make our way back to Mike's to pick up my sound system. The gear was out in Mike's shed, and his back yard was pitch black. Mike was still up, and shooting pool with some friends, and while I was fumbling my way around in the dark trying to find the gear, Mike was helping Ray light a tiki torch so that we'd have some light. I somehow found the mic stand by waving my arm around in front of me, and then moved up the stand to find the mic, and then followed the cord down to the amplifier. Once I got the cord wound properly, it was a piece of cake to find the bag that the mic and cords went in, and start my way back up Mike's steeply graded back yard. While all this was going on, Ray was getting the tiki torch and then moving towards me, forgetting that the yard had a very steep slope. He slid down the wet grass, landed in the ashes of what had been a fire pit earlier in the evening, and the tiki torch went out. All I saw from my vantage point was the light of the tiki bobbing as Ray walked, and then flashing quickly to the ground before being extinguished, followed by Ray's cursing and spitting. As I had gotten back too late to enjoy any of the barbecue, we then made our way to Jay's Diner for some late night food, and I ate my cheeseburger plate with a tired satisfaction. At least I didn't have jury duty the next day.
Yeah, that's right, I pulled jury duty as I seem to do every three years, and had put my service off until July. They originally were asking for my service in May, but my contractually-obligated college tour wouldn't allow it. My number was ridiculously high (945), and I checked the website dutifully each evening to see if I was required to attend, but the numbers never got higher than the 500's. I had scheduled a show on the Friday, figuring that I wouldn't be called, and by Thursday night, I had been released from my jury duty obligations. I guess the trick was getting the duty postponed, because they put me at the end of the new list, which is the same as not being called at all. I think I may have found a loophole in the system for use at a later date; not that I don't want to do my civic duty and serve on a jury, but I have a job that requires me to travel and more than that, be able to schedule months out in advance. If I'm on a jury that goes three weeks, there's no way I could predict something like that without an awful lot of notice.
So on Friday morning, Ray piled into the car with me and off we headed to the Wit's End club located in the Ramada Inn and Conference Center in Morgantown, West Virginia. We had an easy drive down, fueled by Sheetz Made-To-Order sandwiches, satellite radio, and conversation courtesy of over 20 years of friendship. I can't remember when I laughed so much. We got into Morgantown, checked into the room, and then headed back out so that I could get a haircut....I was due. After a nap, I shaved and showered and we headed down to the club and I introduced Ray to Larry Nelson, the host of the long-running comedy night. I couldn't coerce Ray into doing a guest spot, but Larry did, and Ray did great. My feature act, Washington D.C.'s Clay Miles, did a great job of revving the 40 or so people up for my act, and I went balls-out and did my thing. The weirdest point of the night was when a West Virginia state trooper appeared in the doorway of the lounge, suddenly silencing the crowd, which consisted of 36 white redneck bikers, and four black people. And don't forget the loud-mouthed guinea on the stage! Come to find out, he was looking for a gentleman (and I use the term loosely) who had battered his female companion after an evening of imbibing in the hotel bar, then trashed his first-floor hotel room and snuck out a side door.
The next morning, I grabbed breakfast down in the restaurant (best hot complimentary breakfast buffet in the business!) and trotted over to Wal-Mart to fetch watermelons and ice. We were planning on attending the Natarelli's (Steve and Eileen) Redneck Luau on Saturday night, and Pam committed me to bringing vodka-infused watermelon. I told her about the technique, but I never tried it before and she thought it sounded like great fun. It isn't great fun, by the way. It's a lot more fun to eat than it is to create. I had brought a big cooler with me in my trunk, and purchased a knife at the Dollar Store and vanilla-flavored vodka at a liquor store on Friday. I dumped 20 lbs of ice and two seedless watermelons into the big cooler, cut a hole in one of the melons, and turned the bottle of vodka upside-down and shoved it into the hole. Long story short, it works, but you have to keep turning the bottle so the vodka can work it's way into the melon. I kept the other melon clean, for the kids and anyone else who just wanted melon but no booze.
We drove back to Rochester, and coming through Buffalo in the home stretch, the skies grew dark and it started to hail and rain. It was real wrath-of-God stuff, and large men with big pickup trucks were pulling their vehicles over underneath bridges to escape the weather. Meanwhile, I'm slooshing along in the water and ice in my Toyota Camry, a Japanese roller-skate careening down the I-90. I got home, dropped Ray off at home, changed clothes, picked up Pam and Harmony, and off we headed to the Natarelli's. It was a fine day, and unfortunately we missed some of the earlier festivities, but the food was good, the watermelon went over pretty well, and we got to see a water-spout courtesy of the lakeside view of Steve's back porch. Another part of our indoor fun included watching the weather report on TV to decide if my house was still standing.
The next week was a whole bunch of nothing, and it was planned that way months ago, deciding to take some family time and enjoy my family and some nice outdoor activities. Well, up here in Rochester, it's been constant piss-rain all summer, so none of that was happening. Thursday night, I made my way out to Chet Wild's Open-Mic-A-Palooza, a showcase at the Comedy Club that wound up featuring 30 comedians. You heard me right....the show went three and half hours. I went on at the end, after spending some time around the corner with my mom, showing her pictures on the internet of the family reunion we both missed. I don't know how the remaining folks stuck around for the last comic (me) after over three hours of show, but they did.
Friday, I had a gig out at the Cedar House in Skaneateles, NY, with special guests Ray Salah and Travis Worth. After picking up some replacement parts for my sound system (that sometimes seems to get more work than I do), we headed out. I replaced the roofing-nail clip with a new one courtesy of the Guitar Outlet (four bucks, not bad) and purchased a new, longer cord for the mic. Come to find out, the cord was incompatible, but I had back-ups, so it didn't kill the show. What *did* kill the show was the first sunny day in Upstate New York this year, and we drew far fewer folks than we did the last time I was there. The show was fun, and I sold some CD's after the show. We would have stuck around, but there was literally no one in the place, not even bowling, so we headed back to Rochester, stopping off at a Buffalo Wild Wings for some food because I hadn't eaten all day. Just a word of caution....the mango habanero wings are HOT, and they mean it. Get the double bleu cheese if you know what's good for you, or skip the middle man entirely and just drink the liquid out of your car battery.
Saturday was a day of rest and recuperation, and then last night, I performed with Rochester's Dan Viola at a private party fundraiser for the Webster (high school) Warriors football team. I seemed to have remembered the words "clean show" being uttered when I was booked months ago, and I double-checked that with Joe at the club, and he said (quote) "Nah, you can do what you want. I came here on purpose to see Dark Ralph."
Now, Dark Ralph is my doppelganger, my other persona. Sometimes, I get tired of being Mr. Jolly Pants, and I let my inhibitions go and I wind up saying some pretty outrageous stuff. And I'm proud to say that I let Dark Ralph off the leash last night, but not so much that he bit anyone, just so that he could eat a little bit. I used some coarse language, and some overt topicality, but wasn't even as raw as I usually am. I was definitely not *clean*.
I did an hour after Danny's set, and the crowd seemed to have really enjoyed themselves, and I worked material in with some crowd work, and after the show, I got a really solid ovation, and made my way back to the sound booth. Mark, the house manager, shook my hand and said "You know, this was supposed to be a clean show, right?" and all the color drained out of my face. I guess they stopped counting f-bombs at around 85, which may have been exaggerated for comic effect, but is probably in the right neighborhood. I definitely left at least a dozen in a plastic bag on somebody's front door handle.
The folks shook my hand afterward, including the lady who was paying the club the money, and I apologized because I didn't know the parameters, and she said that it was fine and that the group really liked me. I wouldn't have had a problem working clean, I do it all the time, but I was working off of faulty intelligence. Still, the client had no problem, so I went home with my head held high, if not a little red in the cheeks.
This week, I start my August session of comedy classes at the Comedy Club, and I'm looking forward to a new batch of students along with some of the folks from the June session looking to brush up their skills. The game show tour starts up again on August 16th in Huntsville, Alabama, so I'll have plenty to do along with my teaching schedule.
The opposite of burn out is rust out. I've done 'em both, and given my choice, I'll take the burn.
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
When last I wrote, other than bitching about Blue Oyster Cult (NO caffeine before bed! NO caffeine before bed! NO caffeine before bed!), I was updating everyone on the goings-on in the life of me, Ralph Tetta, Mr. Big-Shot Comedian.
Our family picnic came off *almost* as planned, with mom driving up from Florida with her friend Robert. Only problem was that when she got here, she had a heart attack. It was a minor one, but a heart attack just the same, and she missed the picnic and spent the week at Rochester General Hospital. After five bypass surgeries, she's resting and recuperating at an assisted living facility, and she'll be heading back to Florida in a week or so. The bum deal is that she also missed the Donroe family reunion, as her father (my grandfather) was one of eight children, so we have dozens of cousins that we'd never met before.
My brother Christopher and his family made the trip in from Syracuse to attend the picnic, and then got to go see mom in the hospital, so she had no shortage of visitors. Pamela sent me an e-mail after the fact about the statistics regarding the picnic, which made me laugh a little bit because I have a live album from a British band called Saxon and in the liner notes, they go through their live tour that the album was recorded on and talk about how many guitar strings they went through, how many tea bags (because they're British, y'see) and it smacked of that. For the record, we had 39 guests, went through almost a whole case of burgers (40), a case of hot dogs (32), two pounds of Italian sausage (thanks Tim!), five 2-litre bottles of soda, 2 gallons of iced tea, various chips, dips, and dishes-to-pass including a veggie tray, bean salad, fruit salad, excellent chili, mac salad, potato and broccoli salad, two kinds of cake (none left over of either....go figure) and after it was all over, we donated 2 cases of leftover, unopened hot dogs and the associated hot dog rolls to the Open Door Mission....we bought too much, but Pam had coupons.
Sunday night was my third of three shows at D'Youville College in Buffalo, and Ray drove along with me. On the way, we stopped off at Chef Mike Kolady's house to drop off my sound system for a performance at his 45th birthday party (Happy Birthday Mike!) by Rochester comics Joe Fico and Pat Duffy. I would have liked to have performed, but was already committed to the college show. We dropped off the sound system, and while I was getting things ready, checking levels and all that, Ray was getting himself some of Chef's fine barbecue, and fine it was. Ray got a big "to-go" plate of ribs, chicken, various salads, and we snagged two Diet Pepsi's with lime for the trip. I didn't eat, because I know I would have been wearing barbecue sauce by the time I got to Buffalo. I had to wrestle with the mic stand because the clip lost it's screw, and we jury-rigged a replacement by putting a bent roofing nail through it. Not the prettiest repair job in the world, but it worked.
The gig was a good one, an orientation show for new students, and even though it was the smallest of the three groups, it was the most lively and the kids really got into it and enjoyed themselves, which is the essence of the live game show. If the kids don't want to play, there's nothing I can do to make the show a success other than throw money into the crowd.
After the show, I delivered some flowers and cannolis to some of Pamela's friends who had been in a car accident earlier in the month, and it was very late, between midnight and 1 AM, and after getting the "get well" presents at a Wegman's that was open all night, we rolled the van down Pamela's friends' street, looking for the right house number in the pitch black. Finally, I got fed up at my night-blindness and hung the plastic shopping bag on the door of the house I thought was the correct one, figuring that if it wasn't correct, they would enjoy the flowers and cannolis anyway (it turned out to be the right one).
Ray and I got back into town by 2 A.M., and had to make our way back to Mike's to pick up my sound system. The gear was out in Mike's shed, and his back yard was pitch black. Mike was still up, and shooting pool with some friends, and while I was fumbling my way around in the dark trying to find the gear, Mike was helping Ray light a tiki torch so that we'd have some light. I somehow found the mic stand by waving my arm around in front of me, and then moved up the stand to find the mic, and then followed the cord down to the amplifier. Once I got the cord wound properly, it was a piece of cake to find the bag that the mic and cords went in, and start my way back up Mike's steeply graded back yard. While all this was going on, Ray was getting the tiki torch and then moving towards me, forgetting that the yard had a very steep slope. He slid down the wet grass, landed in the ashes of what had been a fire pit earlier in the evening, and the tiki torch went out. All I saw from my vantage point was the light of the tiki bobbing as Ray walked, and then flashing quickly to the ground before being extinguished, followed by Ray's cursing and spitting. As I had gotten back too late to enjoy any of the barbecue, we then made our way to Jay's Diner for some late night food, and I ate my cheeseburger plate with a tired satisfaction. At least I didn't have jury duty the next day.
Yeah, that's right, I pulled jury duty as I seem to do every three years, and had put my service off until July. They originally were asking for my service in May, but my contractually-obligated college tour wouldn't allow it. My number was ridiculously high (945), and I checked the website dutifully each evening to see if I was required to attend, but the numbers never got higher than the 500's. I had scheduled a show on the Friday, figuring that I wouldn't be called, and by Thursday night, I had been released from my jury duty obligations. I guess the trick was getting the duty postponed, because they put me at the end of the new list, which is the same as not being called at all. I think I may have found a loophole in the system for use at a later date; not that I don't want to do my civic duty and serve on a jury, but I have a job that requires me to travel and more than that, be able to schedule months out in advance. If I'm on a jury that goes three weeks, there's no way I could predict something like that without an awful lot of notice.
So on Friday morning, Ray piled into the car with me and off we headed to the Wit's End club located in the Ramada Inn and Conference Center in Morgantown, West Virginia. We had an easy drive down, fueled by Sheetz Made-To-Order sandwiches, satellite radio, and conversation courtesy of over 20 years of friendship. I can't remember when I laughed so much. We got into Morgantown, checked into the room, and then headed back out so that I could get a haircut....I was due. After a nap, I shaved and showered and we headed down to the club and I introduced Ray to Larry Nelson, the host of the long-running comedy night. I couldn't coerce Ray into doing a guest spot, but Larry did, and Ray did great. My feature act, Washington D.C.'s Clay Miles, did a great job of revving the 40 or so people up for my act, and I went balls-out and did my thing. The weirdest point of the night was when a West Virginia state trooper appeared in the doorway of the lounge, suddenly silencing the crowd, which consisted of 36 white redneck bikers, and four black people. And don't forget the loud-mouthed guinea on the stage! Come to find out, he was looking for a gentleman (and I use the term loosely) who had battered his female companion after an evening of imbibing in the hotel bar, then trashed his first-floor hotel room and snuck out a side door.
The next morning, I grabbed breakfast down in the restaurant (best hot complimentary breakfast buffet in the business!) and trotted over to Wal-Mart to fetch watermelons and ice. We were planning on attending the Natarelli's (Steve and Eileen) Redneck Luau on Saturday night, and Pam committed me to bringing vodka-infused watermelon. I told her about the technique, but I never tried it before and she thought it sounded like great fun. It isn't great fun, by the way. It's a lot more fun to eat than it is to create. I had brought a big cooler with me in my trunk, and purchased a knife at the Dollar Store and vanilla-flavored vodka at a liquor store on Friday. I dumped 20 lbs of ice and two seedless watermelons into the big cooler, cut a hole in one of the melons, and turned the bottle of vodka upside-down and shoved it into the hole. Long story short, it works, but you have to keep turning the bottle so the vodka can work it's way into the melon. I kept the other melon clean, for the kids and anyone else who just wanted melon but no booze.
We drove back to Rochester, and coming through Buffalo in the home stretch, the skies grew dark and it started to hail and rain. It was real wrath-of-God stuff, and large men with big pickup trucks were pulling their vehicles over underneath bridges to escape the weather. Meanwhile, I'm slooshing along in the water and ice in my Toyota Camry, a Japanese roller-skate careening down the I-90. I got home, dropped Ray off at home, changed clothes, picked up Pam and Harmony, and off we headed to the Natarelli's. It was a fine day, and unfortunately we missed some of the earlier festivities, but the food was good, the watermelon went over pretty well, and we got to see a water-spout courtesy of the lakeside view of Steve's back porch. Another part of our indoor fun included watching the weather report on TV to decide if my house was still standing.
The next week was a whole bunch of nothing, and it was planned that way months ago, deciding to take some family time and enjoy my family and some nice outdoor activities. Well, up here in Rochester, it's been constant piss-rain all summer, so none of that was happening. Thursday night, I made my way out to Chet Wild's Open-Mic-A-Palooza, a showcase at the Comedy Club that wound up featuring 30 comedians. You heard me right....the show went three and half hours. I went on at the end, after spending some time around the corner with my mom, showing her pictures on the internet of the family reunion we both missed. I don't know how the remaining folks stuck around for the last comic (me) after over three hours of show, but they did.
Friday, I had a gig out at the Cedar House in Skaneateles, NY, with special guests Ray Salah and Travis Worth. After picking up some replacement parts for my sound system (that sometimes seems to get more work than I do), we headed out. I replaced the roofing-nail clip with a new one courtesy of the Guitar Outlet (four bucks, not bad) and purchased a new, longer cord for the mic. Come to find out, the cord was incompatible, but I had back-ups, so it didn't kill the show. What *did* kill the show was the first sunny day in Upstate New York this year, and we drew far fewer folks than we did the last time I was there. The show was fun, and I sold some CD's after the show. We would have stuck around, but there was literally no one in the place, not even bowling, so we headed back to Rochester, stopping off at a Buffalo Wild Wings for some food because I hadn't eaten all day. Just a word of caution....the mango habanero wings are HOT, and they mean it. Get the double bleu cheese if you know what's good for you, or skip the middle man entirely and just drink the liquid out of your car battery.
Saturday was a day of rest and recuperation, and then last night, I performed with Rochester's Dan Viola at a private party fundraiser for the Webster (high school) Warriors football team. I seemed to have remembered the words "clean show" being uttered when I was booked months ago, and I double-checked that with Joe at the club, and he said (quote) "Nah, you can do what you want. I came here on purpose to see Dark Ralph."
Now, Dark Ralph is my doppelganger, my other persona. Sometimes, I get tired of being Mr. Jolly Pants, and I let my inhibitions go and I wind up saying some pretty outrageous stuff. And I'm proud to say that I let Dark Ralph off the leash last night, but not so much that he bit anyone, just so that he could eat a little bit. I used some coarse language, and some overt topicality, but wasn't even as raw as I usually am. I was definitely not *clean*.
I did an hour after Danny's set, and the crowd seemed to have really enjoyed themselves, and I worked material in with some crowd work, and after the show, I got a really solid ovation, and made my way back to the sound booth. Mark, the house manager, shook my hand and said "You know, this was supposed to be a clean show, right?" and all the color drained out of my face. I guess they stopped counting f-bombs at around 85, which may have been exaggerated for comic effect, but is probably in the right neighborhood. I definitely left at least a dozen in a plastic bag on somebody's front door handle.
The folks shook my hand afterward, including the lady who was paying the club the money, and I apologized because I didn't know the parameters, and she said that it was fine and that the group really liked me. I wouldn't have had a problem working clean, I do it all the time, but I was working off of faulty intelligence. Still, the client had no problem, so I went home with my head held high, if not a little red in the cheeks.
This week, I start my August session of comedy classes at the Comedy Club, and I'm looking forward to a new batch of students along with some of the folks from the June session looking to brush up their skills. The game show tour starts up again on August 16th in Huntsville, Alabama, so I'll have plenty to do along with my teaching schedule.
The opposite of burn out is rust out. I've done 'em both, and given my choice, I'll take the burn.
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
Friday, July 17, 2009
Dr. Music (Blue Oyster Cult)
You know how I figure out if someone I've just met, like at a cocktail party or something, is worth talking to or not? I ask them their favorite Blue Oyster Cult song. Based on the answer, I'll decide how to treat them. There are several levels, like the rings of hell in Dante's "Inferno."
If someone mentions "Harvester of Eyes," "Astronomy," "E.T.I." or something cool like that, we're going drinking. Unkle Roger, dearly departed disc jockey from WCMF, loved "E.T.I." and that made him a cool motherfucker in my book and I hope they find the person responsible for his death because a cool guy like Unk shouldn't go out like that.
The next ring would be songs like "Godzilla" or "Cities On Flame." These are deep cuts, but still get enough radio airplay that they're considered fairly common. A mention of these will still get you into the brotherhood, and I'll talk as long as you want.
The next layer is "Don't Fear The Reaper" or "Burnin' For You." These are the most common Blue Oyster Cult songs and they don't require any special fan appreciation to pooch out. As a matter of fact, if these are the only song titles the person can produce, I usually write them off at that point as a walking waste, either too young to know any better or too lame to matter. I won't be more inconsiderate to them than I would a stranger on a bus who wants to talk about the weather, but basically, we're in the same neighborhood.
Almost to the bottom of the rings, there's the response "I don't have a favorite song" or "Who is Blue Oyster Cult?" or worse yet, "I don't like them." The truth of this is that Blue Oyster Cult was always a group that required a little imagination to like; they weren't singing about love and relationships, and when they did, it was something dark like a suicide pact or a sado-masochistic sexual affair. To admit that you don't like them or didn't take enough time to get familiar with the material basically is an admission that you're a second class person, more concerned with style over substance, and you're part of the problem (and by that, I mean *all* the problems....teenage pregnancy, overcrowding in our cities, hunger in the third world, gang violence, the poisoning of our food supply by contamination, and the prospect that the Earth will be struck by a huge meteor). I'm sorry, even if you think you're innocent, you're not, and if you're not willing to take the blame, then it's my civic duty to hang that shit around your neck. For Christ's sake, just get one of the live albums and work your way through it. It's not that hard, and you'll be a better person for it.
The bottom ring is reserved for folks whose only exposure to BOC is that sketch that Will Ferrell and Christopher Walken did on Saturday Night Live where they talk about needing more cowbell. If you're a young punk and that's all you've got, I blame it on your parents. They obviously didn't love you very much, or realized that you were "special needs" and couldn't handle anything more. That's a shame, but not everyone gets the nurturing that they deserve.
Will Ferrell is a putz. If you think he's funny, you can't name a Blue Oyster Cult song. You need to draw yourself a bath, plug in a toaster and drop that motherfucker right in the water. You'll be doing us all a favor. Actually, if there's any way you can get Ferrell to take a bath with a toaster, that might earn you some points, but you'll still have to learn a song or two.
Now, you're reading my blog, so I automatically think you're a decent person, but you still have to do the work. If for some reason you never got savvy to Blue Oyster Cult, I'll help you along. You can probably look these songs up on YouTube or download them to your iPod or if you're really interested in being a top-notch human being, you can buy the old albums or CD's and listen to them at home. But here's a good list to start with.
From their debut, "Blue Oyster Cult" listen to "Transmaniacon MC," "Stairway To The Stars," "She's as Beautiful As a Foot," "Cities On Flame with Rock and Roll," or "Workshop of the Telescopes."
From "Tyranny and Mutation," try "O.D'd on Life Itself" or "Hot Rails To Hell."
"Secret Treaties" yields "Career of Evil," "Dominance and Submission," "ME 262," "Harvester of Eyes," and "Astronomy."
"Agents of Fortune" features "This Ain't The Summer of Love," "(Don't Fear) The Reaper," and "E.T.I. (Extra Terrestrial Intelligence)."
From the "Spectres" l.p., check out "Godzilla," "R.U. Ready 2 Rock" (doing the initials thing before Prince ever did!) and "Goin' Through The Motions" (featuring Ian Hunter!)
The "Mirrors" album is excellent, and you'll enjoy "I Am The Storm" and "In Thee."
The phenomenally titled "Cultosaurus Erectus" has the fine tracks "Black Blade," "The Marshall Plan" and "Lips In The Hills."
"Fire of Unknown Origin" is the album you may be the most familiar with, with the hit song "Burnin' For You," but also "Veteran of the Psychic Wars" from the Heavy Metal movie soundtrack album.
"The Revolution By Night" is amazing, and you can enjoy the songs "Take Me Away," "Shooting Shark" (featuring bass guitar work by American Idol's Randy Jackson), "Veins" and "Let Go."
"Club Ninja" has a pair of Bob Halligan songs (he's a famous songwriter for many cool bands such as Judas Priest, Helix and others) "Make Rock Not War" and "Beat 'Em Up" but you may also enjoy "Dancin' In The Ruins" and "White Flags." You might also enjoy "Perfect Water."
"Imaginos" needs to be listened to all the way through, but if you're gonna cherry-pick the songs, how about "I Am The One You Warned Me Of," "In The Presence of Another World," "Del Rio's Song," "Astronomy" (they re-did the song) and "Blue Oyster Cult." This was also the last album to feature Albert and Joe Bouchard.
"Heaven Forbid" was their reunion album, and features many great songs including "See You In Black," "Harvest Moon," "X-Ray Eyes," "Live For Me," and an acoustic rendering of "In Thee."
And their last studio album, released in 2001, "Curse of the Hidden Mirror" features the songs "Pocket" and "Here Comes That Feeling."
And like I said before, any of the live albums are good, and they usually put one out every three or four albums, to connotate a change in style or direction.
So go on, enjoy some good music and listen to the lyrics because there's a lot of good stuff going on in there. If you're more of a pop music person, and you like singles and you listen to music but don't really listen to the words, then you're doing your brain the same disservice you'd be doing your body if you ate ice cream all the time and never ate any vegetables.
And I'll never, ever tell you which category my wife falls into....there's a marriage at stake here. But I've tried to start righting some wrongs and I've played a few CD's in the car when I've taken Harmony to school, and she seems receptive. Good habits begin when we're young.....
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
If someone mentions "Harvester of Eyes," "Astronomy," "E.T.I." or something cool like that, we're going drinking. Unkle Roger, dearly departed disc jockey from WCMF, loved "E.T.I." and that made him a cool motherfucker in my book and I hope they find the person responsible for his death because a cool guy like Unk shouldn't go out like that.
The next ring would be songs like "Godzilla" or "Cities On Flame." These are deep cuts, but still get enough radio airplay that they're considered fairly common. A mention of these will still get you into the brotherhood, and I'll talk as long as you want.
The next layer is "Don't Fear The Reaper" or "Burnin' For You." These are the most common Blue Oyster Cult songs and they don't require any special fan appreciation to pooch out. As a matter of fact, if these are the only song titles the person can produce, I usually write them off at that point as a walking waste, either too young to know any better or too lame to matter. I won't be more inconsiderate to them than I would a stranger on a bus who wants to talk about the weather, but basically, we're in the same neighborhood.
Almost to the bottom of the rings, there's the response "I don't have a favorite song" or "Who is Blue Oyster Cult?" or worse yet, "I don't like them." The truth of this is that Blue Oyster Cult was always a group that required a little imagination to like; they weren't singing about love and relationships, and when they did, it was something dark like a suicide pact or a sado-masochistic sexual affair. To admit that you don't like them or didn't take enough time to get familiar with the material basically is an admission that you're a second class person, more concerned with style over substance, and you're part of the problem (and by that, I mean *all* the problems....teenage pregnancy, overcrowding in our cities, hunger in the third world, gang violence, the poisoning of our food supply by contamination, and the prospect that the Earth will be struck by a huge meteor). I'm sorry, even if you think you're innocent, you're not, and if you're not willing to take the blame, then it's my civic duty to hang that shit around your neck. For Christ's sake, just get one of the live albums and work your way through it. It's not that hard, and you'll be a better person for it.
The bottom ring is reserved for folks whose only exposure to BOC is that sketch that Will Ferrell and Christopher Walken did on Saturday Night Live where they talk about needing more cowbell. If you're a young punk and that's all you've got, I blame it on your parents. They obviously didn't love you very much, or realized that you were "special needs" and couldn't handle anything more. That's a shame, but not everyone gets the nurturing that they deserve.
Will Ferrell is a putz. If you think he's funny, you can't name a Blue Oyster Cult song. You need to draw yourself a bath, plug in a toaster and drop that motherfucker right in the water. You'll be doing us all a favor. Actually, if there's any way you can get Ferrell to take a bath with a toaster, that might earn you some points, but you'll still have to learn a song or two.
Now, you're reading my blog, so I automatically think you're a decent person, but you still have to do the work. If for some reason you never got savvy to Blue Oyster Cult, I'll help you along. You can probably look these songs up on YouTube or download them to your iPod or if you're really interested in being a top-notch human being, you can buy the old albums or CD's and listen to them at home. But here's a good list to start with.
From their debut, "Blue Oyster Cult" listen to "Transmaniacon MC," "Stairway To The Stars," "She's as Beautiful As a Foot," "Cities On Flame with Rock and Roll," or "Workshop of the Telescopes."
From "Tyranny and Mutation," try "O.D'd on Life Itself" or "Hot Rails To Hell."
"Secret Treaties" yields "Career of Evil," "Dominance and Submission," "ME 262," "Harvester of Eyes," and "Astronomy."
"Agents of Fortune" features "This Ain't The Summer of Love," "(Don't Fear) The Reaper," and "E.T.I. (Extra Terrestrial Intelligence)."
From the "Spectres" l.p., check out "Godzilla," "R.U. Ready 2 Rock" (doing the initials thing before Prince ever did!) and "Goin' Through The Motions" (featuring Ian Hunter!)
The "Mirrors" album is excellent, and you'll enjoy "I Am The Storm" and "In Thee."
The phenomenally titled "Cultosaurus Erectus" has the fine tracks "Black Blade," "The Marshall Plan" and "Lips In The Hills."
"Fire of Unknown Origin" is the album you may be the most familiar with, with the hit song "Burnin' For You," but also "Veteran of the Psychic Wars" from the Heavy Metal movie soundtrack album.
"The Revolution By Night" is amazing, and you can enjoy the songs "Take Me Away," "Shooting Shark" (featuring bass guitar work by American Idol's Randy Jackson), "Veins" and "Let Go."
"Club Ninja" has a pair of Bob Halligan songs (he's a famous songwriter for many cool bands such as Judas Priest, Helix and others) "Make Rock Not War" and "Beat 'Em Up" but you may also enjoy "Dancin' In The Ruins" and "White Flags." You might also enjoy "Perfect Water."
"Imaginos" needs to be listened to all the way through, but if you're gonna cherry-pick the songs, how about "I Am The One You Warned Me Of," "In The Presence of Another World," "Del Rio's Song," "Astronomy" (they re-did the song) and "Blue Oyster Cult." This was also the last album to feature Albert and Joe Bouchard.
"Heaven Forbid" was their reunion album, and features many great songs including "See You In Black," "Harvest Moon," "X-Ray Eyes," "Live For Me," and an acoustic rendering of "In Thee."
And their last studio album, released in 2001, "Curse of the Hidden Mirror" features the songs "Pocket" and "Here Comes That Feeling."
And like I said before, any of the live albums are good, and they usually put one out every three or four albums, to connotate a change in style or direction.
So go on, enjoy some good music and listen to the lyrics because there's a lot of good stuff going on in there. If you're more of a pop music person, and you like singles and you listen to music but don't really listen to the words, then you're doing your brain the same disservice you'd be doing your body if you ate ice cream all the time and never ate any vegetables.
And I'll never, ever tell you which category my wife falls into....there's a marriage at stake here. But I've tried to start righting some wrongs and I've played a few CD's in the car when I've taken Harmony to school, and she seems receptive. Good habits begin when we're young.....
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Cat Scratch Fever (Ted Nugent)
Good morning, North America, and anyone else who cares to read. Rather than get a good night's sleep, I decided to toss and turn and keep flipping the pillow to the "cool" side, and finally, I've just said "fuck it" and thought I would blog....it's been a couple of weeks, and I've been piss-poor about keeping in touch.
Stuff on the comedy front's been few and far between, and by design, as I thought I would spend the Summer doing family stuff and spending time with Pammey and Harmony. We've mostly done that, but the weather around here has been decidedly un-summer-like. We've always kept cool by installing two window unit air conditioners on either side of the apartment, but this year, we've only run them once....for the most part, the outdoor temperature has run only into the low 70's, and at night, we're down into the low 50's. I'm not complaining because we're saving a ton of money on our electric bill, but little things are being affected. I usually take advantage of the warm weather to hang clothing on the clothesline out in the backyard, but we really haven't had any days that were hot (or dry) enough to pull that off. Also, you can't really mow your grass when it's wet, and it's been perpetually wet out there. My backyard looks like a jungle! I planted some pepper seeds earlier in the year and I was worried that I wouldn't be around to water them enough, but they've gotten plenty of water, now I'm worried about the sunlight!
If I had things to keep me busy, I guess I wouldn't be so down on the weather, but it's been a lot of "sit around and wait" around here. I did a "Dash For Dollars" gameshow date at D'Youville College in Buffalo last week, and I have another one Wednesday night and a third one this coming Sunday night as part of D'Youville's freshman orientation. The Incredible Cash Cube had a small stress fracture to be taken care of, and as luck would have it, there is a welding shop right around the corner from my house....walking distance, actually. They got the piece back into shape, and then my comedy buddy Ray Salah's father helped me replace some missing fasteners with his 50+ year collection of screws and bolts. The D'Youville folks were awesome and it's a great performance space...I'm looking forward to the next two shows, knowing that it's a good situation.
I did a standup date at a club called Dubland Underground on July 4th weekend. I was concerned that the club wouldn't draw very well, but they actually had a good group down in the basement club. I shared the stage with Rochester comedians Paris, Joe Cumbo, Katie Wood, Billy T. Anglin and Dan Maslyn. I didn't know how long of a show I was going to do, what with it being a very young crowd, but they hung out with me for 45 minutes or more and I had a good time with it. This past weekend, I was supposed to do a comedy train in Vermont with Steve "The Nuclear Guy," but reservations were thin and they pulled the plug on the show. I was sad to see the shows not come off, but after 20 years in this business, I understand that no Summer gig is completely secure.
So with no work for the weekend, I attended two weekend gatherings, on Saturday, a birthday party for our friends Maria and Billy Griffin's son Aidan who was turning 9, and on Sunday, a birthday party for our friend Mike Visconte who was turning 60. Saturday's party was enjoyable, and even though I was upset about the loss of work, I decided not to be a grouch about it, and I kept to myself until folks coaxed me out of my shell. The star attraction of the cookout, in my opinion, was Billy's food, where he put his restaurant experience to good use and rustled up some top-notch grub. His burgers were so thick, you could've chocked the wheels of a 747 with 'em. And they were incredibly juicy; they didn't need one condiment, just a fresh burger bun.
Mike's party was big on the grub, too, with a combination of standard cookout food, birthday cake, and Italian cuisine. The hots were huge, and there were plenty of them, and even though it got a little cool later in the evening, there was a lively discussion courtesy of the party guests, many of whom are teachers, involved in the City School District in some way, or like Pam and myself, have a child that is school-age. One of the guests was a truck driver for Wegman's, and after having seen him at the last few get-togethers at Mike and Fran's, I found out that he worked for my father for years over at Boise Cascade. He told me stories about my father that I'd never heard before, stories that made me laugh and made me incredibly proud of my dad (not that I wasn't already proud of him). I knew he was well-liked at his job, and this gentleman told me that he actually turned down a promotion so that he could keep working for my father. It was great to hear those stories, and sad, too, because I love to hear good things about my father, but I hate being reminded that he's no longer with us.
We're still getting over our recent loss in the family, and yesterday, I had to take one of Dina's cats into the vet for shots and a pedicure so that he and his sister could be handed over to one of Dina's co-workers who volunteered to take the animals on. Chester, the cat in question, is not a friendly guy, and he's scratched and bitten everyone who's come into contact with him. So who's the natural choice of person to take him to the vet? Me. The guy who's on blood thinners and doesn't clot very well.
In the past, when I've gone to the apartment to feed Chester and his sister Fauna, Chester's been friendly to me, and I figured I'd have a decent chance of getting out of the operation unscathed, but I was going to have to be clever. I grabbed an old towel, and started petting Chester, slowly wrapping him up in it and picking him up and moving him towards the ol' cat carrier. The carrier was fairly big, but even *I* don't like seeing it because we've taken at least four cats to be put down in it, and if I were a cat with a hunter's sense of smell, I think I would detect the stench of death. I made sure to get Chester's front paws wrapped up, but the problem appendages were those back feet, powerful pouncing haunches that somehow stopped me from completing the delivery of cat into carrier.
I tried another time, and then finally I realized that I was being too gentle, and for no good reason, and shoved him into the carrier. I got the door fastened, and with nary a scratch. I got Chester into the car, and played some soothing music for him and opened the back window so he could enjoy the fresh air. I actually didn't know which station he would like to hear the most, so I picked 100.5 The Drive because they had New Music Monday; no reason for both of us to be pissed off.
I got Chester over to the veterinarian, and the vet went to work like a ninja; he clipped Chester's nails in less than a minute, and administered a couple of booster shots, and it was all over. I explained that it wasn't my cat, and that I didn't want to get scratched because of my being on blood thinners, and a young lady was called in to do the holding. She grabbed Chester by the scruff of the neck, which to us looks pretty aggressive, but is really no more uncomfortable to a cat than a firm handshake. After everything was done, the young lady opened the door to the cat carrier, led Chester in by his front paws, and he complied like it was the most natural thing in the world. "This is bullshit!" I protested. "Please, can't you make it look like it was at least a *little* bit of a struggle?" The vets laughed. They explained that it's all in the intimidation factor, and when it's your cat, you've got no shot at intimidating them because they know you. I've got to get tougher with the family pets if I expect any cooperation, and we've only got one cat now, Little Monet (I'm not sure that the "Little" part is actually her name, but that's what we call her all the time, so it's stuck), and she's pretty skittish to begin with. Although in the morning she gets pretty friendly and she even lets Harmony pick her up and carry her around, so maybe she's not that skittish after all.
This week, we're hosting our own shindig at the Millennium Lodge, and on a Saturday rather than our regular Sunday date. We've tried to get all of our invites out by e-mail, but as always, some folks fall through the cracks, so if you didn't get an invite, it's not because we don't want you to come, we just don't have a comprehensive, all-inclusive list! If you're interested in coming, here's the info, courtesy of Pamela:
Please join us for an afternoon of fun at the Greece Canal Park's Millennium Lodge,
on Saturday, July 18th, 2009!
http://www.monroecounty.gov/parks-greececanal.php
Food hits the grill at noon. We supply the hots and hamburgers, soda and waters. We'd love it if you'd like to bring a dish, chips, or dessert to share, if you can.
There's a playground there, as well as three tennis courts, and a soccer/baseball field! Come prepared to have fun! Bring any games/balls/equipment that you'd like as well!
We'll be there all day, from Noon until 9PM!
Drop-in any time - stay for as long as you'd like!
Please RSVP (Pam's email: CoolGrrl28@aol.com or Ralph's email: YuksOnMe@aol.com or our home phone: 585-254-6256) by July 15th so we buy enough supplies!
We look forward to having some fun in the sun with YOU!
Next week: Ralph has jury duty, a gig in West Virginia (can't do 'em both at the same time, let's see how this shakes out), Mom comes visiting from Florida, and MUCH MUCH MORE! Stay tuned everybody! Also, in August, I'll be teaching another round of comedy classes (because the last ones were so popular) and you can find the info at http://www.thecomedyclub.us/Comedy_Classes.html. If you want to be funny, or know someone who you think would be interested, pass it along. I made the classes cheap for the summer, and we've got some returning folks from our June session, so it should be a lot of fun.
Thanks for reading!
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
Stuff on the comedy front's been few and far between, and by design, as I thought I would spend the Summer doing family stuff and spending time with Pammey and Harmony. We've mostly done that, but the weather around here has been decidedly un-summer-like. We've always kept cool by installing two window unit air conditioners on either side of the apartment, but this year, we've only run them once....for the most part, the outdoor temperature has run only into the low 70's, and at night, we're down into the low 50's. I'm not complaining because we're saving a ton of money on our electric bill, but little things are being affected. I usually take advantage of the warm weather to hang clothing on the clothesline out in the backyard, but we really haven't had any days that were hot (or dry) enough to pull that off. Also, you can't really mow your grass when it's wet, and it's been perpetually wet out there. My backyard looks like a jungle! I planted some pepper seeds earlier in the year and I was worried that I wouldn't be around to water them enough, but they've gotten plenty of water, now I'm worried about the sunlight!
If I had things to keep me busy, I guess I wouldn't be so down on the weather, but it's been a lot of "sit around and wait" around here. I did a "Dash For Dollars" gameshow date at D'Youville College in Buffalo last week, and I have another one Wednesday night and a third one this coming Sunday night as part of D'Youville's freshman orientation. The Incredible Cash Cube had a small stress fracture to be taken care of, and as luck would have it, there is a welding shop right around the corner from my house....walking distance, actually. They got the piece back into shape, and then my comedy buddy Ray Salah's father helped me replace some missing fasteners with his 50+ year collection of screws and bolts. The D'Youville folks were awesome and it's a great performance space...I'm looking forward to the next two shows, knowing that it's a good situation.
I did a standup date at a club called Dubland Underground on July 4th weekend. I was concerned that the club wouldn't draw very well, but they actually had a good group down in the basement club. I shared the stage with Rochester comedians Paris, Joe Cumbo, Katie Wood, Billy T. Anglin and Dan Maslyn. I didn't know how long of a show I was going to do, what with it being a very young crowd, but they hung out with me for 45 minutes or more and I had a good time with it. This past weekend, I was supposed to do a comedy train in Vermont with Steve "The Nuclear Guy," but reservations were thin and they pulled the plug on the show. I was sad to see the shows not come off, but after 20 years in this business, I understand that no Summer gig is completely secure.
So with no work for the weekend, I attended two weekend gatherings, on Saturday, a birthday party for our friends Maria and Billy Griffin's son Aidan who was turning 9, and on Sunday, a birthday party for our friend Mike Visconte who was turning 60. Saturday's party was enjoyable, and even though I was upset about the loss of work, I decided not to be a grouch about it, and I kept to myself until folks coaxed me out of my shell. The star attraction of the cookout, in my opinion, was Billy's food, where he put his restaurant experience to good use and rustled up some top-notch grub. His burgers were so thick, you could've chocked the wheels of a 747 with 'em. And they were incredibly juicy; they didn't need one condiment, just a fresh burger bun.
Mike's party was big on the grub, too, with a combination of standard cookout food, birthday cake, and Italian cuisine. The hots were huge, and there were plenty of them, and even though it got a little cool later in the evening, there was a lively discussion courtesy of the party guests, many of whom are teachers, involved in the City School District in some way, or like Pam and myself, have a child that is school-age. One of the guests was a truck driver for Wegman's, and after having seen him at the last few get-togethers at Mike and Fran's, I found out that he worked for my father for years over at Boise Cascade. He told me stories about my father that I'd never heard before, stories that made me laugh and made me incredibly proud of my dad (not that I wasn't already proud of him). I knew he was well-liked at his job, and this gentleman told me that he actually turned down a promotion so that he could keep working for my father. It was great to hear those stories, and sad, too, because I love to hear good things about my father, but I hate being reminded that he's no longer with us.
We're still getting over our recent loss in the family, and yesterday, I had to take one of Dina's cats into the vet for shots and a pedicure so that he and his sister could be handed over to one of Dina's co-workers who volunteered to take the animals on. Chester, the cat in question, is not a friendly guy, and he's scratched and bitten everyone who's come into contact with him. So who's the natural choice of person to take him to the vet? Me. The guy who's on blood thinners and doesn't clot very well.
In the past, when I've gone to the apartment to feed Chester and his sister Fauna, Chester's been friendly to me, and I figured I'd have a decent chance of getting out of the operation unscathed, but I was going to have to be clever. I grabbed an old towel, and started petting Chester, slowly wrapping him up in it and picking him up and moving him towards the ol' cat carrier. The carrier was fairly big, but even *I* don't like seeing it because we've taken at least four cats to be put down in it, and if I were a cat with a hunter's sense of smell, I think I would detect the stench of death. I made sure to get Chester's front paws wrapped up, but the problem appendages were those back feet, powerful pouncing haunches that somehow stopped me from completing the delivery of cat into carrier.
I tried another time, and then finally I realized that I was being too gentle, and for no good reason, and shoved him into the carrier. I got the door fastened, and with nary a scratch. I got Chester into the car, and played some soothing music for him and opened the back window so he could enjoy the fresh air. I actually didn't know which station he would like to hear the most, so I picked 100.5 The Drive because they had New Music Monday; no reason for both of us to be pissed off.
I got Chester over to the veterinarian, and the vet went to work like a ninja; he clipped Chester's nails in less than a minute, and administered a couple of booster shots, and it was all over. I explained that it wasn't my cat, and that I didn't want to get scratched because of my being on blood thinners, and a young lady was called in to do the holding. She grabbed Chester by the scruff of the neck, which to us looks pretty aggressive, but is really no more uncomfortable to a cat than a firm handshake. After everything was done, the young lady opened the door to the cat carrier, led Chester in by his front paws, and he complied like it was the most natural thing in the world. "This is bullshit!" I protested. "Please, can't you make it look like it was at least a *little* bit of a struggle?" The vets laughed. They explained that it's all in the intimidation factor, and when it's your cat, you've got no shot at intimidating them because they know you. I've got to get tougher with the family pets if I expect any cooperation, and we've only got one cat now, Little Monet (I'm not sure that the "Little" part is actually her name, but that's what we call her all the time, so it's stuck), and she's pretty skittish to begin with. Although in the morning she gets pretty friendly and she even lets Harmony pick her up and carry her around, so maybe she's not that skittish after all.
This week, we're hosting our own shindig at the Millennium Lodge, and on a Saturday rather than our regular Sunday date. We've tried to get all of our invites out by e-mail, but as always, some folks fall through the cracks, so if you didn't get an invite, it's not because we don't want you to come, we just don't have a comprehensive, all-inclusive list! If you're interested in coming, here's the info, courtesy of Pamela:
Please join us for an afternoon of fun at the Greece Canal Park's Millennium Lodge,
on Saturday, July 18th, 2009!
http://www.monroecounty.gov/parks-greececanal.php
Food hits the grill at noon. We supply the hots and hamburgers, soda and waters. We'd love it if you'd like to bring a dish, chips, or dessert to share, if you can.
There's a playground there, as well as three tennis courts, and a soccer/baseball field! Come prepared to have fun! Bring any games/balls/equipment that you'd like as well!
We'll be there all day, from Noon until 9PM!
Drop-in any time - stay for as long as you'd like!
Please RSVP (Pam's email: CoolGrrl28@aol.com or Ralph's email: YuksOnMe@aol.com or our home phone: 585-254-6256) by July 15th so we buy enough supplies!
We look forward to having some fun in the sun with YOU!
Next week: Ralph has jury duty, a gig in West Virginia (can't do 'em both at the same time, let's see how this shakes out), Mom comes visiting from Florida, and MUCH MUCH MORE! Stay tuned everybody! Also, in August, I'll be teaching another round of comedy classes (because the last ones were so popular) and you can find the info at http://www.thecomedyclub.us/Comedy_Classes.html. If you want to be funny, or know someone who you think would be interested, pass it along. I made the classes cheap for the summer, and we've got some returning folks from our June session, so it should be a lot of fun.
Thanks for reading!
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Teacher (Jethro Tull)
Tonight I want to extend a special congratulations to the graduates of my most recent comedy class. Earlier this evening, Anthony DiMuro, Eileen Loveman, Tim "Tizo" Maduro, Elliott Marino, Tim Shea and Steven "Sure Shot" Sorensen took the stage at The Comedy Club in Webster, NY (www.thecomedyclub.us) and put into practice the concepts and craft that they studied the last month. I'm proud to report that they all performed fabulously, to the delight of their families, friends and co-workers.
As their teacher this last month, I'm proud to say that they all took the material seriously and some of the students even took advantage of a few extra "voluntary" classes that I offered to make sure that their material was refined and polished. It paid off; they took the stage with confidence and precision, and I couldn't be prouder of them if they were my own children.
Several area comedians stepped forward and participated in the program, taking the stage in the early part of the show so that none of the graduates had to be "first" and be thrown to the lions. Local comedians Nigel Larson (who also sat in on our classes and offered feedback to the material that was being presented), Rachael Druszkowski (Western New York's Mom of Comedy), Josh Smith (The Rated-R Rockstar) and Andy Boccacino (a graduate of one of my first comedy classes almost ten years ago) took the stage and entertained our audience, setting the table for the graduates to do their thing.
Some people criticize standup comedy classes; they say "you can't teach funny." I might agree with that, but my retort would be that I don't need to teach funny. Everyone is funny. Everyone has the ability to tell a story, relate a personal experience, kid around, come up with a funny retort. The sense of humor is universal. As a comedy teacher, my goal is to show my students how to translate that sense of humor to a group of strangers. It's easy to make your friends and family laugh, they already know who you are. The trick is taking it to the stage and making strangers like you and laugh along with you.
In addition to that, you can teach public speaking and you can teach comedy writing, and if you combine them, you have what can reasonably be argued is the starting point of standup comedy.
Attending the performance tonight were Danny Liberto of the Comedy Company (www.noclowns.com) who I had the privilege of working with Saturday night at a room he books in Du Bois, Pennsylvania, and who also has taught comedy classes with me in the past, and Steve "The Nuclear Guy," who is a former student of mine who now tours around the country doing his standup act and booking his own shows. My thanks go out to them for coming out to support our class. Special thanks also go out to Mark Ippolito(the manager of the club, and believe it or not, a comedy class graduate), who tolerated our class messing up his showroom on his off nights, and Joe T. who gave the go-ahead to me to offer the classes after a long hiatus. Also, I would be remiss if I didn't mention my webguy Bruce who came out, took some group photos after the show, and also is a comedy class graduate (two times!) from back in the day. There was so much love in the room, even my mother-in-law came to the show (no lie!) and her comments, related to me by my wife, was that she really enjoyed the show and she could see these students becoming professionals someday.
I sure hope so.
This week, it's some well-deserved time off before my college game show tour picks up again with the first of three shows at D'Youville College in Buffalo next Sunday. Happy 4th of July everyone! Remember, the Declaration of Independence states that we have certain unalienable rights, and that chief among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. And making people laugh, if done well, can combine all three.
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
As their teacher this last month, I'm proud to say that they all took the material seriously and some of the students even took advantage of a few extra "voluntary" classes that I offered to make sure that their material was refined and polished. It paid off; they took the stage with confidence and precision, and I couldn't be prouder of them if they were my own children.
Several area comedians stepped forward and participated in the program, taking the stage in the early part of the show so that none of the graduates had to be "first" and be thrown to the lions. Local comedians Nigel Larson (who also sat in on our classes and offered feedback to the material that was being presented), Rachael Druszkowski (Western New York's Mom of Comedy), Josh Smith (The Rated-R Rockstar) and Andy Boccacino (a graduate of one of my first comedy classes almost ten years ago) took the stage and entertained our audience, setting the table for the graduates to do their thing.
Some people criticize standup comedy classes; they say "you can't teach funny." I might agree with that, but my retort would be that I don't need to teach funny. Everyone is funny. Everyone has the ability to tell a story, relate a personal experience, kid around, come up with a funny retort. The sense of humor is universal. As a comedy teacher, my goal is to show my students how to translate that sense of humor to a group of strangers. It's easy to make your friends and family laugh, they already know who you are. The trick is taking it to the stage and making strangers like you and laugh along with you.
In addition to that, you can teach public speaking and you can teach comedy writing, and if you combine them, you have what can reasonably be argued is the starting point of standup comedy.
Attending the performance tonight were Danny Liberto of the Comedy Company (www.noclowns.com) who I had the privilege of working with Saturday night at a room he books in Du Bois, Pennsylvania, and who also has taught comedy classes with me in the past, and Steve "The Nuclear Guy," who is a former student of mine who now tours around the country doing his standup act and booking his own shows. My thanks go out to them for coming out to support our class. Special thanks also go out to Mark Ippolito(the manager of the club, and believe it or not, a comedy class graduate), who tolerated our class messing up his showroom on his off nights, and Joe T. who gave the go-ahead to me to offer the classes after a long hiatus. Also, I would be remiss if I didn't mention my webguy Bruce who came out, took some group photos after the show, and also is a comedy class graduate (two times!) from back in the day. There was so much love in the room, even my mother-in-law came to the show (no lie!) and her comments, related to me by my wife, was that she really enjoyed the show and she could see these students becoming professionals someday.
I sure hope so.
This week, it's some well-deserved time off before my college game show tour picks up again with the first of three shows at D'Youville College in Buffalo next Sunday. Happy 4th of July everyone! Remember, the Declaration of Independence states that we have certain unalienable rights, and that chief among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. And making people laugh, if done well, can combine all three.
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Psalm 9 (Trouble)
Wow. Where have you been the last month, Ralph? None of yer damn business, Shecky.
Actually, things have been pretty rough around our house lately. My wife's Aunt Dina, who had been battling cancer, succumbed on Wednesday night, June 17th.
Dina was good to me, my wife Pamela, and our daughter Harmony. She was a member of our family, a remarkable group that took care of us, sheltered us and loved us. I married a great young lady, but I got a bonus with her family.
Years ago, when I proposed to Pamela, my parents were getting ready to retire to Florida and I was living in the basement apartment of the multi-family house they owned. In order to sell the house, I needed to get out and was about to go look for a place when Pamela suggested that we live together at her apartment. I wasn't against living together, especially when we were properly engaged, but we had to ask permission of Dina, as she owned the house. She said yes, and very cautiously explained to me that her niece was a special girl, and that if I hurt her in any way, she would come looking for me. It's been almost 15 years, and I guess I'm doing all right, nobody's taken a swing at me yet.
Dina worked in Social Services, was active with the union, and often would walk a picket line with other unions in solidarity. She was liberal in a lot of things, but insisted that things would be better if people got up off their ass. She was very Catholic, sang in the folk group at Holy Apostles, and deserved a much longer retirement than the one she got. She retired at 60 after the rigors of her disease started causing complications, and spent the last year of her life managing pain when she should have been enjoying herself.
She particularly liked a song that Pamela and I wrote about Harmony called "The Baby With The Nice Round Head" that we would sing all the time. She thought we should get it published, even though it was just a fun little ditty that we would sing to Harmony when she was really little and we wanted to change her diapers.
Dina wanted the best for us and loved us and we tried to help, but at the end of the day, it was cancer, the heavyweight champion of the world. I've done three cancer benefits alone this year, and I could have done three hundred and I don't think it would make a difference. It's a horrible disease, hard to diagnose, murder to treat, and we're no closer to understanding what it is, why it occurs, and why it's so different from patient to patient than we are to understanding God.
When Dina decided to stop treatment and go gracefully, I couldn't fault her. The treatments left her weak and drained, and she'd had enough. Making that decision required courage, a courage I'm sure I wouldn't have. She had plenty of visitors those last couple of weeks, cards, letters, flowers, folks from church, former co-workers, and of course Pamela and I brought Harmony to see her, hoping that her nice round head would bring a smile to Dina's face. I'm happy to report that it did. Harmony still doesn't really understand what heaven is, or what happens to people after they go there. She knows that "Auntie Dee" is up there with Grandpa Tetta, Great Grandma, and Snax The Cat. My mother-in-law Anne described it to Harmony as a big party that never ends, and she seemed o.k. with that. I guess I'm o.k. with it, too, but I picture it more as a state of bliss, basking in the love of the Creator, unaware of what's going on down on Earth. Lord knows, there's plenty going on down here to make anyone frantic, upset, scared or angry, and I don't think heaven would allow those things of their denizens.
On Wednesday night, when it happened, I was driving east towards Syracuse to do a TV program on Thursday morning, and the sky was pissing rain like I'd never seen. It was just ridiculous amounts of water coming down, and no more than 15 minutes after I'd hit the road, my wife called me with choking sobs and I knew that Dina had gone. With the time frame we were looking at and the experience of my father as a cancer patient only a couple of years ago, I knew after hearing that Dina was sleeping and mostly unresponsive that it would be quick, but I had no idea that it would be so soon. I'm happy to report that on the day of her interment, the skies were cloudless, the sun was out, and the service was joyous and well-attended. They even let me get up and read a passage, which I thought was nice. My original choices were considered too heavy-handed, I think, but they found a passage that got the message across and was considered more appropriate. Dina had an ex-boyfriend for years and he turned out to be a real scumbag, and as a present to her, I wanted to read something that basically gave him the guns, but in retrospect, I guess it was better that I just concentrated on a passage that indicated that Dina was a good person and her place in heaven was assured. Afterwards, members of the family including my wife's Uncle Joe from Boston and his wife Gretchen congregated at the Peppermill Restaurant and we had lunch. This was an old haunt of mine, and I could never get Pam to go there, but it was close by the cemetery and a good place to decompress.
Other than that, it's been a pretty busy June with two weeks in the Cleveland area and a week in Syracuse, and then the invitation to go on the Bridge Street show on WSYR-TV channel 9. I talked about teaching comedy, and I've been teaching a class in Rochester for the last month. Our graduation show is this coming Sunday at the Comedy Club in Webster, and everyone's excited and working really hard to brush up their material for the occasion.
There's a lot of work to be done around the house, and today I got the air conditioners in to help combat the 85 degree weather. I planted peppers in the back yard and I'm excited to see if anything comes of it, I'm not exactly known for my green thumb. Yesterday, we took Harmony to see a live exotic animal program at the library up the street, it was fun and a nice change of pace from all the stuff we've had to deal with the last couple of weeks. This weekend, I have a one-nighter down in Pennsylvania with old buddies Danny Liberto and Joe Bruno, and it should be a lot of fun. I've got a low-key yet busy July planned, including a week of jury duty, so we'll see how that goes.
O.k., that's enough. Thanks again for everyone who knew what was going on and their show of sympathy to our family in this time, it's really appreciated. Special thanks to my good friends Steve and Eileen for coming to the memorial service, I know it was a long drive and you're good friends and good people and my wife and I appreciate you. We'll see you at our picnic, and then out at your place for the redneck luau.
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
Actually, things have been pretty rough around our house lately. My wife's Aunt Dina, who had been battling cancer, succumbed on Wednesday night, June 17th.
Dina was good to me, my wife Pamela, and our daughter Harmony. She was a member of our family, a remarkable group that took care of us, sheltered us and loved us. I married a great young lady, but I got a bonus with her family.
Years ago, when I proposed to Pamela, my parents were getting ready to retire to Florida and I was living in the basement apartment of the multi-family house they owned. In order to sell the house, I needed to get out and was about to go look for a place when Pamela suggested that we live together at her apartment. I wasn't against living together, especially when we were properly engaged, but we had to ask permission of Dina, as she owned the house. She said yes, and very cautiously explained to me that her niece was a special girl, and that if I hurt her in any way, she would come looking for me. It's been almost 15 years, and I guess I'm doing all right, nobody's taken a swing at me yet.
Dina worked in Social Services, was active with the union, and often would walk a picket line with other unions in solidarity. She was liberal in a lot of things, but insisted that things would be better if people got up off their ass. She was very Catholic, sang in the folk group at Holy Apostles, and deserved a much longer retirement than the one she got. She retired at 60 after the rigors of her disease started causing complications, and spent the last year of her life managing pain when she should have been enjoying herself.
She particularly liked a song that Pamela and I wrote about Harmony called "The Baby With The Nice Round Head" that we would sing all the time. She thought we should get it published, even though it was just a fun little ditty that we would sing to Harmony when she was really little and we wanted to change her diapers.
Dina wanted the best for us and loved us and we tried to help, but at the end of the day, it was cancer, the heavyweight champion of the world. I've done three cancer benefits alone this year, and I could have done three hundred and I don't think it would make a difference. It's a horrible disease, hard to diagnose, murder to treat, and we're no closer to understanding what it is, why it occurs, and why it's so different from patient to patient than we are to understanding God.
When Dina decided to stop treatment and go gracefully, I couldn't fault her. The treatments left her weak and drained, and she'd had enough. Making that decision required courage, a courage I'm sure I wouldn't have. She had plenty of visitors those last couple of weeks, cards, letters, flowers, folks from church, former co-workers, and of course Pamela and I brought Harmony to see her, hoping that her nice round head would bring a smile to Dina's face. I'm happy to report that it did. Harmony still doesn't really understand what heaven is, or what happens to people after they go there. She knows that "Auntie Dee" is up there with Grandpa Tetta, Great Grandma, and Snax The Cat. My mother-in-law Anne described it to Harmony as a big party that never ends, and she seemed o.k. with that. I guess I'm o.k. with it, too, but I picture it more as a state of bliss, basking in the love of the Creator, unaware of what's going on down on Earth. Lord knows, there's plenty going on down here to make anyone frantic, upset, scared or angry, and I don't think heaven would allow those things of their denizens.
On Wednesday night, when it happened, I was driving east towards Syracuse to do a TV program on Thursday morning, and the sky was pissing rain like I'd never seen. It was just ridiculous amounts of water coming down, and no more than 15 minutes after I'd hit the road, my wife called me with choking sobs and I knew that Dina had gone. With the time frame we were looking at and the experience of my father as a cancer patient only a couple of years ago, I knew after hearing that Dina was sleeping and mostly unresponsive that it would be quick, but I had no idea that it would be so soon. I'm happy to report that on the day of her interment, the skies were cloudless, the sun was out, and the service was joyous and well-attended. They even let me get up and read a passage, which I thought was nice. My original choices were considered too heavy-handed, I think, but they found a passage that got the message across and was considered more appropriate. Dina had an ex-boyfriend for years and he turned out to be a real scumbag, and as a present to her, I wanted to read something that basically gave him the guns, but in retrospect, I guess it was better that I just concentrated on a passage that indicated that Dina was a good person and her place in heaven was assured. Afterwards, members of the family including my wife's Uncle Joe from Boston and his wife Gretchen congregated at the Peppermill Restaurant and we had lunch. This was an old haunt of mine, and I could never get Pam to go there, but it was close by the cemetery and a good place to decompress.
Other than that, it's been a pretty busy June with two weeks in the Cleveland area and a week in Syracuse, and then the invitation to go on the Bridge Street show on WSYR-TV channel 9. I talked about teaching comedy, and I've been teaching a class in Rochester for the last month. Our graduation show is this coming Sunday at the Comedy Club in Webster, and everyone's excited and working really hard to brush up their material for the occasion.
There's a lot of work to be done around the house, and today I got the air conditioners in to help combat the 85 degree weather. I planted peppers in the back yard and I'm excited to see if anything comes of it, I'm not exactly known for my green thumb. Yesterday, we took Harmony to see a live exotic animal program at the library up the street, it was fun and a nice change of pace from all the stuff we've had to deal with the last couple of weeks. This weekend, I have a one-nighter down in Pennsylvania with old buddies Danny Liberto and Joe Bruno, and it should be a lot of fun. I've got a low-key yet busy July planned, including a week of jury duty, so we'll see how that goes.
O.k., that's enough. Thanks again for everyone who knew what was going on and their show of sympathy to our family in this time, it's really appreciated. Special thanks to my good friends Steve and Eileen for coming to the memorial service, I know it was a long drive and you're good friends and good people and my wife and I appreciate you. We'll see you at our picnic, and then out at your place for the redneck luau.
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
Thursday, May 28, 2009
The Writer (UFO)
Thursday, May 29, 2009
11:45 P.M.
Just going down memory lane on a rainy, muggy night in Rochester. Ray Salah accompanied me to my last "Dash For Dollars" show of the season down in New Jersey on Wednesday, and for two days, we laughed and talked about the past.
Ray and I have been friends since I met him at Yuk Yuk's Comedy Club in Rochester back in May of 1988. We've been friends for 21 years, played countless shows together, and this summer, we're going to be doing something new, an improv show targeted towards families with children looking for entertainment options for their kids.
After two days in the car talking about all the stuff we've been through, I found a folder full of pictures, including a picture of our friend, Tiny Glover, who passed away last year. I also found folders full of jokes I'd written, hoping at one point to start my own "morning radio joke service" to funnel material at that market. I also found a folder full of poems that I wrote during a time when I was black-balled from the only comedy club in town, Hiccup's, and the only stage time that Ray and I could get was the Pure Kona open mic poetry night at Java Joe's. The black-balling basically occurred because there were two clubs in town, and Hiccup's didn't want me working at the other club, but the other club treated me better so I went with them, and then they went out of business, turning me into a man without a country.
Looking through the joke folder first....wondering what dusty gems lay in waiting....
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
David Letterman returned to the Late Show on February 21st after undergoing quintuple bypass surgery. All that work, and they didn't do anything about his teeth.
The TV show ratings leader this week was ABC's "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?" UPN is introducing a knock-off of the popular show called "Who Wants To Get Their Heat Turned Back On?"
Magician Doug Henning passed away on February 7th. Six pallbearers carried his casket to the grave site, and then sawed it in half.
Every year on George Washington's birthday, they have a mattress sale. Shouldn't they have it on Bill Clinton's birthday?
Monica Lewinsky's book tour is causing anger all over America. Democrats are mad because she disgraced the President. Her parents are mad because she embarrassed the family. Even her dentist is mad at her because he can't get her to spit.
A women's basketball league is being introduced for fans who can't get enough of the NBA. The WNBA promises the players are just as good as in the NBA, but they wear one more pad.
Wal*Mart is expanding it's presence in Europe, where it is taking over 21 supermarkets in Germany. No word yet on whether or not they're planning a Berlin Wal*Mart.
A ring of Canadian counterfeiters was caught trying to pass phony U.S. bills here in the states. They were caught when it was noticed that the $1 bill featured George Jefferson.
Thousands of Chinese-made condoms were returned to China as defective because an hour after you use them, you're still horny.
Business leaders in Hawaii are trying to stimulate business in the 50th state with a program called "Thumbs Up, Hawaii." New York state has a similar program, except it's not a thumb.
The National Support Group for Bulimia is having their annual fund-raising spaghetti dinner this Saturday. Dinner will be served at 7:00, 7:30, 8:00, 8:30, 9:00, 9:15, 9:20.....
The World Series contest this year will feature the Cleveland Indians and the Atlanta Braves. Tickets are only available through scalpers.
The mayor of Charleston, West Virginia was reprimanded for using city workers to repave his home driveway. He was caught when the crew painted a double yellow stripe down the middle of it.
Hugh Grant is selling the car he picked up prostitute Divine Brown in. He's going to take the money and buy an Escort.
It's a true fact: the first fortune cookie ever was manufactured in the United States. And the first fortune was "Inspected by #5."
A study by the American Medical Association shows that men who masturbate regularly are less likely to develop prostate cancer. But they suffer from a malady called "penis elbow."
The town of Preston, Mississippi has discontinued their recycling program because they're tired of reading the same newspapers over and over again.
A study at Johns Hopkins University shows that the poorest-selling flavored condom is peanut butter. Consumers didn't like it because it sticks to the roof of their mouth.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wow. Say what you want, at least I never stopped working.
The poetry was, in a lot of circumstances, standup comedy disguised as poetry. Here's a taste.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tradition 5/20/94
"Eat it,"
my buddy said-
the worm at the bottom of the bottle;
"it'll be cool."
So I ate it.
It was bitter
and nasty
and I felt sick instead of cool.
I don't hang around with Larry anymore
and tomorrow I'm writing a letter of complaint
to the Heinz Tomato Ketchup company.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, that's enough for tonight. Maybe I'll share some more next time. I'm off until Thursday when I'll be at the Cleveland Improv, which I'm looking forward to.
Take care, and thanks for reading.
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
11:45 P.M.
Just going down memory lane on a rainy, muggy night in Rochester. Ray Salah accompanied me to my last "Dash For Dollars" show of the season down in New Jersey on Wednesday, and for two days, we laughed and talked about the past.
Ray and I have been friends since I met him at Yuk Yuk's Comedy Club in Rochester back in May of 1988. We've been friends for 21 years, played countless shows together, and this summer, we're going to be doing something new, an improv show targeted towards families with children looking for entertainment options for their kids.
After two days in the car talking about all the stuff we've been through, I found a folder full of pictures, including a picture of our friend, Tiny Glover, who passed away last year. I also found folders full of jokes I'd written, hoping at one point to start my own "morning radio joke service" to funnel material at that market. I also found a folder full of poems that I wrote during a time when I was black-balled from the only comedy club in town, Hiccup's, and the only stage time that Ray and I could get was the Pure Kona open mic poetry night at Java Joe's. The black-balling basically occurred because there were two clubs in town, and Hiccup's didn't want me working at the other club, but the other club treated me better so I went with them, and then they went out of business, turning me into a man without a country.
Looking through the joke folder first....wondering what dusty gems lay in waiting....
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
David Letterman returned to the Late Show on February 21st after undergoing quintuple bypass surgery. All that work, and they didn't do anything about his teeth.
The TV show ratings leader this week was ABC's "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?" UPN is introducing a knock-off of the popular show called "Who Wants To Get Their Heat Turned Back On?"
Magician Doug Henning passed away on February 7th. Six pallbearers carried his casket to the grave site, and then sawed it in half.
Every year on George Washington's birthday, they have a mattress sale. Shouldn't they have it on Bill Clinton's birthday?
Monica Lewinsky's book tour is causing anger all over America. Democrats are mad because she disgraced the President. Her parents are mad because she embarrassed the family. Even her dentist is mad at her because he can't get her to spit.
A women's basketball league is being introduced for fans who can't get enough of the NBA. The WNBA promises the players are just as good as in the NBA, but they wear one more pad.
Wal*Mart is expanding it's presence in Europe, where it is taking over 21 supermarkets in Germany. No word yet on whether or not they're planning a Berlin Wal*Mart.
A ring of Canadian counterfeiters was caught trying to pass phony U.S. bills here in the states. They were caught when it was noticed that the $1 bill featured George Jefferson.
Thousands of Chinese-made condoms were returned to China as defective because an hour after you use them, you're still horny.
Business leaders in Hawaii are trying to stimulate business in the 50th state with a program called "Thumbs Up, Hawaii." New York state has a similar program, except it's not a thumb.
The National Support Group for Bulimia is having their annual fund-raising spaghetti dinner this Saturday. Dinner will be served at 7:00, 7:30, 8:00, 8:30, 9:00, 9:15, 9:20.....
The World Series contest this year will feature the Cleveland Indians and the Atlanta Braves. Tickets are only available through scalpers.
The mayor of Charleston, West Virginia was reprimanded for using city workers to repave his home driveway. He was caught when the crew painted a double yellow stripe down the middle of it.
Hugh Grant is selling the car he picked up prostitute Divine Brown in. He's going to take the money and buy an Escort.
It's a true fact: the first fortune cookie ever was manufactured in the United States. And the first fortune was "Inspected by #5."
A study by the American Medical Association shows that men who masturbate regularly are less likely to develop prostate cancer. But they suffer from a malady called "penis elbow."
The town of Preston, Mississippi has discontinued their recycling program because they're tired of reading the same newspapers over and over again.
A study at Johns Hopkins University shows that the poorest-selling flavored condom is peanut butter. Consumers didn't like it because it sticks to the roof of their mouth.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wow. Say what you want, at least I never stopped working.
The poetry was, in a lot of circumstances, standup comedy disguised as poetry. Here's a taste.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tradition 5/20/94
"Eat it,"
my buddy said-
the worm at the bottom of the bottle;
"it'll be cool."
So I ate it.
It was bitter
and nasty
and I felt sick instead of cool.
I don't hang around with Larry anymore
and tomorrow I'm writing a letter of complaint
to the Heinz Tomato Ketchup company.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, that's enough for tonight. Maybe I'll share some more next time. I'm off until Thursday when I'll be at the Cleveland Improv, which I'm looking forward to.
Take care, and thanks for reading.
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Delicious (Rod Stewart)
Sunday, May 17, 20092:30 A.M. EDT
The house is quiet.
Good evening, dear reader, or God Save Us, good morning, if you should rise so early. It's 2:30 in the morning and mommy and baby have both gone to bed, leaving daddy to his own devices, tip-tapping at the computer keyboard, searching the internet for all manner of information, gossip and drivel. It then occurred to me that I hadn't checked in with you in quite some time, and lo, it's almost been a month! Where has the time gone off to....
When last I reported, I was in a hotel room in Storm Lake, Iowa, preparing to perform for an all-night after-prom party for a small high school in Newell, Iowa. I was a little worried about the show, not that I wouldn't be funny, but that I could find the right balance of dirt. Youthful audiences crave blue material, and the adults who look after them fear it. One complaint, carefully worded, and an individual is out looking for a new job. Nobody needs that. I'm glad to say that the feedback that evening was excellent, and a follow-up by my college agent confirmed the same. I had a great time with the kids, and think I might pursue the position of professional commencement speaker. I think I'd be great in that role. If only I could inspire as many protesters as President Obama, then I'd really be on to something. Let's face it; if everyone agrees with you 100% of the time, you're either a pandering abjurer or a simpleton with nothing to contribute to the dialogue.
The drive the next day was a rainy one, and I was glad I was able to get my brakes done. The only thing worse than driving on wet pavement is driving on same without adequate brakes. The sun started shining through just a little before the Illinois border, and the rest of the trip was without incident. I arrived at the McCamley Park hotel in Battle Creek, Michigan, got myself cleaned up, ironed some clothing and headed over to Gary Field's Comedy Theater to participate in the annual Relay For Life benefit show for cancer relief. We had a great turnout, with every seat sold and dynamite performances from Gary Fields, John Face, Kathie Dice, Chris Young and Mike Evitts. I have done this event three times, and they keep asking me back, and I try to mix up my material because I don't want to get repetitious...one line got a woman to walk. Actually, she didn't care for the joke and was verbal in her criticism, and I whacked her the way I would any heckler. Hey, if you don't like the joke, sit down and shut up, everyone else laughed! Sometimes, majority rules whether you like it or not.
On Monday, I dragged my feet getting up to my college agency's office in Grand Rapids, Michigan, and after a few minutes making nice with the agents, I headed north to Petoskey, Michigan getting ready for a show at North Central Michigan University. I stopped along the way to go to a KFC restaurant because they were running their "free piece of the new grilled chicken" promotion (this was before the Oprah coupon debacle, if you've been following that) and my review is that the grilled chicken is pretty tasty, but it is grilled, not fried, so make sure you have a beverage on hand because it can get a little dry. I am of the opinion, however, that dry chicken is good because that means it's cooked all the way through, and I've had undercooked chicken and the nausea and vomiting that follow. I'll take it dry, thanks, and pass the Diet Coke.
The next morning, I headed over to the college and the battery light on my dashboard started to flicker to life, just as the needle on the battery charge indicator started dipping down to the "negative" sign. Just as I pulled into the college parking lot, the vehicle died. Long story short, alternator. I did a quick "teaser" event to promote the Dash For Dollars show, and then started working the phone to get the Automobile Club to send a tow-truck. Good news, there was a repair shop just a couple of blocks over, and the show wasn't for six hours. I unloaded all of the game show gear, and just as I was finishing, the AAA driver showed up. He hauled the van down to the repair shop, and there was only one other car in front of me, so it got fixed up in about 90 minutes, maybe less. I headed out to lunch, and then made my way back to campus. I set up the game show set, and then started trolling around the campus handing out dollar bills and promoting the evening show. The gambit worked, and the place was just packed! Nothing guarantees a good show like a big, full audience. Any kind of show, for that matter, is better with a crowd. The funniest comedian in the world can't rock two people, not without tickling them, anyhow. Give me a couple hundred and I'll show you a good time, I tell you what.
I had a couple of days off back at Grand Rapids where I stayed with Bill Smith, my college agent. I bummed around and did laundry and some administrative tasks I'd been putting off, like some basic bookkeeping and computer file maintenance. E-mails build up if you're constantly putting them in the "respond to later" file, but never responding to them. On Thursday afternoon, I brought in lunch for the office as a small token of thanks to the men and women who keep me employed. Every day, make a friend, I say. I found a great sandwich shop right near the office called "Broadway Subs" and the banner outside the shop said something about New Jersey so I decided right there that the food would be good, because New Jersey is an Italian outpost, and Italians know from the cold cuts. Germans know bologna and liverwurst, and maybe Muenster cheese, and after that, feh. I'll stick with the guineas on this one, thanks. I ordered up a sandwich tray and got some sodas and trotted it into the office in the pouring rain. Still, an army marches on their stomach. And if you're ever in Grand Rapids, get yourself one of those Broadway subs, they are De*Lish! I went back the next day and got a monster pastrami and provolone, and it was possibly the best ever. Then I went and saw "X-Men Origins: Wolverine" and it was awesome. Thursday night, I was invited to dinner by one of the agents and a couple of his buddies, and we hit BD's Mongolian Barbecue, a small chain restaurant that has locations all over Michigan. The four of us had a great time chatting over comics, movies, TV shows, and all the stuff that nerds like us go for. The company was good, the food was great, and before we knew it, we'd been sitting there for four hours. I don't socialize much, so it was nice to get out and do the "hang around" thing. By the way, BD's is De*Lish.
Friday night, I headlined a show at Shots Bar, Grill and Pizzeria, and it was fun, until some old sourdough truck driver named Charlie started making the rounds to every table and shaking hands like he was running for office. I tried to get him to sit down, but he seemed oblivious to the idea that we were doing a comedy show, and the next thing I knew, I was "stuck in the tar baby," trying to shut up a guy who was intoxicated AND southern. Pinch me, mama, I'm dreamin'! I drove home Saturday after a nice omelet breakfast at Bill's house. I'll say this for Bill Smith, he whips up a great plate of eggs considering I never see him eat anything. Earlier in the week, I brough over a package of bagels and he had whipped up a spread with real horseradish and garlic, and Neufchatel cheese. De*Lish, I say.
In case you're wondering, I'm trying to get "De*Lish" trademarked, so don't start using it, see?*
I was home for the first time in three weeks, and I hit the stage again, this time at The Comedy Club in Webster, performing for the benefit of the family of Tiny Glover, one of my good comedy friends who had died last year. I performed with Danny Liberto, Jamie Lissow, Pat Duffy, Dan Viola, and a few other guys I'd never met before, and I took the lead-off position. Tiny was a good guy, and I've talked about him in this space before so I'm not going to run over the same old ground again, but it felt good to perform in that event.
After a few days off, I was in the car again, with Ray Salah in tow, headed for Johnstown, Pennsylvania. I headlined a show at the Pony Club Lounge with special guest Spark Man. We had a thinner-than-usual attendance due to the Pittsburgh Penguins being in the NHL playoff against whomever they were playing, and folks stayed away in droves. We had a good show regardless, but there's something about a mostly empty room that's hard to get over. The next day, it was up to Strykersville, NY and a comedy benefit show for the troops at the Six Star American Legion Post. Weather and construction delays had caused me to show up at the club just a few minutes after our scheduled showtime, but I was going last on the bill so it didn't much hurt us. The room was sold out and the show was great (food was good, too) and again, I was happy to be included. Kudos to my co-stars, Josh Smith and Steve "The Nuclear Guy" Natarelli, who helped round out the evening. We would up raising $1,000 for the post, which wasn't bad considering Strykersville isn't that big a town to begin with.
I did my second-last game show date of the season on Friday in Madison, Indiana at Ivy Tech Community College. I was performing for the graduating class, and it was a phenomenal show. I caught a lucky break as the school had a freight-sized elevator that was big enough to get the Incredible Cash Cube up to the second level where the performance was, but we still had to call maintenance to get them to remove a door to get it into the room. The girl who was the grand-prize winner was pregnant, and I felt kinda good about that, because I know how much diapers and other "new baby" expenses are. I drove back all day Friday and after a lazy day here at the house (it rained and was pretty crappy so I stayed inside), I went out to the Comedy Club where two of my friends, Jason Russell and Ray Salah, were performing this weekend. They talked me into doing guest spots both shows (seriously, try to keep me off stage) and the crowds were a little stiff, but it was fun to go up and try some new material. After a while, I had to quit screwing around and do some of the "A" material, but that felt too much like work.
I've got ten days off before my last game show date of the season, and in the middle of that, I'm doing a cancer benefit here in Rochester (that will be my sixth benefit show this year) and then my club schedule revs up for June. In July, Ray and I are planning to do some family-friendly improv shows at the Comedy Club as we've had great success with the show for years doing First Night Celebrations in Binghamton and Buffalo, and want to branch out. In addition, I'm going to start teaching comedy classes again, and maybe that will be the impetus to finish my book about the subject. No matter what, I'm going to stay busy and try to enjoy some family time while I'm doing it.
It's cold and rainy, which doesn't feel like May, but it's gonna be hot soon enough. Enjoy what you have, when you have it.
*De*Lish is a trademark of Inner Loop Comedy Productions, copyright pending
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
The house is quiet.
Good evening, dear reader, or God Save Us, good morning, if you should rise so early. It's 2:30 in the morning and mommy and baby have both gone to bed, leaving daddy to his own devices, tip-tapping at the computer keyboard, searching the internet for all manner of information, gossip and drivel. It then occurred to me that I hadn't checked in with you in quite some time, and lo, it's almost been a month! Where has the time gone off to....
When last I reported, I was in a hotel room in Storm Lake, Iowa, preparing to perform for an all-night after-prom party for a small high school in Newell, Iowa. I was a little worried about the show, not that I wouldn't be funny, but that I could find the right balance of dirt. Youthful audiences crave blue material, and the adults who look after them fear it. One complaint, carefully worded, and an individual is out looking for a new job. Nobody needs that. I'm glad to say that the feedback that evening was excellent, and a follow-up by my college agent confirmed the same. I had a great time with the kids, and think I might pursue the position of professional commencement speaker. I think I'd be great in that role. If only I could inspire as many protesters as President Obama, then I'd really be on to something. Let's face it; if everyone agrees with you 100% of the time, you're either a pandering abjurer or a simpleton with nothing to contribute to the dialogue.
The drive the next day was a rainy one, and I was glad I was able to get my brakes done. The only thing worse than driving on wet pavement is driving on same without adequate brakes. The sun started shining through just a little before the Illinois border, and the rest of the trip was without incident. I arrived at the McCamley Park hotel in Battle Creek, Michigan, got myself cleaned up, ironed some clothing and headed over to Gary Field's Comedy Theater to participate in the annual Relay For Life benefit show for cancer relief. We had a great turnout, with every seat sold and dynamite performances from Gary Fields, John Face, Kathie Dice, Chris Young and Mike Evitts. I have done this event three times, and they keep asking me back, and I try to mix up my material because I don't want to get repetitious...one line got a woman to walk. Actually, she didn't care for the joke and was verbal in her criticism, and I whacked her the way I would any heckler. Hey, if you don't like the joke, sit down and shut up, everyone else laughed! Sometimes, majority rules whether you like it or not.
On Monday, I dragged my feet getting up to my college agency's office in Grand Rapids, Michigan, and after a few minutes making nice with the agents, I headed north to Petoskey, Michigan getting ready for a show at North Central Michigan University. I stopped along the way to go to a KFC restaurant because they were running their "free piece of the new grilled chicken" promotion (this was before the Oprah coupon debacle, if you've been following that) and my review is that the grilled chicken is pretty tasty, but it is grilled, not fried, so make sure you have a beverage on hand because it can get a little dry. I am of the opinion, however, that dry chicken is good because that means it's cooked all the way through, and I've had undercooked chicken and the nausea and vomiting that follow. I'll take it dry, thanks, and pass the Diet Coke.
The next morning, I headed over to the college and the battery light on my dashboard started to flicker to life, just as the needle on the battery charge indicator started dipping down to the "negative" sign. Just as I pulled into the college parking lot, the vehicle died. Long story short, alternator. I did a quick "teaser" event to promote the Dash For Dollars show, and then started working the phone to get the Automobile Club to send a tow-truck. Good news, there was a repair shop just a couple of blocks over, and the show wasn't for six hours. I unloaded all of the game show gear, and just as I was finishing, the AAA driver showed up. He hauled the van down to the repair shop, and there was only one other car in front of me, so it got fixed up in about 90 minutes, maybe less. I headed out to lunch, and then made my way back to campus. I set up the game show set, and then started trolling around the campus handing out dollar bills and promoting the evening show. The gambit worked, and the place was just packed! Nothing guarantees a good show like a big, full audience. Any kind of show, for that matter, is better with a crowd. The funniest comedian in the world can't rock two people, not without tickling them, anyhow. Give me a couple hundred and I'll show you a good time, I tell you what.
I had a couple of days off back at Grand Rapids where I stayed with Bill Smith, my college agent. I bummed around and did laundry and some administrative tasks I'd been putting off, like some basic bookkeeping and computer file maintenance. E-mails build up if you're constantly putting them in the "respond to later" file, but never responding to them. On Thursday afternoon, I brought in lunch for the office as a small token of thanks to the men and women who keep me employed. Every day, make a friend, I say. I found a great sandwich shop right near the office called "Broadway Subs" and the banner outside the shop said something about New Jersey so I decided right there that the food would be good, because New Jersey is an Italian outpost, and Italians know from the cold cuts. Germans know bologna and liverwurst, and maybe Muenster cheese, and after that, feh. I'll stick with the guineas on this one, thanks. I ordered up a sandwich tray and got some sodas and trotted it into the office in the pouring rain. Still, an army marches on their stomach. And if you're ever in Grand Rapids, get yourself one of those Broadway subs, they are De*Lish! I went back the next day and got a monster pastrami and provolone, and it was possibly the best ever. Then I went and saw "X-Men Origins: Wolverine" and it was awesome. Thursday night, I was invited to dinner by one of the agents and a couple of his buddies, and we hit BD's Mongolian Barbecue, a small chain restaurant that has locations all over Michigan. The four of us had a great time chatting over comics, movies, TV shows, and all the stuff that nerds like us go for. The company was good, the food was great, and before we knew it, we'd been sitting there for four hours. I don't socialize much, so it was nice to get out and do the "hang around" thing. By the way, BD's is De*Lish.
Friday night, I headlined a show at Shots Bar, Grill and Pizzeria, and it was fun, until some old sourdough truck driver named Charlie started making the rounds to every table and shaking hands like he was running for office. I tried to get him to sit down, but he seemed oblivious to the idea that we were doing a comedy show, and the next thing I knew, I was "stuck in the tar baby," trying to shut up a guy who was intoxicated AND southern. Pinch me, mama, I'm dreamin'! I drove home Saturday after a nice omelet breakfast at Bill's house. I'll say this for Bill Smith, he whips up a great plate of eggs considering I never see him eat anything. Earlier in the week, I brough over a package of bagels and he had whipped up a spread with real horseradish and garlic, and Neufchatel cheese. De*Lish, I say.
In case you're wondering, I'm trying to get "De*Lish" trademarked, so don't start using it, see?*
I was home for the first time in three weeks, and I hit the stage again, this time at The Comedy Club in Webster, performing for the benefit of the family of Tiny Glover, one of my good comedy friends who had died last year. I performed with Danny Liberto, Jamie Lissow, Pat Duffy, Dan Viola, and a few other guys I'd never met before, and I took the lead-off position. Tiny was a good guy, and I've talked about him in this space before so I'm not going to run over the same old ground again, but it felt good to perform in that event.
After a few days off, I was in the car again, with Ray Salah in tow, headed for Johnstown, Pennsylvania. I headlined a show at the Pony Club Lounge with special guest Spark Man. We had a thinner-than-usual attendance due to the Pittsburgh Penguins being in the NHL playoff against whomever they were playing, and folks stayed away in droves. We had a good show regardless, but there's something about a mostly empty room that's hard to get over. The next day, it was up to Strykersville, NY and a comedy benefit show for the troops at the Six Star American Legion Post. Weather and construction delays had caused me to show up at the club just a few minutes after our scheduled showtime, but I was going last on the bill so it didn't much hurt us. The room was sold out and the show was great (food was good, too) and again, I was happy to be included. Kudos to my co-stars, Josh Smith and Steve "The Nuclear Guy" Natarelli, who helped round out the evening. We would up raising $1,000 for the post, which wasn't bad considering Strykersville isn't that big a town to begin with.
I did my second-last game show date of the season on Friday in Madison, Indiana at Ivy Tech Community College. I was performing for the graduating class, and it was a phenomenal show. I caught a lucky break as the school had a freight-sized elevator that was big enough to get the Incredible Cash Cube up to the second level where the performance was, but we still had to call maintenance to get them to remove a door to get it into the room. The girl who was the grand-prize winner was pregnant, and I felt kinda good about that, because I know how much diapers and other "new baby" expenses are. I drove back all day Friday and after a lazy day here at the house (it rained and was pretty crappy so I stayed inside), I went out to the Comedy Club where two of my friends, Jason Russell and Ray Salah, were performing this weekend. They talked me into doing guest spots both shows (seriously, try to keep me off stage) and the crowds were a little stiff, but it was fun to go up and try some new material. After a while, I had to quit screwing around and do some of the "A" material, but that felt too much like work.
I've got ten days off before my last game show date of the season, and in the middle of that, I'm doing a cancer benefit here in Rochester (that will be my sixth benefit show this year) and then my club schedule revs up for June. In July, Ray and I are planning to do some family-friendly improv shows at the Comedy Club as we've had great success with the show for years doing First Night Celebrations in Binghamton and Buffalo, and want to branch out. In addition, I'm going to start teaching comedy classes again, and maybe that will be the impetus to finish my book about the subject. No matter what, I'm going to stay busy and try to enjoy some family time while I'm doing it.
It's cold and rainy, which doesn't feel like May, but it's gonna be hot soon enough. Enjoy what you have, when you have it.
*De*Lish is a trademark of Inner Loop Comedy Productions, copyright pending
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Iowa Stubborn (Meredith Wilson)
Good evening from Storm Lake, Iowa, where menacing grey clouds hover over the area, threatening to discharge a cold rain on the aptly-named community.
I'm at the Super 8 Motel, relaxing before a late-night show for the After-Prom revelers of Newell-Fonda Community School in Newell, Iowa. My report time is midnight, which officially makes this the latest "late show" I've ever done in my 20-plus year comedy career.
The tour started 12 days ago, with a drive out of Rochester, NY on Tuesday the 14th. I made my way down the Interstate 90 for what felt like the thousandth time, and got deep into Indiana before deciding to hunker down for the evening. I stopped along the way to refuel at an Indiana tollway rest stop, and as I pumped the gas into the van, standing out in the chilly night air, I soaked in the scenery. There wasn't much going on by the way of other travelers, although at a pump opposite me, a young lady was crying and hugging an older lady, and she was driving a panel truck with the Budget Rent-A-Car logo on the side. I couldn't tell exactly what the problem was, except that the truck was pointing the opposite way of the traffic flow. The two women talked, the older one assuring the younger one that everything would be o.k., and I struggled to figure out what was going on. The older woman then left the younger one, and started emptying the garbage cans at the pumps, which confused me because I thought they were traveling together. It was confusing, to say the least, and I paid for my gas, quit eavesdropping and went on my way. I found my way to the Motel 6 in South Bend, Indiana, and got a decent night's sleep.
The next day, I drove to Carlinville, Illinois, home of Blackburn College for a Dash For Dollars game show engagement. The show was a lot of fun, with a lot of excited students eager to compete for the money. It's always a thrill to me to do the show because I remember being broke most of the time when I was in college and I know how cool it was to come into a windfall every now and again. I was in the college's main auditorium, and I had my own dedicated sound technician, who provided me with a lapel mic, ran my sound, and helped me with props. I enjoyed working with the lapel mic, as it kept my hands free to work with the props that we use in the show without having to sacrifice the ability to amplify my voice. Unfortunately, somewhere along the line, my bluetooth fell out of my gig bag, never to be seen again. I still had the charger, but I needed my bluetooth replaced. It would have to wait.
Thursday was a drive to Fort Smith, Arkansas and an engagement at the Electric Cowboy, a Comedy Zone one-nighter. I worked with a funny young comic named Gains Kelly, and we had a really good turnout. I was closing, and I took advantage of the time to stretch out and work with the crowd as I like to do from time to time, and it went really well. Thanks to Heff and Joel at Comedy Zone for the opportunity, and don't worry, the check's in the mail.
Friday was a day off so I lingered in Fort Smith and got my oil changed (gotta take care of the vehicle) and then drove west to Oklahoma City where my good friends Jason Russell and Steve Burr were working at the Looney Bin comedy club. I checked myself into a Motel 6 and joined up with them at the club and we did the "pal-around" thing. Jason was driving a new car, one that he was very protective of, and Steve wanted to prank him. While Jason was on stage at the late show, Steve and I went out into the parking lot and using some duct tape that I was carrying around in the van, we rigged together some empty Red Bull cans and attached them to the underside of Jason's car so that when he drove away, he would think something was dragging.
The stunt went off without a hitch; the trick was to position the cans so that Jason wouldn't see them as he approached the car, and he had parked far away from the door of the club so that no one would park near his car. The problem is that the farther away you get from a car, the more you can see what's underneath it. We set the cans up so that the rear right tire blocked the view of them, and I thought the jig was up when Jason walked around to his trunk to put his suitcase full of t-shirts away. Luckily, he was distracted enough so that he didn't see them, and when he started driving away, it was absolutely priceless. He started driving forward (he had backed into the space) and then once the cans started dragging, he paused, then started up again, heard the noise again, and got out of the car immediately. Once he saw the cans, I flashed him the roll of duct tape and he realized he'd been had.
The evening wasn't without some other excitement. Without wanting to toot my own horn, I'll instead insert a passage from Steve Burr's accounting of the incident, culled from his blog at www.steveburrcomedy.com;
It's been a pretty good week so far and I'm really enjoying the company of the two comics I'm working with, Jason Russell and Susan Freeman. Our threesome has been joined the last couple of days by one of my old Rochester buddies, Ralph Tetta. He's in the area with a few days off so he made the drive to the OKC to hang out, and it's lucky for Jason that he did. Ralphie stopped a potential merchandise theft at last night's show dead in it's tracks.
Jason and I were set up outside the showroom between shows to peddle some merchandise, when during the commotion of shaking hands and moving product, some sticky fingered girl thought she'd help herself to one of Mr. Russell's T-shirts, something neither me or the J-man noticed. Ralph however locked in on her instantly and as she made her way past him he reached out and snagged the T-shirt out of her hands, to which she quickly replied, "do you work here?", like that would have made a difference in whether what she did was right or wrong. Ralph told her he did and she beat feet out the door. I was standing right next to him and saw the whole thing happen, but didn't know she had stolen something so I wasn't completely aware what I was seeing. I will tell you this though, Ralph was as cool as a cucumber in busting this chick and didn't even look at her or the shirt when he grabbed it back. He just reached out and plucked it from her hands like some kind of Secret Service agent or something. It was impressive for sure.
I always wanted to be a superhero, and while I don't feel my actions were any bit heroic, I'll take the accolades where I can get them.
Saturday was a laundry day, and Steve and I got together for lunch, and then we went to Target where I purchased a new bluetooth. The unit was different than the one I lost, and I don't like it as much, but the charger was the same as the other one I had, which left me with an extra. You never know when you're going to need a spare charger. I went back to the room to relax, and then Saturday night, I hung out with my comedy compatriots and they were able to talk management into letting me warm up the mic a little on the late show. I went in and did my thing, and it felt good; I have to admit that there's nothing in my life that's much more uncomfortable than being in a room where there's comedy going on, and not getting my turn on stage.
On Sunday, Jason, Steve and I went to lunch with J.P., a guy that works at the Looney Bin, and we had some authentic Mexican food, and then made our way over to the Oklahoma City National Memorial. Out of nothing more than coincidence did it happen that my visit correlated with the anniversary of Timothy McVeigh's heinous act of domestic terrorism. There were long lines to get into the museum, so we made our way around the grounds and read the plaques that adorned the outdoor displays. I have to admit that I got awfully choked up whenever any mention of the children at the daycare center were mentioned; in addition, there was a long, chain-link fence along the front of the memorial, and visitors from all across the country left mementos fastened to it; license plates from various states were popular, as were teddy bears and photos, and it reminded me way too much of the spontaneous memorials that pop up in my urban neighborhood back home when someone dies in an act of violence. It was sobering, to say the least.
On Monday, I lazily checked out of the hotel and made my way into New Mexico, stopping just short of the Colorado border. I checked into another Motel 6, and surveyed the town of Raton to see what it offered a weary traveler who was also hungry, and just picked up another hour due to the time change driving west. I ate at a restaurant called K-Bob's Steakhouse (www.kbobs.com) and enjoyed their unlimited Salad Wagon which featured their famous Kettle O' Beans (or whatever they called it). It was one of my very few nods this week towards trying to eat healthy. I've been so busy, the sit-down restaurant hasn't exactly been an option and my body is paying the price for it. I've gotten doughy around the middle, and I need to make a turn-around but quickly.
Tuesday, I headed north into Trinidad, Colorado, and while it was only a 25-mile or so drive, it was one of the most impressive. At one point, I was travelling up a mountain road and came around a ridge, and then saw snow-capped mountains in the distance. It was the first time I'd ever seen them in real life, and it was inspiring enough to give me pause. Then I realized that it was like the scenery in the background of every South Park episode, and the recognition made me chuckle a little inside. The day was spent killing time as my early arrival left me with extra time on my hands, so I walked around in a Wal-Mart and picked up a couple of items to make my life a little easier. I arrived early at the college, but loading in the gear for the show turned out to be challenging because the cafeteria didn't include a door that was large enough for the Incredible Cash Cube to fit through, so we managed to talk some Facilities technicians into removing a door for us. The sound system turned out to leave something to be desired, so I abandoned it and managed to do the show without it, and it turned out just fine. Being able to improvise is clearly the key in being able to do one of these game shows successfully.
Wednesday was a travel day, and I made my way up through Pueblo, Colorado Springs and Denver. The whole week before, I was nervous because of the reports of snow that the area had received, and not only because I don't enjoy driving in blizzards, but also because I had failed to bring foul-weather winter clothing. When I left Rochester, it was warming up and I decided that a heavy hooded sweatshirt would do the trick, and somehow decided to also pack a knit hat and gloves just in case. The good news is that the snow was gone, but I still wound up hitting Denver at 5 o'clock. It bothers me that in a time when we're supposedly experiencing record unemployment as a nation that it hasn't provided some relief on the highways of our major cities.
I made it all the way to North Platte, Nebraska, site of Mid Plains Community College, the next stop on my Dash For Dollars Western Tour. I was contemplating dragging my feet and stopping at the Nebraska-Colorado border and making the rest of the journey the next day, but the highway was empty, the sun was shining and I decided to go for it. If you're never driven across Nebraska, let me just say this; farm states are resplendent with manure, and there's no escaping it. There's two kinds of farms, crops and livestock. Livestock farms produce manure, and crop farms spread it around and let it bake in the sun. The odor floated around in my nose like ghosts in the attic of a haunted house. I checked into a Motel 6, did some laundry, and then watched TV because they didn't have wireless internet, and any attempt to dial-up would have resulted in long-distance charges. I was out there, Jack.
The next day, I packed up my stuff, hit the bank, ate lunch, shopped for props (do you realize how hard it is to find Bubblicious Bubblegum in a small town?), and then moved over to another hotel that Mid Plains had reserved for me. I realized somewhere along the line that my back brakes were grinding, and I needed to do what I do quite often; live in the future. I checked my date book to see when I would have a four-hour block of time to get work done on the van, and decided that I'd have to stick it out until Saturday morning when I'd be in a big city (Sioux City, Iowa) and close to the next gig (Newell-Fonda Community School, a mere 90 minutes away). I made my way to the gig, and found that they put me in a huge gymnasium reserved for basketball games. I had only played one other gymnasium in this first year of my game show hosting career, and that show was sparsely attended. I had a decent crowd and an extremely hospitable support staff at the college, and a stadium-worthy sound system that ROCKED!
Friday, I headed toward Sioux City, Iowa after reloading my cash supply at Wells-Fargo (who treated me very kindly in breaking up large bills even though I didn't have an account) and I rolled into town and checked into the Rodeway Inn. I had about 45 minutes to shower and dress before I had to leave for Briar Cliff University, and I made it with a few minutes to spare. Fred Seel, my contact at the school, had provided me with a detailed map so I knew exactly where I was going, which helped a lot. We had plenty of volunteers to help with the load-in (which isn't always the case) and we wound up needing them because the Cash Cube had to be carried down a small set of stairs into the performance area (and carried up the stairs on the way out). The show was awesome, with a lot of audience interaction, money flying through the air, and we even did a little video interview after the show as the winner of the contest and I got to enjoy a few minutes of fame. I'm happy to report that neither I nor the young lady who won the grand prize were asked our opinions about gay marriage; apparently that sort of thing can get you a lot of negative press.
Back at the ranch, I started combing the phone book looking for brake shops with Saturday hours, and I found one that was less than a mile and a half away from the hotel. I watched television until I passed out, and the next morning, called an establishment called Tires Tires Tires. The store was booked up and wouldn't be able to help me, but suggested that I try their other location. I had nightmare visions of having to drive 40 miles away, but it was just up the road about 5 or 6 miles. They got me in and I got the repairs done with enough time to get back to the hotel to shower and pack up. Unfortunately, I was in such a hurry, I left behind my phone and bluetooth charger. I had a backup bluetooth charger and I carry a phone charger in the van, but I was still pissed at myself for rushing out of the hotel. Seriously, if I was a few minutes late in checking out, what were they going to do, beat me up? My biggest problem seems to be (besides carelessness) that I never pack my luggage the same way twice, and so I never remember where I put stuff, and I can't do a check to make sure I didn't forget anything. Stuff like phone chargers like to hide because the outlets they're plugged into are always behind end tables and cabinets.
So now, here I am at the Super 8, getting ready for a 12:30 AM show, and looking down the barrel of a 635-mile drive tomorrow to Battle Creek, Michigan, to participate in a benefit show for Relay For Life, a cancer relief charity. I'm going to lose an hour as I return to the Eastern time zone, and the drive will take at least nine or ten hours if there are no weather or traffic related delays. The show starts at 7 PM, so the question I have to answer is when I have to leave Storm Lake to make it to Battle Creek in time to get a shower and dress. There's plenty of time for sleeping afterwards.
I'll be in Michigan for the rest of next week and then heading for home next Saturday. It's going to be good to get back home, and then on Sunday, May 3rd, I'll be performing at a tribute show for my friend, Tiny Glover, who passed away recently. May is going to be a relatively slow month with a lot of time off to spend at home, and I'll be looking forward to it. Right now, it's time to get into "show" mode by ironing a shirt and getting a shower. I usually get ready for shows with mindless activities that keep me distracted from the task before me.
You don't think these blogs write themselves, do ya?
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
I'm at the Super 8 Motel, relaxing before a late-night show for the After-Prom revelers of Newell-Fonda Community School in Newell, Iowa. My report time is midnight, which officially makes this the latest "late show" I've ever done in my 20-plus year comedy career.
The tour started 12 days ago, with a drive out of Rochester, NY on Tuesday the 14th. I made my way down the Interstate 90 for what felt like the thousandth time, and got deep into Indiana before deciding to hunker down for the evening. I stopped along the way to refuel at an Indiana tollway rest stop, and as I pumped the gas into the van, standing out in the chilly night air, I soaked in the scenery. There wasn't much going on by the way of other travelers, although at a pump opposite me, a young lady was crying and hugging an older lady, and she was driving a panel truck with the Budget Rent-A-Car logo on the side. I couldn't tell exactly what the problem was, except that the truck was pointing the opposite way of the traffic flow. The two women talked, the older one assuring the younger one that everything would be o.k., and I struggled to figure out what was going on. The older woman then left the younger one, and started emptying the garbage cans at the pumps, which confused me because I thought they were traveling together. It was confusing, to say the least, and I paid for my gas, quit eavesdropping and went on my way. I found my way to the Motel 6 in South Bend, Indiana, and got a decent night's sleep.
The next day, I drove to Carlinville, Illinois, home of Blackburn College for a Dash For Dollars game show engagement. The show was a lot of fun, with a lot of excited students eager to compete for the money. It's always a thrill to me to do the show because I remember being broke most of the time when I was in college and I know how cool it was to come into a windfall every now and again. I was in the college's main auditorium, and I had my own dedicated sound technician, who provided me with a lapel mic, ran my sound, and helped me with props. I enjoyed working with the lapel mic, as it kept my hands free to work with the props that we use in the show without having to sacrifice the ability to amplify my voice. Unfortunately, somewhere along the line, my bluetooth fell out of my gig bag, never to be seen again. I still had the charger, but I needed my bluetooth replaced. It would have to wait.
Thursday was a drive to Fort Smith, Arkansas and an engagement at the Electric Cowboy, a Comedy Zone one-nighter. I worked with a funny young comic named Gains Kelly, and we had a really good turnout. I was closing, and I took advantage of the time to stretch out and work with the crowd as I like to do from time to time, and it went really well. Thanks to Heff and Joel at Comedy Zone for the opportunity, and don't worry, the check's in the mail.
Friday was a day off so I lingered in Fort Smith and got my oil changed (gotta take care of the vehicle) and then drove west to Oklahoma City where my good friends Jason Russell and Steve Burr were working at the Looney Bin comedy club. I checked myself into a Motel 6 and joined up with them at the club and we did the "pal-around" thing. Jason was driving a new car, one that he was very protective of, and Steve wanted to prank him. While Jason was on stage at the late show, Steve and I went out into the parking lot and using some duct tape that I was carrying around in the van, we rigged together some empty Red Bull cans and attached them to the underside of Jason's car so that when he drove away, he would think something was dragging.
The stunt went off without a hitch; the trick was to position the cans so that Jason wouldn't see them as he approached the car, and he had parked far away from the door of the club so that no one would park near his car. The problem is that the farther away you get from a car, the more you can see what's underneath it. We set the cans up so that the rear right tire blocked the view of them, and I thought the jig was up when Jason walked around to his trunk to put his suitcase full of t-shirts away. Luckily, he was distracted enough so that he didn't see them, and when he started driving away, it was absolutely priceless. He started driving forward (he had backed into the space) and then once the cans started dragging, he paused, then started up again, heard the noise again, and got out of the car immediately. Once he saw the cans, I flashed him the roll of duct tape and he realized he'd been had.
The evening wasn't without some other excitement. Without wanting to toot my own horn, I'll instead insert a passage from Steve Burr's accounting of the incident, culled from his blog at www.steveburrcomedy.com;
It's been a pretty good week so far and I'm really enjoying the company of the two comics I'm working with, Jason Russell and Susan Freeman. Our threesome has been joined the last couple of days by one of my old Rochester buddies, Ralph Tetta. He's in the area with a few days off so he made the drive to the OKC to hang out, and it's lucky for Jason that he did. Ralphie stopped a potential merchandise theft at last night's show dead in it's tracks.
Jason and I were set up outside the showroom between shows to peddle some merchandise, when during the commotion of shaking hands and moving product, some sticky fingered girl thought she'd help herself to one of Mr. Russell's T-shirts, something neither me or the J-man noticed. Ralph however locked in on her instantly and as she made her way past him he reached out and snagged the T-shirt out of her hands, to which she quickly replied, "do you work here?", like that would have made a difference in whether what she did was right or wrong. Ralph told her he did and she beat feet out the door. I was standing right next to him and saw the whole thing happen, but didn't know she had stolen something so I wasn't completely aware what I was seeing. I will tell you this though, Ralph was as cool as a cucumber in busting this chick and didn't even look at her or the shirt when he grabbed it back. He just reached out and plucked it from her hands like some kind of Secret Service agent or something. It was impressive for sure.
I always wanted to be a superhero, and while I don't feel my actions were any bit heroic, I'll take the accolades where I can get them.
Saturday was a laundry day, and Steve and I got together for lunch, and then we went to Target where I purchased a new bluetooth. The unit was different than the one I lost, and I don't like it as much, but the charger was the same as the other one I had, which left me with an extra. You never know when you're going to need a spare charger. I went back to the room to relax, and then Saturday night, I hung out with my comedy compatriots and they were able to talk management into letting me warm up the mic a little on the late show. I went in and did my thing, and it felt good; I have to admit that there's nothing in my life that's much more uncomfortable than being in a room where there's comedy going on, and not getting my turn on stage.
On Sunday, Jason, Steve and I went to lunch with J.P., a guy that works at the Looney Bin, and we had some authentic Mexican food, and then made our way over to the Oklahoma City National Memorial. Out of nothing more than coincidence did it happen that my visit correlated with the anniversary of Timothy McVeigh's heinous act of domestic terrorism. There were long lines to get into the museum, so we made our way around the grounds and read the plaques that adorned the outdoor displays. I have to admit that I got awfully choked up whenever any mention of the children at the daycare center were mentioned; in addition, there was a long, chain-link fence along the front of the memorial, and visitors from all across the country left mementos fastened to it; license plates from various states were popular, as were teddy bears and photos, and it reminded me way too much of the spontaneous memorials that pop up in my urban neighborhood back home when someone dies in an act of violence. It was sobering, to say the least.
On Monday, I lazily checked out of the hotel and made my way into New Mexico, stopping just short of the Colorado border. I checked into another Motel 6, and surveyed the town of Raton to see what it offered a weary traveler who was also hungry, and just picked up another hour due to the time change driving west. I ate at a restaurant called K-Bob's Steakhouse (www.kbobs.com) and enjoyed their unlimited Salad Wagon which featured their famous Kettle O' Beans (or whatever they called it). It was one of my very few nods this week towards trying to eat healthy. I've been so busy, the sit-down restaurant hasn't exactly been an option and my body is paying the price for it. I've gotten doughy around the middle, and I need to make a turn-around but quickly.
Tuesday, I headed north into Trinidad, Colorado, and while it was only a 25-mile or so drive, it was one of the most impressive. At one point, I was travelling up a mountain road and came around a ridge, and then saw snow-capped mountains in the distance. It was the first time I'd ever seen them in real life, and it was inspiring enough to give me pause. Then I realized that it was like the scenery in the background of every South Park episode, and the recognition made me chuckle a little inside. The day was spent killing time as my early arrival left me with extra time on my hands, so I walked around in a Wal-Mart and picked up a couple of items to make my life a little easier. I arrived early at the college, but loading in the gear for the show turned out to be challenging because the cafeteria didn't include a door that was large enough for the Incredible Cash Cube to fit through, so we managed to talk some Facilities technicians into removing a door for us. The sound system turned out to leave something to be desired, so I abandoned it and managed to do the show without it, and it turned out just fine. Being able to improvise is clearly the key in being able to do one of these game shows successfully.
Wednesday was a travel day, and I made my way up through Pueblo, Colorado Springs and Denver. The whole week before, I was nervous because of the reports of snow that the area had received, and not only because I don't enjoy driving in blizzards, but also because I had failed to bring foul-weather winter clothing. When I left Rochester, it was warming up and I decided that a heavy hooded sweatshirt would do the trick, and somehow decided to also pack a knit hat and gloves just in case. The good news is that the snow was gone, but I still wound up hitting Denver at 5 o'clock. It bothers me that in a time when we're supposedly experiencing record unemployment as a nation that it hasn't provided some relief on the highways of our major cities.
I made it all the way to North Platte, Nebraska, site of Mid Plains Community College, the next stop on my Dash For Dollars Western Tour. I was contemplating dragging my feet and stopping at the Nebraska-Colorado border and making the rest of the journey the next day, but the highway was empty, the sun was shining and I decided to go for it. If you're never driven across Nebraska, let me just say this; farm states are resplendent with manure, and there's no escaping it. There's two kinds of farms, crops and livestock. Livestock farms produce manure, and crop farms spread it around and let it bake in the sun. The odor floated around in my nose like ghosts in the attic of a haunted house. I checked into a Motel 6, did some laundry, and then watched TV because they didn't have wireless internet, and any attempt to dial-up would have resulted in long-distance charges. I was out there, Jack.
The next day, I packed up my stuff, hit the bank, ate lunch, shopped for props (do you realize how hard it is to find Bubblicious Bubblegum in a small town?), and then moved over to another hotel that Mid Plains had reserved for me. I realized somewhere along the line that my back brakes were grinding, and I needed to do what I do quite often; live in the future. I checked my date book to see when I would have a four-hour block of time to get work done on the van, and decided that I'd have to stick it out until Saturday morning when I'd be in a big city (Sioux City, Iowa) and close to the next gig (Newell-Fonda Community School, a mere 90 minutes away). I made my way to the gig, and found that they put me in a huge gymnasium reserved for basketball games. I had only played one other gymnasium in this first year of my game show hosting career, and that show was sparsely attended. I had a decent crowd and an extremely hospitable support staff at the college, and a stadium-worthy sound system that ROCKED!
Friday, I headed toward Sioux City, Iowa after reloading my cash supply at Wells-Fargo (who treated me very kindly in breaking up large bills even though I didn't have an account) and I rolled into town and checked into the Rodeway Inn. I had about 45 minutes to shower and dress before I had to leave for Briar Cliff University, and I made it with a few minutes to spare. Fred Seel, my contact at the school, had provided me with a detailed map so I knew exactly where I was going, which helped a lot. We had plenty of volunteers to help with the load-in (which isn't always the case) and we wound up needing them because the Cash Cube had to be carried down a small set of stairs into the performance area (and carried up the stairs on the way out). The show was awesome, with a lot of audience interaction, money flying through the air, and we even did a little video interview after the show as the winner of the contest and I got to enjoy a few minutes of fame. I'm happy to report that neither I nor the young lady who won the grand prize were asked our opinions about gay marriage; apparently that sort of thing can get you a lot of negative press.
Back at the ranch, I started combing the phone book looking for brake shops with Saturday hours, and I found one that was less than a mile and a half away from the hotel. I watched television until I passed out, and the next morning, called an establishment called Tires Tires Tires. The store was booked up and wouldn't be able to help me, but suggested that I try their other location. I had nightmare visions of having to drive 40 miles away, but it was just up the road about 5 or 6 miles. They got me in and I got the repairs done with enough time to get back to the hotel to shower and pack up. Unfortunately, I was in such a hurry, I left behind my phone and bluetooth charger. I had a backup bluetooth charger and I carry a phone charger in the van, but I was still pissed at myself for rushing out of the hotel. Seriously, if I was a few minutes late in checking out, what were they going to do, beat me up? My biggest problem seems to be (besides carelessness) that I never pack my luggage the same way twice, and so I never remember where I put stuff, and I can't do a check to make sure I didn't forget anything. Stuff like phone chargers like to hide because the outlets they're plugged into are always behind end tables and cabinets.
So now, here I am at the Super 8, getting ready for a 12:30 AM show, and looking down the barrel of a 635-mile drive tomorrow to Battle Creek, Michigan, to participate in a benefit show for Relay For Life, a cancer relief charity. I'm going to lose an hour as I return to the Eastern time zone, and the drive will take at least nine or ten hours if there are no weather or traffic related delays. The show starts at 7 PM, so the question I have to answer is when I have to leave Storm Lake to make it to Battle Creek in time to get a shower and dress. There's plenty of time for sleeping afterwards.
I'll be in Michigan for the rest of next week and then heading for home next Saturday. It's going to be good to get back home, and then on Sunday, May 3rd, I'll be performing at a tribute show for my friend, Tiny Glover, who passed away recently. May is going to be a relatively slow month with a lot of time off to spend at home, and I'll be looking forward to it. Right now, it's time to get into "show" mode by ironing a shirt and getting a shower. I usually get ready for shows with mindless activities that keep me distracted from the task before me.
You don't think these blogs write themselves, do ya?
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Tessie (Dropkick Murphys)
Well, it's that time of year again, and that means that baseball season has started. And it's time for me to come clean to the American public, and state, for the record, THAT I HATE BASEBALL.
Always have. It's a fucking pox. It's a shitty game. Boring as hell, puffed up on it's own self-importance, and followed by the shallowest of human beings.
The big arguments are widely held, even by fans and people in the baseball industry. And yet they blindly soldier on, drinking beer, eating peanuts, and keeping track of statistics. Well, let's take a look at this bullshit game that stopped being the "national pastime" sometime during the Nixon administration.
1. THEY PLAY TOO MANY GAMES. 162 games a year, to be precise. Well, let's do the math...that's double the games that hockey and basketball teams play in a season, and about ten times the number of games a football team plays. So basically what you're telling me is that a team could dump a ton of games in the crapper, and still be considered one of the best. All sports is frivolous, but baseball seeks to make frivolity an art form. Let's cut the season down to a reasonable number of games so that individual games actually mean something. I think baseball sucks, so I'd be satisfied with every team playing every other team once and then start the playoffs. Hell, NFL teams go eight years before they go through the rotation and play every other team, and they have the same number of teams.
2. BASEBALL IS NOT A TEAM SPORT. When it comes down to it, the game is a face off between a pitcher and a batter. And most of the fielding team doesn't even move once a ball is put in play. You want to liven the sport up for Ralph Tetta? You want to get me involved? Get rid of the benches, and let the batter's team hang out on the field. Easy out, pop fly? The batter has a guy right there to push the fielder out of the way and prevent him from catching the batter "out." Or, he could catch the ball, and then the batter's team plays a spirited game of "keep away" while the batter rounds the bases. Either way, you've got a sport that's fun to watch and challenging to play. Now that I've chimed in with my plan for improvement, regular baseball sounds like shit, doesn't it? You're god damned right it does.
3. THEY CALL THE CHAMPION SHIP "THE WORLD SERIES." And all the teams are from the United States, unless the Toronto Blue Jays somehow sneak into the playoffs. The only thing "world" about the series is that there are usually a butt-load of South American and Asian guys on the teams, and what does that say about the game when Asian guys are athletic enough to make the team?
4. THE MANAGERS WEAR UNIFORMS. Fucking ridiculous. Granted, it's rooted in tradition when the manager of a team would also be a player, but again, how stupid does some old fat guy look trotting out in pinstripes? It's as out of place as the 14-year-old kid who rings your door at Halloween looking for candy, and it needs to go. And how about updating the look of the uniforms, anyway? A baseball team looks like a busload of douche bags in their pajamas...they're not on their way to a physical contest, it's nap time.
5. THE ALL-STAR GAME IS PLAYED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SEASON. Not to be disparaging, but is that really fair to all the players? A guy who's picked as an "all-star" could shit the bed in the second half, or a rookie player could hit his stride and start streaking after being passed over. Fuck if we're gonna be so nonchalant about the placement of the All-Star game, play the fucking thing in the winter. During Christmas week, when everyone's out of town for the holidays.
6. DOUBLE HEADERS. Let's face it, if you can play two games in a day, it's not even physically strenuous enough to be called a sport. And what happens when your team wins one and loses the other? What are you supposed to do, celebrate and mope?
Baseball appeals to people who like statistics. You know who else likes numbers that much? Accountants. And everyone knows what a bag of laughs they are. Baseball is an out-of-date system that we keep in place for some misguided traditionalism, like the Electoral College. It has no place in society, and takes more than it gives. Congress actually got side-tracked from dealing with real issues like war and the economy to try and figure out if players had used steroids or not. I demand a recount.
Baseball is light on action. If you want to play up the strategy aspect of the game, here's a one-word rebuttal.....chess. My amplified answer is "Chess, motherfucker." During an NFL contest, every player on the field is in motion. During an NBA or NHL contest, every player is in motion until the period is over. In baseball, there's a lot of standing around.....talking......and scratching. Sometimes, the manager and the catcher take a stroll out to the mound for a sidebar. YAWN.
Some of the teams are named after laundry. The Boston Red Sox? You do realize that this nick-name is only one generation removed from calling themselves the Boston White-Striped Boxer-Briefs. Lame, lame, and more lame.
In closing, I will offer one positive observation about baseball, just so you baseball lovers won't think I'm all bad. Baseball has provided people like me who don't like guns an alternate form of home security in the baseball bat. It's way more effective than trying to chase off home invaders with a hockey stick or a ping-pong paddle.
Play ball.
Ralph Tetta
Rochester (Red Wings), NY
Always have. It's a fucking pox. It's a shitty game. Boring as hell, puffed up on it's own self-importance, and followed by the shallowest of human beings.
The big arguments are widely held, even by fans and people in the baseball industry. And yet they blindly soldier on, drinking beer, eating peanuts, and keeping track of statistics. Well, let's take a look at this bullshit game that stopped being the "national pastime" sometime during the Nixon administration.
1. THEY PLAY TOO MANY GAMES. 162 games a year, to be precise. Well, let's do the math...that's double the games that hockey and basketball teams play in a season, and about ten times the number of games a football team plays. So basically what you're telling me is that a team could dump a ton of games in the crapper, and still be considered one of the best. All sports is frivolous, but baseball seeks to make frivolity an art form. Let's cut the season down to a reasonable number of games so that individual games actually mean something. I think baseball sucks, so I'd be satisfied with every team playing every other team once and then start the playoffs. Hell, NFL teams go eight years before they go through the rotation and play every other team, and they have the same number of teams.
2. BASEBALL IS NOT A TEAM SPORT. When it comes down to it, the game is a face off between a pitcher and a batter. And most of the fielding team doesn't even move once a ball is put in play. You want to liven the sport up for Ralph Tetta? You want to get me involved? Get rid of the benches, and let the batter's team hang out on the field. Easy out, pop fly? The batter has a guy right there to push the fielder out of the way and prevent him from catching the batter "out." Or, he could catch the ball, and then the batter's team plays a spirited game of "keep away" while the batter rounds the bases. Either way, you've got a sport that's fun to watch and challenging to play. Now that I've chimed in with my plan for improvement, regular baseball sounds like shit, doesn't it? You're god damned right it does.
3. THEY CALL THE CHAMPION SHIP "THE WORLD SERIES." And all the teams are from the United States, unless the Toronto Blue Jays somehow sneak into the playoffs. The only thing "world" about the series is that there are usually a butt-load of South American and Asian guys on the teams, and what does that say about the game when Asian guys are athletic enough to make the team?
4. THE MANAGERS WEAR UNIFORMS. Fucking ridiculous. Granted, it's rooted in tradition when the manager of a team would also be a player, but again, how stupid does some old fat guy look trotting out in pinstripes? It's as out of place as the 14-year-old kid who rings your door at Halloween looking for candy, and it needs to go. And how about updating the look of the uniforms, anyway? A baseball team looks like a busload of douche bags in their pajamas...they're not on their way to a physical contest, it's nap time.
5. THE ALL-STAR GAME IS PLAYED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SEASON. Not to be disparaging, but is that really fair to all the players? A guy who's picked as an "all-star" could shit the bed in the second half, or a rookie player could hit his stride and start streaking after being passed over. Fuck if we're gonna be so nonchalant about the placement of the All-Star game, play the fucking thing in the winter. During Christmas week, when everyone's out of town for the holidays.
6. DOUBLE HEADERS. Let's face it, if you can play two games in a day, it's not even physically strenuous enough to be called a sport. And what happens when your team wins one and loses the other? What are you supposed to do, celebrate and mope?
Baseball appeals to people who like statistics. You know who else likes numbers that much? Accountants. And everyone knows what a bag of laughs they are. Baseball is an out-of-date system that we keep in place for some misguided traditionalism, like the Electoral College. It has no place in society, and takes more than it gives. Congress actually got side-tracked from dealing with real issues like war and the economy to try and figure out if players had used steroids or not. I demand a recount.
Baseball is light on action. If you want to play up the strategy aspect of the game, here's a one-word rebuttal.....chess. My amplified answer is "Chess, motherfucker." During an NFL contest, every player on the field is in motion. During an NBA or NHL contest, every player is in motion until the period is over. In baseball, there's a lot of standing around.....talking......and scratching. Sometimes, the manager and the catcher take a stroll out to the mound for a sidebar. YAWN.
Some of the teams are named after laundry. The Boston Red Sox? You do realize that this nick-name is only one generation removed from calling themselves the Boston White-Striped Boxer-Briefs. Lame, lame, and more lame.
In closing, I will offer one positive observation about baseball, just so you baseball lovers won't think I'm all bad. Baseball has provided people like me who don't like guns an alternate form of home security in the baseball bat. It's way more effective than trying to chase off home invaders with a hockey stick or a ping-pong paddle.
Play ball.
Ralph Tetta
Rochester (Red Wings), NY
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Everyday I Write The Book (Elvis Costello)
It's funny how things change. Mostly, change comes gradually...you don't notice it because it's a small change each day, but then months or years down the road, you compare whatever it is that changed to the way it used to be, and it's a drastic difference.
Want proof? Look at your high school graduation photo, and then look in the mirror. I'll wait.
Big difference, huh? Unless you're Michael J. Fox, who for some reason is holding on pretty well.
I mention change because I've certainly changed. I used to blog about three times a week, and now I finally get a chance to sit down and write, and I look at the date of my last entry, and it's been two weeks. The way it feels, it might as well be a lifetime.
I'm always on the fence about what I should write. The least interesting types of blogs, my friend Ward told me today, are the "road diary" types of blogs (what I had for lunch, where I'm playing this week, how the crowds were, etc.) and the current events, political or philosophical blogs.
Unfortunately, those are the two big guns in my arsenal.
When I do write something funny, I try to record it as a podcast and post it on my primary website, www.ralphtetta.com. As my webmaster Bruce would tell you, I'm sporadic at best at generating new material, and to be more honest about it, piss-poor. I've written one thing this YEAR. That blows.
I'm writing a book about standup comedy. I have a great deal of it already finished, but I showed it around to a bunch of fledgling comics for their feedback, and got lots of great ideas about things that should be added and amplified. I've hoped to use some of my down-time to get the writing done, but there's always something cool on TV, or the internet, or one of the books I brought to read, the complimentary USA today from the hotel, or just a nap.
I have an idea for a CD full of "radio plays" that I think would be great fun to record. Basically, a comedy album full of sketches that include audio only. I've written one sketch, and figure I need between nine and twelve more. That project is dry-docked until I can get off my ass.
My discipline is for shit.
I've become the most useless person I could possibly be; I'm a writer who doesn't write.
I've gotten accolades in the past for my writing abilities; now I'm resting on my laurels. I need a kick in the ass to get going again, and I just don't know how to do it. I've been keeping plenty busy with the college tour, and I've got Easter week off, but I can tell you right now what's going to happen; I'm going to get home from New Mexico, and I'm going to decompress and spend time with my family who will be hogging my time because they haven't seen me in a month. Then I'm hitting the road again for about three weeks. Hopefully I can shake out some of the dust, but lately I just feel unmotivated. I'm actually only writing this blog to get the juices flowing.
I wish it was just writer's block. I can beat that. I've learned all the tricks. I'm just dodging the task at hand with other bullshit pursuits. The upside is that I've consumed so much news, I'm an expert at most anything going on in the world today. Go ahead, try me.
O.K. I think I've indulged in enough self-flagellation for one day. Maybe I can get some work done now. I'll check in from time to time and tell you how it's going.
Crap. "Family Guy" is on.....
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
Want proof? Look at your high school graduation photo, and then look in the mirror. I'll wait.
Big difference, huh? Unless you're Michael J. Fox, who for some reason is holding on pretty well.
I mention change because I've certainly changed. I used to blog about three times a week, and now I finally get a chance to sit down and write, and I look at the date of my last entry, and it's been two weeks. The way it feels, it might as well be a lifetime.
I'm always on the fence about what I should write. The least interesting types of blogs, my friend Ward told me today, are the "road diary" types of blogs (what I had for lunch, where I'm playing this week, how the crowds were, etc.) and the current events, political or philosophical blogs.
Unfortunately, those are the two big guns in my arsenal.
When I do write something funny, I try to record it as a podcast and post it on my primary website, www.ralphtetta.com. As my webmaster Bruce would tell you, I'm sporadic at best at generating new material, and to be more honest about it, piss-poor. I've written one thing this YEAR. That blows.
I'm writing a book about standup comedy. I have a great deal of it already finished, but I showed it around to a bunch of fledgling comics for their feedback, and got lots of great ideas about things that should be added and amplified. I've hoped to use some of my down-time to get the writing done, but there's always something cool on TV, or the internet, or one of the books I brought to read, the complimentary USA today from the hotel, or just a nap.
I have an idea for a CD full of "radio plays" that I think would be great fun to record. Basically, a comedy album full of sketches that include audio only. I've written one sketch, and figure I need between nine and twelve more. That project is dry-docked until I can get off my ass.
My discipline is for shit.
I've become the most useless person I could possibly be; I'm a writer who doesn't write.
I've gotten accolades in the past for my writing abilities; now I'm resting on my laurels. I need a kick in the ass to get going again, and I just don't know how to do it. I've been keeping plenty busy with the college tour, and I've got Easter week off, but I can tell you right now what's going to happen; I'm going to get home from New Mexico, and I'm going to decompress and spend time with my family who will be hogging my time because they haven't seen me in a month. Then I'm hitting the road again for about three weeks. Hopefully I can shake out some of the dust, but lately I just feel unmotivated. I'm actually only writing this blog to get the juices flowing.
I wish it was just writer's block. I can beat that. I've learned all the tricks. I'm just dodging the task at hand with other bullshit pursuits. The upside is that I've consumed so much news, I'm an expert at most anything going on in the world today. Go ahead, try me.
O.K. I think I've indulged in enough self-flagellation for one day. Maybe I can get some work done now. I'll check in from time to time and tell you how it's going.
Crap. "Family Guy" is on.....
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
