March 27, 2014
I spend a lot of time on facebook. Probably too much. It's a by-product of my job. As I travel all over the country trying to scratch a living out of the dirt, I'm alone in the van, alone in my hotel room, and when I finally get to a venue I'll drive the person who hired me crazy by talking their ear off. I'm alone way too much and the loneliness can get to me sometimes. So I go on facebook a lot, because in the absence of real human contact, fake simulated human contact has to do.
I'm home after a triumphant performance at a college in Highland Hills, Ohio, where they absolutely loved me, and after a few hours of sleep, I'm up trolling facebook. I ran across an article that my cousin shared (she's just as much a facebook junkie as I am) about 10 bands that your kids need to know. I was interested in reading the article, because I'm a life-long music fan, have worked in radio, and consider it to be one of the areas where I'm most knowledgeable. Also, I've been participating in a pilot program where I try to introduce music to my 10-year-old daughter Harmony that she might not otherwise hear as my wife, though charming and beautiful, doesn't have the depth of knowledge in this area that I do.
Now before all of you go jumping on me for bagging on my wife, I will defend myself by telling this one short story. Pamela once said to me, "I know the names of all the guys in U2, but I only know Keith Richards and Mick Jagger from the Rolling Stones. Why is that?" And my response to her, which I believe to be correct, was "Because you don't care about the Rolling Stones." When it's your music, the music you grew up to/fell in love with/identify with, you spend a little more time with the rock magazine article, you buy the album, read the liner notes, put the poster on your wall. You learn the names. When it's somebody else's music, you might be aware of it, the same way that you're aware of anything that's advertised or talked about, but you're not invested in it and you don't learn it.
I had to stumble upon the music I love, which is the heavy metal/hard rock stuff that came to prominence in the mid to late 1980's, and I'll talk to you all day about Judas Priest, Iron Maiden and Motorhead. And while that stuff is great and I love it dearly, there's more to learn about to know what's going on in the world of music. Everyone who plays in a band today listened to something when they were younger and were influenced by it, and if you have the least bit of curiosity, you'll want to follow the stream all the way back to the source.
The original blogger's article is here: 10 1/2 bands your kids need to know
It's a lovely list, but like any list, it doesn't go far enough. And what is particularly irksome to me about this gentleman's article is that he just offers up a grocery list and doesn't explain why these artists made his list.
I take it back. It's a terrible list. It reads like an 80's pop retrospective with some sentimental favorites mixed in. His list isn't essential at all. It's a list of artists his kids should know, because then they would know what CD's to buy him for Father's Day.
Here's the real list of artists your kids should know, and I'll back it all up for you with logic and common sense.
1. Beatles
2. Rolling Stones
3. Led Zeppelin
4. The Who
These four British bands are the cornerstones that any rock radio station is built upon. You can argue back and forth about whether or not your station shouldn't be playing Billy Joel and Elton John because they're too soft, or whether your station shouldn't be playing Iron Maiden and Metallica because they're too hard, but you can't argue with these titans. The Beatles and Led Zeppelin are known for having careers cut short but going through many different sounds and phases in their time. "Rubber Soul" doesn't sound like "The White Album" just like Led Zeppelin III doesn't sound much like "In Through The Out Door." If your child listens to enough of either of these bands, they will find something they like, it's almost a given.
The Rolling Stones and The Who serve as perfect foils to the Beatles and the Stones. John Lennon and Paul McCartney were the nice guys (until Bob Dylan introduced them to pot), and Mick Jagger and Keith Richards were the bad guys (who probably would have sold them pot). Led Zeppelin were the band with the cock-swinging attitude, bordering on arrogance, and the Who, while easily able to match Zeppelin's bombast, were the introspective, self-doubting kids driven by Pete Townshend's shoe-gazing lyrics. Put Zeppelin's "gonna give you every inch of my love" next to "nobody knows what it's like to be the bad man, to be the sad man, behind blue eyes" and you'll understand what I'm talking about.
5. Marvin Gaye
6. The Temptations
7. Diana Ross and the Supremes
8. Smokey Robinson
9. Stevie Wonder
10. Michael Jackson and the Jackson Five
Studying Motown is an amazing way to understand what was happening in America during the 1960's and 1970's. It was a sound all it's own, from the girl groups to the purveyors of soul music, from the harmonies to the sheer energy of the dance tracks. And of course, Michael Jackson blossomed into a musical force all his own, and I challenge you to find someone more influential, more important to music....unless you're talking about
11. Elvis Presley
Well, he invented the whole darn thing, didn't he? The hits just kept coming and coming and when he died in 1977, the nation shed tears like they hadn't shed since John, Bobby and Martin were assassinated. He could rock ("Blue Suede Shoes," "All Shook Up"), he could bring it down and sing for the heartbroken ("Are You Lonesome Tonight?", "Love Me Tender"), and he could stir emotions like no one else ("American Trilogy," "In The Ghetto"). He was THE KING, and for a damn good reason.
12. Frank Sinatra
Before the King, there was the Chairman of The Board. Frank unseated Bing Crosby as the bobbysoxer's crooner of choice in post-World War II America, and become the hub of the Rat Pack, the whole Vegas scene of the 1950's and 1960's. While you're digging into Frank Sinatra's amazing body of work, have a listen also to
13. Dean Martin and
14. Sammy Davis, Jr.
15. Bob Dylan
Bob was the core of the anti-Viet Nam war movement, and his songs have been covered thousands of times. His discography motivated young people of conscience during the 1960's to pay attention to what their parents were doing to America and to the rest of the world. "Blowin' In The Wind," "The Times They Are a'Changin'," "A Hard Rain's Gonna Fall" and "Masters of War" still resonate today, and Dylan's "All Along The Watchtower" helped introduce us to a hard-working blues guitarist named
16. Jimi Hendrix
who forever changed the way guitarists would approach their instrument. Jimi emptied the tank on every live performance, and his set at Woodstock goes down as one of the best ever. His rendition of the National Anthem (with the quote of "Taps" in the middle), complete with dive-bombing pick screeches, muddy feedback and hypnotic wails stirred hearts and provoked anger from older generations who dismissed it as disrespectful. No matter. Jimi ran the gamut from top 40 radio hits like "Crosstown Traffic," "The Wind Cries Mary" and "Foxy Lady" to unrestrained rockers like "Watchtower," "Manic Depression" and "Purple Haze." And he did it all left-handed!
17. B.B. King
18. Muddy Waters
19. John Lee Hooker
20. Robert Johnson
Well, there's more names to mention than just these ones, right? After the avalanche of late 20th century artists who made more than a living capitalizing on the back catalog of American blues musicians, you'd be well in your right mind to listen to as much of it as you can. Eric Clapton, Stevie Ray Vaughn, The Allman Brothers and so many more did, and it's the roots of rock music today.
21. Eric Clapton
"Slowhand" was the centerpiece of The Yardbirds, Cream, Derek and the Dominos, The Bluesbreakers and Blind Faith. His own solo career racked up hit after hit, and when fans declared "Eric Clapton is God," they meant it.
22. Miles Davis
23. John Coltrane
24. Billie Holiday
25. Louis Armstrong
26. Charlie Parker
27. Dizzie Gillespie
28. Count Basie
29. Charles Mingus
30. Dave Brubeck
You'd be remiss if you didn't let your kids listen to jazz. If you don't want to pick up some kind of instrument after listening to any of these artists, you have a tin ear or no soul. Jazz is said to be the only true American art form, and I believe it. The ability to improvise is crucial to jazz, and the music changes based on the mood of the performer. It's rich, it's intricate, it's challenging, and the fact that the focus of jazz is more often on the solos than on vocals means that your mind can paint a picture of anything, and not just an interpretation of the lyrics.
31. Johnny Cash
The Man In Black had a career that couldn't be constrained by the genre that we call Country Music. Cash worked in that format with the "train-chugging-along" rhythm of his guitar, the dark honey baritone of his voice, and the lyrics just this side of the jailhouse bars. "Killed a man in Reno just to watch him die?" Pure poetry. The mariachi sound of "Ring of Fire" (the Preparation H folks had been bidding on that song to use in a commercial for decades but Cash wouldn't budge, and now neither will his estate), the vow of faithfulness in "I Walk The Line," the happy, lilting guitar part to "Folsom Prison Blues," and the pop-ballad tribute to hangovers in "Sunday Morning Coming Down" all contribute to a musical legacy that will remain unmatched for a long, long time.
32. Elton John
A certified hit machine, Elton John and his writing partner Bernie Taupin have six Grammies and a list of top 40 singles as long as your arm. "Rocket Man," "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road," "Bennie and the Jets," "Someone Saved My Life Tonight," and "Your Song" are just the start of it; there's probably an Elton John song being played on a radio station, right now, somewhere. I'd bet a rhinestone jacket and a feather boa on it.
33. The Sex Pistols
34. The Clash
35. The Ramones
36. Black Flag
I'm probably not going to let my daughter listen to some of this stuff until she's older, but Punk Rock, which always favored attitude over ability (the mirror opposite to Classical Music), was the next wave of protest music, the backlash to the disco era and the beginning of the DIY (do it yourself) era of music. Punk Rock was three chords, spitting vocals, lyrics that found the line, jumped over it and pissed on the other side. Songs were delivered like gunfire, strafing the enemy in short bursts and leaving nothing standing. And speaking of music I might wait a while before I introduce my daughter to;
37. Public Enemy
38. Tupac Shakur
39. Eminem
40. Notorious B.I.G.
41. Jay Z
This list is a blog in itself. Chuck D. of Public Enemy once called rap music "CNN for black people," but rap and hip hop have found themselves a place in the ears of white America, too. For every thug rap act, you can turn around and name a positive one, so I'm not even going to go down that street. But you cannot deny that rap artists have the best lyrics (and please don't write to me with the hinky ones, I've heard them, believe me). They tell stories from their life, they call people and institutions out with no fear, they press people to move and take action, they tell people to party a little bit, and they tell you to hold ya head up, but keep ya head down. Misogyny and glorification of drugs and alcohol aside, I think Langston Hughes would be proud.
42. Aerosmith
43. Kiss
44. Alice Cooper
You know that genre of music that includes Motley Crue, Poison, Twisted Sister, Dokken and Guns 'N Roses? Those three artists started all of that.
45. Deep Purple
46. Judas Priest
47. Black Sabbath
You know that genre of music that includes Metallica, Megadeth, Iron Maiden, Slayer and Anthrax? Those three artists stared all of that.
48. David Bowie
49. Madonna
Fashion is tied inexorably to popular music, and these two artists did it better than anyone. Constantly evolving, changing looks, changing characters, changing sounds and keeping everyone on their toes, David Bowie and Madonna can boast as many imitators as they can hit singles. It takes a genius to create a persona that everyone likes, much less half a dozen or more.
50. Bruce Springsteen
I almost hesitate to mention The Boss because of personal bias in favor of his work, but you can't deny his work. Bruce possesses the power of being able to tap into the emotions of the blue collar backbone of America, and even though his populist lyrics don't always paint a pretty picture, he never lies to you. Love hurts, cars break down, times are tough and the things we put our trust in can disappoint us. Friends die, but the show must go on, so clock in and get to work. And if that means putting in overtime, so be it. "The River," "Born In The USA," "Thunder Road," and a few hundred more songs that Bruce sweat over can make you cry, make you cheer, make you decide to work a little harder, love a little more, and maybe even forgive someone because they're small and weak and just as scared as you are.
I don't mind feedback. I'm sure that my exclusion of any Classical music or my breezing over of a genre is going to create the illusion that I don't care for that music, and the simple truth is that I might just not be a fan, or have enough information about that genre to speak intelligently about it.
But I will close in saying this; if you have kids, give them the opportunity to explore the music that came before the pop music that they're listening to, encourage them to be curious, and maybe they'll discover Lou Reed and the Velvet Underground, or Rage Against The Machine, or Dion and the Belmonts, or the O'Jays, or Blondie, Pat Benatar, Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, or any of the thousands of musical artists who put their work out there, and maybe they'll thank you for it.
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
I Don't Understand About Sam
Yesterday, I heard the news for the first time about Michael Sam, the defensive end for the University of Missouri football team who won the Defensive Player of the Year award for the SEC, one of the toughest (if not THE toughest) conference in college football. He shared the honor with another player, Alabama's C.J. Mosely, but that in no way diminishes his accomplishment.
I'm no fan of college football, but to excel in that particular arena is difficult, to say the least. In the NFL, a standout player is judged out of a field of about 1,700 players. In the college ranks, there are over 65,000 players in Division 1 alone. If you're the best, you're the best of the best, you've worked harder and performed at a very high level consistently for an entire season of competition, as well as taking on a full load of college courses.
There's no shirking. If your grades fail, you're in danger of being tossed off the team. If you miss a day in the gym, don't watch your diet, fall behind in sleep, succumb to the temptations of drugs or alcohol, or let the mental stress get to you, you're going to be a step behind on the field.
Michael Sam didn't shirk. He completed his degree in Parks, Recreation and Tourism and posted a phenomenal senior year on the field; 11 1/2 sacks and a forced fumble in the Cotton Bowl that was returned for a touchdown and secured the victory for Missouri.
And now the word from some of the decision makers in the NFL is that Sam wouldn't be a very good player, that he wouldn't mesh in an NFL locker room, that he would be a "distraction." Why would anyone in the NFL say that? The NFL is made up of former college football players who graduated from college and moved on to the next level. The best players are chosen to move on, and Sam has proven that he is among the best of the best.
Why would the NFL say that? That he would be a "distraction?"
Is there a team in the NFL that wouldn't want a defensive end capable of getting to the quarterback 11 1/2 times in a season? A defensive end who has the discipline to crack the books while keeping himself fit and healthy in order to fit into a system that posted a 12-2 record in one of the toughest college football conferences?
Apparently there are.
The NFL over the years has been able to tolerate some questionable characters. Michael Vick, who plays today, had a history of being involved with dogfighting and the mistreatment of animals. Ray Lewis went on trial for murder. Plaxico Burress accidentally shot himself in the leg while carrying a glock pistol in his pocket into a nightclub. Marshawn Lynch had his driver's license revoked after hitting a pedestrian and speeding off back in 2008. Warren Moon was a wife-beater.
As a matter of fact, if you google NFL player arrests, you'll find dozens of drug-related charges, battery charges, at least one case of child abuse, and a plethora of DUI's, DWI's and various criminal charges that run the spectrum. Many of these players still got to play. Ray Lewis, after his murder trial (which I guess wasn't much of a distraction), went on to be a Super Bowl MVP.
But Michael Sam wouldn't fit into this group for some reason. He would be a distraction, so much so that a team wouldn't be able to maintain unit cohesiveness, succeed, and win games.
Although the University of Missouri was able to do that. They won games, they went 12-2 and won the Cotton Bowl.
If I had a say in what decisions an NFL team would make, say my beloved Buffalo Bills; if I had the opportunity to draft a player who could make a significant contribution to our defense, who could fit into a system, work hard, rise to the top of his position and help us win games, I would draft Michael Sam in a Missouri minute.
But I'm no NFL professional scout, I'm not a coach, I have no background in such things. I guess I don't understand what goes on in an NFL locker room. I don't recognize a distraction when I see one.
I guess there's a lot of things I don't see.
I'm no fan of college football, but to excel in that particular arena is difficult, to say the least. In the NFL, a standout player is judged out of a field of about 1,700 players. In the college ranks, there are over 65,000 players in Division 1 alone. If you're the best, you're the best of the best, you've worked harder and performed at a very high level consistently for an entire season of competition, as well as taking on a full load of college courses.
There's no shirking. If your grades fail, you're in danger of being tossed off the team. If you miss a day in the gym, don't watch your diet, fall behind in sleep, succumb to the temptations of drugs or alcohol, or let the mental stress get to you, you're going to be a step behind on the field.
Michael Sam didn't shirk. He completed his degree in Parks, Recreation and Tourism and posted a phenomenal senior year on the field; 11 1/2 sacks and a forced fumble in the Cotton Bowl that was returned for a touchdown and secured the victory for Missouri.
And now the word from some of the decision makers in the NFL is that Sam wouldn't be a very good player, that he wouldn't mesh in an NFL locker room, that he would be a "distraction." Why would anyone in the NFL say that? The NFL is made up of former college football players who graduated from college and moved on to the next level. The best players are chosen to move on, and Sam has proven that he is among the best of the best.
Why would the NFL say that? That he would be a "distraction?"
Is there a team in the NFL that wouldn't want a defensive end capable of getting to the quarterback 11 1/2 times in a season? A defensive end who has the discipline to crack the books while keeping himself fit and healthy in order to fit into a system that posted a 12-2 record in one of the toughest college football conferences?
Apparently there are.
The NFL over the years has been able to tolerate some questionable characters. Michael Vick, who plays today, had a history of being involved with dogfighting and the mistreatment of animals. Ray Lewis went on trial for murder. Plaxico Burress accidentally shot himself in the leg while carrying a glock pistol in his pocket into a nightclub. Marshawn Lynch had his driver's license revoked after hitting a pedestrian and speeding off back in 2008. Warren Moon was a wife-beater.
As a matter of fact, if you google NFL player arrests, you'll find dozens of drug-related charges, battery charges, at least one case of child abuse, and a plethora of DUI's, DWI's and various criminal charges that run the spectrum. Many of these players still got to play. Ray Lewis, after his murder trial (which I guess wasn't much of a distraction), went on to be a Super Bowl MVP.
But Michael Sam wouldn't fit into this group for some reason. He would be a distraction, so much so that a team wouldn't be able to maintain unit cohesiveness, succeed, and win games.
Although the University of Missouri was able to do that. They won games, they went 12-2 and won the Cotton Bowl.
If I had a say in what decisions an NFL team would make, say my beloved Buffalo Bills; if I had the opportunity to draft a player who could make a significant contribution to our defense, who could fit into a system, work hard, rise to the top of his position and help us win games, I would draft Michael Sam in a Missouri minute.
But I'm no NFL professional scout, I'm not a coach, I have no background in such things. I guess I don't understand what goes on in an NFL locker room. I don't recognize a distraction when I see one.
I guess there's a lot of things I don't see.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
A Christmas Story
A Christmas Story
Cold and crisp, the smell of Winter
the smell of wanting
ice crystals likerefracting diamonds
Darkened chimneys jut towards the sky
hungry fangs in thepurple twilight
thin wisps of soot rise
This is the night
cool and quiet;most holy night
Virgin snow lay on cold, hard ground
ashes and soot serve to
spoil the down
smudge on a child's face
And then a horn,
a bus' brakes;
all out of place
Walk in the snow
crunch crunch crunch
neon window
but the store's closed
We celebrate the birth of Christ
but the Prince of Peaceain't there in no
outlet shopping mall
He is out here;
He is with us
crunch crunch crunch
Smoke rising, ham and beans cooking
no sirens tonight
Silent, holy night
crunch crunch crunch
Follow the star past the street light
walk in the desert
most holy night
a walk up a hill
Crown of thorns and an icy chill
cross on your backand toys in the sack
crunch crunch crunch
Here, tonight, no room at the inn
navigate by stars
in a mange
ron a bed of hay
My mother on a donkey's back
to Bethlehem
a miracle
that the Lord has made
Feet are weary
eyes in a glaze
and I see Him
Place a bill in a beggar's cup
and He is here
bring happiness to every child
and He is here
tend to the weary, old and sick
and He is here
give all that you have of yourself
and He is here
Mission accomplished, I head home
soft smell of pine
no footprints but mine
my nose and cheeks glow
I walk in the snow
crunch crunch crunch
Cold and crisp, the smell of Winter
the smell of wanting
ice crystals likerefracting diamonds
Darkened chimneys jut towards the sky
hungry fangs in thepurple twilight
thin wisps of soot rise
This is the night
cool and quiet;most holy night
Virgin snow lay on cold, hard ground
ashes and soot serve to
spoil the down
smudge on a child's face
And then a horn,
a bus' brakes;
all out of place
Walk in the snow
crunch crunch crunch
neon window
but the store's closed
We celebrate the birth of Christ
but the Prince of Peaceain't there in no
outlet shopping mall
He is out here;
He is with us
crunch crunch crunch
Smoke rising, ham and beans cooking
no sirens tonight
Silent, holy night
crunch crunch crunch
Follow the star past the street light
walk in the desert
most holy night
a walk up a hill
Crown of thorns and an icy chill
cross on your backand toys in the sack
crunch crunch crunch
Here, tonight, no room at the inn
navigate by stars
in a mange
ron a bed of hay
My mother on a donkey's back
to Bethlehem
a miracle
that the Lord has made
Feet are weary
eyes in a glaze
and I see Him
Place a bill in a beggar's cup
and He is here
bring happiness to every child
and He is here
tend to the weary, old and sick
and He is here
give all that you have of yourself
and He is here
Mission accomplished, I head home
soft smell of pine
no footprints but mine
my nose and cheeks glow
I walk in the snow
crunch crunch crunch
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
A Christmas Story
A Christmas Story
11/30/93, revised 12/8/10
Cold and crisp, the smell of Winter
the smell of wanting
ice crystals like
refracting diamonds
Darkened chimneys jut towards the sky
hungry fangs in the
purple twilight
thin wisps of soot rise
This is the night
cool and quiet;
most holy night
Virgin snow lay on cold, hard ground
ashes and soot serve to
spoil the down
smudge on a child's face
And then a horn,
a buses' brakes
all out of place
Walk in the snow
crunch crunch crunch
neon window
but the store's closed
We celebrate the birth of Christ
but the Prince of Peace
ain't there in no
outlet shopping mall
He is out here;
He is with us
crunch crunch crunch
Smoke rising, ham and beans cooking
no sirens tonight
Silent, holy night
crunch crunch crunch
Follow the star past the street light
walk in the desert
most holy night
a walk up a hill
Crown of thorns and an icy chill
cross on your back
and toys in the sack
crunch crunch crunch
Here, tonight, no room at the inn
navigate by stars
in a manger
on a bed of hay
My mother on a donkey's back
to Bethlehem
a miracle
that the Lord has made
Feet are weary
eyes in a glaze
and I see Him
Place a bill in a beggar's cup
and He is here
bring happiness to ever child
and He is here
tend to the weary, old and sick
and He is here
give all that you have of yourself
and He is here
Mission accomplished, I head home
soft smell of pine
no footprints but mine
my nose and cheeks glow
I walk in the snow
Crunch
crunch
crunch
11/30/93, revised 12/8/10
Cold and crisp, the smell of Winter
the smell of wanting
ice crystals like
refracting diamonds
Darkened chimneys jut towards the sky
hungry fangs in the
purple twilight
thin wisps of soot rise
This is the night
cool and quiet;
most holy night
Virgin snow lay on cold, hard ground
ashes and soot serve to
spoil the down
smudge on a child's face
And then a horn,
a buses' brakes
all out of place
Walk in the snow
crunch crunch crunch
neon window
but the store's closed
We celebrate the birth of Christ
but the Prince of Peace
ain't there in no
outlet shopping mall
He is out here;
He is with us
crunch crunch crunch
Smoke rising, ham and beans cooking
no sirens tonight
Silent, holy night
crunch crunch crunch
Follow the star past the street light
walk in the desert
most holy night
a walk up a hill
Crown of thorns and an icy chill
cross on your back
and toys in the sack
crunch crunch crunch
Here, tonight, no room at the inn
navigate by stars
in a manger
on a bed of hay
My mother on a donkey's back
to Bethlehem
a miracle
that the Lord has made
Feet are weary
eyes in a glaze
and I see Him
Place a bill in a beggar's cup
and He is here
bring happiness to ever child
and He is here
tend to the weary, old and sick
and He is here
give all that you have of yourself
and He is here
Mission accomplished, I head home
soft smell of pine
no footprints but mine
my nose and cheeks glow
I walk in the snow
Crunch
crunch
crunch
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
It's Not Really All About Me
November 17, 2010
I'm on day 27 of a 31-day tour, and due to a cancellation, I've got the day off. I'm holed up in a hotel in Meridian, Mississippi, and just killing time.
One of the great things about the internet is that you become a time-killing machine. I looked up an old friend (who happens to be another comedian) and was looking at their website and noticed an interesting feature; they had a series of "favorites" listed, and I thought I should have that sort of list.
Now, the thing about "favorites" lists is that it's reflected glory; it's like saying "Here's the things that I think are cool," and if you agree, it will elevate my status in your eyes. However, just because the moon reflects the light of the sun and doesn't have any light of it's own, it's still pretty awesome. So for right now, just consider me your caffeine-infused moon, shining some reflected light and maybe we'll enjoy the evening.
Favorite Food: Well, let the fat jokes fly here....did I hear someone say "seconds?" In real life, I'm a meat and bread kind of guy....cold cuts are good all the time, for any meal. Capicolla, salami, turkey and roast beef are all good, depending on mood. I'm not a ham person, not for any religious reason, just not a fan. Bologna is good, but it has to be thick and fried.
Favorite Color: I like blue a lot, although black clothing works better on me. I like splashes of color, too...like a mob guy dressed in a black suit with a red carnation in the boutioneirre...perfect.
Favorite Musician: This isn't really my friend's next category, but the closest approximation. I would have to say Bruce Springsteen, and while I'm not completely in love with his 21st century output, there's still enough that I can stand behind, and his early work holds up against anything I've ever heard.
Favorite Old School Rap Video: Uhh....911 Is A Joke by Public Enemy? Can I phone a friend?
Favorite Book: I'm partial to George Pelicanos and Elmore Leonard, but none of their work stands out as a complete favorite. I'd have to say that my very favorite book is "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" as I've re-read it several times and recommend it to just about everyone.
Favorite Movie: Ghostbusters. Best movie ever made, bar none. Even better than "The Blues Brothers."
CD In The Car Right Now: I don't have a CD player in the van, but Sattelite Radio has been working out. Listening to a lot of punk rock, metal and then switching up to acoustic coffee house stuff for a change of pace.
OK, so there's a thumbnail of the stuff that I enjoy. I hope you enjoyed my list. I'm not sure who exactly would benefit from this information, but if you're a fan, I'm not going to question your motives.
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
I'm on day 27 of a 31-day tour, and due to a cancellation, I've got the day off. I'm holed up in a hotel in Meridian, Mississippi, and just killing time.
One of the great things about the internet is that you become a time-killing machine. I looked up an old friend (who happens to be another comedian) and was looking at their website and noticed an interesting feature; they had a series of "favorites" listed, and I thought I should have that sort of list.
Now, the thing about "favorites" lists is that it's reflected glory; it's like saying "Here's the things that I think are cool," and if you agree, it will elevate my status in your eyes. However, just because the moon reflects the light of the sun and doesn't have any light of it's own, it's still pretty awesome. So for right now, just consider me your caffeine-infused moon, shining some reflected light and maybe we'll enjoy the evening.
Favorite Food: Well, let the fat jokes fly here....did I hear someone say "seconds?" In real life, I'm a meat and bread kind of guy....cold cuts are good all the time, for any meal. Capicolla, salami, turkey and roast beef are all good, depending on mood. I'm not a ham person, not for any religious reason, just not a fan. Bologna is good, but it has to be thick and fried.
Favorite Color: I like blue a lot, although black clothing works better on me. I like splashes of color, too...like a mob guy dressed in a black suit with a red carnation in the boutioneirre...perfect.
Favorite Musician: This isn't really my friend's next category, but the closest approximation. I would have to say Bruce Springsteen, and while I'm not completely in love with his 21st century output, there's still enough that I can stand behind, and his early work holds up against anything I've ever heard.
Favorite Old School Rap Video: Uhh....911 Is A Joke by Public Enemy? Can I phone a friend?
Favorite Book: I'm partial to George Pelicanos and Elmore Leonard, but none of their work stands out as a complete favorite. I'd have to say that my very favorite book is "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" as I've re-read it several times and recommend it to just about everyone.
Favorite Movie: Ghostbusters. Best movie ever made, bar none. Even better than "The Blues Brothers."
CD In The Car Right Now: I don't have a CD player in the van, but Sattelite Radio has been working out. Listening to a lot of punk rock, metal and then switching up to acoustic coffee house stuff for a change of pace.
OK, so there's a thumbnail of the stuff that I enjoy. I hope you enjoyed my list. I'm not sure who exactly would benefit from this information, but if you're a fan, I'm not going to question your motives.
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
Monday, November 8, 2010
I read the news today, oh boy
November 8, 2010
I'm in a hotel room. It's where I spend most of my time, if you were to draw up a pie chart, it would be the biggest or next biggest slice.
Hotel rooms have a variety of amenities, and some are better than others. There's always a TV, but no rhyme or reason to the number or variety of channels available from city to city. I only have a handful of channels I'll actually watch, and in the absence of those, I'll read.
I can get through an average newspaper in about 15 minutes; most of today's print journalism is "rip and read" stuff from the wire services. To beef up the content quotient, I'll grab the local independent newspaper that each big city seems to have, and is always free for the taking.
At their heart, they are all the same, although some have higher journalistic standards than others. Some are particularly targeted toward the college audience, some flesh it out to a decidedly liberal circle, and some make a nod towards the right-hand political spectrum, in an attempt to be all things to all people and sell some ads. That is, after all, the game for print journalism.
The weekly independent newspapers all seem to follow the same template and carry the same features. Again, some have higher journalistic standards. Today I was in Atlanta, and picked up the newspaper "Creative Loafing," I'm not sure, but I think this is a franchise publication that allows publishers in various cities to localize the content in order to have a decent consistency and still be relevant enough to each locale to sell those ads.
Examining this week's issue of CL starts out with a cover story on Hollywood making overtures towards Atlanta as a new mecca of film and TV production. The story itself doesn't start until page 20, but there's a photoshopped picture of the "Hollywood" sign that has been changed to read "ATL Wood," which will probably get some folks to pick the paper up out of curiosity.
Open the publication, and the first two pages are advertising; full page ads for Bud Light featuring an Atlanta Falcons logo (in the summer, it will turn back into a Braves logo), and an add pushing the Cirque Du Soleil appearance at Atlantic Station.
Turn the page and there's another full page ad for H&M (I'm guessing it's a clothing store) and then the table of contents, complete with "bullet" quotes from the articles, including one that features the word "fucking" in a large, red font.
After some more ads, there's the "Best Bets for the Week." I've never been sure if these are really the best bets for the week, or just the biggest names or the advertisers who got soaked for the most money. For instance, this week's best bets, in a big city like Atlanta, include DJ Shadow (never heard of him, and the photo that's printed is HUGE), Pinch n' Ouch theater staging "Lobby Hero" (never heard of the company or the play) and then something called Ninja Puppet Shenaniganza (never heard of it, but wish I'd thought of it). There are appearances by Mike Birbiglia and Amy Sedaris, and then there's the Decatur Wine Festival and the Chomp & Stomp Chili Cook-off. I'm willing to bet these are not really the best bets that Atlanta will have to offer this week.....it can't be.
There's a news story covering the elections, and a news compilation of blotter items featuring strange crime stories from around the ATL. There's a guy named Chuck Shepard that does a syndicated column called "News of the Weird," and I never understood how a guy could get paid for a column like that, because the stories write themselves.
As I flip the page, what is looking me right in the face? Chuck Shepard's News of the Weird column....I didn't plan that at all, but I think it illustrates my point how derivative these papers are.
There's some more news, and then an editorial by the Editor, and no shortage of block ads all over this thing. Either Atlanta is prospering or ads are dirt cheap in this magazine...regardless, there's a good balance of advertising and content...neither overwhelms the other.
There's a restaurant review. That's a racket....you go in to any restaurant you want, anonymously, and eat, and then write an article praising them or tearing them up. I've always wondered if there were reviews we never read because the food or service were great, but the place didn't buy an ad. Or better yet, the food and service were terrible, but they did buy an ad, and the review got re-written.....hmmmm.
Then there's the obligatory "Dining Guide." This is a grocery list of restaurants, grouped by specialty, and it's usually either a bonus for advertising elsewhere in the issue, or sold just as a listing as a cheaper way of getting the place's info in the magazine rather than a block ad.
There's an article about a dance troupe; it's a nice touch, but writing about dancing is like singing about painting. It does it's job, though, catering to the artsy-fartsy folk who like that sort of thing and donate money to public television so they can see it at home. The next item is a review of a Book Festival, again, published (I think) to give the publication an air of class. More on this later.
As the entertainment portion of paper begins to blossom, there is a movie review. Movie theaters are big advertisers, and this is part of the unspoken covenant; you buy ads in our mag, we will write reviews of the movies you're showing to try and get folks to come out and pay to see them. "Fair Game," the movie chronicling the Valerie Plame outing, and starring Sean Penn and Naomi Watts, gets three stars out of five; that's a bit of a weasel move because it's admitting that the film is mediocre, but still teeters on the favorable side of the midpoint, indicating that it's a movie worth seeing.
The heavy-duty music portion of the mag starts to kick in, with a huge feature story about a local (white) rapper named Yelawolf, and then there's some show previews for a bunch of club acts, as well as a grocery-list style ad for the local rock-metal-techno barn, featuring shows like Dimmu Borgir and Enslaved, and trumpeting upcoming shows from Marcy Playground, Atreyu and Over Kill (those guys are still touring? Of course they are....they're too far gone to stop now).
There's a page of record reviews, brought to you by some self-important weenies on the music staff, and again, in the spirit of log-rolling, each of the three reviews got a four out of five stars, and I guarantee you that any normal human would rate these albums at one star or less; music reviewers have a tendency to push an agenda (like what I like, see?).
The reviews are followed by the grocery listing of events; there's two ways to do this: either run a calendar that breaks out each day, or group events under style of music. I personally like the daily listing, but the genre grouping helps weed out the crap a little quicker. Just a note; the Atlanta listing didn't show any standup comedy venues, which has me a little worried about the genre, to be honest.
Now we're getting to the coup d' grace; the sexual advice column. I'm not sure if these columns are of any use, I've never had an STD and they always seem to deal with that. But at any rate, the column is the gatekeeper that lets you know you are about to enter the back pages of the publication, the dirty, dirty back pages known as the strip club ads, "massage" ads, and the ads for phone services where you can call escorts or just have someone talk dirty to you for 99 cents a minute. One thing that never ceases to amaze me is the number of ads featuring transvestites; apparently that's big business right there.
Classified ads are always a serious money-maker for a publication, sometimes they're locally produced and sometimes they're syndicated national classified. Again, it's a cut-and-paste money-maker for the publication, so what do they care?
Last but not least, sometimes they'll have some "counter-culture" cartoon strips...the one that I see most often is "This Modern World" by Tom Tomorrow, but there are dozens out there. Even the ones that aren't very clever are still better than "Mallard Fillmore"...the guy that writes that is a dick, and he's probably old.
So I guess what I'm saying is that even though alternative press seems to be pretty derivative, mostly unoriginal and unnecessarily artsy to make up for the last five pages of smut that actually allow them to run a profit, they're still worth picking up and thumbing through, even if you don't have a venereal disease and think all new music sucks.
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
I'm in a hotel room. It's where I spend most of my time, if you were to draw up a pie chart, it would be the biggest or next biggest slice.
Hotel rooms have a variety of amenities, and some are better than others. There's always a TV, but no rhyme or reason to the number or variety of channels available from city to city. I only have a handful of channels I'll actually watch, and in the absence of those, I'll read.
I can get through an average newspaper in about 15 minutes; most of today's print journalism is "rip and read" stuff from the wire services. To beef up the content quotient, I'll grab the local independent newspaper that each big city seems to have, and is always free for the taking.
At their heart, they are all the same, although some have higher journalistic standards than others. Some are particularly targeted toward the college audience, some flesh it out to a decidedly liberal circle, and some make a nod towards the right-hand political spectrum, in an attempt to be all things to all people and sell some ads. That is, after all, the game for print journalism.
The weekly independent newspapers all seem to follow the same template and carry the same features. Again, some have higher journalistic standards. Today I was in Atlanta, and picked up the newspaper "Creative Loafing," I'm not sure, but I think this is a franchise publication that allows publishers in various cities to localize the content in order to have a decent consistency and still be relevant enough to each locale to sell those ads.
Examining this week's issue of CL starts out with a cover story on Hollywood making overtures towards Atlanta as a new mecca of film and TV production. The story itself doesn't start until page 20, but there's a photoshopped picture of the "Hollywood" sign that has been changed to read "ATL Wood," which will probably get some folks to pick the paper up out of curiosity.
Open the publication, and the first two pages are advertising; full page ads for Bud Light featuring an Atlanta Falcons logo (in the summer, it will turn back into a Braves logo), and an add pushing the Cirque Du Soleil appearance at Atlantic Station.
Turn the page and there's another full page ad for H&M (I'm guessing it's a clothing store) and then the table of contents, complete with "bullet" quotes from the articles, including one that features the word "fucking" in a large, red font.
After some more ads, there's the "Best Bets for the Week." I've never been sure if these are really the best bets for the week, or just the biggest names or the advertisers who got soaked for the most money. For instance, this week's best bets, in a big city like Atlanta, include DJ Shadow (never heard of him, and the photo that's printed is HUGE), Pinch n' Ouch theater staging "Lobby Hero" (never heard of the company or the play) and then something called Ninja Puppet Shenaniganza (never heard of it, but wish I'd thought of it). There are appearances by Mike Birbiglia and Amy Sedaris, and then there's the Decatur Wine Festival and the Chomp & Stomp Chili Cook-off. I'm willing to bet these are not really the best bets that Atlanta will have to offer this week.....it can't be.
There's a news story covering the elections, and a news compilation of blotter items featuring strange crime stories from around the ATL. There's a guy named Chuck Shepard that does a syndicated column called "News of the Weird," and I never understood how a guy could get paid for a column like that, because the stories write themselves.
As I flip the page, what is looking me right in the face? Chuck Shepard's News of the Weird column....I didn't plan that at all, but I think it illustrates my point how derivative these papers are.
There's some more news, and then an editorial by the Editor, and no shortage of block ads all over this thing. Either Atlanta is prospering or ads are dirt cheap in this magazine...regardless, there's a good balance of advertising and content...neither overwhelms the other.
There's a restaurant review. That's a racket....you go in to any restaurant you want, anonymously, and eat, and then write an article praising them or tearing them up. I've always wondered if there were reviews we never read because the food or service were great, but the place didn't buy an ad. Or better yet, the food and service were terrible, but they did buy an ad, and the review got re-written.....hmmmm.
Then there's the obligatory "Dining Guide." This is a grocery list of restaurants, grouped by specialty, and it's usually either a bonus for advertising elsewhere in the issue, or sold just as a listing as a cheaper way of getting the place's info in the magazine rather than a block ad.
There's an article about a dance troupe; it's a nice touch, but writing about dancing is like singing about painting. It does it's job, though, catering to the artsy-fartsy folk who like that sort of thing and donate money to public television so they can see it at home. The next item is a review of a Book Festival, again, published (I think) to give the publication an air of class. More on this later.
As the entertainment portion of paper begins to blossom, there is a movie review. Movie theaters are big advertisers, and this is part of the unspoken covenant; you buy ads in our mag, we will write reviews of the movies you're showing to try and get folks to come out and pay to see them. "Fair Game," the movie chronicling the Valerie Plame outing, and starring Sean Penn and Naomi Watts, gets three stars out of five; that's a bit of a weasel move because it's admitting that the film is mediocre, but still teeters on the favorable side of the midpoint, indicating that it's a movie worth seeing.
The heavy-duty music portion of the mag starts to kick in, with a huge feature story about a local (white) rapper named Yelawolf, and then there's some show previews for a bunch of club acts, as well as a grocery-list style ad for the local rock-metal-techno barn, featuring shows like Dimmu Borgir and Enslaved, and trumpeting upcoming shows from Marcy Playground, Atreyu and Over Kill (those guys are still touring? Of course they are....they're too far gone to stop now).
There's a page of record reviews, brought to you by some self-important weenies on the music staff, and again, in the spirit of log-rolling, each of the three reviews got a four out of five stars, and I guarantee you that any normal human would rate these albums at one star or less; music reviewers have a tendency to push an agenda (like what I like, see?).
The reviews are followed by the grocery listing of events; there's two ways to do this: either run a calendar that breaks out each day, or group events under style of music. I personally like the daily listing, but the genre grouping helps weed out the crap a little quicker. Just a note; the Atlanta listing didn't show any standup comedy venues, which has me a little worried about the genre, to be honest.
Now we're getting to the coup d' grace; the sexual advice column. I'm not sure if these columns are of any use, I've never had an STD and they always seem to deal with that. But at any rate, the column is the gatekeeper that lets you know you are about to enter the back pages of the publication, the dirty, dirty back pages known as the strip club ads, "massage" ads, and the ads for phone services where you can call escorts or just have someone talk dirty to you for 99 cents a minute. One thing that never ceases to amaze me is the number of ads featuring transvestites; apparently that's big business right there.
Classified ads are always a serious money-maker for a publication, sometimes they're locally produced and sometimes they're syndicated national classified. Again, it's a cut-and-paste money-maker for the publication, so what do they care?
Last but not least, sometimes they'll have some "counter-culture" cartoon strips...the one that I see most often is "This Modern World" by Tom Tomorrow, but there are dozens out there. Even the ones that aren't very clever are still better than "Mallard Fillmore"...the guy that writes that is a dick, and he's probably old.
So I guess what I'm saying is that even though alternative press seems to be pretty derivative, mostly unoriginal and unnecessarily artsy to make up for the last five pages of smut that actually allow them to run a profit, they're still worth picking up and thumbing through, even if you don't have a venereal disease and think all new music sucks.
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
Saturday, November 6, 2010
We Don't Talk Anymore (Cliff Richard)
Saturday, November 6, 2010
I was looking up something (namely, a blog dealing with my cat's death) and realized I haven't blogged in a long time. To be honest, twittering and updating my Facebook status have taken the place of blogging for me.
Sorry. I wish there was more.
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
I was looking up something (namely, a blog dealing with my cat's death) and realized I haven't blogged in a long time. To be honest, twittering and updating my Facebook status have taken the place of blogging for me.
Sorry. I wish there was more.
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
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