Bark At The Moon 1175
Wednesday, June 22, 2005-1:50 P.M.
Good afternoon from the Lady Lake Public Library in Lady Lake, Florida. I'm home safe after a grueling drive from Biloxi, Mississippi, to my dad's house in Central Florida. What a weekend it was, even if the shows were on Sunday and Monday rather than Friday and Saturday.
Sunday night's show was at a bar called Howl At The Moon in Fort Walton Beach, Florida. All the warnings I received about the rough 'n' tumble crowds they get were hogwash. Nobody sent shots up on stage for me, nobody heckled me beyond what I call a "joyous heckle," one where the audience member is so moved by what you said that they felt obligated to respond, and they were very attentive during my whole set. And to top it off, I tied the merchandise sales record for this tour. Hooray for me!
Howl At The Moon is one of those "dueling piano" bars, and one of the guys looked just like Dana Carvey. We wound up speaking for a few minutes while Paul Hooper was on stage doing his thing. We also had a guest spot, Marc Ryan, who was visiting from Los Angeles. It was a great show all the way around, and I had a lot of fun. Which was good, because the night started out with a total cock-up, I arrived at the hotel after my 5-hour drive, and the desk clerk had no knowledge of me, the bar which had been lodging their comics there for years, and couldn't pull up any name I gave him. I proceded to the bar (which the desk kid had never heard of and didn't know where it was even though it was three blocks down the road) and hooked up with Paul, who had the same problems I did. We stayed at the club until the assistant manager, Mick, let us in, and he called Steve, the manager, who went down to the hotel and set things straight. I won't tell you the name of the hotel chain, but I've spent many a Days Inn them.
The next day, I had a two hour drive to Biloxi, Mississippi, the home of the Casino Magic Resort. The room, a jacuzzi suite, was one of the nicest rooms I've ever been put up in. I like the casinos, because they go all out to make the talent feel comfortable. I got a comped buffet pass, and had a nice meal before the show, but skipped the crab legs...I justdon't know how to open those things. It seems like too much work to go through for some food.
The show was good...the average age in the room was easily 65 or older. I did a clean show, mugged around a little bit, and enjoyed my time. As I got off stage, which was a standard Vegas-style showroom thing with a big ramp going down the middle of the room, a lady came up to me and said that she saw me in New Smyrna Beach, Florida two weeks ago. What are the odds, I said. Apparently, the odds were 1 out of 1, because there we were.
The trip back to Florida yesterday was grueling. 560 miles, and I managed it in just under 8 hours. You do the math...and consider stops for gas, rest areas and bathroom breaks, and the odd construction slowdown here and there. Also, there were cops everywhere, which I managed to evade, praise the Lord. Then after a nice nap, I headed to Orlando to pick Ray Salah up at the airport. We're doing the big Giggles Georgia tour, which I enjoyed very much last year. I'm looking forward to our shows this weekend. It's always a bonus to go to nice places where they treat you nice, and an even bigger bonus to bring a friend along to enjoy it with.
I got word today that I just picked up a one-nighter that falls in the middle of a week where I would normally have had the night off. Just when I think I can't possibly schedule any more work this year, I managed to squeeze one in. God is looking out for me, no doubt about it.
I continue to miss my wife and daughter, and I'm counting the days until I return home. For the record, that's 13 days.
Have a wonderful week, and remember that God can't answer prayers that you don't make.
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Saturday, June 18, 2005
Sweet Home Alabama
Sweet Home Alabama 1153
Saturday, June 18, 2005-10:00 A.M.
Hi, gang! It's nice to be back at my home-away-from-home, the Lady Lake Public Library in Lady Lake, Florida. I've been out on the road for the last four days, making a swing through Florida and Alabama.
Winter Haven was nice, it was a short drive from my dad's place in Lady Lake, but I got confused with some of the route numbers and had to backtrack and start out again. The gig was good, even though there were only about 25 people in the room. I worked with a comic named Pete Johannsen, a Canadian comic who had been living in Los Angeles via Seattle, and now stays in Wilmington, North Carolina. We had a good time, and after the show, we hung around in the bar and talked politics with a German guy and some of his friends. I sang a karaoke song, "Black," by Pearl Jam. Like I needed the stage time, ok?
The next night, Pete and I made our way to Daleville, Alabama. The gig was at a billiard bar that was frequented by a lot of military folks. There was a lot of tough talk, machismo and bad language, and the guys were even worse. I was getting pushed around by this army girl until I did a magic trick that messed with her mind a little bit (thank you, Kevin Burke). I don't fear many men, I'm still big enough to take care of myself, but this latina girl looked like she could cut my throat and pull my tounge through it with a pair of tweezers. I sold some merchandise, and Pete and I went out to breakfast with some people from the show. One of the girls was in the middle of an abusive relationship, and I tried my best to counsel her to get out of the situation, but like a lot of abused women, she was scared about what that would mean. I hope she remembers my words next time her boyfriend yells at her. It's very sad.
27 miles away lay Dothan, Alabama, and a bar named Cowboys of Dothan. The crowd was sparse and very submissive. Neither I nor the headliner, Paul Hooper, made any kind of a dent in them. They sat quietly thorugh the show, and then filed out quickly when it was over. Paul drank all during my set, and then all during his set, and then he and the staffbadgered me into drinking like four beers and three of the most horrible shots ever. I haven't taken a drink in about a month, and even then, it's only a small shot of whiskey, which I can usually handle, no problem. They were giving me shots with names like "panty wad" and "bloody penis," and at one point, the girl that was bartending was laying on top of me challenging me to leg-wrestle. Then when the bar closed, Paul grabbed a six-pack to go, and we drank two more in his room and talked politics. I woke up feeling like Andre The Giant's Dr. Scholl's insert. I will never drink again.
Last night in Ocala at the Hilton was very good. The crowd was pretty old, so I did my Vegas-style set, Catskills one-liners and humor they would appreciate, also very low on the swearing. I got a lot of nice comments and sold some more stuff. One gentleman pulled me aside during Paul's set and explained that he liked me better than Paul because "I was a man of morals." God, if he only knew. I'm a shill for public adoration and merchandise sales. I'd cop to being a lesbian vegetarian socialist soccer mom if it would sell a DVD. After the show, I packed up and headed back to Dad's place for a nice day off. I'm taking him out to dinner for Father's Day, because I won't be around on the actual Father's Day, but on my way to Fort Walton Beach, Florida, where I understand the crowd gets big fun and entertainment out of sending liquor up the comics on stage. I think I might be able to get away with the old "beer bottle" trick, where you do the shot but don't swallow, and then chase with the beer, and spit the shot back into the beer bottle (thank you, Mike Dambra). Unless it's whiskey, where I guess I'll take my chances. Hoo hah.
Monday is the Casino Magic resort in Biloxi, Mississippi, and my first appearance in that state. It will probably be another Catskills type affair, with lots of older folks. I shouldn't have any problem...those shows are starting to be my bread and butter. Maybe there's a market there that I never considered before....hmmm.
Anyway, don't forget your father tomorrow. He's a hard working guy who only wanted the best for his children and drives thousands of miles to tell jokes in front of toothless, drunken strangers, or some other thankless task.
Have a good weekend.
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
Saturday, June 18, 2005-10:00 A.M.
Hi, gang! It's nice to be back at my home-away-from-home, the Lady Lake Public Library in Lady Lake, Florida. I've been out on the road for the last four days, making a swing through Florida and Alabama.
Winter Haven was nice, it was a short drive from my dad's place in Lady Lake, but I got confused with some of the route numbers and had to backtrack and start out again. The gig was good, even though there were only about 25 people in the room. I worked with a comic named Pete Johannsen, a Canadian comic who had been living in Los Angeles via Seattle, and now stays in Wilmington, North Carolina. We had a good time, and after the show, we hung around in the bar and talked politics with a German guy and some of his friends. I sang a karaoke song, "Black," by Pearl Jam. Like I needed the stage time, ok?
The next night, Pete and I made our way to Daleville, Alabama. The gig was at a billiard bar that was frequented by a lot of military folks. There was a lot of tough talk, machismo and bad language, and the guys were even worse. I was getting pushed around by this army girl until I did a magic trick that messed with her mind a little bit (thank you, Kevin Burke). I don't fear many men, I'm still big enough to take care of myself, but this latina girl looked like she could cut my throat and pull my tounge through it with a pair of tweezers. I sold some merchandise, and Pete and I went out to breakfast with some people from the show. One of the girls was in the middle of an abusive relationship, and I tried my best to counsel her to get out of the situation, but like a lot of abused women, she was scared about what that would mean. I hope she remembers my words next time her boyfriend yells at her. It's very sad.
27 miles away lay Dothan, Alabama, and a bar named Cowboys of Dothan. The crowd was sparse and very submissive. Neither I nor the headliner, Paul Hooper, made any kind of a dent in them. They sat quietly thorugh the show, and then filed out quickly when it was over. Paul drank all during my set, and then all during his set, and then he and the staffbadgered me into drinking like four beers and three of the most horrible shots ever. I haven't taken a drink in about a month, and even then, it's only a small shot of whiskey, which I can usually handle, no problem. They were giving me shots with names like "panty wad" and "bloody penis," and at one point, the girl that was bartending was laying on top of me challenging me to leg-wrestle. Then when the bar closed, Paul grabbed a six-pack to go, and we drank two more in his room and talked politics. I woke up feeling like Andre The Giant's Dr. Scholl's insert. I will never drink again.
Last night in Ocala at the Hilton was very good. The crowd was pretty old, so I did my Vegas-style set, Catskills one-liners and humor they would appreciate, also very low on the swearing. I got a lot of nice comments and sold some more stuff. One gentleman pulled me aside during Paul's set and explained that he liked me better than Paul because "I was a man of morals." God, if he only knew. I'm a shill for public adoration and merchandise sales. I'd cop to being a lesbian vegetarian socialist soccer mom if it would sell a DVD. After the show, I packed up and headed back to Dad's place for a nice day off. I'm taking him out to dinner for Father's Day, because I won't be around on the actual Father's Day, but on my way to Fort Walton Beach, Florida, where I understand the crowd gets big fun and entertainment out of sending liquor up the comics on stage. I think I might be able to get away with the old "beer bottle" trick, where you do the shot but don't swallow, and then chase with the beer, and spit the shot back into the beer bottle (thank you, Mike Dambra). Unless it's whiskey, where I guess I'll take my chances. Hoo hah.
Monday is the Casino Magic resort in Biloxi, Mississippi, and my first appearance in that state. It will probably be another Catskills type affair, with lots of older folks. I shouldn't have any problem...those shows are starting to be my bread and butter. Maybe there's a market there that I never considered before....hmmm.
Anyway, don't forget your father tomorrow. He's a hard working guy who only wanted the best for his children and drives thousands of miles to tell jokes in front of toothless, drunken strangers, or some other thankless task.
Have a good weekend.
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Photograph
Photograph 1139
Tuesday, June 14, 2005-12:40 P.M.
Happy Flag Day, America! It's Flag Day, and my father's retirement community is festooned with little American flags in front of each house. It's already a nice (if somewhat sterile) looking place to live, just like an affluent suburban anywhere, and it's neat to see it all dressed up for the holiday. Before I left for Florida, I put my new power drill to work and affixed a flagpole holder to our house at attic level and put out the flag that we've been storing in our back hallway for a year or so. We wanted to put it out at ground level, but were sure that one of our nasty neighbors (and in our neighborhood, there's plenty to go around) would steal it. If they want to steal this one, they got a nice climb ahead of them.
Ray and I part company today, but he'll be back in a week. He's heading back to Rochester for his mom's birthday, which I think is sweet. He'll be back next week for our tour of Georgia, which I think will be fun. I start a four-day stretch tonight in Winter Haven, Florida, and I'm very excited. Ray's taking some money back home to my lovely wife, which saves me the problem of mailing it back to her or directly to my bank (there's no branches of either of our banks down here in Florida), and then when Ray comes back, he'll have more merchandise for me as Pam is busily spinning off new DVD's for me back home.
Yesterday, Ray and I took my dad's golf cart to the post office, and there was an old guy there with a couple of Pomeranians in his golf cart. They were possibly the smallest dogs I've ever seen, and the old guy let us take a picture of them. When Ray gets the pictures developed, I'll make sure to post them on this journal. I guess I wanted to take a picture of them because my parents had miniature poodles when I was growing up, and even though I haven't thought of them in years, there's about a hundred pictures of them all around my dad's house. You can't walk into a room without seeing pictures everywhere of Alex and Giddy, who were famous back in Rochester as being "the dogs in the window;" we lived on the corner of Dewey Avenue and Seneca Parkway, and we had a big bay window thatwe put a sofa in front of, and Alex and Giddy would sit on top of the back of the sofa and look out the window, and of course everyone would be able to see them. My mother and father loved those dogs, and it was pretty heartbreaking when they got old and had to be put to sleep.
My dad also has a great picture of SnaxTheCat when he was little...you could see how fit and trim he was when we let him outside to run around. Now he's a fixed indoor cat, and he's gotten fat. He's fast when he wants to be, but clearly, he doesn't really want to be fast that often.
I realize now why I don't enjoy picture taking that much...I prefer to look forward rather than backwards. My father has a lot of picture of me when I was younger, and many of them are not very flattering, and remind me of a time when I was much less stable and not very happy. And I wonder why I turned to drugs and alcohol...especially with that haircut...what was I thinking?
I'm going to go now...I'll check in from the road as the spirit or opportunity moves me. Enjoy the Summer and the good outdoor activities it allows.
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
Tuesday, June 14, 2005-12:40 P.M.
Happy Flag Day, America! It's Flag Day, and my father's retirement community is festooned with little American flags in front of each house. It's already a nice (if somewhat sterile) looking place to live, just like an affluent suburban anywhere, and it's neat to see it all dressed up for the holiday. Before I left for Florida, I put my new power drill to work and affixed a flagpole holder to our house at attic level and put out the flag that we've been storing in our back hallway for a year or so. We wanted to put it out at ground level, but were sure that one of our nasty neighbors (and in our neighborhood, there's plenty to go around) would steal it. If they want to steal this one, they got a nice climb ahead of them.
Ray and I part company today, but he'll be back in a week. He's heading back to Rochester for his mom's birthday, which I think is sweet. He'll be back next week for our tour of Georgia, which I think will be fun. I start a four-day stretch tonight in Winter Haven, Florida, and I'm very excited. Ray's taking some money back home to my lovely wife, which saves me the problem of mailing it back to her or directly to my bank (there's no branches of either of our banks down here in Florida), and then when Ray comes back, he'll have more merchandise for me as Pam is busily spinning off new DVD's for me back home.
Yesterday, Ray and I took my dad's golf cart to the post office, and there was an old guy there with a couple of Pomeranians in his golf cart. They were possibly the smallest dogs I've ever seen, and the old guy let us take a picture of them. When Ray gets the pictures developed, I'll make sure to post them on this journal. I guess I wanted to take a picture of them because my parents had miniature poodles when I was growing up, and even though I haven't thought of them in years, there's about a hundred pictures of them all around my dad's house. You can't walk into a room without seeing pictures everywhere of Alex and Giddy, who were famous back in Rochester as being "the dogs in the window;" we lived on the corner of Dewey Avenue and Seneca Parkway, and we had a big bay window thatwe put a sofa in front of, and Alex and Giddy would sit on top of the back of the sofa and look out the window, and of course everyone would be able to see them. My mother and father loved those dogs, and it was pretty heartbreaking when they got old and had to be put to sleep.
My dad also has a great picture of SnaxTheCat when he was little...you could see how fit and trim he was when we let him outside to run around. Now he's a fixed indoor cat, and he's gotten fat. He's fast when he wants to be, but clearly, he doesn't really want to be fast that often.
I realize now why I don't enjoy picture taking that much...I prefer to look forward rather than backwards. My father has a lot of picture of me when I was younger, and many of them are not very flattering, and remind me of a time when I was much less stable and not very happy. And I wonder why I turned to drugs and alcohol...especially with that haircut...what was I thinking?
I'm going to go now...I'll check in from the road as the spirit or opportunity moves me. Enjoy the Summer and the good outdoor activities it allows.
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
Monday, June 13, 2005
Old Man
Old Man 1134
Monday, June 13, 2005-12:58 P.M.
Ray and I had a nice weekend in our mini-tour of Florida's Route 19, in the nice towns of Weeki Wachee and Homosassa Springs. The gig in Weeki Wachee was nice, the show was in the hotel we were staying in, which is always a bonus.
The crowd was "Cocoon" old, and even though I'm not that young, (38) I felt like a pitchfork in a utensil drawer. Ray did a great job in the opening spot, and then I got a great surprise as the audience really enjoyed my show. I didn't bother second-guessing whether or not my material was too "blue" for them, I just delivered it the way I deliver it. I did back off on the language, though, just out of respect. They rewarded me with good laughter and applause, and I moved a fair amount of CD's and DVD's after the show. The manager actually remarked to me that several comics have brought merchandise with them, but no one ever sold very much. I think that makes a statement right there. I was proud as a peacock.
Saturday night in Homosassa Springs was a good show, but they really made me fight for it. Good response overall, but there were a few moments where they got absolutely silent, like it was a total group decision that "We didn't like that joke," moreso than "We didn't understand that joke." There was mile audience interaction, but nothing scathing. I plowed through my set and finished well, which is what I wanted to do.
Yesterday, I finally got to a comic book store. I picked up the ever-elusive final chapter in the Justice League "Syndicate Rules" storyline, as well as the new Astonishing X-Men, written by the incredible Joss Whedon. Then, after a saunter through the "6 for a dollar" bin, I scored a big pile of Superman and Justice League back issues. I'm sure I got some doubles by mistake, and I will happily farm them out to my wife's friend Mary's son Shaun. He's 12, so it'll be like Christmas in July for the lad.
I have today off before resuming the tour in Winter Haven, Florida, then it's up to Alabama for a couple of dates, and back to Ocala, Florida, then Saturday off. Sunday and Monday take me to Fort Walton Beach, Florida, then the Casino Magic showroom in Biloxi, Mississippi. This will be my first visit to the states of Alabama and Mississippi, which leaves Louisiana as the only state in the region I haven't performed in. Someday....Someday....
I had a brief cock-up with my scheduling through the Comedy Zone...I was supposed to perform in Greensboro, North Carolina on my way home to upstate New York, but got the dates wrong. Luckily, I got that straightened out this morning...I actually picked up work that same week, thanks to Carol Pennington at Hysterical Management in Cleveland. One of her client clubs opened up in West Palm Beach, and I scored the open week of dates. It's half the money I was supposed to make in Greensboro, but at least I'm not unemployed. Also, it gets me home a day earlier than expected, which my wife will appreciate. I miss her and the baby very much, so I appreciate it, too.
Keep on rollin'.
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
Monday, June 13, 2005-12:58 P.M.
Ray and I had a nice weekend in our mini-tour of Florida's Route 19, in the nice towns of Weeki Wachee and Homosassa Springs. The gig in Weeki Wachee was nice, the show was in the hotel we were staying in, which is always a bonus.
The crowd was "Cocoon" old, and even though I'm not that young, (38) I felt like a pitchfork in a utensil drawer. Ray did a great job in the opening spot, and then I got a great surprise as the audience really enjoyed my show. I didn't bother second-guessing whether or not my material was too "blue" for them, I just delivered it the way I deliver it. I did back off on the language, though, just out of respect. They rewarded me with good laughter and applause, and I moved a fair amount of CD's and DVD's after the show. The manager actually remarked to me that several comics have brought merchandise with them, but no one ever sold very much. I think that makes a statement right there. I was proud as a peacock.
Saturday night in Homosassa Springs was a good show, but they really made me fight for it. Good response overall, but there were a few moments where they got absolutely silent, like it was a total group decision that "We didn't like that joke," moreso than "We didn't understand that joke." There was mile audience interaction, but nothing scathing. I plowed through my set and finished well, which is what I wanted to do.
Yesterday, I finally got to a comic book store. I picked up the ever-elusive final chapter in the Justice League "Syndicate Rules" storyline, as well as the new Astonishing X-Men, written by the incredible Joss Whedon. Then, after a saunter through the "6 for a dollar" bin, I scored a big pile of Superman and Justice League back issues. I'm sure I got some doubles by mistake, and I will happily farm them out to my wife's friend Mary's son Shaun. He's 12, so it'll be like Christmas in July for the lad.
I have today off before resuming the tour in Winter Haven, Florida, then it's up to Alabama for a couple of dates, and back to Ocala, Florida, then Saturday off. Sunday and Monday take me to Fort Walton Beach, Florida, then the Casino Magic showroom in Biloxi, Mississippi. This will be my first visit to the states of Alabama and Mississippi, which leaves Louisiana as the only state in the region I haven't performed in. Someday....Someday....
I had a brief cock-up with my scheduling through the Comedy Zone...I was supposed to perform in Greensboro, North Carolina on my way home to upstate New York, but got the dates wrong. Luckily, I got that straightened out this morning...I actually picked up work that same week, thanks to Carol Pennington at Hysterical Management in Cleveland. One of her client clubs opened up in West Palm Beach, and I scored the open week of dates. It's half the money I was supposed to make in Greensboro, but at least I'm not unemployed. Also, it gets me home a day earlier than expected, which my wife will appreciate. I miss her and the baby very much, so I appreciate it, too.
Keep on rollin'.
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
Friday, June 10, 2005
Call Me A Dog
Call Me A Dog 1125
Friday, June 10, 2005-1:01 P.M.
Good afternoon from Lady Lake Public Library in Lady Lake, Florida. (www.ladylakelibrary.com) Ray Salah and I are having a fine time down here in Florida as part of our Southeastern tour. Wednesday night, we performed at Gilly's 44 in New Smyrna Beach, Florida. It's a nice little sportsbar/restaurant, and they draw well for comedy. Ray had a nice set up front, and then despite a few hecklers who really didn't get the whole "I'm at a comedy show and ought to shut my fucking mouth" thing, I had an enjoyable time doing my one-hour set, which I rarely get to do. I remember when I first became a feature, I knew I was really ready to be in that position when I would come off stage and think to myself, "Oh, damn, I forgot that bit," or "I forgot that set of jokes." Well, I'm happy to report that that exact thing happened to me on Wednesday. I didn't do any fluff or filler, I did jokes that I wrote, and after an hour, still had pieces that I forgot to do. Any self doubts that I had in that respect are gone. It's a very good feeling.
Last night was a night off, so Ray and I decided to venture up to Daytona Beach, home of the Daytona Kennel Club and poker room. Ray played in a couple of poker tournaments, culminating in a "bad beat" when his pocket aces got cracked by some redneck asshole who decided he was "chip rich" enough to play a 5-6 off-suit, and then caught a straight on the river. I was there for it, and it wasn't a pretty sight. I bet on the dog races, which is unusual, because I never even bet on horses before. It's pretty easy, which makes me understand even less how people could be so worked up over it. I placed a total of 15 two-dollar bets over the course of 13 races, and won back 12 of my 30 dollars. So it turned out to be 18 dollars worth of fun and education. It's actually really exciting watching the dogs haul ass around that track...those puppies can RUN. And lest you think the dogs are mistreated, they are only allowed to run one race every three days, andthey are kept well, brushed and petted and loved. There was one young lady who was taking her dog around inside the building where you make your bets, and the dog was getting more than her share of love and attention. It was a real eye-opener of an experience, especially since there were a lot of families in attendance last night. I wouldn't have thought that a racetrack would have made the cut for family entertainment, but at only a one-dollar admission cost, where else are you gonna take a family of five for an evening's diversion? Also, they had hot dogs, nachos, ice cream, pretzels, popcorn, sodas and beers at the snack bar, and I got a double cheese nacho dish and got a nice big cheese stain on my white shirt. Fun times, fun times.
Tonight, we have a show in Weeki Wachee, Florida, which I never heard of before, but it's on the Gulf Coast on route 19. It should be a good time. I'm looking forward to that, as well as the gig tomorrow night in Homosassa Springs, which I did last year and had a great time with.
Today, it's thrift store shopping and hopefully a comic book shop. If not, plenty of time this weekend to make it happen.
Pet a dog today. They truly are man's best friend. And if the spirit moves you, send five bucks to an animal shelter (or adopt a stray). Every dog deserves a nice home, or at least a place where they can run and run and run.
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
Friday, June 10, 2005-1:01 P.M.
Good afternoon from Lady Lake Public Library in Lady Lake, Florida. (www.ladylakelibrary.com) Ray Salah and I are having a fine time down here in Florida as part of our Southeastern tour. Wednesday night, we performed at Gilly's 44 in New Smyrna Beach, Florida. It's a nice little sportsbar/restaurant, and they draw well for comedy. Ray had a nice set up front, and then despite a few hecklers who really didn't get the whole "I'm at a comedy show and ought to shut my fucking mouth" thing, I had an enjoyable time doing my one-hour set, which I rarely get to do. I remember when I first became a feature, I knew I was really ready to be in that position when I would come off stage and think to myself, "Oh, damn, I forgot that bit," or "I forgot that set of jokes." Well, I'm happy to report that that exact thing happened to me on Wednesday. I didn't do any fluff or filler, I did jokes that I wrote, and after an hour, still had pieces that I forgot to do. Any self doubts that I had in that respect are gone. It's a very good feeling.
Last night was a night off, so Ray and I decided to venture up to Daytona Beach, home of the Daytona Kennel Club and poker room. Ray played in a couple of poker tournaments, culminating in a "bad beat" when his pocket aces got cracked by some redneck asshole who decided he was "chip rich" enough to play a 5-6 off-suit, and then caught a straight on the river. I was there for it, and it wasn't a pretty sight. I bet on the dog races, which is unusual, because I never even bet on horses before. It's pretty easy, which makes me understand even less how people could be so worked up over it. I placed a total of 15 two-dollar bets over the course of 13 races, and won back 12 of my 30 dollars. So it turned out to be 18 dollars worth of fun and education. It's actually really exciting watching the dogs haul ass around that track...those puppies can RUN. And lest you think the dogs are mistreated, they are only allowed to run one race every three days, andthey are kept well, brushed and petted and loved. There was one young lady who was taking her dog around inside the building where you make your bets, and the dog was getting more than her share of love and attention. It was a real eye-opener of an experience, especially since there were a lot of families in attendance last night. I wouldn't have thought that a racetrack would have made the cut for family entertainment, but at only a one-dollar admission cost, where else are you gonna take a family of five for an evening's diversion? Also, they had hot dogs, nachos, ice cream, pretzels, popcorn, sodas and beers at the snack bar, and I got a double cheese nacho dish and got a nice big cheese stain on my white shirt. Fun times, fun times.
Tonight, we have a show in Weeki Wachee, Florida, which I never heard of before, but it's on the Gulf Coast on route 19. It should be a good time. I'm looking forward to that, as well as the gig tomorrow night in Homosassa Springs, which I did last year and had a great time with.
Today, it's thrift store shopping and hopefully a comic book shop. If not, plenty of time this weekend to make it happen.
Pet a dog today. They truly are man's best friend. And if the spirit moves you, send five bucks to an animal shelter (or adopt a stray). Every dog deserves a nice home, or at least a place where they can run and run and run.
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
Wednesday, June 8, 2005
Heroes
Heroes 1115
Hello, and welcome from Lady Lake, Florida, home of The Villages, the largest retirement complex in a state that is basically one big retirement complex. I'm at my regular hangout, the Lady Lake Public Library, where they know me pretty well because I come here everyday to scam free internet access and nice air conditioning. It's 90 degrees out, give or take Satan's breath, and I'm sweating so much, children run in and out of my shadow like I'm a wrenched-open fire hydrant.
My mother helped me pick up Ray Salah, my opening act for the week and one of my best friends in the world, from the Orlando airport last night. It was easily a one-hour trip one way, so I had a chance to catch up with mom a little more about what's been going on in our lives since we last saw each other last year. Ray's flight was delayed because of an equipment problem, so Mom and I had a bite to eat at the airport McDonald's. My mom was impressed that my career was doing so well that I could afford to take her out to such an expensive restaurant.
Tonight, Ray and I are performing at Gilley's 44, a nice sports bar/restaurant on the Atlantic coast in a town called New Smyrna Beach. I worked there last year, and the place was very well attended. I hope things go as well this year, but we're getting a little rain, so I hope that doesn't hurt the attendance at all.
So far, hunting down a comic book shop has been the biggest of my worries. The Villages are insulated from the cares of the world, and I guess the adventures of the Justice League of America don't matter much to the octegenarian set. I, however, care a lot and I will not be thwarted in my endeavors to get the new issue of JLA. It's the seventh part of a seven-part story, so you can imagine my distress.
I've only been in Florida for a week or so, and my arms are bronzing nicely. Maybe I'll slip out when no one is looking and get some color on my legs. I did bring some swimming trunks.
Yeah, let's scare some old people. With their bad eyesight, they might mistake me for a polar bear.
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
Hello, and welcome from Lady Lake, Florida, home of The Villages, the largest retirement complex in a state that is basically one big retirement complex. I'm at my regular hangout, the Lady Lake Public Library, where they know me pretty well because I come here everyday to scam free internet access and nice air conditioning. It's 90 degrees out, give or take Satan's breath, and I'm sweating so much, children run in and out of my shadow like I'm a wrenched-open fire hydrant.
My mother helped me pick up Ray Salah, my opening act for the week and one of my best friends in the world, from the Orlando airport last night. It was easily a one-hour trip one way, so I had a chance to catch up with mom a little more about what's been going on in our lives since we last saw each other last year. Ray's flight was delayed because of an equipment problem, so Mom and I had a bite to eat at the airport McDonald's. My mom was impressed that my career was doing so well that I could afford to take her out to such an expensive restaurant.
Tonight, Ray and I are performing at Gilley's 44, a nice sports bar/restaurant on the Atlantic coast in a town called New Smyrna Beach. I worked there last year, and the place was very well attended. I hope things go as well this year, but we're getting a little rain, so I hope that doesn't hurt the attendance at all.
So far, hunting down a comic book shop has been the biggest of my worries. The Villages are insulated from the cares of the world, and I guess the adventures of the Justice League of America don't matter much to the octegenarian set. I, however, care a lot and I will not be thwarted in my endeavors to get the new issue of JLA. It's the seventh part of a seven-part story, so you can imagine my distress.
I've only been in Florida for a week or so, and my arms are bronzing nicely. Maybe I'll slip out when no one is looking and get some color on my legs. I did bring some swimming trunks.
Yeah, let's scare some old people. With their bad eyesight, they might mistake me for a polar bear.
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
Monday, June 6, 2005
Southern Man
Southern Man 1104
Monday, June 6, 2005-10:27 A.M.
Good morning, and welcome from Lady Lake, Florida! The sun is high in the sky, and I'm dying...I guess my blood is still thick from being in the Northeast for the month of May.
The trip to Florida was relatively uneventful, although I have lost lumbar support in my car seat due to wear and tear...the car has 255,000 miles on it, so that's to be expected, I suppose. I picked up a lumbar cushion at Wal-Mart, and that almost did the trick; what really worked was purchasing a small blanket at a Goodwill store (love the Goodwill stores) which I rolled up and put under the pillow. My back feels great! For a while, I was experiencing some lower back pain that was so severe, I figured I'd have to stay in Florida because there's no way I'd be able to drive back.
The gig in Blacksburg, Virginia (home of Virginia Tech) on Wednesday was great. I worked with a headliner I never worked with before, Miss Gayle from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. She was really nice and funny, and we had a great time. I sold my first DVD, which was a thrill, and I got a free pizza. I do a joke in my act about Domino's Pizza, just a one-liner, but there was a guy in the audience who, as it turns out, is the district manager for the three area Domino's Pizza stores. He gave me a business card, which was redeemable for a free large pizza. I ordered up a pepperoni and mushroom, and shared it around with the happy comedy show patrons in the lounge. It was a nice perk, especially since I hadn't eaten since lunch, and my stomach was barking at me a little bit.
The next night, I worked another college town, Cookeville, Tennessee. Tennessee is one of my favorite states to work, because it's beautiful, and the people are very friendly. And it's not that "nice to your face, talk behind your back" kind of friendly. I worked the Obscure Cafe with Mimi Gonzalez, an Albany, NY area comic who I heard of many times but never worked with. We had a good show, despite low attendance, and she gave me a tag which I can't wait to use....thanks Mimi! Check her out at www.mimigonzalez.com.
The trip down to Florida was a bit harrowing...lots of talk on the radio about hurricane season and the like. I hit five major rain storms, all of which lasted about two minutes each. Still, it was enough to send cars careening off the road, and send many more to the shoulders with their hazard lights on. I, however, kept driving, because I wasn't going to let a 12-hour, 600-mile trip get any longer. Even with the one-hour time difference between Tennessee and Florida, I got in at about 10:30 at night to my dad's house. We've had a nice weekend together, and actually ran into my mother at a restaurant on Saturday afternoon. She and my father are recently divorced, and they live about fifteen miles apart now. My mother and I wound up hanging around on Saturday night and talking about the entertainment business. She's a singer, and she wants to try and get her career off the ground, so I gave her some tips (not that I know anything) about how to get that to happen. She has a CD that she's recorded, and while she's no Mariah Carey or Celine Dion, she makes up for that with a lot of enthusiasm. Desire can take you a long way, sometimes longer than talent does.
I'm looking forward to getting back on stage. Staying in a retirement community can make your blood settle in your veins, and I'm not much for settling. I'm headed out to pay some bills, which is difficult because I can't get any money into my checking account without mailing it back home to my bank...I can either send it regular mail and sweat the three days it would take to get there, or bite down on the $14 next-day delivery that the Post Office offers. I'm going to hunt down Cingular wireless and just pay them cash, and later in the month, I'll probably be able to do the same thing with State Farm for my car and renter's insurance. Everything else is a problem, so I have to find a way to send money home to my wife. It's annoying, but it's one of the necessities of working the road.
Last but not least; Newsweek was right and the government was wrong; they lied about flushing the Korna down the toilet, it happened just as Newsweek reported it. This is a scary situation; if the press is bullied into not reporting the truth, the American people are never going to be truly "free." I wish the Bush administration was as concerned about Democracy in this country as they were about spreading it in the Middle East.
Question authority, especially now.
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
Monday, June 6, 2005-10:27 A.M.
Good morning, and welcome from Lady Lake, Florida! The sun is high in the sky, and I'm dying...I guess my blood is still thick from being in the Northeast for the month of May.
The trip to Florida was relatively uneventful, although I have lost lumbar support in my car seat due to wear and tear...the car has 255,000 miles on it, so that's to be expected, I suppose. I picked up a lumbar cushion at Wal-Mart, and that almost did the trick; what really worked was purchasing a small blanket at a Goodwill store (love the Goodwill stores) which I rolled up and put under the pillow. My back feels great! For a while, I was experiencing some lower back pain that was so severe, I figured I'd have to stay in Florida because there's no way I'd be able to drive back.
The gig in Blacksburg, Virginia (home of Virginia Tech) on Wednesday was great. I worked with a headliner I never worked with before, Miss Gayle from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. She was really nice and funny, and we had a great time. I sold my first DVD, which was a thrill, and I got a free pizza. I do a joke in my act about Domino's Pizza, just a one-liner, but there was a guy in the audience who, as it turns out, is the district manager for the three area Domino's Pizza stores. He gave me a business card, which was redeemable for a free large pizza. I ordered up a pepperoni and mushroom, and shared it around with the happy comedy show patrons in the lounge. It was a nice perk, especially since I hadn't eaten since lunch, and my stomach was barking at me a little bit.
The next night, I worked another college town, Cookeville, Tennessee. Tennessee is one of my favorite states to work, because it's beautiful, and the people are very friendly. And it's not that "nice to your face, talk behind your back" kind of friendly. I worked the Obscure Cafe with Mimi Gonzalez, an Albany, NY area comic who I heard of many times but never worked with. We had a good show, despite low attendance, and she gave me a tag which I can't wait to use....thanks Mimi! Check her out at www.mimigonzalez.com.
The trip down to Florida was a bit harrowing...lots of talk on the radio about hurricane season and the like. I hit five major rain storms, all of which lasted about two minutes each. Still, it was enough to send cars careening off the road, and send many more to the shoulders with their hazard lights on. I, however, kept driving, because I wasn't going to let a 12-hour, 600-mile trip get any longer. Even with the one-hour time difference between Tennessee and Florida, I got in at about 10:30 at night to my dad's house. We've had a nice weekend together, and actually ran into my mother at a restaurant on Saturday afternoon. She and my father are recently divorced, and they live about fifteen miles apart now. My mother and I wound up hanging around on Saturday night and talking about the entertainment business. She's a singer, and she wants to try and get her career off the ground, so I gave her some tips (not that I know anything) about how to get that to happen. She has a CD that she's recorded, and while she's no Mariah Carey or Celine Dion, she makes up for that with a lot of enthusiasm. Desire can take you a long way, sometimes longer than talent does.
I'm looking forward to getting back on stage. Staying in a retirement community can make your blood settle in your veins, and I'm not much for settling. I'm headed out to pay some bills, which is difficult because I can't get any money into my checking account without mailing it back home to my bank...I can either send it regular mail and sweat the three days it would take to get there, or bite down on the $14 next-day delivery that the Post Office offers. I'm going to hunt down Cingular wireless and just pay them cash, and later in the month, I'll probably be able to do the same thing with State Farm for my car and renter's insurance. Everything else is a problem, so I have to find a way to send money home to my wife. It's annoying, but it's one of the necessities of working the road.
Last but not least; Newsweek was right and the government was wrong; they lied about flushing the Korna down the toilet, it happened just as Newsweek reported it. This is a scary situation; if the press is bullied into not reporting the truth, the American people are never going to be truly "free." I wish the Bush administration was as concerned about Democracy in this country as they were about spreading it in the Middle East.
Question authority, especially now.
Ralph Tetta
Rochester, NY
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